The Suzanne Venker Show

Feminist icon Kate Millett passed away three years ago at the age of 82. Her 1970 book, Sexual Politics was called “the Bible of Women’s Liberation” by The New York Times and had a seismic effect on feminist thought. It launched Millett as what the Times called “a defining architect of second-wave feminism.” In a cover story that same year, TIME magazine crowned her “the Mao Tse-tung of Women’s Liberation.” But Kate’s sister Mallory is the polar opposite of her sister. In a riveting article entitled, “Marxist Feminism’s Ruined Lives,” Mallory revealed what she saw of the subversive undercurrent of her sister’s passionate radicalism. An unrepentant conservative, Mallory has been very vocal about her early experiences with the feminist movement and her subsequent defection. She’s a former actress who resides in New York City with her husband of over twenty years. IN THIS EPISODE: 4:35  Mallory talks about being the sister of feminist icon Kate Millett and why she started writing about her experiences with Kate 6:20  Mallory talks about how the radical feminists' ultimate goal was to destroy Western Civilization 7:45  Mallory talks about her relationship with her sister and how bad their relationship was growing up, how her sister got her to go to NY to become a part of the feminist revolution 9:00  Mallory describes sitting in on consciousness-raising meetings and what feminists' goals really were 12:00  Mallory talks about how the state of the country today was plotted and did not happen inadvertently 14:00  Mallory talks about the word “empowerment” and how feminists hijacked that term. She also discusses the #MeToo movement 15:40  Mallory talks about her experience as an actress with Roman Polanski 17:30 Mallory discusses how her sister Kate was the founder of Women’s Studies courses in colleges/universities 17:50  Mallory talks about the “slavery of the male” 20:30  Mallory discusses promiscuity and how women have used birth control and abortion to become “equal” with men 22:00  Suzanne discusses how all of the above plays into her work as a marriage coach 24:00  Mallory and Suzanne discuss how when the biology of men and women is discussed, it is seen as “going back” as opposed to “going forward” (as John Gray, Ph.D., also noted last week in his podcast) 26:30  Suzanne reads from Mallory’s article regarding how feminism has invaded its way into entertainment, government and education in 50 short years 28:30  Mallory discusses abortion, her own abortions and how you can change your beliefs 31:00 Mallory talks about Joe Biden and the presidential election 32:15  Suzanne and Mallory discuss cultural Marxism, Karl Marx and the National Organization of Women 37:00  Amy Coney Barrett, current politics, the election and more *FALL COACHING SPECIAL* Use code "fall2020" for 15% off Premarital/Newly Married 4-Session Coaching Package with Suzanne. Go to: www.suzannevenker.com/coaching Support Suzanne on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/thesuzannevenkershow

There are relationship experts…and then there’s John Gray. The author of the most popular relationship book of all time, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, John’s wisdom about the inherent differences between women and men, as well as what it takes to build a lasting, loving relationship have now influenced two generations of men and women. Men are from Mars was listed by USA Today as #6 among the most influential books of the last quarter century. But there’s more. In his more recent book, Beyond Mars and Venus, John explains why being a man or a woman in today’s society is more nuanced and complex than ever. And yet, despite these changes, men and women remain fundamentally different on a hormonal level, as do their needs in today’s evolving and stressful fast-paced world. To meet these new needs, we require a new kind of relationship. In Beyond Mars and Venus, John takes the Mars-Venus framework to the next level. John's website is www.marsvenus.com. IN THIS EPISODE: 5:30  John explains his inspiration for Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus 6:30  John talks about his newer book, Beyond Mars and Venus 9:00  John talks about how men can calm a women in an argument and what both men and women need 10:30 John talks about his inspiration with his book titles and how saying that men are women are different is dangerous in the university world 13:45  John notes that though the world is changing and men's and women’s roles are more fluid, biology doesn’t change. Suzanne talks about the uprising of Covid-19 divorce, and inflated expectations 16:00 - 18:28  John talks about how moods are regulated by hormones and how men and women react to stress differently 18:30  Suzanne talks about her coaching practice and how typically the women are taking on too much and cannot get back into their “feminine” space. John then explains ways for women to do that 20:00  John talks about how happiness comes from within, that your partner doesn’t have the ability to make you happy, and how Covid-19 is affecting marriages 21:40 - 28:00  John talks about the tools that lower a woman’s stress and describes a method/game he came up—called Genie in a Bottle—to improve a couple’s relationship, which speaks to the power of the mind. 28:55  Suzanne and John talk about nagging and complaining and why giving unsolicited advice never works. 31:25 - 33:25  John talks about the ways in which women can “turn off” their masculine side 34:54  John describes the 4 steps of how to get a man to change bad behavior.  1. Stop complaining, withholding, nagging, and trying to “change" him.  2. De-stress yourself without depending on him/take responsibility for your happiness. 3. Men need messages that they’re appreciated and trusted. When you ask for help, you give him the opportunity to succeed. 4. Start asking for more in small increments. 40:59  John explains that when you need more than a man can provide, he stops giving. 42:25  How pretending to go back to the beginning of when you were dating can help improve your relationship 45:13- 47:34  John explains why a lot of men feel like no matter what they do, their wives are never happy and why men are now experiencing a lowering of testosterone. 51:14  John explains why the worst thing to say is to a man is, “We need to talk." AND MORE! *FALL COACHING SPECIAL* Use code "fall2020" for 15% off Premarital/Newly Married 4-Session Coaching Package with Suzanne. www.suzannevenker.com/coaching

Is marriage a crapshoot? My guest today says no. He argues that couples who take a proactive approach to marriage have the best chance at having the most successful relationships. His name is Les Parrott, and he’s a clinical psychologist specializing in marriage and family. He, along with his wife Leslie, who’s also a marriage therapist, wrote Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before — And After — You Marry. Les and I are going to discuss how a person knows if he or she is ready for marriage, the myths people have about marriage that set them up for disappointment, and the 5 attitudes young people have about marriage that speak volumes about how the future success of their own marriages. We will also discuss the common traits of happily married couples. While our conversation is geared toward engaged couples or newlyweds, even if you’ve been married a long time there are definite takeaways in this podcast that you won't to miss. IN THIS EPISODE: 3:15   You can only be as healthy as the “least healthy” partner in the relationship. 4:00  The most important thing you can do for your relationship is work on yourself. 4:20  How to cope when you’re working on yourself and your spouse isn’t 6:00 If you try to build intimacy with a person before you’ve taken care of your own issues, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself and they’ll fall flat. 6:40  We never really “arrive”; we’re always in progress. 9:15  How a couple manages conflict is a big factor in how successful a marriage will be 10:30-12:20  Les discusses “good” fighting. A good fight results in deeper intimacy and allows both parties to be heard. 12:24  Les explains  important aspects of self-awareness, including “authenticity” 15:15 – 23:13  Les explains the 5 attitudes young people have towards marriage: “resolute,” “rational,” “romantic,” “restless,” and “reluctant.” 23:40  The benefits of pre-marital counseling 30:25  SYMBIS, or Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, is about learning how to “match well” and how to leverage that to have the best relationship you can have 36:24  Les talks about the 3 ingredients of romantic love: “passion,” “intimacy,” and “commitment”  and how these 3 ingredients are fluid and change throughout the course of a relationship 43:00 How having a baby changes the marital dynamic 45:00- Les discusses his program betterlove.com

Smart, accomplished, and a religious wife and mother? Do such women exist? I thought a traditional life was an impediment to a woman being successful in the world outside her doorstep. According to the powers that be, these two worlds are wildly at odds. Enter Amy Coney Barrett, President Trump’s nominee for the Supreme Court, who comes along to put that narrative to rest. If confirmed, Barrett will replace feminist icon Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and the left can’t stand it. They’re positively green with envy. How can a woman look as graceful and as feminine as Barrett, with a husband and seven kids to boot, and somehow make it to the Supreme Court? To make matters worse, Barrett says things like this: “What greater thing can you do than raise children? That’s where you have your greatest impact on the world.” It’s enough to drive a feminist mad. Here to talk with me about why the left really hates Amy Coney Barrett is Joy Pullmann, executive editor of The Federalist, as well as a happy wife and mother of six children. IN THIS EPISODE: 4:00 How and why ACB is the polar opposite of Ruth Bader Ginsberg 5:00  Why ACB's very existence repudiates the left's view of women and how her nomination has brought what it means to be family oriented to the forefront 6:10  How women have used abortion as a means to get ahead in their careers since babies/family don’t “fit” into a career-focused woman’s life 7:45  How unlikely it is for a typical woman to have ACB’s career and as many kids as she has. Suzanne discusses how women “having it all” at once is a myth and how ACBs support system (husband, in laws/family) helped her become who she is today. 10:55 – 13:00 What it takes to have “balance” in your life and the different components such as giving up social media, going out to parties, having helpful in-laws, does the husband/wife work full-time?, etc. 13:00 The benefit of having a large family and how older kids help raise younger kids 15:20  Young women need to understand that they shouldn’t look at ACB and think this is attainable for most women and how a lot of women do not want the kind of career that she has 16:50 –18:20  Suzanne talks about her frustration with some women on the right who think women can rise to the top of their profession and have many children at the same time 18:24  Women on the left want government to raise your kids so you don’t have to orchestrate your life 19:25  Joy describes that when she gets tired, she often gets frustrated with her husband and how she has to put that into perspective by taking stock of how she can improve her day-to-day to make it easier. 20:35  How government-run daycare is not a good plan and how the left’s narrative regarding working women fosters the resentment that men aren’t doing their fair share 21:20 – 22:30  Suzanne and Joy talk about COVID-19 divorce 22:30 How ACB embraced marriage and motherhood alongside her professional endeavors, which is atypical for women in politics 23:10 – 26:00  How the left uses The Handmaid's Tale imagery and the double standards that come along with that 26:05 ACB says the greatest thing you can do is raise children and how that is rarely acknowledged by any woman in power 26:40  Joy describes the impact you make on the world raising children 27:30 ACB is a happy woman, and it drives the left crazy. Even without her professional success, she would be happy because of her faith and her family. 28:15 –30:08  The left constantly smears religious people as uneducated and why that narrative is a manipulative power-play and MORE!

Can’t get your kids off their laptops or smartphones? What about your spouse? Does it sometimes appear that he or she is more in love with technology than with you? Welcome to the age of behavioral addiction, where half of the American population is addicted to at least one behavior. We obsess over our emails, Instagram likes, and Facebook feeds; we binge on TV episodes and YouTube videos; we work longer hours each year; and we spend an average of three hours each day using our smartphones. Half of us would rather suffer a broken bone than a broken phone, and millennial kids spend so much time in front of screens that they struggle to interact with real, live humans. In Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked, psychologist and professor Adam Alter tracks the rise of behavioral addiction. Though these miraculous products melt the miles that separate people across the globe, their extraordinary and sometimes damaging magnetism is no accident. The companies that design these products tweak them over time until they become almost impossible to resist. By reverse engineering behavioral addiction, Alter explains how we can harness addictive products for the good—to improve how we communicate with each other, spend and save our money, and set boundaries between work and play—and how we can mitigate their most damaging effects on our well-being, as well as on the health of our relationships. 5:00 Why technology is designed to be addictive 6:00  The “rewards” that come from social media, our phones and technology in general 7:14  Suzanne describes how her own kids were not raised in a time where tech inundated the average household and how parents now have to contend with raising kids in a technology-centered culture 7:50-9:57  What’s lost in the parenting experience as tech continues to explode 10:00-11:15  Why children and teens are especially vulnerable to technology addiction 11:15-13:15  Parents are also addicted to technology, which is why it is hard to enforce rules with kids when it comes to screen time 13:15  How parents use screens as a babysitter and why kids need to learn delayed gratification 14:08  Suzanne and Adam talk about the days before technology and how families used to fill that downtime with other things such as music, games, reading, etc. 14:50  Grappling with boredom and downtime is an important life tool. Adam talks about how creativity and ingenuity is fostered by making your own entertainment. 15:33-18:40 Tech titans promote their products publicly, but typically don’t let their kids use them in their own homes. 18:40 What makes people want to keep “clicking” which includes “rewards” and social engagement 20:20 The difference between using technology and doing something like reading a book. He explains “natural stopping points” and how technology does not have natural stopping points because of bottomless newsfeeds, Netflix/YouTube utilizing “post play” and how these changes have made it hard to control technology addiction. 22:55  Adam talks about how reading books is more demanding of the brain and how tech devices put us in a trance-like state. 24:50 If you don’t remove the tool, you’re going to have constant interruptions in your personal time/life with your spouse. 25:30 How phones are distracting, degrade your relationships and how they affect your relationships 28:00 How to work towards stopping tech addiction and how their should be certain times of the day where it “looks like the 1950s” and create a tech-free environment 30:00-Both parents/partners need to be on the same page regarding their policy with tech and phones 34:15 -37:10 Adam gives his advice to people who want to break their addiction to devices

Most of us have been conditioned to not talk about our finances. But for many people, confronting their issues with money is crucial to having a successful personal relationship with money, as well as having a healthy marriage.  Our culture places a high premium on financial success, and far many people blame themselves if they aren’t keeping up with their peers. But when we shame ourselves for our past financial decisions or for our current financial situation, we are incapable of making any change.  To move forward and make real change, you must learn how to cope with your shame in a way that makes it lessen over time.  Here with me today to discuss how to overcome money shame is forensic accountant Tiffany Couch, whose career brought her face to face with this issue. IN THIS EPISODE: 5:50 What is money shame? 9:15  Suzanne asks Tiffany about the types of money issues she sees in her business. Tiffany talks about a particular story with a client that has to do with emotions including, shame, embarrassment & betrayal. 13:00  Tiffany talks about divorce litigation in her business and how spouses typically do not have a  cohesive relationship with money. A lot of times this has to do with having separate finances. 14:40  Suzanne and Tiffany talk about the “WHY” when it comes to finances. They talk about the different money scripts people carry into their adult lives. They also discuss why couples do not have a cohesive relationship with money, why couples decide to have separate finances and how that speaks to bigger emotional issues. 16:15  Tiffany discusses how a lot of couples handle money in their relationships and how financial issues are typically a marital problem not a math problem. 16:45  Suzanne talks about how emotional and deep money is and how it relates to how we feel and think about ourselves, our desires/wants and the other person in the relationship. 17:40 The different money “scripts," such as being embarrassed by debt, not having enough, inheriting money or even having too much money. 18:47  Suzanne asks Tiffany about her experiences related to these scripts in her work and own marriage, how most people carry a script about money and how it rarely discussed 19:50  Suzanne tells her story about the money messages she received from her parents growing up. How we also each carry our own stories into our relationships and marriages. 24:40  Tiffany tells her story about the money messages she received from her parents and grandparents. She also talks about her marriage and how money affected her marriage 27:45  Tiffany talks about her big shame of making a lot of money and having nothing to show for it and the shame associated with that. How she eventually learned a better way to handle her relationship with money. 30:00  Suzanne talks about how she and her husband have overcome money challenges. 31:35  How people spend to fill holes that have nothing to do with money. 31:45  How to have a good personal relationship with money and do the same within your marriage 36:15 Two specific scripts that do not get a lot of attention: #1- people that make good money but want more and how that has to do with wanting safety. 37:50-40:15 #2  “ I make so much money that I am embarrassed.” and why that usually takes form in shame. 40:20 How money can cause conflict in a relationship 42:34  Suzanne talks about “financial intimacy” and why not having it is harmful to a marriage 45:05  Where we spend our money shows what we value. 45:35  When you can start talking about your feelings towards money and bring them to the surface, you can change your marriage for the better.

The breakdown of the family, in all its many forms, has been and continues to be the single greatest travesty this country faces. When you look at almost every other issue—whether it’s violence, promiscuity, truancy, drugs, divorce, even anxiety—it almost always goes back to the beginning: how our children are raised. This is a very delicate and controversial topic but one that can only be ignored at our peril. When I decided to do this episode, I could think of no one better to discuss it w me than Dr. James Dobson, who has spent his life dedicated to this issue. Dr. Dobson is an author and psychologist, as well as the Founder and President of "Family Talk.” Prior to that, he was Founder of "Focus on the Family." Dr. Dobson has been active in governmental affairs and has advised five U.S. presidents on family matters and in 2008 was inducted into The National Radio Hall of Fame. IN THIS EPISODE: 3:25  Suzanne and Dr. Dobson discuss how they met 5:15  Dr. Dobson talks about how there are eternal values that don’t change in life regardless of the culture, specifically when it comes to the differences between boys and girls. 7:00-10:25  Boys need men to tell them how to be masculine, and mothers are not equipped to do that with boys. Dr. Dobson and Suzanne discuss a mother's and a father's unique roles in a son's life. 10: 30 The two developmental crises in a child’s life 11:30-13:10 How to build a relationship of love and respect with your kids 13:20 Why modern parenting doesn’t work 14:30 The fine line in disciplining kids and why getting that in balance is a very important task in parenting 15:25  The secret to discipline and why anger is not a good method for disciplining kids. 16:35  Suzanne and Dr. Dobson talk about their experience in the classroom as teachers. 18:00 Dr. Dobson and Suzanne discuss the significance of the family and the breakdown of the family. 21:00 The cultural shift and where the breakdown in the family began 22:35 The government’s role in the breakdown of the family 27:25 How divorce affects kids and the effect of father absence 30:15 How the lack of fathers has contributed to “boy men” and the lack of marriageable men 32:00 Dr. Dobson asks Suzanne about her own experience raising her kids and raising her kids counterculturally. 35:00 Dr. Dobson talks about traditional values and how the culture has departed from traditional wisdom and common sense when it comes to raising children.- 36:10  Suzanne talks about her new eBook, How to Be a Wife: 7 Secret Steps to a Peaceful and Passionate Relationship with Your Man Sign up for marriage coaching with Suzanne: https://www.suzannevenker.com/relationship-coaching/ Support Suzanne on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/thesuzannevenkershow

Since the time they went off to college, millennials have been on the wrong track when it comes to life and love. But it isn't their fault. Their parents, aka baby boomers, led millennials astray. “We suffered from the educational debt phenomenon because when we couldn’t find jobs, a lot of us went to college. Or we got graduate degrees. Our boomer parents encouraged us to fund a lot of that with debt, on the premise that it would eventually pay off in the job market. But that was clearly wrong, and we’re paying the price for it,” writes Wall Street Journal columnist Joseph Sternberg in this interview about his new book, The Theft of a Decade: How the Baby Boomers Stole the Millennials’ Economic Future. All of that is true, but there's more. The narrative Boomers promoted re men, marriage, school, work and motherhood has resulted in the troubles millennials now face. In this episode, Suzanne and her millennial assistant, Kelsey Merritt, discuss the poor choices millennial women make when it comes to money, men and marriage. In this episode, Suzanne and her assistant Kelsey talk about millennial women and why their approach to education, men, marriage, and motherhood has led them to unhappiness, debt, and being unsatisfied in their personal lives. Kelsey tells her own story of awakening to countercultural views and how Covid-19 changed her financial perspective and wedding plans, leading to her and her husband's decision to elope. Sign up for marriage coaching with Suzanne: https://www.suzannevenker.com/relationship-coaching/  Support Suzanne on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/thesuzannevenkershow

 How do young people today view marriage? Of those surveyed in one National Marriage Project poll, 88% of singles agreed there was a “special person, a soul mate,” waiting for them somewhere out there. This same poll found that for 80% of the women polled, a husband who could articulate his deepest feelings was a better catch than one who earned a good living. This soulmate model of marriage suggests there’s one unique person on the planet who connects with us by meeting our deepest longings, desires, and needs. It prioritizes skills such as the expression of feelings and the ability to spark romantic or sexual chemistry. A soulmate marriage is supposed to make you feel, in a word, happy. There’s just one problem: It’s a myth. The soulmate view of marriage is not conducive to a permanent commitment because it’s deeply indebted to a romanticized way of thinking about love. No one person is capable of giving us great pleasure and great happiness all or even most of the time. That is why men and women who embrace the soulmate model are often left deeply disappointed by the real-world realities of love and marriage. Here with me today is Bradford Wilcox, a sociologist who serves as Director of the National Marriage Project. He’s also a Professor of Sociology at the University of Virginia, a Senior Fellow at the Institute for Family Studies, and a Visiting Scholar at the American Enterprise Institute. His research—which has been featured in TNYT, the WSJ, NPR and the Today Show—focuses on ways in which marriage, gender and culture influence the quality and stability of family life in the US and around the globe. His website is https://www.wbradfordwilcox.com/. IN THIS EPISODE: 5:20 Brad talks about the book Eat, Pray, Love and its author Elizabeth Gilbert: how that book portrays the “soul mate” myth and why this particular story resonated with young adults. 10:40 — 13:28 Suzanne and Brad talk about the soul mate myth in popular culture (such as A Marriage Story) and how these stories have affected people’s view of marriage in real life. 14:00 Brad talks about how the younger generation don’t realize the other “goods” that come along with marriage i.e., financial stability, the welfare of children, support from kin and they oftentimes only think about marriage as being just “intense love and emotional connection." 15:15 — 19:50 Suzanne and Brad discuss how important marriage is to growing wealth and to a couple’s financial future.  Suzanne talks about her concern with how women no longer consider a man’s financial stability prior to marriage, which will cause problems in the marriage in the future.  20:10 Brad talks about how the divorce rate increased as the soul mate myth became more prevalent 22:00 When people embrace the soul mate myth, they are less likely to be happily married. 25:00  Brad talks about how now more people are relying on the state instead of relying upon their family and spouses and how COVID-19 may inspire a more family-based model when it comes to marriage since people are realizing they can’t rely on the state, their employer, etc. 27:45  Why “feelings” aren’t always a good gauge for a successful marriage.  “Love is not a feeling. It’s a decision.” 31:55  How intense passion and romance fades from all relationships eventually. 34:30  Suzanne talks about being an almost empty nester and about the different seasons of a marriage 36:40 — 40:00 You're far less likely to be happy when you’re pursuing it directly.   41:00  The alternative to the soul mate myth model is the “family first” model.  

In this episode, Suzanne gets up close and personal in her first-ever solo podcast. Suzanne talks about her upbringing, the trajectory of her life and career, her first marriage, as well as her experiences with media bias towards her counter-cultural message. At the end of the show, she also takes listener questions and talks about her new e-Book, what's next for her coaching business and much more! She also answers questions from listeners. Sign up for marriage coaching with Suzanne: https://www.suzannevenker.com/relationship-coaching/ Support Suzanne on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/thesuzannevenkershow