What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

Negativity is a biological imperative–we're wired to pay more attention to the bad things around us in order for us to survive. Still, some among us are a little more Debbie-Downer than others. And the problem is, that negativity is contagious. After six months at home with a whining preschooler and an eye-rolling tween, the negativity is getting old. Real old.Our listener Keri posed this question: "How do y’all deal with the constant negativity of having little kids? I just finished dealing with my 5-year-old’s whining and attitude (“I’m getting tired of you, mommy!” Feeling’s mutual, kid!) and now the toddler is whining and crying. It feels like they take turns and there’s very little time when one or the other isn’t bringing the negativity. As someone who doesn’t do well in a negative atmosphere, it really gets to me."In this episode, we discuss strategies both for stopping negativity in its tracks and for resisting its pull. There's lots to be down about right now. But if there's going to be a reset in our homes, it's probably going to have to start with us.Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:Dr. Daniel Amen for Additude: Why We Crave the Drama That Sabotages RelationshipsCatherine Moore for Positive Psychology: What Is The Negativity Bias and How Can it be Overcome?Kevin J. Roberts: NegativityDr. Stuart Shanker for The MEHRIT Centre: “Reframing” Challenging Behaviour, Part 1: Blue Brain, Red Brain, and Brown Brain Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Margaret answers this week's listener question: "I’m struggling so much with my 2 1/2 year old's behavior. She can be really sweet and fun, but her tantrums and clinginess have become really hard for me to deal with mentally. It feels like everything is an argument, everything I say is “NO!”I’ve tried ignoring her tantrums and she just continues to scream for upwards of 30 minutes and follows me around throwing herself at the ground. I’ve tried empathizing with her and comforting her through tantrums and she continues to scream. I make sure she is fed regularly, naps, has a consistent bedtime. I have ended up in tears multiple times this week just because I’m so emotionally drained dealing with her all day. Am I doing something wrong? I’m having such a hard time being a stay-at-home mom when others seem to have it more together than me. Please tell me this gets better, I’m really struggling."Tantrums are to be expected in toddlers, but frequent tantrums that are leaving both mom and toddler in tears? Not so much. A great technique is to verbalize what your toddler is upset about while otherwise remaining neutral. With this technique, consistency is key - making sure that you don't get into a dance with your toddler - and that tantrums shut down the "mommy machine".In this episode, Margaret mentions Dr. Harvey Karp's book The Happiest Toddler on the Block. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Uh, we did not sign up for this. Did we? Yes, in sickness and in health, yada yada yada, but nowhere in our long-term commitment plans with our spouses was there any indication that we would spend months on end working from home and together 24/7.Studies prove that absence really does make the heart grow fonder. The time apart makes us biologically motivated to mend that separation. Plus, a partner who's been traveling for a week might come back with some interesting stories. When you're already sharing every moment of every day, the sparkle in your relationship might be a little harder to come by.Remember when we had to plan date nights? The best tip we've heard for getting through these times may be to flip that on its head: put a YOYO dinner on the calendar. You're On Your Own. Frozen lasagna or cereal or nothing. Doesn't that sound heavenly? It's okay to schedule a little separation right now, whenever and wherever that can happen.We talk other quarantine love lessons with our guest Damona Hoffman, host of the podcast Dates and Mates. Damona suggests getting through this time by structuring self-care– the kind that helps us bring our best selves to these challenging times, more than the kind that's the chardonnay that makes us cranky and tired by 8:15. (Hmm, maybe she's on to something.) Start listening here: https://damonahoffman.com/dates-mates-podcast/Here are links to other research and writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Jessica Grose for NYT: Missing the Partner You See 24/7MIT Technology Review: Data Mining Reveals First Evidence That Absence Really Does Make the Heart Grow FonderJennifer A Theiss, Ph.D for Psychology Today: Factors That Prompt Turbulence in Romantic RelationshipsHeidi Stevens for Chicago Tribune: Dealing with conflicts and teen angst Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Amy answers this week's question: "I’m the mom of a three-year-old only child and I HATE playing pretend. I understand that our parents didn’t play pretend with us. I understand that under normal circumstances it isn’t necessary for parents to play pretend with their kids. But I'm raising an only-child in the midst of a pandemic where there aren’t any other social outlets besides myself and It makes me feel like I’ve entered into a bad improv class that I can’t escape. HELP!"Under normal circumstances, parents can (and should) push back on the expectation that they be their children's constant playmates. But right now, things are different. Here are some strategies on how to make the playtime you spend with your child more enjoyable, as well as some ways to make the times you have to say 'no' easier for your child.In this episode, Amy.mentions Dr. Lawrence Cohen's book Playful Parenting as well as our episode "Do We Really Have To Play With Our Kids? When Parenting Feels Relentless" https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2019/05/do-we-really-have-to-play-with-our-kids-when-parenting-feels-relentless-episode-105/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

All mothers overthink sometimes. But isn’t that our job description? To look at our baby and whatever she’s holding and think: how is she going to injure, burn, ruin or cause disaster to herself by interacting with that object?There’s an industrial complex set up around motherhood that makes its money when we feel off-balance and insecure. If we “want what’s best” for our baby, then shouldn’t we make sure that everything around him is superlative? Then the rest of society mocks us relentlessly for the very helicoptering and overthinking that all those stories about murder hornets caused us to undergo in the first place. But okay, yes: from redshirting to breastfeeding to left-handed scissors, here are are a few of the parenting topics that, looking back, we and our listeners just MIGHT have overthought. Amy’s book When Did I Get Like This? is on this exact topic. Have you read it yet? Grab it here: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780061963964 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week Amy answers a question from Danielle on FB: Does anyone else have a kid that always wants to play the “mean” guy? My almost 3 year old son always wants to play the villain, and hardly ever the hero or “nice guy”. Is this normal? Or am I raising a future bad boy?Yes, this is very normal. Psychologists call these preschool preoccupations “extremely intense interests,” and studies have proven they are much more common among boys than girls. We talk about little boys and their obsessions in this episode, if you'd like to hear more:https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2018/10/dinosaurs-and-trains-and-superheroes-and-nerf-guns-boy-obsessions-episode-77/The obsession with Jafar and Captain Hook won't last forever. In the meantime, Amy has ideas on how to frame it for your little one! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Momming is hard. Whether we’re stressed perfectionists or hot messes, our homes and relationships get happier when we do what matters, skip what doesn’t– and clarify what goes in what pile for each of us.Our guest, Kendra Adachi, is better known as "The Lazy Genius." Her new book is THE LAZY GENIUS WAY: Embrace What Matters, Ditch What Doesn't, And Get Stuff Done. Kendra says we don't need a new productivity plan; what we need are new ways to see.In other words: stop feeling bad that you're not adhering to All The Systems. Make a just-good-enough system that works for exactly you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week Margaret advises a listener who is worried that her 8-year-old does not seem to have a wide enough range of interests. Is there anything she can do to help him expand his interests beyond screens, half-hearted participation in Scouts and basically chilling out most of the day?Check out this episode and see if you agree with Margaret's advice.Submit your questions to: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In our back-to-school episode Amy dropped some news: her immediate family had Covid-19 back in March.Thankfully, Amy's family had "mild" or "moderate" cases of coronavirus. (Those terms officially include any course of illness that does not include inpatient hospitalization.)But even in a single household, their experiences ranged from asymptomatic, to 36 hours of fever, to three weeks in bed, to months and months of continuous long-term Covid-related illness.Because listeners expressed interest in hearing more from a fellow parent who's actually gone through Covid-19, in this episode Margaret interviews Amy on how their symptoms progressed what their recovery has looked like and what she thinks you should have ready at home before you need it Here's what we want you to know: it's worth it to have your kids wearing masks and taking other precautions. Their risk of serious illness is lower; it's not non-existent.As always, if you have concerns, discuss them with a medical professional!To find out more about "long Covid," search "long haul Covid," #longhaulers, or go to longcovid.org.Ed Yong wrote a great overview for The Atlantic: Covid-19 Can Last For Several Months- https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2020/06/covid-19-coronavirus-longterm-symptoms-months/612679/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our kids’ schools have sent plans. And revised plans. And codicils to the plans. Now it’s time to make our own decisions: if the choice is available to us, are our kids going back to classrooms this fall?Here are the factors that are driving our own decisions– knowing that the ‘right’ answer is fundamentally non-existent, and that this calculus is by definition personal. As Adrianne La France writes for The Atlantic:"All along, this disaster has been simultaneously wholly shared and wholly individualized, a weird dissonance in a collective tragedy that each person, each family, has to navigate with intricate specificity to their circumstances." Amy drops some big news in this episode: her family has had coronavirus. We'll be following up with a bonus episode specifically about that later this week.Here are links to some other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:New York Times: What Back to School Might Look Like in the Age of Covid-19Ann V. Klotz: This Is The Song That Never EndsClaire Cain Miller for the NYT: Nearly Half of Men Say They Do Most of the Home Schooling. 3 Percent of Women Agree.Adrianne La France for The Atlantic: ‘This Push to Open Schools Is Guaranteed to Fail’WGBH: Harvard Epidemiologist: 'Hybrid' Model For Reopening Schools Is 'Probably Among The Worst' Options Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices