The Connection with Marty Moss-Coane

Adam Grant says that perfectionists get three things wrong: they obsess about silly and insignificant details, they avoid taking risks that could lead to growth and they don’t learn from their mistakes because they’re too busy beating themselves up. Grant should know. He writes about his perfectionist tendencies in his new book, Hidden Potential: The Science of Achieving Greater Things. He says rather than striving for flawlessness, real achievement comes from making mistakes, putting yourself in uncomfortable and unfamiliar situations, standing up for your values, asking for advice, connecting with others and tapping into something he calls “harmonious passion.” Adam Grant joins us to talk about being a recovering perfectionist and how to unlock the hidden talents we all have.

Parenting doesn’t stop once children reach adulthood, but it certainly changes. One of the big questions parents wrestle with is — how much should I be involved in my adult child’s life….when they are in college, starting their careers, finding romantic partners, and needing financial support? We talk with Temple University psychology professor Laurence Steinberg, who has written a guide to parenting twenty and thirty-somethings called, You and Your Adult Child.

When Maia Szalavitz was in the throes of her drug addiction she was injecting speed balls, a mixture of heroin and cocaine, as much as 40 times a day. She is one of the lucky ones who survived her addiction, got good quality treatment and is now a journalist who covers addiction and drug policies. She joins us to talk about how trauma, temperament, despair and mental illness drive our drug epidemic and why the war on drugs has has been a colossal failure by criminalizing users and promoting myths and misconceptions about drug use. Her book, Undoing Drugs, is about the promise of a harm reduction approach to addiction which removes stigma and humanizes the users. It grew out of the activism of the AIDS crisis of the 1980’s. She writes that drug overdoses kill more Americans every year than guns and that it’s time to completely rethink our approach to policy and treatment.

Why do so many of us like to gossip? Are we just heartless, taking pleasure in other peoples’ misery by spreading malicious secrets or unsubstantiated rumors? Or is it more complicated than that? This episode, we explore the roots and reasons for gossip. One popular theory argues it’s part of our social evolution, helping our ancestors survive by sharing vital information about others and by creating connections between members of the group. But, there are downsides to gossip, especially when it’s done to gain status, get revenge or when it’s a lie. Our guests are linguist Deborah Tannen and social psychologist Frank McAndrew.

New York Times columnist David Brooks would be the first person to tell you he is a work in progress. In fact, he details his many shortcomings in his new book, How to Know a Person. He writes about his detached younger self saying, “I had the emotional capacity of a head of cabbage.” He believes he’s not alone; that many people are cut off from their emotions, feeling estranged from other people and themselves. David Brooks joins us to tell us what it takes to see someone for who they truly are and allow ourselves to be truly seen by others. Not surprisingly, it involves curiosity, empathy, vulnerability, generosity, and the ability to ask the right questions.

There is a lot of misinformation on the internet but why do so many people believe it? Dannagal Goldthwaite Young examines the supply side of the misinformation problem in her new book, Wrong: How Media, Politics, and Identity Drive Our Appetite for Misinformation. She explains how our psychology — our need to exert control and to belong — sets the stage for political leaders and media organizations to exploit our differences and divide us, making us more willing to believe things we know are false.

With the Israel-Gaza war in our thoughts, we are talking about trauma and the possibility of healing. Renowned psychiatrist Dr. James Gordon has studied trauma through his work in conflicts around the world, including Israel and Gaza and Ukraine. He’s worked with victims of natural disasters, school shootings, and many others who experienced enormous personal loss. Gordon joins us this episode to discuss how trauma affects the body, the power of the mind to heal, the importance of self-care and possibility of recovery.

PBS NewsHour co-host Amna Nawaz joined Marty last week before a live audience for a conversation about her life, career and being a journalist in contentious times. From her time at the University of Pennsylvania, to working beside Ted Koppel, covering the Afghanistan war and now co-hosting the NewsHour. She also shares thoughts on the role of journalism when facts are being contested and how she juggles work and family life.

We are often told to forgive and forget but philosopher Myisha Cherry says forgiveness isn’t always the answer. She joins us to talk about how we misuse forgiveness, its limitations and a better path for personal and societal healing. Her new book is, Failures of Forgiveness.

Many workplaces have instituted diversity, equity and inclusion training for their employees to help create a welcoming environment for everyone. These DEI programs have come under fire recently from some claiming they enforce liberal orthodoxies, including “wokeness.” They have also been criticized by researchers who question whether they are doing more harm than good or whether we even know whether they are effective or not? What is the best way to build cohesion in a diverse workforce and address bias on the job? Our guest is Harvard psychologist Robert Livingston who works as a diversity consultant and is the author of The Conversation: How Seeking and Speaking the Truth about Racism Can Radically Transform Individuals and Organizations. He says that stories are more powerful than data to foster understanding and build bridges across divides.