Healing Conversations for Men Who Have Sex with Men

Mark S. King is an award-winning blogger, author, and HIV/AIDS advocate. He is also very open about testing positive himself, and his blog, My Fabulous Disease, has been nominated for four consecutive GLAAD Media Awards, he was also awarded the National Lesbian and Gay Journalist Association’s “Excellence in Blogging” honor. He joins the show to talk about his perspective as a long-time survivor, and how he overcame his own addiction to meth. He tells his own story in a humorous and accessible manner and encourages others to do the same without shame or judgment.   TAKEAWAYS: [4:56] Mark discusses the first time he tried crystal meth in the 2000’s, and what that experience felt like. Much like other recreational drug use he thought it would be an escape valve, but it led to personality changes and destructive behavior. [11:27] After continued use, the circle of people Mark could be around got smaller and smaller, and he was in a cycle of either pursuing drugs, using them or recovering from them. [13:44] Addicts engage in behavior that can be very secretive, transactional, and manipulative. [15:12] Mark made the connection that his meth use affected every facet of his life, both physical and emotional. [16:12] People often say they wish someone a “slow recovery” because they know it takes time to recover and it may help to take some time just to understand what an impact the drug use had upon their life. [18:33] Relapse is often a normal part of recovery, and Mark notes how important it is not to treat it with shame and judgement. [22:04] Meth affects dopamine, which resets the desire state. People continue to chase the first great experiences and never quite recapture it. [26:12] Mark’s blog My Fabulous Disease provides a home base for others to share ideas about addiction, and shines a spotlight on others in recovery.   RESOURCES: My Fab Disease My Fabulous Disease   QUOTES: ● “I didn’t survive this long not to have a sense of humor about things.” ● “My mission statement is joy.” ● “My friends were transactional friends.” ● “I had to relapse for every classic reason someone relapses until I realized Oh, this affects everything.” ● “Addiction is trying to get back to that hot spot, if it ever existed.”

Matt Sharp has been a long term advocate in the field of HIV over the years and has become a nationally prominent voice speaking up for the issues that face people with HIV. Matt joins the show to discuss what has changed since the early days of the HIV epidemic, including both the positive changes and the challenges we still face. He also discusses his work with The Reunion Project, and how a town hall type meeting now is branching out to other affected areas in the nation serving the community as a method of support and education.   TAKEAWAYS: [1:19] Matt himself is a long-term HIV survivor and an independent HIV educator, advocate, and advocacy consultant. As a community activist, it is his job to involve himself not only with issues that directly affect him, but within his community at large. What began as work in treatment activism turned into discussing the science and research of treating HIV, along with the mental health components of those affected. [5:00] Dealing with HIV and educating those in the community is a 24/7 job and one where we must step in, mobilize and act. Much like a battle, it is impossible to fight alone. [8:22] Technology can be a strength and a barrier. We can use it to understand more data and research than ever before, along with connecting us with more support. However, it cannot take the place of actual deep human connection. [9:41] When we bridge our divides we become stronger. [14:15] Matt discusses the trauma and isolation that long time survivors face. Many of these survivors are now dealing with aging issues that can make them depressed, or even suicidal. [15:04] Matt talks about the movement they started in San Francisco, where they called a Town Hall meeting to really listen to people from all backgrounds and walks of life. They saw this as a gift to the community, and wanted to mobilize and grow into the awareness project it is today. [16:57] The Reunion Project identifies cities that may need help around projects on HIV and aging, and help the designated committee put together the town hall. This event boosts social interaction, community awareness and serves as an educational workshop. [23:34] When there are multiple generations involved, a meeting of the minds often ends up in arguments and pointing fingers. Matt and David remind us that when we strive to be positive and go towards the love, we can move in the direction of the future, and healing.   RESOURCES: NIH The Unintended Consequences of Aids Survival Test Positive Aware Network The Reunion Project Bristol-Myers Honoring Our Experience The Shanti Project   QUOTES: ● “I don’t relate to issues of youth, but I have to be aware of them.” ● “Clients often feel invisible and forgotten. To have someone acknowledge their experience is really huge.” ● “We still have people dying, and people that are very sick. I don’t think there is a realization that this is really happening.” ● “We have to learn how to shift our focus on positive rather than negative.” ● “When we focus on love, we move towards the future.”

Dr. Marilyn Volker, Sexologist for the past thirty-two years, Diplomat of the American Board of Sexology and Associate Fellow of The American Academy of Clinical Sexologists, joins the show today. Dr. Volker helped to establish the Health Crisis Network, Florida’s first community-based AIDS project and has educated thousands over the past 20 years about HIV/AIDS nationwide. Dr. Volker also helped to establish the first gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender youth group in Miami-Dade County in 1975. In this week’s episode, she talks about what it was like to be active in the frontlines of not only the HIV epidemic but dealing with sexual minorities. She addresses areas where we have made progress, and where we still have a lot of work to go. Dr. Volker shares humbling stories that are close to her heart of people turning struggle and fear into bravery, connection, and community.   TAKEAWAYS: [2:05] Dr. Volker began her career teaching deaf children and continues to work with special education programs and communities. [3:12] Dr. Volker’s family were way ahead of their time in the way they encouraged her and her siblings to value all people, and be proud of their own bodies. [4:02] In the 1970’s, four young gay teenage men showed Dr. Volker that they needed her assistance and support. They only met in what she refers to as the 5 B’s: bars, beaches, bathhouses in bookstores and bushes. They felt marginalized and scared, and they needed a group for their safety and self esteem. [8:51] Dr. Volker made it her life’s work to provide a safe place for LGBT people to go to discuss their fears and concerns. At first HIV was referred to as GRID, or gay-related immune deficiency. It was also thought to only affect people in the Four H categories: homosexual, Haitian, hemophiliac or heroin user. [12:22] In the early days of an HIV support call center there were two lines that came in, and the second line went either to the Gay Men’s Health Crisis Centers in New York or Los Angeles. There was very little training, and everyone was learning as they went. [15:55] Many of the sufferers felt alone, ashamed and unable to talk about what they were experiencing because of the stigma that surrounded being in both the LGBT community and being infected with HIV. [17:14] Despite the very little structure and education available at the time, Dr. Volker and her “dream team” stepped up and created a cultural shift in discussing and accepting human sexuality. [21:44] It was one of Dr. Volker’s greatest honors to help people express how they wanted to be remembered through the Quilt Project. In very painful circumstances these heroes showed tenderness and humor to still celebrate their life. [28:07] Dr. Volker is known as the “Condom Queen” or “Condom Lady” because she was always seen handing them out, or had them ready for anyone that may be interested. [29:17] What really helps people when they are scared and feeling lonely: faith, family, love, compassion and a sense of humor.   RESOURCES: International Institute of Clinical Sexology International Transgender Certification Therapist Certification Association besafemv@gmail.com   QUOTES: “Everyone is part of the dream team.” “It’s the shoulders we stand on.” “I can’t tell you how many people were willing to be visible so we can make these moves.” “Behind anger is so much fear.”  

Dr. David Fawcett welcomes Atticus Ranck, Health Programs and Supportive Services Manager for Bradbury-Sullivan LGBT Community Center and columnist for the South Florida Gay News. Atticus talks about his experiences with transitioning, gender dysphoria and euphoria, and what challenges he sees living as a trans man. Atticus also shares the privilege he experienced becoming a white man, and discusses the difference between gender identity and orientation.   TAKEAWAYS: [1:49] Atticus is the Health Programs and Supportive Services Manager for Bradbury-Sullivan LGBT Community Center in Allentown, PA. He does a lot of work with health disparities around LGBT people, including grants for tobacco, diabetes, and HPV related cancers. They also have a number of support groups and services, all of which are free and open to the community. [2:54] The trans narrative we so often hear in the media is that trans people have known since they were age 4, but the truth is that for many the story isn’t so clear cut. For Atticus, he was a tomboy growing up and discovered he was attracted to women at the age of 17, but didn’t start to transition until after college. [6:10] It was a few months after Atticus bought a STP, or Stand to Pee, that he started going by male pronouns and started hormone replacement therapy.  [7:09] In order to medically transition, you need a letter from a therapist that diagnoses you with gender dysphoria. Atticus started seeing a therapist at SunServe and needed to first address his alcohol addiction before getting the letter. [9:48] The hardest part of gender dysphoria for Atticus was waiting for the time to pass after he started the hormones but before he was recognized out in society as a male. [11:01] Gender euphoria means that it’s not always hating the body you were born in, it’s that you feel so much better in the other body that you identify with. [11:50] Atticus is as far as he would like to go in his transition, and found that running helped him process the emotions coming up during his difficult time. [15:37] Health care providers need better training on dealing with trans people, and there is a lot of red tape and bureaucracy trans people need to go through that others may not have to. [18:31] Gender identity and orientation are completely different, and Atticus describes why he identifies as Queer. [20:49] You don’t have to medically transition to identify as male or female, or trans. [23:53] Atticus has experienced the consciousness of both genders, and finds that there is a learning curve to getting acclimated to the white male privilege and the subtle differences happening both physically and mentally. [26:12] Trans people fare much worse on almost every statistic from suicide to poverty. Atticus reminds us that just because something may not directly affect us, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t stand up for the rights of others. [28:05] 57% of transgender youth attempt suicide. With family support that number can go down to 4%.   RESOURCES: South Florida Gay News World Professional Association for Transgender Health  SunServe Bradbury-Sullivan atticusranck@gmail.com   QUOTES: ● “For some of us, our story isn’t so clear cut.” ● “I have to be seen for the guy that I am.”  ● “I don’t think I could have gotten sober if I wasn’t seen as a man.” ● “It’s not so much that I hated being female, it’s that I love being male.” ● “I’m still learning that I can be assertive and people will listen. That is something that men sort of get.” ● “There’s good news when you just treat people how they ask to be treated.”

In the first episode of Sex, Love, and Addiction LGBTQ, Licensed Therapist and Sex Therapist Dr. David Fawcett welcomes special guest Terrence Crawford. Terrence directed the documentary Crystal City, an amazing piece that portrays a gripping yet hopeful look at the gay community and crystal meth use. Terrence discusses the statistics of crystal meth use in the gay community, explains the resurgence in use and the challenges he had in producing the documentary. Terrence also shares his intention in making the film, and resources where we can watch it and learn more.   TAKEAWAYS: [1:25] In the Crystal City documentary, we follow the lives of several gay men in New York City as they struggle with crystal meth and recovery. It is a powerful and hopeful story that Terrence can relate to as a recovering crystal meth addict himself. [3:12] Negative messaging is well intended, but typically serves to shame and stigmatize rather than really help the issue of meth addiction. [3:58] The number of gay men using crystal meth has tripled since 2010, and use brings risks such as stroke, heart attack, hypertension, overdose and increase of HIV as well as Hepatitis C and other STI’s. [5:52] When the Mexican cartels figured out how to make cheaper and more potent meth, it hit the streets worse than ever before. [6:58] Terrence would classify meth users into two categories: the meth user that can afford to purchase the drug, and the user that uses their sex appeal to sleep with the person that can afford the drug in order to continue their own use. [8:49] Crystal meth users can be high functioning and successful members of society, and Crystal City humanizes the users to show it can happen to anyone. [12:33] There is often shame associated with relapse in the 12 Step Programs, and the community is one of the most potent resources of support and connection. [14:30] Terrence felt it was an asset for him to have prior experience with crystal meth to understand the subject matter, and to be there for others without judgement while they invited him into their lives. [24:02] The film shows the history of just how long crystal meth has been around, how powerful it is, and that anyone can fall prey to addiction.   RESOURCES: Crystal City Seeking Integrity Sex and Relationship Healing National HIV Behavioral Surveillance Group Fail State Inside the FBI Brick City TV Cleveland International Film Festival   QUOTES: ● “I felt as a filmmaker that it was my responsibility to catalog my own experience and show people that there is an alternative to negative representations to addiction and recovery.” ● “It’s a community that deserves support and not condemnation.” ● “The way to healing is a bond and connection with other people.”