back from the borderline

In this episode of "Anatomy of Evil," I peel back the velvet curtain of the Victorian era to reveal the disturbing world of H.H. Holmes, America’s first documented serial killer. His story isn't just a tale of murder and deception—it's a harrowing journey into the complexities of the human psyche. As we traverse the cobblestone streets of 19th century Chicago, I delve into Holmes's early life, exploring how a combination of societal pressures, inherent cunning, and emotional detachment molded a charming young boy into a master manipulator. From his upbringing during the paradoxical Victorian era—a time obsessed with both scientific progress and the macabre—to the pivotal moments that sparked his descent into infamy, we uncover the layers of influence that shaped his dual life. The heart of our exploration beats within the walls of the infamous "Murder Castle," a labyrinthine structure of Holmes's own design. Here, his darkest impulses were unleashed, turning adaptive survival strategies into lethal traps for his unsuspecting victims. As we dissect Holmes's methods and the chilling ease with which he lured his prey, a critical question emerges: How did society’s fascination with the grotesque and the unknown feed into Holmes’s narrative, and what does this macabre curiosity reveal about our own? This episode is more than a historical recount; it's a deep dive into the psyche of a man who was a product of his time yet disturbingly ahead of it. By understanding Holmes's life and crimes, we confront uncomfortable truths about the potential for evil within all societal frameworks. Join me as we journey through the dark corridors of history, examining how the shadows of the Victorian era mirror today's societal challenges. It's an exploration that promises not only to captivate but also to enlighten, urging us to remain vigilant against the darkness that can so easily grow in the unwatched corners of society. TIME STAMPS: 05:23.84 – 42:57.70: PART 1 (Explore H.H. Holmes's Victorian upbringing, his charismatic yet manipulative nature from an early age, and the development of his sinister survival strategies amidst a backdrop of rigid societal norms and emerging sciences.) 42:57.70 – 01:21:08.88: PART 2 (Delve into Holmes's infamous crimes from the construction of the Murder Castle to his psychological profile as a serial killer, and examine the media's role in sensationalizing his actions, reflecting on Victorian society and its influence on modern true crime fascination.) Enjoyed this episode? Explore more as a Premium Submarine. Dive deep into hundreds of hours of ad-free exclusive content and full-length episodes on Patreon, including my original BPD recovery series, guided meditations, and much more. Click here to preview the premium collections you’ll unlock access to for as little as a couple of cups of coffee a month. Learn more and join at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you’re not paying for the product, you are the product.” This incisive observation, often attributed to Andrew Lewis, lays bare the unsettling reality of our digital age. In this episode, we dissect Jaron Lanier’s book, "Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now", uncovering how these platforms exploit our behaviors and data for profit.Lanier, a pioneer in virtual reality and a vocal critic of Silicon Valley, exposes the manipulative architectures of social media that commodify our attention and influence our perceptions. We explore how these digital landscapes are meticulously engineered to foster dependency, distort self-worth, and erode authentic human connections.This conversation challenges us to confront the pervasive influence of social media on our consciousness and societal norms. By examining Lanier’s compelling arguments, we consider the profound implications of our online engagements and the potential liberation found in reclaiming our digital autonomy. Prepare to question the true cost of “free” services and to envision a more intentional relationship with technology—one that honors personal sovereignty and fosters genuine connection.Resources:✧ Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now by Jaron Lanier✧ The Social Dilemma (Netflix Documentary released in 2020)✧ Ground News (news platform that flags media bias)Enjoyed this episode? Explore more as a Premium Submarine. Dive deep into hundreds of hours of ad-free exclusive content and full-length episodes on Patreon, including my original BPD recovery series, guided meditations, and much more. Click here to preview the premium collections you’ll unlock access to for as little as a couple of cups of coffee a month. Learn more and join at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's shaping our identities today? It seems like 'trauma' is the word on everyone's lips. From personal battles to cultural debates, the concept has infiltrated our conversations and our consciousness. But when did our traumas start defining us? In this episode, inspired by a revealing interview from the Financial Times with Bessel van der Kolk, we unravel how trauma is not just a personal ordeal but a cultural phenomenon that's shaping our very fabric. Van der Kolk, a pioneering psychiatrist whose life's work has centered on understanding trauma, argues that our darkest experiences do more than just linger—they shape our identity. Through his insights, we'll explore the profound impact that trauma has on our personal lives and societal structures. From childhood adversities to the collective traumas of societies, van der Kolk’s perspectives challenge us to rethink our approaches to mental health. Diving deeper, this episode examines van der Kolk's critiques of modern psychiatric methods and his advocacy for alternative healing modalities. Why does he believe that traditional talk therapies often fall short, and how might practices like MDMA-assisted therapy or yoga offer more profound healing? We'll dissect the science and the stories behind these methods, understanding their potential to rewrite the narratives of trauma in our bodies and minds. Moreover, we connect these themes to broader societal shifts witnessed in recent years—from the isolation heightened by digital communication to the global rise of trauma as a ubiquitous topic. How has our understanding of trauma changed in the wake of the pandemic and social media's ascendancy? What does this mean for our future as individuals and communities trying to heal? Join me as we navigate the treacherous waters of trauma with Bessel van der Kolk, whose insights challenge us to not just recognize but truly transform our wounds into wisdom. This episode isn’t just about understanding the scars that trauma leaves; it's about learning how to rise above them. How do we acknowledge the pain without letting it anchor our entire existence? How do we move from being victims of our past to architects of our future? Tune in as we explore these poignant questions, discovering pathways not just to survive but to thrive beyond our past pains.✧ Source Article: Psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk: ‘When trauma becomes your identity, that’s a dangerous thing’ via the Financial TimesEnjoyed this episode? Explore more as a Premium Submarine. Dive deep into hundreds of hours of ad-free exclusive content and full-length episodes on Patreon, including my original BPD recovery series, guided meditations, and much more. Click here to preview the premium collections you’ll unlock access to for as little as a couple of cups of coffee a month. Learn more and join at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You are about to step into a liminal space—a threshold between the seen and unseen, the known and the infinite. What you will hear is not merely words but a vibration, a key that unlocks the forgotten corridors of your soul. This is an invocation, an initiation, a whisper from the eternal. Whether you listen in stillness or on a walk, in deep meditation or while you sleep, these messages are designed to work within you, speaking to the layers of your being both conscious and unconscious. They will not tell you what to think but guide you to remember. Those with the eyes to see and the ears to hear will find the doorway waiting. Will you walk through?Disclaimer: This episode is a freely offered audio experience, created with the intention of serving the highest good. To honor its purpose, all ads have been disabled, ensuring it remains a pure and uninterrupted space for reflection and transformation. May it bring clarity, peace, and inspiration to all who listen.Closing song: Devi Prayer – Hymn to the Divine Mother by Craig Pruess and Ananda Devi Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You’ve likely heard variations of the phrase: 'Wow, you must not have received enough love as a child,' or 'you’re acting like you were never held as a baby.' It’s a common enough saying—often delivered as a joke—but it actually hints at a deeper truth we all recognize: our childhood experiences shape how we love and seek connection as adults.But what if the real story runs much deeper than we think? What if many of our romantic struggles aren't just personal issues or emotional wounds, but are also woven into the very fabric of our society's expectations and the scripts handed down by our caregivers, which were likely given to them by theirs? In this episode, I'll take you on a journey to uncover the unconscious ways in which our earliest needs, unmet by our caregivers, set the stage for how we pursue love and intimacy. We'll explore how cultural narratives further embed these patterns, often steering us into cycles of seeking the parental love we lacked through our partners.By zooming out, we'll also examine how these personal patterns extend into the way we parent our own children, unconsciously continuing the cycle of emotional deprivation. This isn’t just about understanding relationship dynamics; it’s about connecting the dots between our individual emotional blueprints and broader societal structures. You’ll leave this episode with a profound understanding of the root causes of your relationship issues—insights that go beyond mainstream mental health discourse, shining a light on the shadows of your emotional past and generational wounds to foster real healing and change. Tune in to discover how to break free from the chains of your upbringing and rewrite your script for love and connection. This is more than an episode; it’s a key to unlocking the deeper truths about your emotional world. Don’t miss out—your journey to deeper, more conscious relationships starts here.Enjoyed this episode? Explore more as a Premium Submarine. Dive deep into hundreds of hours of ad-free exclusive content and full-length episodes on Patreon, including my original BPD recovery series, guided meditations, and much more. Click here to preview the premium collections you’ll unlock access to for as little as a couple of cups of coffee a month. Learn more and join at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Have you ever considered that what you see and experience every day might not be the whole truth? What if the reality we interact with is just a simplified version, like a veil pulled over our eyes? This is the provocative idea from Donald D. Hoffman, a cognitive psychologist who believes our perceptions are more about survival than seeing the truth. First, we dive into Hoffman's theory. It suggests that our sense of space and time is similar to icons on a computer screen—designed not to reveal the full complexity of reality, but to help us navigate life effectively. Why do our brains do this? We’ll explore the evolutionary benefits that might be driving this phenomenon. Then, imagine handling life like you would a narrative video game, such as Red Dead Redemption, where every choice you make shapes the story. What if we viewed our daily choices with the same strategic importance? We'll look into how this mindset could help us be less reactive and more proactive, potentially reshaping our life’s narrative. Next, we'll tackle how this view could fundamentally alter our approach to deep personal struggles. Could understanding life as a game with hidden rules offer new ways to deal with chronic feelings of emptiness or even suicidal thoughts? Finally, we link Hoffman's modern insights with ancient teachings from mystery schools that believed we only see parts of reality. As modern physics starts to sound similar to these age-old beliefs, it's clear that our understanding of the universe is still evolving. Are you ready to question the reality you’ve always known? Let’s peel back the layers together.TIME STAMPS: 00:00 – 26:12.26: PART 1 (Exploring Donald D. Hoffman's theory that perceptions of space and time are like a virtual reality interface, with insights into how viewing life decisions as strategic choices in a game could reshape our understanding and responses to everyday challenges.) 26:17.55 – 52:42.39: PART 2 (Delving into how Hoffman’s theory impacts our approach to psychological suffering, exploring life as a game for meaningful engagement, and drawing parallels between modern physics and ancient teachings that suggest our understanding of the universe is fundamentally incomplete.)Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Disclaimer: The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Have you ever found yourself neglecting essential needs like eating, drinking, or moving your body, only to spiral into a state of reactivity and emotional turmoil? You’re not alone. In this episode, we’ll delve into how trauma and past experiences shape our self-care habits, leading to hyper-control, emotional numbing, and a harmful disconnect between mind and body. Join me as we explore the often self-sabotaging relationship we have with our own bodies. I'll share my personal journey—a journey that may resonate deeply with you—revealing how self-care can morph into self-punishment, leaving us feeling drained and detached. Through my struggles and recent epiphanies, we’ll uncover the transformative power of Somatic Experiencing and bodywork in healing these divides. By the end of this episode, you'll gain valuable insights on bridging the gap, reconnecting with your body, and approaching self-care with compassion and kindness.Click here to read the original article on Substack.Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I never planned to create a part two.When I released “This Isn’t About UFOs, It’s About You,” I thought I was done. I had shared everything I felt called to share—synchronicities, historical insights, and my own encounter with the phenomenon. It was raw, personal, and honestly, I wasn’t sure how people would respond. What happened next blew me away. The feedback poured in—more than I’ve ever received for anything I’ve created. Listeners told me it shifted something deep inside them, helping them see themselves, and the world, in a new light. But it wasn’t just that. Something else started happening.In the days after the episode, my life turned into a web of synchronicities and uncanny moments—threads I couldn’t ignore. It felt like the phenomenon itself was responding, pulling me further into the mystery, asking me to keep going. Names appeared in dreams. Signs showed up in the most unexpected places. Even the smallest details seemed to align, pointing toward a bigger picture I knew I had to explore.This episode is the result of that unraveling. It’s the next chapter in the story, but also a deeper dive into the threads that began to reveal themselves—threads that connect us all. If you’ve ever felt like there’s something just beneath the surface of everyday life, waiting for you to notice, this is your invitation. Let’s follow the breadcrumbs together.Here’s what we’ll explore:The Butterfly Effect of Synchronicity: How one small action—recording and releasing an episode—unleashed a flood of connections and validations that continue to unfold.Esclarmonde de Foix and the Magdalene Lineage: A spiritual and ancestral thread weaving across centuries, from the Cathars to the Divine Feminine.The Transformative Power of the Cave: How stepping into darkness—literal and metaphorical—is the path to profound rebirth, inspired by Magdalene’s time in the sacred caves of France.History’s Echoes in Our Modern World: Why the shadows of the Inquisition—control, division, and fear—are still alive today and what we must learn to break free.Pluto in Aquarius and the Cosmic Alchemy of Change: The astrological shifts guiding this moment of collective and personal transformation, and why they’re calling us to embrace the unknown.The Alchemical Process of Becoming: How destruction can pave the way for rebirth, and why you might be feeling like the caterpillar dissolving into goo in its chrysalis.Episode Timestamps:Intro + Feedback from Episode 1: 00:00 – 11:52Storytime: Personal Synchronicities After Part One: 11:37 – 33:03Part 1: Chaos Theory and the Butterfly Effect: 33:03 – 38:03Part 2: Esclarmonde’s Call and the White Dove Synchronicity: 38:03 – 47:59Part 3: The Magdalene Connection: 48:01 – 01:05:07Part 4: Historical Echoes and the Inquisition of the Soul: 01:05:07 – 01:20:21Part 5: The Magdalene as Antidote (The Cosmic Marriage of Energies): 01:20:21 – 01:32:39Part 6: Pluto in Aquarius: Alchemy, Revolution, and the Gatekeepers of Normal: 01:32:39 – 01:38:56Conclusion + Invocation: 01:38:56 – EndDive deeper into my work at backfromtheborderline.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Have you ever wondered why the carefree days of your youth felt so magical? Those spontaneous adventures with friends, the endless walks, and the impromptu activities that seemed to hold a unique kind of freedom—where did they go? In this episode, we’ll explore the essence of these priceless experiences and their crucial impact on our development and mental health.Think back to your teenage years, when unplanned hours fostered a sense of joy and liberation. Walking through city streets, hanging out in parks, and engaging in spontaneous adventures created lasting memories that shaped your friendships and identity. But what happens when this bubble bursts, and the reality of adulthood, with its demands and responsibilities, hits us like a freight train? I'll delve into how these interruptions mark the end of innocence and the beginning of a purpose-driven life.As we transition into adulthood, free time fades away, replaced by the constant push for productivity and the omnipresence of screens. I’ll examine how smartphones and the internet have taken over physical hangout spots, and how societal pressures have squeezed out those precious, spontaneous hours. The decline of these carefree periods has devastating effects on our psychological well-being and relationships.Remember the brief return of unstructured time during the COVID-19 pandemic? When the world stood still, many of us rediscovered the joy of unplanned activities, creating cherished memories amidst the uncertainty. But as life resumes its structured norm, we struggle to find meaning in our time again. This episode reflects on that period and underscores the need to balance structured activities with free play.TIME STAMPS: 00:00 – 24:51.67: PART 1 (Exploring the concept of 'non-time' in teenage life, the freedom and joy of unstructured time, activities that fill this time, the reality check of external intervention, and the transition to adulthood including societal expectations, responsibility, and the decline of unstructured time.)24:51.67 – 54:56.26: PART 2 (Discussing the mental health and social implications of losing unstructured playtime, the brief return of non-time during the pandemic, cherished memories amidst crisis, the return to structured time and productivity pressures post-pandemic, questions for reflection, and strategies to reclaim unstructured time.) Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, we’re deep into the compelling world of social media and its profound impact on our perceptions of love and fidelity. In a digital age where every click, like, and share shapes our reality, it's crucial to ask: How is social media molding our views on relationships? Are platforms merely reflecting societal beliefs, or are they actively shaping our understanding of what it means to be faithful or unfaithful?We’ll explore how pervasive media narratives might not just mirror but actually warp our relationship expectations. From viral posts sensationalizing infidelity to algorithms that feed us content based on our fears rather than our hopes, social media can skew our belief in the possibility of true love. As these narratives accumulate, they begin to form a self-fulfilling prophecy, suggesting that faithfulness is the exception, not the rule. Join me as we unravel the myth of universal infidelity, examining how the stories we consume can lead us to question the loyalty of those we hold dear, and what this means for the future of romantic relationships. Let's peel back the layers of media influence and discover whether our love lives are genuinely at the mercy of the share button.Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.