The Place We Find Ourselves

Jen Oyama Murphy and I reflect on the U Diagram of healing. The human heart heals by engaging one’s story. But how does cultural background factor into effective story engagement? Whether you are a person of color who is engaging your own story, or you are someone who works with people of color, Jen shares some important categories for you to consider.  Support the podcast

Jen Oyama Murphy shares a story she wrote for The Allender Center called “My Eyes.” Evil often assaults us through the cursing of others. When a part of our body is cursed—especially during our growing up years—we tend to turn on ourselves. Wars with shame and self-contempt begin. In today’s episode, Jen reflects on her experience of racial trauma directed at her eyes and how she has begun to heal.  Support the podcast

This is a bonus episode on spiritual abuse. Rachael Clinton Chen provides an overview of the marks of spiritual abuse. She will be teaching a conference on spiritual abuse on Saturday, June 5. You can sign up here.  Support the podcast

Friend and fellow therapist Cyndi Mesmer comes back on the podcast to share one of her stories. It’s a story of the exploitation of innocence and the violation of trust. We talk about Cyndi’s trauma response, how she has experienced healing, and how her posture toward the girl in the story has changed as she has continued to engage her story. To find out more about Cyndi’s counseling practice, visit artoflivingcounseling.com. Support the podcast

Cathy Loerzel joins me to talk about how to engage your family of origin story in a way that brings healing to your brain. We examine three byproducts of trauma (fragmentation, dissociation, and isolation), the importance of naming the intentionality of those who harmed you, the role you played in your family, and the U Diagram of healing. Cathy and I will be co-teaching the Engaging Your Story Conference on Saturday, June 12. You can register here. Support the podcast

Today’s episode begins with an explanation of attachment: what it is and why it’s so important. After recapping The Still Face Experiment, I talk about the two primary types of insecure attachment: avoidant attachment and ambivalent attachment. I then outline how your attachment style may affect your relationship with God. In other words, how might someone with an avoidant attachment style experience their relationship with God? And what about someone with an ambivalent attachment style? Support the podcast

Abuse often involves intensity. Whether it’s sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse—the nature of abuse is that there is an intensity between the two people involved. When a parent abuses a child, the intensity at play serves to bind their hearts together. Today, Victoria shares a trauma story that illustrates how her heart was bound to her abuser… and how she has come to be released and find new levels of freedom. Victoria also talks about how she has come to bless her longing—as a child and as an adult—for her father’s gaze… even though the price of that gaze was abuse. Support the podcast

Here’s the bottom line with parenting: the past isn’t dead; it’s not even past. Your past experiences in life are profoundly influencing how you interact with, and parent, your children. Every parent knows what it’s like to lose it with their children. But what’s actually happening neurobiologically? What do you do when you realize that you’ve harmed your children? To financially support the podcast, please click here. Support the podcast

I am joined today by Jay Stringer to talk about the relationship between our current sexual difficulties and our attachment histories. At some point in our lives, each of us will encounter difficulties in our sexual life. It might be the compulsive use of unwanted sexual behavior or a struggle to locate any sexual desire at all. Sexual struggles are rooted in our stories—and more particularly, our stories of attachment to our primary caretakers. If you want to explore this material in more depth, please sign up for the Sexual Attachment Conference on Saturday, April 24. You can sign up here. Support the podcast

Here’s the bottom line with parenting: the past isn’t dead; it’s not even past. Your past experiences in life are profoundly influencing how you interact with, and parent, your children. Every parent knows what it’s like to lose it with their children. But what’s actually happening neurobiologically? What do you do when you realize that you’ve harmed your children? Support the podcast