How Not To Suck At Divorce: Divorce Advice You Need To Hear

For those of you who are facing the holidays WITHOUT your kids, let us reassure that your feelings dread and sorrow are completely normal. Even if you're feeling mixed emotions, THAT'S completely normal.  It's a dramatic change from how things used to be. It can feel strange...empty...and just plain wrong.  We can promise you this: you WILL get through these holidays...even though they might be challenging.  Listen to this special re- air episode with our friend, Lisa McGregor, to hear her take on what she did to help herself get through those first few years...you hear Andrea weigh in as well- her take is a little different.    And here are some updated action steps from Andrea: Let yourself feel sad. Pretending you're okay when you're not does you no favors. Move your body. We're not asking you to run a mile, but we are asking you to go for a walk. Do something, anything. You don't need to go our and party all night, but grabbing a fresh Starbucks at least gets you out of the house.    And now, a word from our sponsors: Treat yourself to some new sheets, don't sleep on those same sheets you shared with your ex, YUCK. Cozy Earth is all about LUXURY!!  Visit : http://www.cozyearth.com and use code: HNTSAD to save 35%!!! Our Family Wizard is here to make coparenting EASIER. Visit: http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck to sign up for their FREE newsletter and learn our OFW can help YOU!   Join our private community! http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity And if you need to listen to our episodes privately: http://www.patreon.com/notquitereadyfordivorce  

**This episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce is sponsored by Better Health. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/NOTSUCK and get on your way to being your best self.** Why is it that we don't allow ourselves to grieve the loss of a relationship?? It's time we change that. We are chatting with Rebecca Feinglos, founder of Grieve Leave, an organization that makes grieving death, divorce, job loss, etc more accessible and without the STIGMA.  Rebecca has experience grief of several levels. Yes, she's been through a divorce. She's also lost both of her parents. Her mother died when she was young and her father recently died on the first day of the COVID-19 lockdown. She ended her marriage one year after her father died. So what, actually, is grieving?? How do you grieve? Do you have to grieve? How do you know if you are grieving?? Can you grieve if you wanted the divorce?? (yes, of course) In divorce, we often will grieve the loss of what could have been...the life that we thought we were going to have...   And what about our jobs and bosses understanding how to support you in your grief process?? And while we're on the topic, let's debunk the myth of the "5 Stages of Grief".  Look, friends, this phrase comes from a study that was performed in the 1970's and was centered around cancer paitents.  As it turns out, there are NOT "stages" of grief that you go through and then you magically "finish" the grief process. Sorry... grief is not linear. It's up and down, side to side, and is ongoing. Not everyday will be gutwrentching, but there's not "finish line". And for this reason, Grieve Leave exists. Grieve Leave offers virtual support groups for people managing the grief process. There are many different types of groups and whole lot more insight, guidance and community available. Visit them at: https://www.grieveleave.com .  You can also find them on social media at: http:www.instagram.com/grieveleave And now, a word from our sponsors: Soberlink offers alcohol montitoring in the most discreet way with the highest technology. Visit: http://www.soberlink.com/notsuck Our Family Wizard is here to make coparenting EASIER (isn't that nice??) Visit http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck to get access to their newsletter.   Thanks for being here, friends. Remember, we are here to support you in any way we can. If you are considering divorce and would like to be in our private community to listen to our episodes without downloading them to your device: join us here: http://www.patreon.com/notquitereadyfordivorce And if you want to join our free Facebook community, head here: http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity    

**This episode is sbrought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/NOTSUCK and get on your way to being your best self.**   Alright, here's the deal. Divorcing someone with a "type 2" personality disorder is NOT a walk in the park. AND there ARE things that you can do to help preserve your sanity... Let's start here: EXPECT IT TO SUCK. That may sound hard, but baby, if your marriage was a shitshow, so will your divorce. It'll be worth it, but it's gonna be a mental and emotional battle. So how do you go into war being as prepared as possible?   Arm yourself BOUNDARIES. Historically, type 2 personalites hate boundaries and rarely respect them, so it's crucial that you put strong ones in place that YOU can enforce. One suggestion that we have is to utilize a coparenting app, specifically, Our Family Wizard. Why? Because this app was designed to help high conflict coparents communicate LESS. Our Family Wizard is an easy to use app that will help you organize your parenting schedule, shared expenses, and even allow you and your ex exchange (what can be) court monitored messages. Now, please keep in mind that just because you use an app like Our Family Wizard DOES NOT MEAN THAT THE ABUSE WILL STOP. That's really important to note. However, using Our Family Wizard will allow you the ability to gain CONTROL. You can even establish the ONE time of day that you have to read (the obnoxious) messages from your ex. It's also the safest way for high conflict coparents to communicate...for those who are in a dangerously contentious situation.    Listen to the words of our guest, family law attorney, Katharine Rupp, who PERSONALLY uses OUR FAMILY WIZARD. This woman literally practices law and she herself has had experience with gaslighting, mental and emotional abuse. You're not crazy. You're not making this up.    You deserve to live a happier and healthier life. You need an exit stradegy. You need a plan. We are here to help you. If you are contemplating divorce and want a private community to ask questions, listen to our episodes WITHOUT them being downloaded to your phone and have access to BONUS conversations with experts,  please join our private group: https://www.patreon.com/NotQuiteReadyForDivorce   This episode is sponsored by Soberlink. If you are concerned about your coparents sobriety during their parenting time, please check out Soberlink :http:www.soberlink.com/notsuck And visit Our Family Wizard and sign up for their newsletter to get some tips and tricks that can make coparenting easier for you. :http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck You've got this. And we've got You.     

How do you know if you hired right divorce attorney for your case? This episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce is an inside peek into the minds and personalities of the top family law attorneys of New York City.    Introducing:  Michael Calogero https://www.cohenclairlans.com/attorneys/michael-calogero Lois Liberman https://www.blankrome.com/people/lois-j-liberman Nicky Rooz https://selwlaw.com/nicky-rooz/   Any divorce attorney can get you divorced, but who's going to the right person in your corner to help fight for what's most important to you and your children? In you're wondering: Which NYC divorce attorney has the best bedside manner? How do I know if I'm hiring the right divorce attorney? How much do divorce attorneys cost? How long will my divorce take?   Take a listen to this very special episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce! a word from our sponsors...   Our Family Wizard is here to make coparenting EASIER.  Free tips and guidance for those navigating a challenging coparenting relationship available for our of our listeners, head here: http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck For more support, join our private community on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity        

If you feel overwhelmed by money, this episode is for YOU. Financial advisor and author of Squeeze the Juice, Jennifer Lee, spends times with us to day to give our listeners some expert tips so that their divorce doesn't ruin them financially.    Here are some tips that can help you with getting a hold of your money: 1: Do a finanicial triage. (already overwhelmed???Jennifer is here to assist our listeners with this process) 2: Don't be an ostrich. (hiding your head in the sand will get you nowhere. Ask questions. Be brave and tell your attorney that you don't have all of the information they're asking you for. Bonus points if you're brave enough to contact Jennifer and ask a financial expert for help!!) 3: Don't give up on your money situation EVEN IF you made financial mistakes during your divorce process. Educate yourself and take BABY STEPS. Get curious about how you can improve your situation.    Jennifer's book, Squeeze the Juice, is a FABULOUS place to start educating yourself. This book is story based, so it helps readers wrap their arms around the lessons. Get it here: Squeeze the Juice Do NOT JUDGE YOURSELF for not knowing EVERYTHING (or anything) about your finances. Just ask for help. Don't leave money on the table.  Our listeners can do a FREE 15 call with Jennifer to see if can help you! https://calendly.com/Jennifermodernwealth   a word from our sponsors Our Family Wizard is here to make coparenting easier. Sign up for their FREE newsletter to get tips and tricks that can help you coparent better. http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck   For more support, join us in our private Facebook community! http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity    

It's what we all worry about the most in divorce: our kids.  Will my kids be okay after the divorce?  Will my divorce ruin my kids' lives? Is it fair to make my kids live in two houses? ****This is a special re air episode with Dr Randy Heller.  We talk about what's in our control in regards to our childrens' emotional and mental wellbeing during and after the divorce process. There's a lot to digest here, so listen when you have sometime to yourself. Biggest takeway: Your kids will be okay if you are okay. To reach Dr Randy Heller please visit https://familynetworkflorida.com/ For more support with families, check out Our Family Wizard. Our Family Wizard makes communication between coparents easier. Learn more at http://www.ourfamilywizard.com And please, join our private community for more support and guidance. http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity

How do you prepare if your divorce case is heading to trial? What are the steps that occur BEFORE your case heads to trial? What's the the difference between a trial and a hearing? What happens in pre trials/mini trials?? It's important that your attorney gives you realisitc expectations so that you know what a postive outcome would be, and what a "less than ideal" outcome would be. This way, you can be mentally and emotionally prepared. And remember, whereas we don't recommend switching attorneys right before you head into trial, but you CAN hire an attorney for an hour of their time to review your case. Meaning, if you want a second set of eyes on the results of your pre trial hearing- you can and should do that! It's money well spent. And if you do this, go with a good attorney- spend a little extra and get the best of the best to review your case. It will be money well spent.  3 Action Steps YOU can take to help you best prepare for trial: Know the risk/reward If you have a trial set- ask your attorney to prep with you (how to answer questions, etc) Ask for a plan for a trial (know what to expect!) And please excuse Andrea's cough...she's still recovering from Bronchitis. And send in your self care tips for both girls...they can use them! And now, a word from our sponsors: Soberlink offers peace of mind for coparents if there's a concern of alcohol use during parenting time. Visit: www.soberlink.com/notsuck Our family wizard is here to make coparenting easier. Check them out to see if Our Family Wizard can help you. Visit: www.ourfamilywizard.com We know that heading into trial is already a less than ideal situation. If your case is heading to trial and you want a second set of eyes on your case, reach out to get some names of attorneys to review your case. We're happy to help.  Join our private community for more support. www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity And if you're enjoying our show, we would SO APPRECIATE a 5 star rating and review! The ratings and reviews help us book the expert guests you deserve. We love and appreciate every single one of you. Thank you for allowings us into your homes/cars/minds/hearts. You've got this and we've got you!

Introducing: The Real Divorce Attorneys series- a spin off of How Not to Suck at Divorce.  This series offers an exclusive sneak peek into the minds and personalites of family law attorneys to help you discover who might be the right fit for you. Today, we are introducting you to 4 of Chicago's TOP divorce attorneys. This episode gets crazy, so buckle up! And if you're already midway through your divorce process...or not in the Chicago area, fear not, this episode will give you a fresh prespective on your case, and probably make you laugh! We're covering: How much money will my divorce cost me? How long will my divorce take? Who's the best divorce attorney in Chicago? Best attorney in Chicago to counter a narcissist? To reach out to the attorneys you heard on today's episode, head here: Brian Blitz: https://www.bergerschatz.com/attorneys/brian-j-blitz/ Melissa Caballero Dunn: https://www.merelfamilylaw.com/attorneys/melissa-caballero-dunn/ Jessica Interlandi: https://www.sdflaw.com/team/detail/Jessica-bank-interlandi/bio Scott Kramer: https://www.gmrfamilylaw.com/scott   And make sure you check out Our Family Wizard if you need extra support with coparenting. http://www.ourfamilywizard.com   Join our private community for more insight and community! http:www.facebook.com/thehownotosuckatdivorcecommunity

  Did you know there's an actual process that helps unhappy couples decide whether divorce is the right move??? We are releasing this re-air episode today because it's important to talk about options. Divorce is NOT the answer for every couple, and a lot of you are wondering, "is divorce right for me?" So, sit back, have an open mind...and take a listen.  ***************************************************************************************** Would you benefit from Discernment Counseling? This week, we find out. The founder of discernment counseling, Dr. Bill Doherty, joins us on the podcast. Not only did Dr. Doherty develop a specific type of counseling for couples where one is considering divorce, he's also been on Oprah not just once, but twice! From Harpo to How Not To Suck At Divorce, Dr. Doherty is moving up in the world, that's for sure. Discernment counseling is when one person is leaning OUT of the relationship and considering divorce and the other person is leaning IN and wants to try to make things work. This type of counseling gives people clarity and confidence based on a deeper understanding of what has happened in the marriage. Dr. Doherty answers the questions: What is discernment counseling? Does discernment counseling solve problems in the marriage? What are the differences between couples therapy and discernment counseling? How long is discernment counseling? What are the three paths of discernment counseling? How do I know if we should try couples therapy or discernment counseling?   Stay until the end because Dr. Doherty blows the lid off traditional therapy and tells us he favorite type of wine (you won't believe his answer).    You can find Dr. Bill Doherty and search for a local discernment counselor at discernmentcounselors.com.   Please hit the 5 stars in your podcast app, we need the external validation, but more importantly, it helps our podcast show up in searches so we can help those who are struggling through the divorce process.    Remember, you got this and we got you.   Slide into our dms, we love hearing from you! @theandrearappaport @divorceattorneychicago

***Listen carefully to learn what MUST go in your parenting agreement!! This is a special re air from a few seasons ago!   Shana Tova to those who celebrate!   *********   This is no episode for babies (no offense, babies). We're getting into some real, REAL stuff in this episode. This is one of the biggest concerns our listeners have so we wanted to dedicate an entire episode to how to put your kiddos first in your parenting agreement. Today, we have therapist Dr. Malissa Tigges with us to talk about how to create a parenting agreement that prioritizes the welfare of your kids. Dr. Tigges is a licensed clinical and forensics psychologist with over 10 years of experience working as a psychotherapist and an evaluator. She helps people make the best decisions possible when developing their parenting agreements. Dr. Tigges, Morgan and Andrea answer: What do divorcing couples need to understand when putting together their parenting agreement? How to design the parenting agreement so it's appropriate at each age of the children. The biggest mistake divorcing couples make when creating their parenting agreement. What is the main difference of a parenting plan that involves a younger child vs. a teenager? Can you modify a parenting agreement? Who should you consult with to ensure your parenting agreement is the best for your child? Should you open the parenting agreement email after having a few drinks? What is co-parenting therapy and is it necessary? What do you do when your rights are being violated during the divorce process when you're drafting the parenting agreement? What's the best schedule for co-parenting? 50/50? Week on, week off? Every other weekend? The answer may upset you, but it's important to understand. Is there wiggle room in a parenting agreement if there's a special trip or long weekend planned? Dr. Tigges also shares her absolute "must-dos". Here is where you can connect with Dr. Tigges: @drmalissatigges on instagram, tiktok and facebook Dr. Tigges is licensed in Florida but if you're not in Florida, your state may allow you to do telehealth with Dr. Tigges so if you need guidance, reach out! OBSESSED: This week Andrea is obsessed with a non-medicated inhaler that has been scientifically proven to calm anxiety. It's called CalmiGo. It measures how much air you exhale and will vibrate when you exhale properly to help you regulate your breathing. It helps Andrea feel more grounded and has made her realize how shallow she typically breathes during the day. It's genius. CalmiGo sent the inhaler to Andrea after she posted the instagram reel of the time she was in the hospital for a panic attack. But please know, we do not recommend products just because we got one free. We will only recommend products we truly love and use.  And this is one of those, for sure. If you go to Andrea's IG and click the link in her bio, you'll get a $30 off coupon. Don't miss the very end of the episode because we talk about how it has just been discovered that honey bee venom can kill breast cancer cells. Amazing! There's also a new study on a possible cure for lupus and other autoimmune diseases AND, new developments on slowing the progression of Alzheimer's. We love ending the show with some positivity :) To our one listener in Honduras, we see you and adore you. Thank you for being here with us. xo We'd love to know what you think of the show! Please email us at hello@hownottosuckatdivorce.com or dm us at: @theandrearappaport @divorceattorneychicago You can also reach out to us through our website: www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com We read every message and reply personally because our community means the world to us and we want you to know we're here for you. You got this and we got you.