Finding You: by Dr. Brad Reedy

Dr. Reedy discusses Finding You’s method of therapy. Informed by psychoanalysis, this therapy is a way of being with people in such a fundamentally different way that the clients re-experiences themselves. He suggests that safety is the treatment and as the therapist is able to hold the client in patience, compassion, and non-judgment, the client is able to explore their untold stories.

Dr. Reedy discusses what to look for in a therapist. He also explores the pros and cons of individual work vs family work in therapy. He discusses the genetics and the trauma of our issues. He answers a question on making amends to our family members.

Finding Compassion - Ep 645 by Dr. Brad Reedy

Dr. Reedy discusses explains complicated and complex grief in the wake of the LA fires. He talks about how no two people are grieving the same thing in the same way. He talks about how when others can’t sit with us in our pain, we feel shameful and inadequate. Conversely, when people can hold our feelings, we can learn to feel and sit with them, and they move through us. He explains that our relationship to grief is our relationship to life. And the pain of our lives doesn’t shrink, we get larger and more capable of holding it.

Dr. Reedy discusses how we may feel humiliated when the distance between the false self and real self is exposed. Most often, the real self is exposed when we encounter difficulties or failures. He explains that the narcissistic wound, the wound of not being seen, of not having our whole self (in contrast to the “good” self) is rarely addressed without failures and humiliation. He explain that defenses don’t feel like defenses from the inside – they feel like, “they don’t understand me.”

Dr. Reedy discusses the challenges and keys to creating intimacy. He explores how, when we don’t own our feelings, our histories, or our issues, we see problems "out there" – specifically in our partners. He explains how sharing your feelings are only one part of intimacy. Listening, with compassion and non-judgment is often the real challenge that prevents intimacy in couples.

Dr. Reedy discusses goals and how our goals change as we change. He discussed the difference between first order change (behavior, skills, tools) vs. second order change (a fundamentally different way of seeing the world and relating to it). He suggests that we ask different questions, bigger questions, to get unstuck from old patterns. The great task is to look critically into our programming and challenge the answers to the largest questions in life.

Dr. Reedy reviews Alice Miller’s, "The Drama of the Gifted Child." He touts this book as the most important book written on the subject of the parent-child dynamic. Miller explains how a child will give up who they are to meet the parent’s needs. The call is to do the deep work necessary to “cut the tragic link between admiration and love.”

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience on setting boundaries in relationships where that hasn’t been the practice. He explains that we will get better as we go. He explains that the ability to listen to a feeling or a boundary says more about the receiver than it does about the person sharing.

Dr. Reedy discusses boundaries and self-care and how guilt, shame, and fear must be dealt with in order to love yourself. He explains how boundaries are beyond right and wrong. He explains how love of self is the foundation for loving everyone else.