What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

After a listener on our Facebook page declared “This is a sexist pandemic!” we got to thinking: what are the quantifiable ways in which life has gotten even harder for moms in 2020 than it has for our spouses? We all know it HAS, but why? And how?A study from Syracuse University found that four out of five adults who have stopped their usual work schedule due to the pandemic are women. Another study followed the possibility that, as the "invisible workload" became more visible to male spouses and children, it would spur more equal participation in household duties. That study's answer? No. They see it, they just don't care. The increased demands of this time have indeed fallen on women more.If it's taken a million small interactions to get to the place where everybody just assumes that if there's 40% more work to do, Mom is going to do it all, it's going to take small interactions to reset that expectation as well.In this episode, we talk about how to get started.Here are links to the research and other writing on the topic discussed in this episode:Elamin Abdelmahmoud for Buzzfeed: How The Pandemic Has Exacerbated The Gender Divide In Household LaborClaire Cain Miller for NYT: Nearly Half of Men Say They Do Most of the Home Schooling. 3 Percent of Women Agree.Jessica Grose for NYT: They Go To Mommy FirstDanielle Rhubart for Syracuse University: Gender Disparities in Caretaking during the COVID-19 PandemicThébaud, S., Kornrich, S., & Ruppanner, L. (2019). Great housekeeping, great expectations: Gender and housework norms Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our listener Sabrina asks:My 4 year old daughter has a nasty ear infection. the medication she got is nasty and she wont take it. Attempting to force it ends with her spitting it out. We tried hiding it in applesauce but she wouldn't eat it all and said it was yucky. We've reasoned with her, bribed her, nothing works! Any ideas? Amy's top advice for getting kids to swallow meds is... teaching them to swallow pills. You can start earlier than you think, and it doesn't have to involve tears.Listen to this mini-episode for Amy's tips, including the "duck-shake technique," plus lots of other ideas from our listeners! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You know how sometimes a loved one or friend will do something that annoys you, but then you think: is it me? How mad should I be? Our listeners told us what past “crimes” they’re currently holding grudges about– infractions committed by their spouses, children, mothers-in-law, and even dogs.This week we are rating each of these grudges on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is “you have no right to be angry at all,” and 10 is “no jury would convict you.” Excluded from family photos because you’re “not really family”?Given a suspicious regift of corporate-branded popcorn for your anniversary?Told that you look tired, and should therefore exercise more?Oh, you get to be angry. And this episode is just for you.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Margaret answers this week's listener question: "How do you handle it when one partner is not a good disciplinarian? My husband is a caring and involved parent, definitely not the type to do things badly so I'll just have to do everything. Problem is, he has a really difficult time keeping our five-year-old in line, which means that anything he's in charge of turns into a huge struggle that's frustrating for everyone involved. For example, he's in charge of bedtime. She does all kinds of things to avoid going to sleep, which is understandable, but he doesn't seem able to handle it and actually get her to sleep. I don't know what to do in situations like this. If I step in he won't figure out how to do it himself, but he also doesn't seem to be learning how to handle her!"The rule that governs this situation is "All conversations about parenting happen when no one is parenting." You should not correct your partner while he's is the middle of trying to get your child to sleep, but you can find a calmer moment to seek out solutions to make the bedtime routine less stressful for everyone.It's also important to "watch your story" here. Help your partner discover resources to make himself a better disciplinarian (rules such as 'only saying things once' and 'putting a time limit on bedtime interactions'). Then, forget the story of "he's not good at this," and open up the story of "he's capable of this, with a little guidance".Submit your parenting question- we might answer yours next!questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In our latest "Fresh Take" episode, we're doing an extended interview with Meredith Masony, author of the new book ASK ME WHAT’S FOR DINNER ONE MORE TIME: Inappropriate Thoughts on Motherhood.You probably already know Meredith as the comic genius behind That's Inappropriate, an online community of 3 million+ moms and strong-minded women who are not afraid to own the fact that when it comes to parenting, the struggle is real.We discuss the crisis in Meredith's life that inspired her to tell the truth about her life as a parent, her hilarious new book, and the Hot Mess Express that is every Tuesday morning.Grab Meredith's book here: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781982117962 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

By popular request, we're back with another list of the things that are getting us through the days right now. Some of these are for our kids (since a happily occupied kid equals a mom with one less problem). Some of these are just for us.Here are links to the some of the must-haves we discuss. If your podcast app doesn't support hyperlinks, you can also find this list at https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2020/09/ep174/.The VowUncover podcastGorilla GymSlack lineEtsy shops like Speck Custom WoodworkKids' subscription kits like KiwiCoWall-hanging file foldersWireless earbuds that don't cost $100Mini trampoline  Zero gravity chair Pendleton blanketWeighted blanket Pete’s A Pizza by William SteigTotally Rudy's DIY American Girl YouTube channelSelling Sunset (Margaret's current "secret shame show")AllTrails appDisclosure: some of the above links are affiliate links, and What Fresh Hell may receive commissions for purchases made through them. But these are all products we highly recommend! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week's question is from Stacey in our Facebook group:My 12 year old daughter, seemingly out of the blue, won’t talk to me or look at me. I don’t mean talk like serious topics. I mean talk to me at all, about anything, unless I ask her a direct question. We’ve always been close so I’m feeling very hurt. She acts fine with my husband. Everything I read is how we aren’t supposed to take it personally, that it’s normal but I’m finding that impossible, especially when she’s joking around with her dad. I keep reading I should just act like everything is fine but I really want to tell her she’s hurting my feelings. Should I? It's a tween or teen's job to differentiate from their parents, to get ready to leave the nest. And if your relationship with your child was formerly very close– as Stacey's was– this separation by your teen can be even more swift and sudden, as well as way harder on the suddenly rejected parent.Amy offers some tips on how Stacey might speak up for herself, some perspective on why this is happening, and some ways Stacey's spouse can help.Being the rejected parent can really sting. But your child's rejection means, above all, that you've done a good enough job of loving her to make her feel safe stepping away from you, even temporarily.In this episode, Amy refers to Janet Lansbury's writing on this topic.You can hear more about all of this in our podcast episode "When Kids Prefer The Other Parent Over You": https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2019/07/preferotherparent-ep115/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We are always a little reluctant about transitioning back to school. This year that reluctance was more properly called dread (despite the truly heroic efforts of the teachers, administrators, and staff in our children's lives. THANK YOU.)We feel this way because we were supposed to be done by now, have this all figured out, have our kids skipping back to hug all their friends. But Back-to-school 2020 is not the finish line we thought it would be; instead, it’s a reminder that the finish line is very much not in sight. But for us, a lot of our anxiety around this was actually anticipatory anxiety- the masks and the Zooms and School With More Rules seemed scarier in concept than it really has been in practice. We may have fallen into "uncertainty distress," what Dr. Mark Freeston and his researchers at Cambridge call the "subjective negative emotions that one experiences in response to the as-yet unknown aspects of a given situation."In other words, what we are dreading as our kids begin school is not actually that they have to wear a mask during PE– it's what else might happen next that we don't even know about yet.It's possible to separate out uncertainty and threat in our minds. If we think what if school closes this winter? and feel our hearts start to race, we are reacting to the uncertainty, not to a direct threat. Worrying about each potential bad outcome before it happens will not make those things less likely to happen, but it may make us a little less nimble and ready to pivot if a threat does occur.Whatever happens, lean on your mom friends, and remember that, as developmental psychologist Stephanie Grant explains: "Our priority as parents this fall is to remain regulated for our kids, much more than to provide academic instruction.”Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:AL Inclusive Therapy on FB: https://www.facebook.com/ALinclusivetherapy/posts/369922694400517Dr. Mark Freeston et al, Cambridge University Press: Towards a model of uncertainty distress in the context of Coronavirus (Covid-19) https://www.researchgate.net/publication/340653312_Towards_a_model_of_uncertainty_distress_in_the_context_of_Coronavirus_Covid-19 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Margaret answers this week's listener question: "My daughter (5 years old next month) has started saying “I look fat in this sweater” and “I don’t want to look funny” when getting dressed. My daughter is a healthy weight and she is VERY active. I am unsure of how to manage/navigate these comments. I really don’t want her to have body image issues or to be dealing with this at such a young age. I have been very conscious since her birth not to comment on her appearance, and instead to reinforce the things her body does, saying things like “your legs are so strong to bike up the hill” or “your body needs to rest now because it worked so hard today." I rarely say “you look so pretty"; instead I say “that’s a great outfit you picked”. I didn’t think I would have to deal with this so soon. Help!"Almost all of us have struggled with eating and body issues at some point in our lives and it is important for us as parents to reframe the way we talk about food and our bodies and to model body acceptance (put on that swimsuit and get in the picture mama!)It's also important to answer questions asked. Don't shy away from responding to kids who ask if they look fat– talk honestly about how bodies come in all different shapes and sizes, and why and how our bodies change.In this episode, Margaret this article from A Mighty Girl.Submit your parenting question- we might answer yours next!questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is the first of our new "Fresh Take" episodes, in which we'll offer longer interviews with some fascinating parenting experts. (And some super-hilarious people as well.)We loved this chat with Tina Payne Bryson, author of the new book THE BOTTOM LINE FOR BABY: From Sleep Training to Screens, Thumb Suck to Tummy Time—What the Science Says. This book is an A-Z guide for common childcare controversies and questions—and the science (or lack thereof) behind them.Should you swaddle? Is circumcision necessary? Is breast really best? We discuss it all in this episode, but here's what Bryson says is the REAL bottom line:“Ultimately, knowledge is power. Inform yourself. Then trust yourself. After all, you know your child better than anyone.”Dr. Tina Payne Bryson,is the Founder and Executive Director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice. She is the co-author of two New York Times best sellers, The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline, as well as The Yes Brain and The Power of Showing Up. Dr. Bryson keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and three children. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices