The Place We Find Ourselves

Last year John Eldredge wrote an important book called Get Your Life Back. In today’s episode, John and I talk about my favorite parts of his book. In short, we talk about simple everyday practices that will help you get your life back. Why is this important? Because the pace of modern American life—even in the midst of Covid—often borders on madness. It doesn’t feel like madness for many of us because we’ve lived life at this pace for so long. The pace feels normal. But the human heart was not designed to operate at 5,000 rpm’s all the time; it wasn’t designed to carry the weight that most of us carry. Support the podcast

This is Part 2 of a discussion about what happens to your nervous system in the midst of relational conflict. When your body scans your relational environment and detects anything that feels remotely threatening, it triggers your nervous system to do one of three things: socially engage (i.e. talk to the other person), go into a fight/flight/freeze reaction (i.e. yell at the other person, run away from them, or just freeze up in a state of paralysis), or shut down (collapse into a state of hopeless despair). In today’s episode, I explain why your body might opt to shut down. I also outline the difference between the freeze response and the shut down response. To financially support the podcast, please click here.

Your nervous system is constantly surveying your environment (think: relationships) to determine how safe and supported you feel. When your body scans the environment and detects anything that feels remotely threatening, it triggers your nervous system to do one of three things: socially engage (i.e. talk to the other person), go into a fight/flight/freeze reaction (i.e. yell at the other person, run away from them, or just freeze up in a state of paralysis), or shut down (collapse into a state of hopeless despair). In today’s episode, I explain how your nervous system determines which response to choose… and why this matters for your interpersonal relationships. To financially support the podcast, please click here. Support the podcast

My friend Bethany shares one of her stories about sibling abuse. And, as is the case with virtually all sibling abuse, there is so much more at play than an older sibling harming a younger sibling. Harm from siblings never happens in a vacuum. An environment is created in the home by the parents that allows for and, in some cases, even invites, sibling abuse. Bethany graciously helps us understand how these dynamics played out in her home. Support the podcast

Today I share one of my stories. My guest is Rachael Clinton Chen, but she’s actually the host of the episode. As Rachael interviews me, I talk about how I began to engage my story, as well as what obstacles I have faced along the way. Then I read one of my stories and Rachael engages me about it. To financially support the podcast, please click here or here.   Support the podcast  

This is Part 2 of my conversation with Cyndi Mesmer. As you begin to name the ways your parents harmed you, it is very common to think, “Okay, I’ll acknowledge that my Dad harmed me, but I don’t think he really meant to do it. I don’t think my Dad was trying to be cruel, he was just pretty oblivious and clueless.” Cyndi invites you to reconsider this stance. What would it cost you to believe that your father hurt you on purpose? What would it cost you to believe that your mother said and did those things on purpose? Support the podcast

Cyndi Mesmer and I tackle the question of, “Did the people who harmed me really mean to do it?” Answering this question is more important than you may realize. If you are unsure about the answer to this question—or if you are convinced that your parents didn’t mean to hurt you—it will be very difficult for you to access grief and anger about your wounds, both of which are necessary for healing. Check out Cyndi's blog post on Intentionality and Self-Deception.  Support the podcast

Today I want to look at the Bible’s take on how Christians are called to respond when racial injustice is occurring in our land. I am not going to devote any time to making a case that America is an unjust society. If you believe that America is just and fair, I beg you to pick up any of the books on anti-Racism written by a person of color and find out if people of color experience America as just and fair. This episode is primarily for White Christians who have a sense inside of “I acknowledge that racial injustice exists in America, but since I am not personally committing acts of injustice, I am therefore not personally responsible for the injustice that is occurring.” Support the podcast

Today I talk about racial trauma, and, in particular, the racial trauma that African Americans experience. One central tenet of all story work is that in order for healing to occur there has to be an honest naming of what has been true. This is true in your individual story and it is no less true in our collective story as a nation. Support the podcast

One of the things that prevents people from engaging the ways they have been harmed is the simple objection, “Who am I to judge my parents?” The premise of the objection is simply, “It’s wrong for me to judge my parents. That’s God’s job, not my job.” In today’s episode, I take a look at what the Bible says about judging other people.   Support the podcast