What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

We asked all of you to tell us about the times you had to be "that mom." You responded with tales of IEP meetings, and airplanes full of tiny sacks of peanuts, and kindergarten bullies– all the times you went full mama-bear because advocating for your kid (or someone else's kid) was more important, in the moment, than being liked.In this episode we discuss: whether there's such a thing as "that dad" (what do YOU think?) how to pick your battles how to come prepared for combat but ready to listen how to bring solutions, and not just problems An unexpectedly touching side topic: many of you wrote in with memories of your own mom standing up for you. That's important to remember when you're being "that mom" and the biggest eye-rolls are coming from your own kid. They'll look back on that moment a lot differently.This was such a terrific discussion on our Facebook group- join us and check out the full thread:https://www.facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast/posts/3745278268817917Here are links to two of our other episodes that we mention in this one, and where being "that mom" is definitely part of the picture:Bullies (Episode 103): https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2019/05/bullies-episode-103/How Do We Handle This When Everyone Is Doing It Differently? (Episode 160): https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2020/06/ep160/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week's question is from Britnee:How long should we wait to get our kids a cellphone? I have a 13 year old boy who begs for a cellphone because ALL kids have one. He has a tablet and a computer so it's not like he can't contact his friends or me if need be. But I'm just not comfortable with him having access to the world– or the world having access to him–24/7.Phones are lifelines to peers for adolescents– and more than ever during this pandemic. Kids usually get phones when their increasing independence means they need a way to contact you while they're apart from you. But even if you're spending every moment together these days, if your child is remote-schooling, social media is an important means of connection.Britnee also mentions that her son has access to a tablet and computer, so his access to the internet (and all its wondrous horrors) already exists. The phone adds a constant-access factor, to be sure, but there are ways to put controls around that, and Amy discusses a few in this episode.One of our favorite tools is Bark, which proactively monitors text messages, YouTube, emails, and 30+ different social networks for potential safety concerns, Use our referral code to try Bark for a week for free: https://www.bark.us/?ref=2R4XYRK.Still, getting your child a smartphone is an intensely personal family decision, and you have to take into consideration your own child's maturity level, mental health, peers, executive function and resilience.Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do you love crunchy leaves and chunky sweaters? Or do the shortening, darkening days fill you with nothing but pumpkin-spiced dread?Amy's hiding under her weighted blanket with her pandemic gloom.Margaret's doubling down on the backyard firepit and everything that's spooky.And our guest, Biz Ellis of One Bad Mother, is turning the entire outside of her home into a candy-covered Halloween wonderland.We talk about our various approaches to this year's Halloween and Thanksgiving plans- and how involving our kids in thinking creatively might just be what gets us through this very unusual fall.Get One Bad Mother's book- and all the books you hear about on our show- in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/shop/whatfreshhellcast.Here are links to some of the things we discuss in this episode: CDC's Halloween guidelines for 2020: "If screaming will likely occur, greater distancing is advised."Amy's Instagram Live conversation with Sarah Powers of The Mom HourSears Wish Book  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week Margaret answers the question:I know Margaret has talked about giving in to Fortnite at her house. Well I have too. My question is how do I discuss internet safety with my son (7) who wants to play online with his friends when I have no clue what playing online entails. I have never been a gamer and neither has my husband and I feel like we are flying blind. I don’t want to hold him back from socializing with friends, especially now, but I don’t want him to get into a bad situation either. Thank you guys!In this situation (especially at 7 years old) it's important to dial in and be involved in how your kid is playing. Make sure the gaming setup is in an area you (the parents) frequent. You don't need to know how to game to overhear inappropriate comments and keep an overall eye on how your gamer is behaving. Set strict expectations around your rules for gaming and outline the consequences if they are not followed, and have conversations around violence and language that your gamer may encounter.If you have questions for Margaret or Amy send them to: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We told you to ask us anything. You kept it PG (thank you) and we’re giving you the answers:What shows are we binging? What gets us dancing in our kitchens? What do our kids think of this show? Listen and find out...ver3d5zqf4UsaO0gU0rz Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

“Don’t you dare hug Grandma.”“Stop playing on the floor and get on screen.”“Yes, we can go to the playground, but you may not play with the other children.”We asked our listeners in our Facebook group to tell us all the things never thought we’d say– and now are. Not all of these things are bad. Amy has become a fan of dog walking, now that it's a guaranteed 15-minute respite from Zoom.Others, of course, are not so great. Life on the coronacoaster can be pretty surprising sometimes.(One correction: Amy makes a half-remembered Biblical reference to sparrows who neither toil nor spin. It's actually the lilies of the field.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week's question is from Melissa, who says:Sweet mother of pearl, my five-year-old is in grade 1 and I’m already getting a LOAD of sass at homework time.Things I have tried and said to make it go more smoothly:1. Telling him: “Everyone in your class is doing their homework right now too"2. Sending him straight to bed after supper for yelling at me during homework... twice3. Positivity and encouragement4. Reasoning with him: “homework will be done as soon as you write out your words twice”5. “Would you act like this with your teacher?”6. Pure bribery- candy and/or tablet time.Help- I need some new ideas!Melissa doesn't say whether her son is attending school in person or remotely. Either way, the pandemic offers unique challenges that make the school day even more exhausting than usual, particularly for a first-grader who is only five.Amy offers some tips on making homework time less of a burden for kids and parents, including some great ideas offered by our listeners. There's also room for a whole lot of compassion here, especially right now. A five-year-old might just be too exhausted or overwhelmed to meet these expectations. Especially right now, our children's emotional health is more important than one more math worksheet.Amy also references our episode on homework, which you can find here:https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2017/10/episode-27-the-homework-slog/Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In our latest “Fresh Take” episode, we're talking to Dr. Jill Stoddard, author of BE MIGHTY: A Woman's Guide to Liberation from Anxiety, Worry & Stress Using Mindfulness and Acceptance.Jill's mission is to share cutting edge, evidence-based tools based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to help people find meaning and vitality in their lives even as they struggle with anxiety.We talk about why anxiety is a particular concern for women, especially right now– and how we an change our relationship to our anxiety and stress by becoming more flexible around it, rather than trying to shut it down.If you'd like to find out more about Jill's book and the tools of ACT, you can sign up for a 4-week Virtual Book Club about Be Mighty, including Live Q&A sessions with Jill, here: https://www.jillstoddard.com/pages/virtual-book-club.Jill Stoddard is a clinical psychologist and director of The Center for Stress and Anxiety Management. She is the author of two books: Be Mighty: A Woman’s Guide to Liberation from Anxiety, Worry, and Stress Using Mindfulness and Acceptance and The Big Book of ACT Metaphors: A Practitioner’s Guide to Experiential Exercises and Metaphors in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Dr. Stoddard is an award-winning teacher, peer-reviewed ACT trainer, and co-host of the Psychologists Off the Clock podcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Saying no is a lot harder for women. We’re conditioned to be compliant; studies show that by middle school, girls shy away from expressing authentic preferences in order to fit in. And when we do say no, the world holds that against us more than it would a man.Perhaps that explains how we might find ourselves running the grade school bake sale *again,* and being resentful, when we could just have said no in the first place.In this episode we discuss the difference between a hard no and a soft no where to practice your no how to decide once what's a no why you should say you “don’t” want to do something, instead of that you “can’t” In order to let go of our people-pleasing tendencies, the best place to start might be by looking within. Are we really the only one who can keep her finger in the dam in this particular situation?If not, saying 'no' might be worth the discomfort; it makes more room in our lives for the things we want to be there.Here are links to the studies and other writing on this topic that we discuss in this episode: Jackie Ashton for Washington Post On Parenting: The art of saying no: How to raise kids to be polite, not pushoversJessica Bennett for NYT: Welcome to the 'No' ClubBrené Brown for oprah.com: 3 Ways To Set BoundariesMeghan Keane for NPR's Life Kit: How To Say No, For The People Pleaser Who Always Says YesSarah Mendekick for LA Times Op-Ed: Men can’t hear it, women don’t say it — the everyday importance of ‘no’Katharine Ridgway O'Brien: "Just Saying "No": An Examination of Gender Differences in the Ability to Decline Requests in the Workplace."Samantha Radocchia for women2.com: LEARNING THE ART OF SAYING ‘NO’Kristin Wong for NYT: Why You Should Learn to Say ‘No’ More Often...and finally, the legendary E.B. White, who never had any problem saying no, reading Charlotte's Web Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In our latest “Fresh Take” episode, we've got an interview with Jessica Lahey, author of the bestseller THE GIFT OF FAILURE: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. The Gift of Failure came out in 2016, when giving our kids healthy doses of autonomy and outdoor exploration felt a little more possible. But even during pandemic life, there are opportunities for us to be less protective as parents and to let our kids learn by failing.Jess tells us how to apply the book’s ideas to pandemic life, at-home learning, and living together 24/7.Jess also tells us a little about her next book, The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence, coming in April 2021. We can't wait! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices