How Not To Suck At Divorce: Divorce Advice You Need To Hear

WOW. This episode is powerful.  If you're new to our show, welcome. On How Not to Suck at Divorce, we walk you through the divorce process from "I think I want a divorce" to "I'm divorced, now what?!" and EVERYTHING that happens between. For many of us, our divorce comes with a "healthy" dose of trauma. Now, this term is certainly a buzz word right now that's often misused, so listen closely as our special guest, trauma therapist, Lauren Auer, digs into what trauma really is and how you can begin to heal from it. Heard the phase, "the issue's in the tissues"? Well, that's becuase trauma tends to make a little home in our bodies and gets so damn comfortable that it doesn't want to leave. For this reason, traditional talk therapy doesn't always "do the trick" to subside the symptoms of trauma...(more on thse symptoms in the episode!). Techniques like EMDR and Brainspotting can be quite helpful will working through a trauma block. On this episode, Lauren walks Andrea through a brainspotting exercise and it's...powerful.   This episode will help you learn some tricks that you can apply EASILY to help yourself when you're feeling overwhelmed with anxiety and panic, as a result from trauma. To reach Lauren and learn more about her services, you can find her here: https://steadfastcounseling.com And to find her on IG to watch her viral reels and techniques, head here: https://instagram.com/steadfastcounseling   And now, a word from our sponsors... If your coparent is adding to the TRAUMA in your day, then friend, please check out Our Family Wizard. At Our Family Wizard, they strive to make coparenting easier...even for the biggest PIA cases. https://www.ourfamilywizard.com   We are here for you. You can do this. Come join our community.  https://www.facebook.com/thehownotosuckatdivorcecommunity

Morgan is sick tonight but Andrea is holding down the fort over here at How Not to Suck at Divorce headquarters and joining her are the hosts of the Dirty Laundry podcast, Amanda Silver and Alex Howard. Amanda and Alex are both mediators in Toronto and they blow Andrea's mind on this episode with all of the wild ways that Canadian divorces are different than divorces here in the United States. Did you know that Canadians must have a period of separation before even filing for a divorce? And if you've ever googled: Are attorney assisted divorces as common in Canada as it is in the United States? What does mediation look like in Canada? How long does a divorce process take in Canada? What's the role of a mediator in Canada? Do Canadians really love maple syrup that much? Then you FOR SURE want to take a listen to this episode! If you're in the Toronto area and Amanda and Alex caught your attention (and we're sure they did) here's how you can reach them!!  http://www.midtownmediation.ca  To reach Alex https://www.foresthillmediation.com To reach Amanda   And if you needing more support with your difficult coparent, we got you! Go check out our friends at Our Family Wizard. http://www.ourfamilywizard.com   See you guys next week! (and don't worry, Morgan will be back!!)      

Spolier Alert: If you don't want to hear about life after divorce, this episode is NOT for you. What happens if you meet someone you really love after being divorced?  At what point to decide to blend your lifes? And what about the kids??   We need a roadmap on blending familes. How to do it. When to do it. How to have the right coversations. Who to have those conversations with and when do you have them....and the list goes on! On this very special episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, we are talking all things blending families (for a very special reason, which you'll hear about in the episode). To help us navigate these waters, we brought in blending families expert, Mr Ron Deal. (or as we call him, "Ron BIG Deal").  Ron has written NINE books on the subject, and let me tell you, this guy is the REAL DEAL...not just the "big deal"!! This episode will teach you the magic of making stew. Family stew, that is. (more on that in the episode) If you've ever wondered if it's possible to blend families with children of different ages, this episode is for you.   If you're feeling anxious about getting remarried because you're wondering how your kids will reaact, this episode is for you.   Listen, lean back, take a breath, and learn. To find Ron online and his library of books, head here :http://smartstepfamilies.com   To join our private communites, check us out here: http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity   Sending you all so much love and hope for what's possible!  

You've got questions and we've (err, Morgan) has answers! We're covering supervised visits, attorneys not prioizing your case, nesting, mediation, and how to talk to your kids, and feeling like an a$$hole for wanting to leave an unhappy marriage but not neccassrily a "bad" marriage...   To recap one of the most common questions, which has to do with wanting a clear game plan from your attorney, follow these steps: 1) Ask your attorney for a face to face or at least a phone call to discuss the PLAN 2) At the end of the meeting, ask for a recap with next steps3) Ask for a realistic timeline and the areas where waiting for a court date/hearing back from opposing counsel could play a role into said timeline 4)Ask when you should follow up   So if you've wondered "am I terrible person for wanting a divorce?" or "how can I make sure my ex doesn't get unsupervised visits with my kids?" Or if you've googled, "How can I get my divorce attorney to care about my case?" or "Should I try nesting?" then you want to listen to this episode.   And remember this, whereas it's not criminal to be unhappy in your marriage, it IS criminal to REMAIN unhappy in your marriage. Look at your feelings. Look at your thoughts. Explore those.  Talk to your partner, go to therapy and WORK towards happiness, whether that's getting a divorce or not.    And now, a word from our sponsors:   Soberlink is here to help coparents who are struggling with an alcohol dependence. It's a discreet device that can ensure that you are parenting safely. Vist:soberlink.com/notsuck And Our Family Wizard is a revolutionary coparenting app that's dedicated to making coparenting easier, no matter how hard your ex SUCKS. Visit: http://www.ourfamilywizard.com   And join our private communites! http://www.patreon.com/hownottosuckatdivorce.com to listen to our episodes without it being downloaded to your device and http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity for support and laughs!   You've got this and we've got YOU.  

It's our freaking 75th episode!!! So let's talk about mortgages, baby!   We've got Sam Sharp, celebrity mortgage broker, here to give you insider information on interest rates, credit scores..and everything you need to know regarding refinancing or getting a brand new mortgage. So if you're wondering why interest are so damn high right now, this episode is for YOU! How important is your credit score?? Well, no shocker that it's VERY important. Make sure you listen to this episode to learn what you can do to improve your score. (and did you know that a credit score for a mortgage is different from a regular credit score??) Listen to the experts, don't DIY this stuff! All of our US listeners are welcome to reach out Sam, you can find him here: http://www.samsharp.com http://www.instagram.com/samsharp_guaranteedrate Meanwhile, Andrea is OVER her fatass, her words!! But what's with our butts growing with age??? Jeez, like we don't have enough problems!! And now, a word from our sponsor: Our Family Wizard is here to help you STOP TEXTING YOUR EX. No more more fighting on the phone over money issues or parenting time problems!! Go check our Our Family Wizard! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com Join our private communites! To listen to our episodes without having them downloaded to your device, head over to patreon! http://www.patreon.com/hownottosuckatdivorce.com And come hang out with us in our free Facebook community! Get more knowledge, more insight and more laughs http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity

Well, here the F we go.  The 5 biggest mistakes I (Andrea) made during my divorce. Mistake #1: Marrying the wrong person. Ignoring ALL of the red flags. Ignoring my gut. HUGE mistake. Mistake #2: Not having the right tools to think LOGICALLY, therefore functioning from a sheer emotional place Mistake #3: Hiring the wrong attorney for my case Mistake #4: Signing a parenting agreement without consulting a child therapist Mistake #5: Not having realistic expectations   This is a big episode. As uncomfortable as it is to be this vulnerable, it's more important that everyone know the mistakes that are SO easy to make that can cost you money, time with your kids, and a lot of mental sanity. One mistake that I DIDN'T make was recogizing that my mental health was suffering towards the end of the divorce and that the "juice wasn't with the squeeze" on several issues...walking away and being done CAN be right decision for many in the divorce process. However, you ALWAYS want to follow the guidance of your attorney. Which is why ALL ROADS LEAD BACK TO HIRING THE RIGHT ATTORNEY FOR YOUR CASE!   Don't forget, the first person to DM us from this episode gets a homemade chocolate chip banana bread (Morgan's fav) shipped right to their door!! (US and Canada listeners only!...sorry to our 1 listener in Honduras, but we still love you) Lean on us. We're here to get you through this mess. And so are our sponsors. Need help with alcohol monitoring during parenting time? Soberlink has your back.  http://www.soberlink.com/notsuck Want to make coparenting a whole lot easier? Check out Our Family Wizard. http://www.ourfamilywizard.com   Join our private communites. If you need to listen to our episodes WITHOUT them being uploaded to your familes' icloud, join our Patreon community for private listening AND bonus episodes. http://www.patreon.com/hownottosuckatdivorce.com And please join our free support group! http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity   We love you guys! See you next week. 

Can you have boundaries with your narcissitic ex??? The million dollar question, right?? The answer is that boudaries live within YOU. You don't need someone else's cooperation or approval- you just need to enforce the boundaries you set (which is the hard part) So today we are chatting with Katherine McNichol, a Ontario based therapist who's here to teach us about setting and enforcing boundaries.  You might know Katherine from her hilarious IG account (http://www.instagram.com/katherinemcnichol.com) ! If you haven't checked out her account yet- GO! Her memes are so damn funny.  So what's the process for setting boundaries with a narc?? 1) Set the boundary by telling them "This conversation is to discuss _______________" 2) When they attempt to change the subject (even if it's by throwing a jab at your expense) you can say, "I hear the you want to discuss ________________ and we can do that at another time, but right now we are talking about ___________. 3) Set the boundary. "This conversation is to talk about ______________. If you keep bringing up ___________,I'm going to need to end this conversation." 4) When that boundary that you just set is crossed- END THE CONVERSATION. The boundary does not exisit unless you enforce it. If you're interested with working with Katherine, please visit: http://www.kiruwellness.com and remember to check out her IG page for daily tips!!  And now, a word from our sponsor: If you are in need of coparenting support you NEED to check out Our Family Wizard. They are here to make even the most high conflict situations a lot easier. Visit them at: http://www.ourfamilywizard.com And remember, we have private communites for you to join! If you need to listen to our episodes privately, please check out: http://www.patreon.com/hownottosuckatdivorce.com and don't forget about our private FB community! http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity

Hard fact: some coparents suck. Hard truth: there IS something you can do about it.  The coparenting app, Our Family Wizard, is a favorite tool for both parents and divorce professionals. Why? Becuase it offers a PLETHORA of options to help you NOT SUCK at coparenting with someone who...sucks. Now, you may be familiar with Our Family Wizard as a tool to have court monitored conversations with your high conflict coparent BUT DID YOU KNOW that: 1) Our Family Wizard is not JUST for high conflict coparents 2) There are a TON of additional features on Our Family Wizard (beyond the messaging) that will actually help you MORE than the court monitored messaging. (hint: the more you use these other features, the less you'll rely on the messaging feature!) You NEED to listen to this episode if you're stuggling with coparenting. Trust. It WILL help you. And also, if Our Family Wizard is good enough for celebrites to use (Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Kelly Clarkson, Lala Kent, Jeff Lewis...just to name a few...) then it's good enough for YOU. You're welcome. Also, don't be the a$$hole who eats onion sandwiches on a train. Especially not around Morgan. And send snacks for Andrea's son, Oliver...he's still hungry and hiding all of this food under his bed.   And now, a word from our sponsor: Soberlink is here is assist families who are struggling with alcohol addicition that can be a danger during parenting time. To get help, please visit: http://www.soberlink.com/notsuck   And don't forget to join our private communites! To listen to Bonus Episodes and listen to all of shows without a record of you downloading them, go to: http://www.patreon.com/hownottosuckatdivorce.com And you're looking for a community, we've got a GREAT one for you to join! http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity Coparents might not, but you don't have to suck at dealing with them. You've got this...and we've got you. -Andrea and Morgan    

Not only did your marriage not work out, but now your divorce attorney isn't working out!! aaahhh!! What now?!? Well, on this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce we are going to talk you through how to switch divorce attorneys, so listen up! If you're googling: I hate my divorce attorney How to not lose all of my money in my divorce? Can you switch attorneys mid divorce? How to switch divorce attorneys? You want to listen to what we have to say!!   There's a checklist we are going to take you through to ensure that you know EXACTLY where you stand with your current counsel, what you SHOULD be getting from them, when to know if it's time to switch things up, and finally, HOW to do it!! To get your hands on our "Before You Swtich Attorneys" PDF, head to our IG page and visit our bio line! www.instagram.com/hownottosuckatdivorce Meanwhile, Morgan is stil being tormented by people using speaker phone in public and Andrea is losing her mind over group text messages!!   And if you're stuggling with coparenting ON TOP of dealing with the headache of attorneys, take a second and visit Our Family Wizard. Our Family Wizard was created to help make coparenting easier- even in the most difficult cases. http://www.ourfamilywizard.com   And remember, support is just a click away! Join our private groups below! http://www.patreon.com/hownottosuckatdivorce.com http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity

It's the season FOUR premiere!!!  We are SO excited to bring you an AMAZING season of advice, divorce tips, and of course, a lot of LAUGHS. AND...we have a brand new segment! Forget "OBSESSED", and welcome to "OVER IT", our time to share what's driving us NUTS...it's sure to bring you some much needed humor!  Starting with Morgan's strong aversion to people using their speaker phone setting in public places...meanwhile, Andrea says, "bring in ON!", (just make sure your friend of family member enunciates).  Today's episode highlights the story of Jessica Frew's marriage, divorce, and her BEAUTIFUL life (and relationship with her ex), post divorce. If you don't yet know her, do yourself a favor and go follow her : www.instagram.com/heyjessicafrew . Jessica is the host of the popular, Husband in Law, podcast where she, her current husband, and her ex husband tell their story. We don't want to "spill the tea" here in the shownotes, so you're going to have to listen to this episode to hear all about Jessica's experience and how she so gracefully navigated the major changes in her life AND how she helps other women do the same.  Check Jessica's coaching groups out here: http://www.theboldlogic.com And, here are some shoutouts to our season 4 sponsors!! If you or your ex spouse is struggling with alcohol and you have concerns about being sober during parenting time, please visit: http://www.soberlink.com/notsuck for $50 off a device And please, if you are navigating a high conflict divorce and need a safe and effective way to communicate with your coparent, please visit http://www.ourfamilywizard.com As always, take deep breaths. Move your body, and find a way to laugh EVERY SINGLE FREAKING DAY.  You've got this, and we've got you.  Join our FREE community : http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity And to listen to our episodes PRIVATELY and get access to BONUS interviews, join us here: http://www.patreon.com/hownottosuckatdivorce.com