The holiday season is sometimes joyful, sometimes stressful - and to be honest, it’s usually a mix of both. Between external pressures and family dynamics, we figure everyone can use some tips on making it through the season.    In this episode we cover:   How to bring up your loved one’s absence when no one else will Making a good enough holiday for your family when you’re not in the holiday spirit Tips for navigating intrusive personal questions (like “when will you have kids?” or “don’t you think it’s time you moved on?”)  Why consensus is a terrible holiday goal, but collaboration might just be the best thing possible   We're re-releasing some of our favorite episodes from the first 3 seasons.   Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.   Follow our show on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok @refugeingrief and @itsokpod on TikTok. Visit refugeingrief.com for resources & courses   About Megan:  Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief   Additional resources: Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here.    Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed   Books and resources may contain affiliate links.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What if there’s nothing to fix? What if you could just, you know, be yourself - whatever that looks like today?  When I told people that this week’s guest was none other than adrienne maree brown - the excitement level was off the charts. adrienne maree brown is the author of Emergent Strategy and Pleasure Activism, among other works, and she’s instrumental in opening conversations about bodies, power, grief, and change (personal and collective).  This week, it’s all grief - and it’s all love. There is nothing to fix, and there is plenty to change.    In this episode we cover:  How self-sabotaging behaviors become addictive The freedom of being yourself (and why that pisses other people off) How can you make this day worthy of your grief?  Why humor sometimes fits “the shape of grief” and sometimes it does not Feelings are your body’s way of communicating needs   We're re-releasing some of our favorite episodes from the first 3 seasons. Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.   Related episodes: Book bans, grief, and love: what do these have to do with social movements? Malkia Devich-Cyril Is There Any Good News on Climate Change? With Bill McKibben Coming Home to Yourself with Alex Elle   About our guest: adrienne maree brown is the author of wildly influential books including Emergent Strategy, We Will Not Cancel Us and Pleasure Activism, plus the novellas Grievers and Maroons. She is a social media meme queen, writer, podcaster, musician, and movement facilitator based in Durham, NC.    Find her at adriennemareebrown.net and on Instagram and Facebook.   About Megan:  Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief   Additional resources: Boundaried in Love with Prentis Hemphill and adrienne maree brown “The Pleasure Dome” by adrienne maree brown, Bitch Media   Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here.    Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed   Books and resources may contain affiliate links.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Look, there are some things in life - a LOT of things in life - that just can’t be fixed or made better, you have to figure out how you’re going to live with them.   Sarah Ramey spent DECADES trying to find answers for why her body was falling apart. Her book, The Lady’s Handbook for Her Mysterious Illness, describes the complex, convoluted path through conventional and alternative medicines, her frustrations with being deemed a liar and hypochondriac, and the overlapping issues of misogyny, ableism, and well meaning but unhelpful support.    If you’ve ever felt othered and invisible because of an illness or disability - this episode is for you. If you’ve ever loved someone with a chronic illness, or you’re a medical provider in any capacity, this episode is 3000% for you.    And if you’re grieving some other loss or hardship, you’ll recognize so much of yourself in this conversation: that human desire to be seen, loved, and supported, exactly as you are.  In this episode we cover:     What it’s really like having a chronic, invisible illness (and if you have one, you’ll feel seen!) How truly messed up the medical system is: Sarah’s years’ long efforts to be believed by doctors, and at a minimum: not be overtly harmed while seeking care How does being in a female body shift your odds of being believed - for ANYTHING, but especially mysterious, chronic illnesses?  Sarah’s music was featured in the hit show Wednesday, on Netflix. Can you be a successful musician and have a disability?  Why hope is a complex concept when your life is constrained by illness or disability (and why hope is still REALLY important)   We're re-releasing some of our favorite episodes from the first 3 seasons.   Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.   Follow our show on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok @refugeingrief and @itsokpod on TikTok. Visit refugeingrief.com for resources & courses About our guest: Sarah Ramey is a writer and musician (known as Wolf Larsen). Her work has been featured in The Paris Review, NPR, The Atlantic, The Washington Post, Ms. Magazine, and the Netflix show, Wednesday. Her book, The Lady’s Handbook for Her Mysterious Illness was a starred selection for Publisher’s Weekly, Kirkus Reviews, and Booklist. Learn more at sarahmarieramey.com and wolflarsenmusic.com. Sarah has been living with serious chronic pain and illness for seventeen years.    About Megan:  Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief   Additional resources: To join the next embodied writing course mentioned in the show, sign up at roottherapymaine.com   Read Sarah’s memoir: The Lady’s Handbook for Her Mysterious Illness    Listen to Sarah’s solo album: Quiet at the Kitchen Door    Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here.    Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed   Books and resources may contain affiliate links.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Our early childhood experiences of grief - and how our family systems dealt with loss - have a huge impact on our adult behaviors and relationships.    This week, author Allyson Dinneen (@notesfromyourtherapist) joins me to discuss generational grief stories, and your number one most asked question: how does a grieving therapist (or another healthcare provider) go back to work?    We're re-releasing some of our favorite episodes from the first 3 seasons.   Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.   About our guest: Allyson Dinneen is a marriage and family therapist, author, and the creator of the immensely popular Instagram account, Notes from Your Therapist - which is also the name of her recent book. Allyson’s work has been featured in Forbes, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, and more. Find her on IG @notesfromyourtherapist and at allysondinneen.com.   About Megan:  Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief   Additional resources: Allyson’s book - Notes from Your Therapist   Megan and Allyson discuss a question from a previous episode that aired on January 3rd, 2022.   Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here.    Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed   Books and resources may contain affiliate links.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Recently The Washington Post released graphic images, videos, and audio recordings from mass shootings, in a report called “Terror on Repeat.” Should news outlets attempt to push awareness through the use of graphic imagery? If so, do survivor families have the right to refuse to let photos of their friends or family members be released?    The answer, of course, is complicated. Complexity and nuance can be hard to find in the news and social media. Like so many things, the real answer comes down to sovereignty: the rights of the people directly involved to make choices about what actions are taken, and to what end.    In this special encore episode, Sandy Hook parent survivor Nelba Márquez-Greene and I discuss what cries of “release the photos!” means to survivors who have already had their private lives invaded, and their peoples’ images co-opted for others’ use.    That’s just part of our conversation, and all of it is timely: we discuss what it’s like to live such a public grief, and what it means to find joy - and hope - in an often violent world. Don’t miss it.    In this episode we cover:  The importance of telling your own story in the ways you want to tell it (no matter who demands a soundbite)  Supporting each other: the difference between an “inside the house” friend and an “on the porch” friend.  Why no single form of advocacy for survivors is right for all survivors  Where your money goes when you donate funds in the wake of a tragedy What to do when the next act of gun violence happens   Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.   Follow our show on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok @refugeingrief and @itsokpod on TikTok. Visit refugeingrief.com for resources & courses.   About our guest:  Nelba Márquez-Greene is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in grief, loss, trauma and their impact on individuals and systems. What her official bio doesn’t say is that her child was murdered at Sandy Hook Elementary. Find her at thisgrievinglife.com. Follow her on Instagram and Facebook @anagraceproject    About Megan:  Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief   Additional resources: There are many organizations fighting to end gun violence. Here are just a few:  Moms Demand Action, Change the Ref, and Brady United.    As Nelba suggested, if you want to support survivors of gun violence, find ways to support survivors in underserved communities, especially if their tragedy didn’t make the national news.    Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here.    Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed   Books and resources may contain affiliate links.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What if you were just about to get divorced, but your partner gets sick? Like really sick? Rebecca Woolf was just about to leave an unhappy marriage when her husband got sick and died. What followed was a crash course in performative grief, and the dismantling of one life in order to build the next.    This week on It’s OK, we cover love, sex, marriage, divorce, grief, shame, assumptions (both internal and external), and personal agency - it’s QUITE the conversation.    Sensitivity note: this episode contains the F word, and references sex.    In this episode we cover:  The conventions of marriage and grief that trap people in inauthentic versions of themselves How you can love someone AND be relieved they’re dead Why everyone has an opinion about how soon is too soon to date, have sex, or otherwise live your life after someone dies Grieving the time you lost living someone else’s life Building your own “house of hope,” according to your own desires   Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.   Follow our show on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok @refugeingrief and @itsokpod on TikTok. Visit refugeingrief.com for resources & courses   About our guest: Rebecca Woolf has worked as a writer since her teens - it’s the way she understands both herself and the world. Her essays have appeared on Refinery29, HuffPost, Parenting, and more. She currently authors the bi-weekly column Sex & the Single Mom on romper.com. Her latest book is All of This: a Memoir of Death and Desire.   Find her on IG @rebeccawooolf (with three o’s) and at rebeccawoolf.com   About Megan:  Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief   Additional resources: Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here.    Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed   Books and resources may contain affiliate links.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Explore the flaws of the traditional stages of grief and the importance of realistic portrayals in media. Find out how to navigate grief in staff meetings and the complexities of work relationships. Learn about supporting others through grief and the challenges professionals face in shifting their worldview.

How do we live in a world that’s at least half terrible, and that is a conservative estimate?If you recognize that line, you already know Maggie Smith. This week on the show, we’re talking about writing, marriage, divorce, and why you didn’t need whatever happened to you in order to become who you’re meant to be: as Maggie says, “trauma does not give you a “glow up.””    If you’ve ever wanted to write the story of your life - including the messy, difficult parts like divorce, miscarriage, and the loss of identity - this episode is for you.    In this episode we cover:    Why it’s ok if your story doesn’t have a happy ending (or even a happy middle) Do kids really need to learn about resilience?  Does anything remain after devastating loss?  What’s it like having your personal story out in the world for other people to talk about?  Divorce, miscarriage, and why sometimes the lemonade isn’t worth the lemons   We're re-releasing some of our favorite episodes from the first 3 seasons of It’s OK that You’re Not OK.   Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.   Related episodes:  Kate Bowler on the difference between transactional hope and functional hope   Aubrey Hirsch on the power of storytelling    David Ambroz on “A Place Called Home”    Follow our show on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok @refugeingrief and @itsokpod on TikTok. Visit refugeingrief.com for resources & courses   About our guest: Maggie Smith is the award-winning author of You Could Make This Place Beautiful, Good Bones, The Well Speaks of Its Own Poison, Lamp of the Body, and the national bestsellers Goldenrod and Keep Moving: Notes on Loss, Creativity, and Change. She has been widely published, appearing in The New York Times, The New Yorker, The Paris Review, The Nation, The Best American Poetry, and more. You can follow her on social media @MaggieSmithPoet   About Megan:  Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief Additional resources: Get the best-selling Writing Your Grief course and join over 15,000 people who’ve explored their grief - and their identity - through writing. All the details here.   Maggie Smith’s website   Maggie’s memoir - You Could Make This Place Beautiful   “What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? / The world would split open.” - feminist poet Muriel Rukeyser   Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here.    Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed   Books and resources may contain affiliate links.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

“Wonder is the root of love, the lack of wonder is the root of violence.” Valarie Kaur is no stranger to violence. As a Sikh, as a woman, as a person of color, violence has shaped both her activism and her deep sense of community care. Her Revolutionary Love Project is the blueprint for organizers, activists, and really - anyone in love with the world and what it could be.    This week, the activist, and best-selling author of See No Stranger joins me to talk about love, action, and the power of wonder in the face of impossible things.    In this episode we cover:  How do you continue to work on behalf of EVERYONE for a more just and beautiful world, when some of those people cause great harm?  Getting outside of unbearable pain so you can survive Do you have to suffer in order to be of service? Being an activist for the long haul “Squad care” and what it means for activists and anyone alive in the world   Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.   “I spent the last 20 years organizing my life around hate and I want to spend the next 20 years organizing around love. The pain of the world is the pain of the world, regardless.” - Valarie Kaur   Starting this week we’re releasing some of our favorite episodes from all three seasons of the show - some you may have missed, and some you need to listen to again and again just to absorb even more of their goodness.   Want grief support with Megan? Apply for 1:1 sessions here, or join the monthly Q&A here.  Related episodes: The Love-Filled World A Place Called Home: a conversation with child welfare advocate, David Ambroz Connection is the best medicine: with Dr. Rana Awdish   Follow our show on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok @refugeingrief and @itsokpod on TikTok. Visit refugeingrief.com for resources & courses About our guest:  Valarie Kaur is a renowned civil rights leader, lawyer, award-winning filmmaker, educator, author of the #1 LA Times Bestseller See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love, and founder of the Revolutionary Love Project. A daughter of Punjabi Sikh farmers in California, her work has ignited a national movement to reclaim love as a force for justice. Find her on IG @valariekaur.   About Megan:  Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief   Additional resources: Valarie Kaur’s website The Revolutionary Love Learning Hub   Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here.    Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed   Books and resources may contain affiliate links.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Being fabulous can save your life.   The Old Gays are a social media sensation: flamboyant outfits, lip synched dance parties, and risque theatrics you might not expect of men in their 70s and 80s.    A lot of their media attention focuses on the joy they bring to all of us. But in their new book, The Old Gays’ Guide to the Good Life, they share a deeper story. This week on It’s OK, Bill, Bob, Mick, and Jessay talk about the missing generation of gay elders, and how being “discovered” late in life saved them.    In this episode we cover:    Finding beauty inside immense suffering Why is it so hard to talk about devastating collective events - like AIDS and COVID - once the initial danger is over? The role of luck in surviving when so many did not Learning to love yourself first - at any age Chosen family and the power of being truly seen for who you are - in good times and bad Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.   Related episode:  What’s It All For? Loss and Meaning In Midlife with Chip Conley Follow our show on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok @refugeingrief and @itsokpod on TikTok. Visit refugeingrief.com for resources & courses About our guests: The Old Gays are best friends Mick Peterson, Bill Lyons, Robert Reeves, and Jessay Martin. Flamboyant social media celebrities - @oldgays - they’ve also become educators, teaching people about the strides that have been made over the last five decades in the LGBTQIA+ community. Get their new tell-all group memoir, The Old Gays Guide to the Good Life: Lessons Learned about Love and Death, Sex and Sin, and Saving the Best for Last Find them on IG at @theoldgays and on TikTok at @oldgays.   About Megan:  Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief   Additional resources: The San Francisco AIDS Foundation and UCSF house a lot of queer history related to the AIDS epidemic.    National AIDS Memorial    Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here.    Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed    Books and resources may contain affiliate links.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.