The Place We Find Ourselves

Sometimes, “the place we find ourselves” is a place of anger at God. Some of us grew up in Christian sub-cultures in which anger at God was not allowed. If you were angry at God for too long, you had a sense that there was something wrong with you. As a result, many Christians feel ashamed if they find themselves angry at God. However, if you engage the heartache and pain of your story, there will inevitably be times where you are angry at God. Sooner or later, if you are emotionally honest, you will find yourself angry at your Creator.  Have you ever just poured out your anger, before editing your words? The Bible, in multiple places and especially the book of Job, invites us to do exactly this because when we finally express our unedited anger fully to God, he is able to address our hearts.  Support the podcast

In today’s episode, I have a very honest and vulnerable conversation with Robyn about sexual abuse. We talk candidly about how our bodies respond with arousal even when there is profound violation occurring. Robyn tells the story of confronting her family about the abuse and not being believed. She then shares how her posture toward the 13 year old girl has changed over the years and what prompted that change. It’s a beautiful conversation.  Contact me at adamyoung4@gmail.com My website: adamyoungcounseling.com Support the podcast

If you want to understand your relationships, you need to understand your attachment style. In this episode, I explain the three types of insecure attachment and discuss how you can identify your own attachment style. My website: adamyoungcounseling.com Contact me at: adamyoung4@gmail.com Support the podcast

In today’s episode, Tracy courageously shares one of her stories with us. Born to a family longing for a boy, the war against her femininity began early. Tracy learned that attention with her father could be won by performing well in sports, dressing in boys’ clothings, and wearing her hair short. One day, in an effort to belong with other sixth-grade girls, she wore a dress to school. The reaction of her peers deepened her desire to stay away from dresses and femininity. She made a commitment that day not to wear dresses ever again. Listen as Tracy discusses this story in the context of her life as a professional golfer, how she’s learned to look at her younger self with kindness and compassion, and how God playfully invited her into redemption with an unexpected challenge to wear dresses for the entire month of December. My website: adamyoungcounseling.com Contact me at: adamyoung4@gmail.com  Support the podcast

The way you attached to your primary caregiver shaped your brain more than anything else. Attachment refers to the manner in which you connect with others. It’s the emotional bond that you develop with the people you are closest to—the people who are there for you and who truly know you. We are biologically driven to attach to others in order to survive. When we perceive threat or danger, we are hard-wired to maintain proximity to someone who will be there for us, and who truly knows us. In this episode, I give an overview of attachment—what it is and why it matters so much to your day-to-day life. My website: adamyoungcounseling.comContact me at adamyoung4@gmail.com.  Support the podcast

Gary began engaging his story in a deep way when he was in his 50’s. In this episode, Gary shares a story of being humiliated by his elementary school teacher with his Mom standing right next to him. It is a story of mockery, but far more a story of being unprotected by his mother. Gary discusses his journey of finding kindness, and even awe, for himself as a boy. My website: adamyoungcounseling.comContact me at adamyoung4@gmail.com. Support the podcast

Mandy talks about how and why she began to engage her story. And then she reads a story from her own life…  a story about being bullied in elementary school—a story that had a major impact on how she began to see herself and relate to those around her.   Mandy talks about the necessity of finding words for the harm that one has experienced and the importance of bringing one’s pain to God.  She goes on to explain how she needed the help of another person to fully engage her own story. In other words, you can’t find yourself by yourself. It’s The Place WE Find Ourselves. It’s always “we” not “I.” Support the podcast

Your story started with your relationship with your parents. Every child needs 6 things from his or her parents. In this episode, I discuss these “Big Six” needs. I also explain two kinds of relational styles that result from being either dismissed by your parents or being asked to be a parent rather than a child.  Support the podcast

It turns out that the practice of reflecting on the story of your life actually promotes healing in your brain. There are two reasons for this: Brain health is a function of the degree to which all parts of your brain are connected with one another. The process of reflecting on your story, sharing your story with another, and hearing another’s reaction to your story connects neural networks that were previously separated. In other words, the key to healing is connecting. Engaging the core stories of your life heals your brain by connecting regions that were previously not well connected. Connecting Left to Right When you experience harm, your thoughts about the experience become disconnected from the overwhelming emotions you had. Literally. The neurons holding your thoughts (stored in your left brain) become disconnected from the neurons holding your feelings (stored in the right brain). Telling the story of the experience requires that your brain link your thoughts about the story (left brain) with your feelings about the story (right brain). If you are able to tell your story while remaining connected to your emotions, then the neural networks in the left part of your brain will link up with the neural networks in the right part of your brain. This is very healing. It leads to what neuroscientists call integration, and what the Bible calls shalom. Connecting Top to Bottom Telling your story not only leads to left-right integration, but it can lead to “top-down” integration. “Top” refers to the portion of your brain that is behind your forehead—your cortical brain. “Bottom” refers to the portion of your brain that is lower and deeper—your limbic brain. The limbic brain triggers your fight-flight response and your shutting down response. When you begin to reflect on harmful parts of your story—stories that hold shame, fear, or rage—your limbic brain reacts and you enter a state of fight-flight or a state of shutting down. Do I Really Have to Tell It To Another Person? Yes! If you are able to stay with the story in the presence of another person, two things happen (which are both very good for your brain). First, the other person’s limbic brain regulates yours—which is to say, their limbic brain soothes and calms yours. Second, as a result of their attunement and soothing, your cortical brain (top) forms connections and linkages with your limbic brain (bottom). In other words, the presence of an attuned listener leads to changes in your brain. Your brain develops neural pathways that connect your cortical brain to your limbic brain. This is very healing because these pathways enable you to self-regulate when you become overwhelmed by fear, shame, or rage. Support the podcast