The Connection with Marty Moss-Coane

Why do we feel a romantic connection with one person over another? Why do mothers so quickly bond with their newborn babies? Why do we feel so much for our pets? This hour, we explore the science of attachment with psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine. Levine is the author of Attached, which, a decade later is still a wildly popular book. He’ll explain the different attachment styles, what goes on in our brains when we feel that connection, and ways to strengthen our own relationships.

In 2010, then NPR host Michele Norris started “The Race Card Project.” Looking for honest conversations on race and identity, she left postcards wherever she went with the prompt “Race. Your Thoughts. Six Words. Please Send.” She got half a million response over 12 years, including You’re Pretty for a Black girl. White privilege, enjoy it, earned it. Lady, I don’t want your purse. Urban living has made me racist. I’m only Asian when it’s convenient. In her new book, Our Hidden Conversations, Norris reveals what Americans told her and the conversations on race, racism and identity that followed.

In More: A Memoir of Open Marriage, writer Molly Roden Winter chronicles the ups and downs of non-monogamy as a wife and working mother. We’ll talk with Roden Winter and her husband Stewart Winter about why they opened their marriage, some of the hurdles of polyamory, what they have learned about themselves and their 24-year marriage.

A growing number of Americans are living single – some by choice and others because they simply can’t find the right partner. We’re talking about embracing the single lifestyle and getting rid of the stigma attached to it. We’ll hear from two proponents who’ve found fulfilling, rich and purposeful lives without being in a traditional relationship. Peter McGraw, professor at the University of Colorado – Boulder, is the author of Solo, and Kris Marsh, professor at the University of Maryland, is the author of The Love Jones Cohort: Single and Living Alone in the Black Middle Class.

Authoritarianism is on the rise around the globe, the appeal spreading to even American voters. We’ll talk with Georgetown University professor Fathali Mogahddam, who grew up under a dictatorship, about why people are drawn to authoritarian leaders and how to break the spell. Also in the hour, the concept of authoritative parenting. We’ll talk about different parenting philosophies and how they influence children with Oberlin College professor of psychology Nancy Darling.

Physician Jeremy Nobel says loneliness is “the most human of feelings and a call to creative self-expression and connection.” His organization, The Foundation for Art and Healing, uses the arts to reconnect us with ourselves and other people. We’ll talk to Nobel about the power of creativity and about his new book, Project Unlonely. We’ll also look at music therapy as medicine. Whether playing an instrument, singing a song or listening to a favorite piece, music therapist Joke Bradt has found music can reduce pain among cancer patients and rebuild connections. She is the director of the Music, Creativity and Wellness Lab at Drexel University.

Ross Gay gave himself an assignment: notice something that gave him delight, write about it quickly and in longhand, every day for a year. His new book, The Book of (More) Delights is about paying attention to the world around him and being attuned to joy and gratitude. It’s a sequel to his bestselling The Book of Delights. Ross Gay joins us to talk about the connection between joy and sorrow, which he compares to the underground fungal networks of the forest. Gay teaches writing at Indiana University and grew up in Bucks County, a diehard fan of the 76ers. So we’ll also talk about his book length poem, Be Holding, an ode to Dr. J’s gravity-defying layup. [originally aired September 22]

We’re often told to learn from our mistakes. But Harvard Business School professor Amy Edmondson says not all failures are created equal. Edmondson argues in her new book, The Right Kind of Wrong, that there’s too much emphasis on the fear of failure or “fail fast, fail often” thinking, but what people should focus on is intelligent failures, the missteps that comes from smart, calculated risk-taking. We talk about how failing well can be the best way forward.

Anxiety feels terrible…the heart palpitations, nausea, sweaty palms, problems sleeping and concentrating, the overwhelming sense of danger or impending doom. No wonder we try to ignore it, control it or over-medicate to make it go away. The problem is that approach only makes matters worse. Harvard University psychologist David Rosmarin says we’re better off befriending anxiety then smothering it. Rosmarin is the founder of the Center for Anxiety and he joins us this Friday to discuss his new book, Thriving with Anxiety. He says we should think of anxiety as a smoke alarm which signals there’s a problem that needs fixing. Rather than banishing anxiety, we can use it to learn to live with uncertainty, connect with others and be more compassionate to ourselves.

We are exploring loss, grief, and death from two different perspectives in this week’s episode. We start with a mother who lost her daughter Adelaide to epilepsy just shy of her 4th birthday. Kelly Cervantes has written a guide to navigating loss, Normal Broken: The Grief Companion for When it’s Time to Heal But You’re Not Sure You Want to. Then, a palliative care physician on the lessons she’s learned supporting patients and their families through illness and at the end of life. Dr. Sunita Puri talks about reckoning with the impermanence of life and how to honor it.