Date Your Wife

Garrett J. White & Danielle K White
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Aug 21, 2018 • 39min

Don’t Use Your Wife As a Shield | Date Your Wife | Ep 033

The White’s celebrate their 15 year anniversary in this powerful and entertaining episode of the Date Your Wife Podcast where they have a conversation around the all-important and ofttimes tricky topic of Money inside a marriage relationship. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication   In This Week’s Podcast….Money Point #1: Save the Date Danielle: For years, we celebrated our anniversary on the 22nd of August until six years ago when I found our old wedding book and was so shocked to see the date of August 21st. Garrett: We’re grown ass adults and every year we text our mothers to see what date we got fucking married, though we do remember the first place we had sex after we got married. QUESTION How do you show each other that remembering your anniversary important to you?   Point #2: When Visions Collide A crucial turning point for Garrett was in having a collision with Danielle about investing in blinds for his Warrior HQ – a vision inside his business that he could see but that she could not. For a long time, Garrett didn’t see the point in the purses that Danielle loves buying, but now he does. Danielle: It’s creative expression which transfers over to confidence in life, business, and in everything else. QUESTION How do you as a couple deal with two different visions of where to invest your money? Point #3: Leading a Double Life Danielle: After everything was ripped from us, it took about four years to rebuild that trust. And in that four years, everything felt unsafe and inconsistent to me so I finally said, screw you. I’ll do my thing, you do yours. As women, we look to our husbands for safety and security. When that goes away, there’s this lack of trust. I questioned every little move Garrett was making because I was building back up the trust from years of his patterns of inconsistency with money. QUESTION Gentlemen, are you providing security and safety for your Queen? Point #4: The Awakening Garrett: After giving Danielle the responsibility of handling the bills because I got so stressed out about my inability to pay them, she began taking on that stress. I realized I was using my wife as a shield from me having to deal with shit.  My wife started channeling heavy levels of masculine energy which had us fighting at home a ton. I’m like fuck, I’m coming home to a dude. I realized I was the one who had created this dude the moment I decided to turn the queen into a shield. I had an awakening. QUESTION What needs to shift in your relationship when it comes to being the man and leading the battle so you can take your wife out of that role?   Point #5: Reality Check Garrett: Gentlemen, if you’re going to go make the money, then you manage the money. All of you fucking men out there who are expecting your wife to split the fucking bills with you, fuck you. Women want a purpose to produce but they don’t want to feel the pressure of having to be the provider. There are far too many men who are okay with the idea that they can sit back and lean on the production power of the Queen and only build themselves far enough to meet halfway. QUESTION Ladies, how do you feel about this? Communication Challenge: Gentlemen, ask yourself this question: Who would I have to become such that my wife could choose to work and choose to produce if she wanted to?   Date Night Topic: On your date this week, take a trip down memory lane and recall the events leading up to the day the two of you met. What impressed you about each other? What have you grown to love about each other through the years? Quote of the Week: “At the end of the day, I’ve yet to meet a powerful producing woman who doesn’t want her man to raise the sword and go to war so she can rest at times.” —Garrett J White “I got to this place where I wanted to be in the relationship with Garrett because I wanted to, not because I felt I had to.” —Danielle K White
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Aug 14, 2018 • 30min

Sexy Screenshots | Date Your Wife | Ep 032

You’re in for a blushing hot time with the White’s in this week’s episode of the Date Your Wife podcast. Danielle and Garrett hold nothing back as they explore the reality of faking, fantasy, and payloads, and share intimate secrets and tips in this completely transparent and entertaining conversation about Garrett’s favorite topic, sex. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication   In This Week’s Podcast…. SEX Point #1: The Faking Game Danielle: Every girl fakes it. If she says she never fakes it, she’s like the guy who says he never masturbates. We get to this point where we don’t care if we have an orgasm – we’re just putting on a good show. Garrett: Here’s the deal: I have faked it. I don’t care if Danielle fakes it. I actually like it and enjoy it more when she does because I feel like we’ve both scored. QUESTION How often do you fake it?   Point #2: Go For the Goal Garrett: Do you think porn has completely twisted the thought of orgasms? We know this woman who never had an orgasm during her 13-year marriage. And she didn’t even know she wasn’t having an orgasm. Danielle: You have to be a little selfish in bed and go after what you want. If she didn’t have an orgasm, it’s her fault. Even with the dullest sexual encounters, if I want it, I’m going to get it. You gotta be focused; you gotta go for the goal. You treat it like a sport, ladies. You get on it and accomplish your goal. QUESTION Ladies, how do you communicate what you want to your guy? Point #3: The Warm Up Danielle: If there’s a warm-up, girls are focusing on “holy shit, I’m not going.” If there’s not a warm-up, we’re focusing on “I’m going to go after the goal and get it.” If we get warmed up, it’s going to happen. But sometimes when we’re tired, we won’t submit to the warm-up, and then we’re all about a quick one. Guys like the warm-up because the girl just submits. But here’s the thing. You can’t go in aggressively for the warm-up because then it gets creepy; then we’re thinking this is just gross, let’s just have a quick one. So, guys, you really have to seduce us. QUESTION Guys, what type of warm-up does your spouse respond to the most? Point #4: Payloads Garrett: If a guy hasn’t gone for a while, say it’s been five days, and there’s been no masturbation, he has a bigger shot. The bigger the shot, the more intense the orgasm. Danielle. I think I purposely don’t go sometimes because I want the build up. I think it’s more of a control thing for myself. I can have a bunch of shitty pairs of shoes, or I can have a couple of really good ones. QUESTION What is your preference?   Point #5: Screenshots Matter Garrett: Women, you have to give your man a screenshot. Danielle sends me photos of her looking super sexy in her swimsuits. She doesn’t send me naked photos or breast shots, she sends me super intense and very sexy photos that I put on my cell phone. If we’re at the beach and another woman walks by wearing a thong, I’ll get triggered, but my mind immediately goes to the preloaded content from my wife in her sexy swimsuits or of her in the bedroom ironing her clothes wearing nothing but panties. QUESTION Ladies, how has the idea of creating screenshot moments for your guy enhanced your confidence? Communication Challenge: Begin having conversations about the following topics and discover how these two strategies can enhance your realtionship: 1) The Faking Game 2) Delivering Sexy Screenshot Content Date Night Topic: Use one of your next Date Nights to create some Sexy Screenshot content for each other. Quote of the Week: “I’m okay with the idea that Mystery Man is the guy who gets you revved up because, at the end of the day, I’m the one who’s scoring goals around here. You can be a fan in the stands all day long, but I’m the one holding the trophy.” —Garrett J White “Garrett has learned the art of holding back a little, and now I feel safe about giving him screenshots. I believe it creates content and spice in a marriage. If you don’t create content for your guy, he’s going to find content somewhere else.” —Danielle K White  
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Aug 7, 2018 • 26min

Keeping it Spicy With Dark Garrett and Susan | Date Your Wife | Ep 031

Dark Garrett and Susan are introduced for the first time in this week’s episode of the Date Your Wife podcast, where married co-hosts, Garrett J and Danielle K White have a conversation around the topic of communication. They share how alcohol and therapy assisted in opening up the lines of communication between them, and how reserving Date Nights exclusively for each other continues to serve as a vital tool of connection in their marriage. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication   In This Week’s Podcast…. COMMUNICATION Point #1: Sexual Communication Garrett and Danielle express different personalities in their marriage at different times. While Dark Garrett and Susan cannot exist in the same space, the dynamics of these personalities brings spice to their relationship. Danielle: Garrett’s a Gemini, so I feel like he’s always being genuine to the Gemini two-faced. Is it “Happy, fun Garrett?” Or is it, “I’ll rip your face off Garrett?” Garrett: Susan is a little more free-spirited and is also very aggressive. She throws champaign glasses in 5-star restaurants and smashes them on the ground. We end up on the beach where she loses her high heels and she’s making sand cookies. I love Susan. She’s rough, but I love her. QUESTION What are the different personalities that surface in your relationship? Point #2: Alcohol and Communication Garrett: Traditionally, people struggle with communication. At some point, there’s a line that can be crossed and also a line that must be crossed for individuals to get into a place of communication. Alcohol is one piece that some couples use. In order for two people to be able to take their relationship further in their communication, both couples have to open up more. Alcohol has played into allowing Danielle and I to have deeper levels of communication. QUESTION What is your experience with alcohol use as a couple to enhance and deepen your communication? Point #3: Alcohol and Sex Danielle: Did you know that some couples have a hard time having sex without drinking? For me, good sex is when I’m totally sober. I know Garrett loves it when Susan shows up and does more of the porn star sex. But for me, with sober sex, I have better orgasms even though the sex may seem very plain Jane and traditional. I’ve talked with many women who agree: If we’re super hammered, we can’t get off. If I come to a point where I’m super drunk, I will have fun playing the role of Susan for Garrett. I don’t really care if it’s beneficial for me that night because, at that point, it’s more fun just to have fun. QUESTION What role does alcohol play in your sexual intimacy? Point #4: The Strategy of Therapy Danielle: Garrett had suggested for the longest time that we do therapy. I said fuck you, I’m not broken, I’m not doing therapy. I was really stubborn about it. I was like, you work on yourself, I’m good. With divorce on my mind, and feeling like I hadn’t done everything I could, I surrendered and agreed to do therapy. Therapy was really interesting for me. I was afraid that by sharing my problems, I would be exposed. I then realized that a lot of people have the same fucking problems in different variations. In going to a therapist, I felt like I finally had a sounding board where it was safe to share things. QUESTION What role has therapy played in strengthening your marriage? Point #5: In the Beginning Danielle: I felt like we had good communication when we were dating. That’s one of the things that I liked about Garrett. We would sit and talk for hours and hours, which was the first time I had experienced anything that. I felt so comfortable with him. We lost that when things got a little spicy in our marriage. Garrett: The first business I launched after we got married, I was so focused on work that I remember Danielle, but at the same time, I hardly remember her. We spent the first ten years of our marriage just growing up. We were both re-growing as individuals and having to re-choose each other as a couple over and over and over again. QUESTION How has your communication changed and evolved from when you first began dating? Communication Challenge: What about therapy? What about alcohol? What about something else? Have an open conversation about the possibility of bringing these or other strategies into your marriage to enhance and deepen the levels of your communication. Date Night Topic: Take on different personalities during your next Date Night to add some spice to the mix. Quote of the Week: “If one of us is not in Dark Garrett or Susan, is there an attraction that exists between simply Garrett and Danielle? Or is it the dynamic of Susan and Dark Garrett that actually brings about the spice?” —Garrett J White “As long as we have our Date Nights and our family days, I feel like we’re able to have bits of time where we’re able to stay connected.” —Danielle K White
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Jul 31, 2018 • 35min

Triple Sh*t Show | Date Your Wife | Ep 030

On the heels of their return from their first eight-day family vacation in Europe, Garrett and Danielle delve into the spectacular topic that tends to come from sex: Parenting. In today’s episode, the White’s take us behind the scenes and give us a peek into what it looks like to manage their household, they give us tips for finding the perfect-for-your-family babysitter or nanny, and share stories of the magical and not so magical moments in Europe. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication   In This Week’s Podcast…. PARENTING Point #1: It Takes a Village Garrett: Let’s talk about communicating instructions to people who take care of the kids. This is one of the big things about parenting. Most women have a big-time struggle with leaving their kids with anyone. In fact, we have tons of friends who will only go on a Date Night if a family member can watch their children. Danielle is at the top of the list when it comes to anxiety surrounding this issue. Danielle: When we go on vacation, I still get nervous. Like every mom, I start thinking thoughts like, “Oh my God, what if the plane goes down!? ” Ultimately, you can’t live your life like that. You can’t not go anywhere or not do anything, or even not go on a date. I came to the place where I refused to let that hold me hostage. And I felt like I was being held hostage by my own anxiety and choice. Like anything, the more you do it and the more you surrender to it, the more it becomes less scary. QUESTION Ladies, how do you feel about babysitters watching your children? Point #2: Finding That Magical Connection Garrett: Outside of our family watching the kids, we would never go out because we didn’t have a babysitter. I was more concerned about having a babysitter so that we could connect. I knew if we didn’t connect and spend time together, which is Danielle’s love language, there was no chance for sex and connection to take place, which is what I wanted. So, I found a resource to help us find someone: care.com. Danielle: After going through a few people that weren’t a good fit, I remembered that when I hire someone at my salon, instead of sending me their resume, I ask them to send me a video of why they think they’re a good fit for our salon. So that’s what I decided to do with care.com. Before we did that, we received over 100 emails in response to our ad. Once we asked for a video, we only received one response, which was from the girl we hired. QUESTION What are you looking for in someone who watches your children? What’s important to you? Point #3: Topnotch Pay for a Topnotch Experience Danielle:  You can’t expect to have someone delivering you a topnotch experience if you’re only willing to pay them an hourly rate. With Tori, our nanny, I told her we’re going to be paying her well, and what I really want her focus to be on is our kids. You think you’re hiring somebody to be a mom, but really you’re just hiring somebody to take care of your kids and to make sure they’re feeling loved. Garrett: I’m willing to pay someone a salary just to guarantee we have two date nights every week. I talked Danielle off the ledge many times about going into the game of salary. This person needs a guarantee. They need to feel like they matter and that they count in the equation. I watch a lot of couples expect the world out of someone but give them no guarantees in return. QUESTION How do you feel about the idea of a salary vs hourly rate for your nanny or babysitter? Point #4: Happy Wife, Happy Life Danielle: Like most women, when I work I just want to come home to a clean house. So the days I work behind the chair are the days I have my cleaner come in. It alleviates a lot of stress for me. Some people might think it’s ridiculous to pay a housecleaner to come twice a week, but if you look at the overall picture, and if it makes you a happier person, it’s totally worth it. Garrett: I needed for Danielle not to be stressful. She used to be stressed out all the time about the cleaning. It would affect our intimacy and our communication, and we’d fight over all sorts of shit. I got to the point where I thought this is not worth it. Having a cleaner come in twice a week? Totally worth it. QUESTION Gentlemen, how are your expectations creating more stress for your wife? Point #5: Creating Memories Danielle: I had an amazing experience with my kids. Time is a big thing for me. Vacations are important. There are little moments and experiences that you have on vacation that you can’t have at home. To me, it’s really important and it’s the one thing I fought for in our marriage. Vacations create a lot of quality time and memories with family where sometimes it feels like you’re in a dream or a fairytale. And then there are moments when you’re traveling with kids and you say you’re never fucking bringing them anywhere, ever again! These stupid assholes don’t appreciate it! It’s a weird balance of oh my God, life’s amazing, we’re in a movie and, we’re never bringing the kids again on another vacation! Still, the good memories outweigh the bad. QUESTION What are your thoughts about taking family vacations? Communication Challenge: What are your love languages? If you haven’t read the book, grab a copy and begin reading it together. If you have read it, what are you doing to meet each other’s love language? Date Night Topic: Have a conversation about where the two of you are going for your next Sexcation. Quote of the Week: “We pulled off the herculean effort of all time. We not only went to Europe for the first time on vacation, we also did something a little out of the ordinary for us: we took our children.” —Garrett J White “Ladies, sometimes you just have to put your foot down for what you want when it comes to making family memories for life. And just remind yourself when you’re on that vacation – and sometimes forcing fun with your kids – that you’re building memories.” —Danielle K White
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Jul 24, 2018 • 24min

Get Paid, Both Get Laid | Date Your Wife | Ep 029

In this week’s episode of the Date Your Wife podcast, Danielle and Garrett get down to the nitty-gritty details of the behaviors, patterns, and stories both men and women exhibit and live in when it comes to the topic of money. The White’s speak boldly and honestly about their experiences as a married couple inside the Game of Money – where men are typically driven by sex, and women by security – and share what they did that led them out of the throes of divorce and into a thriving and expanding relationship. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication   In This Week’s Podcast…. MONEY Point #1: Safety, Security, and Sex Garrett: We’re discussing the fact that men typically use money to control women, and women use sex to control men. But there’s this cross-over game specifically on the topic of money where a woman wants a man to produce, and yet inside of that, one of the challenges that happens is that the woman continues to cut the balls off the man as a Producer. Danielle: Money creates safety and security for a woman, even if you’re a powerful woman. I’m a very independent person and have always been one to want to take care of myself. Inside of that, I also want to be taken care of. So it’s like this double-edged sword. In the end, we want to be taken care of but we can’t expect to be taken care of we keep fighting for the throne. It’s a balancing game and surrender on both ends. QUESTION How does this ring true in your relationship? Point #2: No Money, No Trust Danielle: At one point, Garrett wasn’t producing, so I decided to put on the man hat and figure it out on my own. When everything got stripped from us, I wasn’t feeling connected to Garrett. I didn’t know if I really wanted to be married, especially since we didn’t have any money. It wasn’t like I was trying to cut Garrett’s balls off; from a female perspective, I was just trying to survive. “You were the provider, you stripped that, so fuck you, you’ve lost my trust.” Garrett: We’re sitting in this situation where I’ve built something and then I’ve lost it. I’ve also lost the trust of my wife. As I’m climbing out of the Pit to create financial results again, what I didn’t expect to happen was to be tested by the queen over and over and over. I would speak to the possibility of what I was going to go do and then not do it. She didn’t respond with something like “Oh hon, you’re amazing.” There was no cheerleading, “Hey you got this.” Danielle was scorned and had no trust in me. QUESTION When trust has been lost in your marriage, how do you both regain it? Point #3: Preparing for War Garrett: I struggled with this. I interpreted everything she was saying and doing as “She doesn’t want me, she doesn’t care about me, she doesn’t support me.” Add to that, our sex life goes to hell in a hen basket. Not only do I have some blue balls going on, now I have bloody blue balls, and I’m having to protect my balls from being cut off every single day. I didn’t know how to deal with this. What I didn’t know and understand was that she was actually preparing me to go back to war, to go back outside the wall of the destroyed kingdom to rebuild and repair our lives, to pay the bills, to build us out of scarcity and into abundance, and to create. QUESTION Gentlemen, describe how your wife has been preparing you to go back to war. Point #4: Balls of Steel Garrett: When I finally mastered the game of being able to go into collision with my wife, particularly in the conversation of money, there was a shift that took place. I got to this point where my balls became as steel. “Woman, go ahead and hack at those balls because all you’ll do is break your knife.” At that point, life started to shift and Danielle started to trust. Danielle: I felt like Garrett was taking back the throne. Part of me was resistant, and a part of me was thinking “it’s about fucking time.” When I started to see that happen, I began backing down and decided I was going to stay in my own lane. There were two years where we just stayed in our own lanes; we weren’t at war anymore, and the trust was building on both sides. QUESTION What does collision look like in your marriage? Point #5: Daggers and Triggers Garrett: Gentlemen, stop interpreting your wife’s “criticism” as an attack. Stop the process of making your wife out to be the villain and the monster who is attacking you. You have to find a new decision and a new path that says, “Listen, my wife is not attacking me, my wife is triggering me to grow. Danielle: A lot of times, I felt like I was throwing daggers at Garrett. I wasn’t trying to trigger him, I wanted him to the be the man I knew he could be. But I couldn’t say that, so it became a song and a dance for us to figure out how to communicate with each other.  QUESTION What does your song and dance look like? Communication Challenge: Have a candid conversation around the premise that men typically use money to control women, and women use sex to control men. How has this affected your individual behavior as well as your overall relationship?   Date Night Topic: Gratitude: As you go on your date this week, share three things about your spouse or partner that you are grateful for. Quote of the Week: “This has nothing to do with your wife not being a producer. My wife is an ultra producer and out-produces most men I know. Inside of that place, we each have clear roles and responsibilities as a couple which allow us to both experience the growth and the possibility of being a couple. My responsibility is the King, and hers is not that role.” —Garrett J White “When women ask me how we did this, it’s like they’re wanting a checklist. I tell them to “put a mirror in front of your face and take a good look.” It’s the hard shit that women don’t want to face, and it’s usually the stuff noton the checklist that’s tucked under the mattress, or under the rug; it’s consistently doing the “little things” in the relationship that make a big difference.” —Danielle K White
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Jul 17, 2018 • 30min

Doing Tricks and Having Fun | Date Your Wife | Ep 028

This week’s episode of the Date Your Wife podcast is coming to you from the beautiful beaches of Cancun, Mexico, where your co-hosts, Danielle K and Garrett J White are on a romantic weekend get-a-way. In this week’s conversation, the powerful duo opens up about the journey and evolution of their sexual rebirth. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication   In This Week's Podcast.... SEX Point #1: The Cancun Connection Garrett: Part of the game of being married is taking trips, but for a decade, we didn’t go on vacations very often. And when we did, it was a shitshow. I was upset, I'd be working, and we’d get in fights all the time about sex. The first time we came to Cancun, though, there was a sexual revolution that took place for us during that trip. Now, going on vacation is this exciting thing for me. Danielle: We come back here for long weekend get-a-ways, where it's all about having fun, reconnecting, unplugging, and hanging out; it's like having Date Night every night. I think that’s why we like coming here because it was one of the first trips we took together after we finally committed to taking the time to create the space and the money to make it happen. QUESTION: What is the place you go back to that reminds you of your reconnection? Point #2: Doorway to Apathy Danielle: We’ll talk with couples who are having a great vacation, yet they're not having sex and they don't care. I feel it’s an interesting space to be in. They can say, "I have respect for my wife, we don't have sex, it’s not a big deal," but where and how does that trickle down into the relationship? Garrett: When this happens, one of the things a guy will do is to completely shut down sexually and become this sedated, constricted, pitiful man. He will completely cut off his sex drive and lock it away. What women don’t understand is that this lack of sexual energy affects everything about a man's life - inside of his family and his business. Men become sedated dogs who just survive...and they’re okay with it. QUESTION: How long have you been in the "I don't care" phase? Point #3: Rejection Garrett: There are guys who are sexually frustrated as fuck, and they’re trying to find a way out. They go beat the shit out of each other at the gym and then come home to this gorgeous Barbie doll princess-wife on ice blocks. I was begging for hand jobs back then and I was sliding down this path that was very confusing and frustrating. I didn’t know how to get out of it; I didn’t know how to snap out of that game. If you’re a dude who’s thinking: I'm not getting fucking laid, I've been married to this woman for five-ten years, we’ve had two babies, we’re not having sex, it’s awkward as shit, I don’t get blow jobs, we don’t connect, my wife doesn’t even want me to touch her...I get it. I was there with Danielle. If I tried to approach her at all, or even tried to touch her or kiss her in any way, shape or form, she would reject me. Even when I was trying to reconnect, she was still rejecting the shit out of me. QUESTION: Gentlemen, how does Garrett's experience resonate with you? Point #4: Feeling Invisible Danielle: I felt like my needs weren't being met. What I was attracted to at a very young age was this guy who had a lot of drive; I knew he was going to be successful at whatever he did in life. When he got to this place where he was working, working, working - which was what I was initially attracted to - my needs weren't being met with TIME. Garrett was working his ass off, and then he would come home wanting to get laid. Slowly, the courting, the dating, and the fun began to go away. I became resentful of his work, I didn’t want to go to his events, I didn’t give a shit if he was speaking, and I didn’t care anymore. We were in this place where I felt like he wanted more, but I had been in this space for three to four years where my needs weren't being met. "Screw you, you’ve tarnished my trust, why would I cross the line?" I was in a painful place where I began questioning why I was even in this relationship. QUESTION: Ladies, how does Danielle's experience relate to yours? Point #5: Sexual Rebirth Garrett: There has to be this moment where you make a decision: I am willing to do whatever is required to get to this place of my desire. What did I want? I wanted a relationship with my wife where we could communicate, talk, have open conversations, we could battle, we could dialogue, we could have sex or not have sex, we could be playful and flirt, we could hang out and connect - and inside of that, there would be no weirdness. It took years, not months or weeks, but years of working this out to get to where we are today. Danielle: I went through a couple of years where I was thinking I don’t know if I want to quit - probably because I was scared - but I don’t know if I want to continue to stay married. That’s when I decided to just focus on me and my business; I started to focus on growth as a person. In that space, I think that Garrett started to work on himself, too, and we were both getting our mojo back. We've gotten into this powerful space together because we’re choosing it; we're choosing to do the work together. QUESTION: What one thing are you committed to doing inside of your relationship to experience a sexual rebirth? Communication Challenge: I invite you as a couple to have a conversation around the possibility of participating in a 30 day KingsKit Challenge for the men: warriorbook.com, and for the ladies, participating in Wake Up Warrior for women: wakeupwarriorwoman.com.   Date Night Topic: 1 - Share the places you would like to go as a couple for your weekend get-a-ways. 2 - Set a date and begin planning your next one. Quote of the Week: "As a man, the first step to launching a sexual revolution within my marriage was to be able to be in a place of launching intensity and connection within myself, and of dealing with my own bullshit, lies, and stories. And inside of that, setting myself up on a trajectory of ultimately being able to create the conditions that would set my marriage sexually free." --Garrett J White "Have fun!" --Danielle K White  
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Jul 10, 2018 • 34min

How to Play the "I Don't Give a F**k" Game | Date Your Wife | Ep 027

Married co-hosts, Danielle K and Garrett J White, discuss the art of Crucial Conversations in this week’s episode of the Date Your Wife podcast. Their first encounter and first kiss are revealed as they take a trip down memory lane, and Garrett introduces the Triangle, which doubles as a favorite sex move of one of the Warriors as well as a communication strategy – a strategy which has proven to be a total game changer for Garrett and their marriage. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication   In This Week’s Podcast…. COMMUNICATION Point #1: First Kiss Garrett: Seventeen times we went out for ice cream until you decided you couldn’t handle it anymore. I played the “I don’t give a fuck” game, you came after me, our lips brushed, then you landed one on me. I had a pattern of burning relationships with girls very quickly, like within two weeks. But with you, I really wanted to kiss you, I really wanted to have sex with you, and I still want to have sex with you all the time. Danielle: We were laying in your bed. After a two-hour shoulder massage, I knew I had to be classy and not just go in for the kill. You lined your face up with mine, your lips were nuzzling mine, and I remember thinking, “I don’t know what this is but I better go in.” QUESTION What is the memory of your first kiss with your spouse or partner? Point #2: The Triangle Garrett: The triangle is one of the natural things Danielle does when it comes to putting herself in another person’s shoes. When tensions are high, when there’s a lot on the line, and when shit is spicy, Danielle has the ability to diffuse the situation. She did this for a decade or longer before I was able to. Danielle: When I find myself getting emotionally riled up, I don’t like being in that space, so I place myself in the other person’s shoes. I try to envision it from their perspective, which helps me calm down. I may not agree with them, but it helps me understand why they’re acting the way they are, and why I’m being triggered by them. QUESTION What happens in your conversations when you put yourself in another’s shoes? Point #3: Crucial Conversations Garrett: The first step in having crucial conversations is to get clear about what Iwant from the conversation. The next step is, what do I want for my wife in this situation? And then the third, what do I want for us as a couple in this situation? As I answered these questions, it gave me clear distinctions and actions that would force me to not be right, and force me to let go of things. For ten years, I fought to be right, over getting what I wanted QUESTION Where in your world are you not clear about what you want? How is this affecting the actions you’re taking inside of your relationship?   Point #4: What Does My Partner Want? Garrett: I used to think, “What the fuck is wrong with you, Danielle? Why aren’t we having sex?” I wasn’t holding a safe space for Danielle. The safe space is a place you hold for another person for safe dialogue, where you just let them talk. I couldn’t hold open that space at all, especially with Danielle, particularly when I was feeling triggered sexually. I would become this crazy person. I would get clear about what I wanted but I had no concern for what she wanted Danielle: I think that guys have this belief that because they’re providing, their wives should naturally want to have sex. As women, yes, it’s great that you’re providing for us, but we want you to want to spend time with us. Guys want action and sex, women want guys to want to hang out with them without the pressure of having sex. QUESTION What are you doing to provide and hold space for your spouse? Point #5: Groping vs Seducing Garrett: I got to this place where I wanted Danielle to feel wanted, and part of that included seducing her, not just touching her all the time. It became more and more natural for me to help her get what she wanted, knowing that in helping her get what she wanted, would get me what I wanted as well. Danielle: In that space, it was interesting. You’d want to come spend time with me, but the only way I can describe it is that you were groping me. You had your hand planted on my ass and were literally all over me. I would get triggered and annoyed, which would lead to you shutting down. I just needed a safe space where I could enjoy the time with you while getting warmed up. QUESTION How does this resonate with you? Communication Challenge: Your final challenge inside of this week’s show is this: Sit down and have a conversation and ask yourselves these three questions: What do I want for myself in this situation? What do I want for my partner or my spouse in this situation? What do I want for us as a couple? Note: Keep in mind that it might be a little emotionally triggering for both of you. This is a good time to practice the art of holding space for each other. Date Night Topic: Take a trip down memory lane: How and where did you meet? Quote of the Week: “I think what you’re going to find once you get clear is that there’s a lot of shit you’re doing that will not get you what you want. It makes it easy to shift gears and to say I’m not going to do these things anymore, and instead I’m going to do these things because these are the things that will get me what I want.” —Garrett J White “Garrett’s always a good surprise. If you’re bored or safe, that’s not necessarily a good place to be in a marriage. I feel if you’re in maintenance mode, you’re stagnant and digressing.” —Danielle K White
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Jul 3, 2018 • 29min

When Parenting Strategies Collide | Date Your Wife | Ep 026

It’s no secret that the Date Your Wife Podcast doubles as a weekly therapy session for married co-hosts, Danielle and Garret J White. This week during their candid conversation about the topic of parenting, fireworks are ignited as they each take a strong stance for their differing parenting tactics and strategies. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication   In This Week’s Podcast…. PARENTING Point #1: Monster Mom, Monster Child Garrett spent this past week in Costa Rica on a surfing vacation, and Danielle and the girls flew to Utah to be with her parents for a few days. That first night deep in the jungle of Costa Rica, Garrett received a frantic and emotional text call from Baily, their eleven-year-old daughter, who was screaming and freaking out about her smashed cell phone. That night, he realized that at the end of the day, he had absolutely no control over what was happening over 3500 miles away in a different country. Danielle: At the same moment Garrett was having that realization, I was having the realization that there was nothing I could do, either. Bailey had flipped her lid and was totally irrational, to the point where anything I said escalated the situation on both sides. I started out calm, and then I got to the point where monster mom came out. I reminded her that she’s eleven and is not entitled to a phone, and eventually grabbed her phone and threw it. I suddenly realized that monster mom created monster child. QUESTION What is your parenting strategy when your kids are behaving irrationally? Point #2: To Slap or Not to Slap Garrett: Danielle texted me and asked me what she should have done. I said, slap her, but she said no. “Breaking cell phones is a very expensive habit because every cell phone you break, you inevitably end up getting a new cell phone, and we just end up spending more money. Slap her, it’s free, and a quick slap takes care of it all.” Danielle: I remember being backhanded by my mom a few times. One time she did it so hard that I flew into the window and got a bloody nose. You want me to slap her, but the repercussions of being a pre-teen and having your mom or dad backhand you across the face cause far more scarring than throwing a cell phone. QUESTION What are your thoughts about slapping? Yes or no? Point #3: Cell Phone Family Plan Danielle: When Baily doesn’t have her cell phone with her 24/7, she’s more present. She has a tendency to get into her head. She worries about the wrong shit and gets sucked into the vortex. I think there’s a lot of good that comes from Social Media, but there have to be boundaries, and there have to be limitations so there isn’t this sense of entitlement. Tonight when we get home, we’re going to create a cell phone contract with her. Garrett: I think the contract is a very good idea. I just think you need to be very clear about what you’re going to put on the contract. You better be ready to enforce it, and you better know what the enforcement of the plan is, otherwise it’s just going to be another one of those things that never happen. QUESTION Cell phones and kids – why or why not?   Point #4: Different Parents, Different Strategies Garrett: As parents, we have radically different strategies for dealing with our children. I deal with life one way, Danielle deals with life another way. Part of what used to cause a lot of conflict was that we didn’t know how to submit to what the other person was passionate about. For example, Danielle said that Baily told her to her face that she’s a fucking bitch. I would slap her in the mouth. But Danielle’s opposed to that and thinks it’s super trashy. In my opinion, if our daughter calls Danielle a fucking bitch, she deserves to be slapped in the face. The end. Danielle’s strategy is to ignore and wait until things blow up, then she deals with the chaos from that point on. I like to intercept shit and punch it before it becomes a major issue. This has created a lot of chaos for us as we raise our children because we have totally different strategies. QUESTION What are your parenting strategies?   Point #5: Kings, Support Your Queens Garrett: Gentlemen, yes it’s your job to lead in the house, but at the same time, your wife spends more time with your children. At the end of the day, although I may have opinions about how things should go on at home, she spends the most time with them and they’ve figured out their game. One of the worst things you can do is to fuck up their flow, even when it looks like complete insanity from the outside. Just support it. There’s a shitload of disrespect in our country with kids in this age group who just don’t give a shit. They talk shit to their parents, to adults, and to teachers. I don’t necessarily have the answers, but here’s what I do know: inside of it at some point – as a man – it’s more important to back your wife in what’s going on than it is for you to be right. QUESTION How is this conversation resonating with you and your spouse? Communication Challenge: Discuss your parenting strategies in the area of discipline. How can you two come together to create a unified front? Date Night Topic: To slap or not to slap: Why or why not? How has your upbringing shaped your opinion about it? Quote of the Week: “Have the courage to have conversations even when you disagree.” —Garrett J White “Make sure that whatever the plan is that you back your significant other.” —Danielle K White
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Jun 26, 2018 • 26min

Money is Spiritual | Date Your Wife | Ep 025

From the perspective of powerful producers, parents, and business owners, Danielle and Garrett’s insightful conversation sheds light on the important role money plays in marriage relationships. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication   In This Week’s Podcast….MONEY Point #1: Details Matter Danielle: In a lot of relationships, men do the jobs and women take care of the details. I’m not factually oriented at all, and if you give me too much information, I shut down and I can’t do it. One of the biggest things that helped our marriage was when Garrett decided to take over the bills. I found Garrett more attractive once he did that. Garrett: Part of this means taking on the bullshit – the stuff that is required when it comes to money. My wife didn’t want to deal with paying the bills and my story was I just wanted to be able to focus on production so didn’t want to take care of them. QUESTION: How do you and your spouse handle the details in your marriage? Point #2: Attraction Factor Garrett: As a man, if you’re not getting it done financially inside of your relationship, you cannot demand attraction. Why? A woman wants to feel safe and secure, and she wants to be taken care of. Even if she’s a Producer at the core, this is what she desires. Danielle: A lot of times in relationships, guys expect their wives to be the woman, yet they demand their wives to do the jobs that are typically dude jobs. If I expect Garrett to show up and be the man, I have to submit in certain areas; if he expects me to be the woman, then he has to take away those manly responsibilities and treat me like the woman. QUESTION: Gentlemen, what comes up for you when you hear that most women want to be taken care of? Point #3: Money Roles in Marriage Garrett: The truth is, I would yell at my wife about not getting on the phone with the insurance company. I began asking myself, “Do I want my wife getting on the phone and having her end up getting exhausted, fatigued and stressed out by dealing with the insurance company, and burning up all of her sexual energy in creative frustration in the process?” The answer was no. For the first ten years of our relationship, I expected my wife to be the man when it came to managing the money. What I saw in my house growing up was my mother managing the money while my dad was making the money. He would give it to my mom and she would make it all work. That was all I knew. So when I got married, guess what I expected? QUESTION: What expectations do you have in your marriage based on your upbringing? Point #4: Hats and Roles Danielle: I have different hats, different roles, and different boxes. When we’re on Date Night, work can’t carry over into the Date Night box. In past years when we weren’t in a good place, we would talk about work and it would always snowball into something crazy. As a wife, mom and business owner, I’ve had to learn to compartmentalize when it comes to a wearing a mom hat and a business hat. I think the best way to go about doing things in a relationship is to own every side of you but know how and when to put on each hat as needed. QUESTION: Ladies, how are you doing with the different hats you wear?   Point #5: Energy and Connection Garrett: Any time that a man and a woman connect inside of marriage, it’s spiritual. It’s an unseen attraction that exists. It’s not something physical or tangible that we can touch, it’s something inside of us that we feel. Energy inside of a relationship when you’re married is connection. And anytime there’s connection, there’s spirituality. Money creates the opportunity for you to experience deeper levels of connection – in the making of it, the maintaining of it, and the creating of a life with it. Money matters. QUESTION: How do you and your wife create deep connection in your relationship? Communication Challenge: Have a conversation about the role money played in your upbringing and how you want it to play out in your life going forward. Date Night Topic: What does “Being the Man” and “Being the Woman” look like in your relationship? Quote of the Week: “We want you to submit and be a woman but at the same time, we kind of like it when you punch us in the face. It’s a dual turn on. I want to be mentally challenged by you to the point that I’m fucking pissed, but at the same time, I want you to submit as a woman.” —Garrett J White “Everyone who says money doesn’t matter is full of shit. In our experience, not having money or even losing it, definitely put a stress on the relationship. I believe money is a very important tool.” —Danielle K White
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Jun 19, 2018 • 30min

The Power of the V | Date Your Wife | Ep 024

The White's take it over the cliff in this week's episode as they dive deep and get personal in their candid conversation around the always spicy topic of sex. Be prepared to receive massive value as they revisit the ever-popular QQP, explore rejection and how it shapes patterns and behaviors in the bedroom, how Garrett's before marriage "sex talk" reveals common challenges in Orthodox-based religions when it comes to beliefs and conversations about sex, and how their relationship has undergone a massive facelift in the past two years. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication   In This Week's Podcast....SEX Point #1: The Shift Garrett: It’s been a long time since we’ve fought about the sex topic. I don’t know what's been going on the past two months, but you’ve been on it. It’s been fun as fuck. I don’t know what's happened inside of you, but I need that shift to continue. You’ve been playing out QQP like a champion. It’s like your daily Core4. Danielle: I gave myself permission to have fun. As women, we sometimes take on the story that we're not going to be used, that it's beneath us. The Shift is when you realize you can get your heart's desires and dreams by understanding that men are actually pretty simple. Everybody's happier when we own that the V is very powerful. QUESTION: Where in your world would making a shift be a game changer? Point #2: Rejection Garrett: When you’ve been married for a number of years, there are patterns that tend to get created that are fucked up. I felt rejected for ten years, which led me to feel very weak in the bedroom. I didn’t feel wanted, and I lacked confidence and certainty. This led me to interesting patterns of masturbation, porn, and drinking. I was trying to figure out how to survive. No matter how rejected you’ve felt, you have the power to change that story. I was not able to change that story on my own. My wife and I going to marriage and sex therapy allowed us to pull that off. Another very powerful tool we use, known as the Stack, can be found at warriorbook.com inside one of our 30 Day Challenges known as the KingsKit. QUESTION: What patterns and behaviors have you fallen into because of feelings of rejection? Point #3: Wifey Guilt Danielle: Sex is the only topic in the wifey guilt. "Oh no. It’s been a few days. I didn’t do my wifey duties." Women naturally know when things are not aligned, and where we're not putting the time and effort into certain areas of our life. When the kids are screaming - but I know we gotta do this - these are the quickest nights. I enjoy these because the next day it brings more peace into our relationship. There was a time I felt, why should I be guilty? I’m not being fulfilled. For so many years you played the victim - poor me, you owe me this. Because we’re married, I have to put out every night? Fuck you, I don’t owe you anything. Then I got to this point: have a quickie, connect, it’s not that big of a deal, and then we carry on in this happy place in our marriage. For me, that's fulfilling. QUESTION: Ladies, how can you relate to this?   Point #4: Birthday Surprise Garrett: These last couple of years, it's been this really powerful game where I've recognized that what I actually wanted from my wife was not the penis and vagina experience - don’t get me wrong, that's what I want. But what I've wanted is to feel wanted. What was amazing about my birthday is that I felt wanted. Danielle: Garrett was in the middle of an event in Huntington Beach during his birthday. He was on stage and nobody really knew it was his birthday until his lead trainer, Sam, announced it. As 350 guys sang Happy Birthday, I walked onto the stage and surprised him. For Garrett, it was this moment of, "Oh my God. She wants to be here." QUESTION: What would be possible for your relationship if each of you actually felt wanted by your spouse? Point #5: It's Kind of Messy Garrett: For the guys who get exactly what I’m talking about, if you were raised in a pretty orthodox religion and you were not married to a woman who was practiced before marriage, nor were you practiced before marriage - on the one side, there’s a huge advantage to having sex before you get married. I know that’s going to completely burn the ears of those who may be listening, "Oh my God! I’m completely against that!" Danielle: Yes, there's good that comes out of us being raised this way. But where's the line? Is it a blessing or a curse? Garrett: People don’t measure the consequence of not being sexually aware at all. They’re not being trained. When we were raised, we were not trained or taught. I didn’t even know what a clitoris was. My dad’s sex talk to me before I got married was, "Be sure you have a cloth handy. It’s kind of messy.” QUESTION: What do you think: Wait until marriage, or have some experience before getting married? Communication Challenge: Have a conversation about how you were raised, and how that has shaped your beliefs, patterns, and behaviors about sex. Date Night Topic: How can you both bring new vitality into your relationship? Quote of the Week: "I would love to invite you as a man to join us in the KingsKit challenge that you can find at warriorbook.com and be part of that experience. And if you’re a lady listening to this show, I would encourage you to send your man over to that." --Garrett J White "Ladies, if you’re in that place where your guy’s not really being the man, you have to reevaluate and ask yourself, “How can I show up and be the woman?" Sometimes, the strongest women need to surrender to what’s going to benefit you, your family, and your relationship. A lot of times you discover, "Wow, that served me more than I thought!" Commitment is the first step. --Danielle K White

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