How Not To Suck At Divorce: Divorce Advice and Relatable Humor

This episode is especially helpful if you’re searching for:How to prepare for divorce without filingEmotional separation before divorceHow to survive the holidays before divorceWhat is a silent divorce?How to tell your spouse you want a divorce (but not yet)Divorce timing strategyHow to protect kids during separationIf you’re quietly planning your next chapter, this one is for you.In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport dive deep into the concept of the silent divorce: the unofficial, emotional separation that happens when one or both partners know the marriage is ending, but they're not ready to officially file yet.If you're feeling emotionally checked out, unsure of timing, scared of disrupting the holidays, or stuck in a “limbo marriage,” this episode helps you understand what a silent divorce is, the signs you're in one, and most importantly : what to DO about it.Andrea and Morgan break down two scenarios:1️⃣ When both spouses know divorce is coming but are waiting.2️⃣ When only one spouse knows, and the other has no idea.You’ll hear practical guidance, emotional support, and legal strategy to help you prepare without panicking, protect your kids, and avoid major divorce mistakes.Plus, you’ll hear hysterical QuickBooks chaos, psychic readings on Oak Street, and a glamorous side quest to the Waldorf Astoria. Classic HNTSAD energy.What You’ll Learn in This Episode:✔ What a “silent divorce” actually isHow emotional withdrawal and parallel living become the early stage of divorce long before filing papers.✔ Signs you’re in a silent divorce– Minimal communication– Loss of intimacy– Roommate vibes– Emotional loneliness– Avoidance of conflict– No partnership energy✔ If both partners know divorce is comingDo this:Keep things predictableSet temporary boundaries (separate bedrooms, shared spaces, routines)Treat this time as preparation, not limbo✔ If only you know divorce is comingDo this:Understand your secrecy is not deceit — it’s strategyConfide in only ONE trusted personStart preparing emotionally, financially, and legally✔ Why timing matters (especially during the holidays)Morgan explains why the holiday season is almost never the right moment for a divorce announcement — legally, strategically, and emotionally.Andrea shares how to survive the “holiday performance pressure” without pretending everything is perfect.✔ How to handle parenting when you're silently divorcingSimple scripts, routines, and communication tips to help keep kids grounded and minimize emotional fallout.✔ The #1 thing that reduces divorce fear: preparationFear = confusionConfidence = clarityThis episode shows you how to take the first steps safely, smartly, and privately.“A silent divorce is not a selfish move — it is a strategic move.”“You don’t have to file today to start preparing for tomorrow.”“Secrecy isn’t deceitful — it’s careful.”“A silent divorce is a temporary solution, not a long-term fix.”“Preparation reduces panic.”Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago

Emotions don’t win in divorce court — facts and strategy do. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, divorce attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian-turned-divorce-advocate Andrea Rappaport walk you through how to negotiate your divorce like a pro using their THINK framework:T – Take the emotion out of itH – Have realistic non-negotiablesI – Identify their pain pointsN – Negotiate from facts, not feelingsK – Keep your BATNA in mind (your best backup plan)If the idea of mediation, settlement conferences, or sitting across from your ex makes you want to hide in a hole, this episode is your game plan. You’ll learn how to work with your lawyer instead of against them, what’s actually realistic to ask for, how to use what you know about your ex as legal leverage, and why clinging to your emotions can cost you big money, time, and sanity.Whether you’re just starting your divorce, heading into mediation, or trying to wrap up a long, exhausting case, this episode will help you stay out of court if possible, save money, and make smarter decisions for you and your kids.In This Episode, We Cover:Why “facts win” in divorceHow emotions spiral, stories get twisted, and why judges and mediators care about documents, numbers, and timelines — not drama.T = Take the emotion out of itAndrea’s “Ziploc bag and freeze your feelings like a 2018 pot roast” strategyHow to notice when you’re triggered in mediation (hello, Brenda and Chad)What to say to your lawyer when you’re about to lose it — and when to zip it and let them speak for youH = Have realistic non-negotiablesThe difference between must-haves and nice-to-havesWhy “I want 100% custody” usually isn’t realisticHow to decide which holidays, financial terms, or parenting provisions are truly non-negotiableMorgan’s example of a client who refused to accept any end date on maintenance — and why that was realistic in her caseI = Identify their pain pointsHow to “play detective” and figure out what your ex really cares about (ego, money, reputation, time with kids, a specific property, etc.)Morgan’s story of using a husband’s obsession with a particular property to get her client more money on the balance sheetWhy negotiation is less about what you want and more about what motivates themN = Negotiate from facts, not feelingsWhy you should write your facts in clear bullet points, not emotional paragraphsHow “friend of the family” promises and verbal side deals (hi, John 🙃) don’t count in courtThe power of real numbers and real documents: appraisals, bank statements, incomes, and written offersK = Keep your BATNA in mindWhat BATNA actually means in divorce: Best Alternative to a Negotiated AgreementHow to think about your “backup plan” if mediation doesn’t work — i.e., what a judge is likely to do with your factsWhy knowing your BATNA calms panic, helps you avoid low-ball offers, and keeps you from spending more on legal fees than you stand to gainWhen it’s actually smarter to stop fighting, accept a good-enough deal, and go homeWhat to really expect from mediationWhy the first day of mediation often feels “wasted” and why it’s actually valuable intelHow good lawyers use mediation to study your ex, learn their triggers, and refine strategyWhy mediation that “fails” still teaches your lawyer how to help you at the next stageHow to use your lawyer the right wayWhat to ask your attorney when you’re overwhelmed: “If this were your life, what would you do?”How to talk honestly about risk, cost, and realistic outcomesWhy you should stop trying to be the lawyer and let your lawyer do their actual jobEmotions are valid, but they don’t belong at the negotiation table.Work with your lawyer to define realistic non-negotiables based on the law, not just your fear or anger.Use what you know about your ex’s insecurities and priorities as strategic leverage.Facts, numbers, and written offers win in divorce — not stories, verbal promises, or assumptions.Always know your BATNA (what likely happens in court) so you’re not negotiating from panic.Mediation rarely feels “pretty,” but it’s almost always cheaper, faster, and less emotionally damaging than court.You are not supposed to already know how to do this — that’s why you have a lawyer and your divorce besties, Andrea & Morgan.We are truly engaged with Truly Engaging cards. It's THE BEST way to remain connected with your community. Use code: NOTSUCKTE to get 10% off your order and ask to have Alisiah help you!! www.trulyengaging.comOur Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Join the private communities!The How Not to Suck at Divorce CommunityThe How Not to Suck at Life AFTER DIVORCE CommunityInstagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago

If you want the real truth about divorce, buckle up. In this episode, Andrea and Morgan deliver the unfiltered, uncomfortable, absolutely-necessary truths your lawyer wishes you understood…but might be too afraid to say directly.From how the legal system really works to why your expectations are sabotaging your sanity, this episode is the wake-up call you need if you’re navigating divorce, co-parenting, or even just preparing for that dreaded Thanksgiving dinner with your very opinionated family.This one is honest, hilarious, a little unhinged (hi Andrea), and packed with strategic guidance that will help you avoid major mistakes.What You’ll Learn in This Episode1. Nothing in divorce is “fair” — and why that mindset will destroy youThe legal system doesn’t care about fairness. It’s designed for equitable distribution, not emotional justice.2. Stop expecting the legal system to deliver revengeMorgan breaks down why the courts aren’t built to punish your ex — even when you deeply (and correctly) feel they deserve it.3. Lower your expectations, raise your strategyWhy your expectations are often unrealistic, what “the range” actually means in divorce outcomes, and how lowering your expectations protects your mental health and your wallet.4. Know the law where you actually live (yes, geography matters)Andrea reminds listeners that different states = different standards. Don’t guess. Don’t Google. Ask your lawyer to explain what’s realistic where YOU live.5. Stop focusing on your ex — focus on YOUYour ex won’t suddenly transform into a better human mid-divorce. (Brenda does not become Glinda.) Focus on your responses, your regulation, and your strategy.6. Backseat drivers & Thanksgiving disastersHow to shut down intrusive family commentary (“That’s not fair!”) and exactly what to say at the holiday table when everyone wants details about your divorce.7. Your kids will hurt — but they will be OKAndrea shares her own emotional story about her first Thanksgiving without her kids, and how focusing on what she could control changed everything.8. Do NOT fire off emotional textsUse a communication app like OurFamilyWizard to protect yourself legally and emotionally — especially with the ToneMeter feature that stops you from sending something you’ll regret. Hard Truths from This EpisodeThe legal system is not designed to make you feel better.Your ex won’t change just because you’d like them to.Your attorney isn’t your therapist.Fairness is not a legal standard. Equitable is.Focusing on your ex keeps you stuck.You are responsible for asking your lawyer the right questions.Your expectations need to be realistic, not emotional.⏱️ Timestamps00:00 — Hard truth: nothing about divorce is “fair”00:05 — Why the legal system will NOT give you justice or revenge00:21 — Show intro01:12 — Morgan’s chaotic morning + the freight elevator monkey situation02:38 — Why a small client gift boosted the entire legal team03:26 — Andrea’s shocking weekend text to Morgan04:30 — Kim Kardashian’s “All’s Fair”: Andrea’s surprising review05:36 — HARD TRUTH #1: Lower your expectations08:43 — How to “bet on yourself” when everything feels unstable10:08 — The client who saved millions by lowering expectations10:58 — Best case vs worst case vs realistic outcomes12:11 — HARD TRUTH #2: Nothing about this will feel fair14:48 — What “equitable” actually means in divorce17:02 — The danger of getting stuck in unfairness mindset18:39 — How to handle family’s opinions during holiday gatherings20:47 — HARD TRUTH #3: The system is not built for revenge22:02 — HARD TRUTH #4: Stop focusing on your ex’s behavior22:40 — Letting go of trying to “teach lessons”24:39 — Why your ex won’t suddenly improve during divorce25:50 — HARD TRUTH #5: Focus on YOU, not Brenda27:17 — Why lawyers don’t tell you these things directly28:49 — What to say at Thanksgiving to shut down nosy relatives31:05 — Andrea’s raw story of her first kid-free Thanksgiving33:22 — The “body shot off Dad” moment (you know it’s coming)34:52 — Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint35:26 — Resources, guides & community linksThis episode is your permission to drop the guilt, stop white-knuckling the process, and start approaching your divorce with clarity, strategy, and self-compassion.If you’re going through a divorce right now — especially a high-conflict one — this is the episode you can’t skip.Rate, review, and share to help someone who needs it.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago

If you’re in the middle of a divorce and constantly asking yourself “WHY is this happening?”, this episode is about to save you money, misery, and a whole lot of emotional tailspinning.This week, Andrea and Morgan dive deep into the question that can either move your divorce forward—or completely derail you: WHY.When is asking why strategic?And when is it a waste of attorney fees (or your sanity)?To help break it all down, we’re joined by Cary J. Mogerman, one of the most respected divorce attorneys in Missouri. Cary brings decades of experience, a wise-professor vibe, and a no-nonsense approach to helping clients understand the process clearly, calmly, and strategically.Cary J. Mogerman is one of the most highly regarded divorce lawyers in Missouri and wellknown to other top family law attorneys throughout the United States. He is a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and in 2022, served as President of the national organization. He is a Diplomate of the American College of Family Trial Lawyers, an invitation-only assemblage limited to 100 members throughout the United States; Cary is a member of its executive committee. He is a Fellow of the International Academy of Family Lawyers.https://carmodymacdonald.com/people/cary-j-mogerman/In this conversation, you’ll learn:Why “Why is this happening to me?” is a therapist question—not a lawyer questionHow to ask WHY in a way that strengthens your strategy, saves money, and reveals leverageWhy understanding your spouse’s emotional triggers can completely shift mediationThe one communication mistake clients make that drives lawyers insaneWhen your lawyer should break things down in plain languageWhy slowing down your responses (yes, YOU) will prevent disasterHow to stop burning money on the wrong kind of questionsWhy the legal process feels slow, confusing, and unfair—and what to do with thatHow to advocate for yourself without apologizingPLUS: Andrea reveals a HUGE co-parenting milestone (Shabbat dinner with the ex… yes, seriously), and Morgan talks through why listeners were so triggered by last week’s episode—and what that means for your own healing.This is the episode you NEED if you’re negotiating, mediating, litigating, co-parenting, or just trying to get through the day without rage-texting your ex or panic-emailing your lawyer.Key Takeaways1. Not All “Why” Questions Are Helpful“Why is this happening?”“Why is he acting like this?”“Why is she being crazy?”These are human questions—but not legal ones.They belong in therapy, not in your billable hours.2. Strategic Why’s Are POWERFULWhy are we filing this motion?Why is this our mediation plan?Why is my ex reacting this strongly to ONE issue?These help your attorney build a smarter, more effective case.3. Your Lawyer Should Explain Everything in Plain LanguageCary breaks down why attorneys NEED to simplify their communication—and why you should never feel embarrassed asking:“Can you explain that in normal-person English?”4. Your Spouse’s Triggers = Your StrategyYou know your spouse better than anyone.Your insights help your attorney negotiate smarter and faster.5. Don’t Make Split-Second Decisions During Emotional SurgesYou’re not being chased by a bear.Slow down. Breathe. Don’t respond immediately.You can literally save thousands of dollars by pausing.6. Your Lawyer Isn’t Your TherapistIf you use your attorney to process grief, fear, or trauma—you’ll pay for it.A therapist handles feelings.A lawyer handles logistics and strategy.7. Mediation Success Depends on the WhyUnderstanding WHY your ex digs their heels in reveals:leveragepressure pointsopportunities for compromise8. Don’t Waste Your Money Asking Why the Law Is UnfairIt is unfair.But your lawyer can’t change it.Save your dollars for actual strategy.Timestamps00:00 — Cary opens up about the problem with legal language00:09 — Morgan: never feel bad asking “why”00:19 — How WHY can transform mediation00:46 — Show intro01:22 — Connecting instead of isolating during divorce01:37 — Truly Engaging partnership02:19 — Holiday-card humor + promo code02:26 — Being proactive vs reactive in divorce02:44 — Why communication apps matter (Our Family Wizard plug)03:19 — Andrea drops a HUGE co-parenting surprise05:02 — The Shabbat dinner miracle (yes, really)06:33 — Listener backlash from last week07:40 — Nervous system regulation in co-parenting08:53 — Introducing guest attorney Cary Mogerman10:16 — Why blindsided spouses struggle with “why”12:04 — When WHY keeps clients stuck13:26 — The role of therapy vs legal strategy14:44 — The cost of asking the wrong WHY15:30 — When WHY is your best tool17:02 — How WHY reveals leverage in mediation17:54 — Plain language: the communication clients deserve19:48 — Don't feel bad asking your lawyer to explain21:22 — Email vs call: when & how to communicate22:18 — How to prep for a paid call with your attorney23:41 — Using WHY strategically in litigation & mediation24:33 — When your WHY belongs in therapy25:16 — Why divorcing people need communication guides26:26 — Knowing your spouse’s triggers = negotiation power27:25 — Why lawyers need your full story28:41 — Real-life example: using money triggers in negotiation31:34 — Why you don’t need to make immediate decisions32:21 — Emotional reactivity and fight-or-flight33:52 — Why your brain panics during divorce35:14 — The WHY questions that waste money35:45 — Why fairness doesn’t matter in court37:36 — Action steps: when to ask WHY & when not to38:47 — Cary’s closing wisdom39:39 — How to know when to get curious vs when to let go40:59 — Resources to help you save money & stress41:28 — Why divorce is a marathon, not a sprint42:02 — Final reassurance: you’ve got this (and we’ve got you)Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseWe are truly engaged with Truly Engaging cards. It's THE BEST way to remain connected with your community. Use code: NOTSUCKTE to get 10% off your order and ask to have Alisiah help you!! www.trulyengaging.comJoin the private communities!The How Not to Suck at Divorce CommunityThe How Not to Suck at Life AFTER DIVORCE CommunityOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago

If the idea of “healthy co-parenting” makes you want to throw your phone, this episode is for you. Comedian Andrea Rappaport and powerhouse family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill sit down with co-parenting expert and bestselling author Jon Bassford, JD, MBA, CAE, whose real-life story of turning a hostile divorce into a functional, daily-communication co-parenting dynamic will shock you—in the best way.Jon's new book, The Co-Parenting Secret: It's Not About You, doesn't sugarcoat the difficulty or pretend everyone can be friends. Instead, it offers a revolutionary reframe: stop thinking about "my time" or "their time" and start thinking about your child's life. It challenges the toxic win/lose mindset and offers a new model: collaborative parenting focused on emotional safety, communication, and showing up for your kid every time.His message resonates with divorced, separated, dating-but-split, or any parents navigating two-home situations, because it's not about having a friendly ex or following a perfect plan. It's about making intentional choices that prioritize your kids above your own convenience, preferences, or pride.Jon is also a TEDx speaker, CEO of Lateral Solutions, and brings 20+ years of executive leadership to his work but this book isn't about applying business frameworks to family life. It's about the messy, honest journey of getting co-parenting right after getting it wrong.Jon didn’t start with unicorns and rainbows. There was resentment, trash-talking, incompatible living… the whole messy thing. But he learned the intentional steps that transform co-parenting from a battleground into actual teamwork. In this episode, we dig into what co-parenting looks like when it’s real, what to do when your ex refuses to cooperate, and why saying “Of course” instead of “Fine” could change literally everything.Whether you’re co-parenting with a narcissist, parallel-parenting with someone who refuses to meet you halfway, or just trying to not lose your mind over a simple schedule swap, you’ll walk away with mindset shifts, scripts, action steps, and legal strategy you can use TODAY.Key Takeaways1. Co-Parenting Doesn’t Start Perfect — It EvolvesJon and his ex did not get along at first. There was hostility, miscommunication, and resentment — just like what most people experience. Progress happens in baby steps, not giant leaps.2. Saying “Of Course” Isn’t About Your Ex — It’s About YouYour instinct is to say “no.” That’s human. But dropping your guard and choosing calm over chaos immediately changes your internal state. Less spiraling, less anger, less anxiety.3. Strategic Co-Parenting Helps You in CourtMorgan breaks down how tools like Our Family Wizard create evidence showing you are the reasonable parent. If a judge ever needs to get involved, this matters A LOT.4. Letting Go Isn’t Weak — It’s SurvivalJon explains how resentment destroys your peace more than it punishes your ex. Letting go isn’t excusing behavior — it’s freeing yourself.5. Your Why Keeps You GroundedCo-parenting gets easier when you know why you’re doing it: stability for your child, emotional peace for yourself, and a healthier long-term dynamic.Timestamps00:00 — Why “our natural reaction is to say no”00:17 — Morgan explains the legal strategy behind saying “yes”00:31 — What saying “of course” does for you00:57 — Andrea on isolation during divorce01:12 — Why connecting with community matters01:27 — Truly Engaging partnership + holiday card conversation02:15 — Morgan’s hilarious mic apology03:06 — “Morgan Scorsese” (thanks, Steve)03:40 — Why co-parenting can feel impossible04:14 — Introducing guest Jon Bassford04:53 — Jon’s unconventional upbringing + what didn’t work05:39 — The truth: it wasn’t always peaceful07:10 — How his childhood shaped his co-parenting philosophy08:30 — Why the “bad dad schedule” is dying10:22 — What co-parenting actually looks like in real life11:05 — The messy middle: trash-talking, resentment, counseling14:04 — How Jon began putting his son first15:54 — Why outside opinions can derail progress17:14 — What to do if your ex won’t cooperate17:55 — The power of one “yes”20:01 — Co-parenting with a narcissist, abuser, or difficult ex20:55 — Using Our Family Wizard strategically22:20 — What saying “of course” does to your nervous system23:46 — Andrea on emotional regulation + your brain under threat24:35 — Why counting overnights ruins everything27:56 — Jon’s 3 action steps30:01 — What “letting go” actually means31:06 — The ghosts of past, present & future32:38 — Jon’s book: The Co-Parenting Secret34:55 — Baby steps: the real way co-parenting improves35:40 — What everyone’s kids are eating (Lunchables, cheeseburgers, Walmart nuggets, god help us)38:02 — The 6-7 meme takes over Halloween38:48 — Closing thoughts + encouragement40:52 — How to join the community + resources41:09 — Final reminder: “You’ve got this… and we’ve got you.”Episode Resources & Links✨ Jon Bassford’s Book — The Co-Parenting Secret: It’s Not About Youhttps://a.co/d/69WVUaHWe are truly engaged with Truly Engaging cards. It's THE BEST way to remain connected with your community. Use code: NOTSUCKTE to get 10% off your order and ask to have Alisiah help you!! www.trulyengaging.com✨ Andrea’s Famous Walmart Chicken NuggetsGet them here!Join the private communities!The How Not to Suck at Divorce CommunityThe How Not to Suck at Life AFTER DIVORCE CommunityOur Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago

This week, Morgan and Andrea flip the script and want you to SUCK at divorce. Yep, you read that right. Learn how to Set aside your feelings, Utilize experts, Calm your nervous system, and Know the facts: a game-changing framework that’ll help you make better decisions (and fewer expensive mistakes) during your divorce.From cortisol spikes to co-parenting apps, nervous-system hacks, and even Amazon finds that actually don’t suck, the girls cover it all ...with the perfect blend of legal insight, emotional honesty, and wine-soaked humor you’ve come to expect.🧠 What You’ll LearnWhy your emotions are the worst business partners during divorce — and how to manage themHow to think like a CEO (even when you feel like a hot mess)When and how to actually use your divorce expertsSimple science-based tricks to calm your body in moments of panicHow to separate facts from feelings to protect your sanity (and your wallet)🛠️ The SUCK FrameworkS – Set aside your feelingsU – Utilize expertsC – Calm your nervous systemK – Know the facts (and stick to them)🥂 Quote of the Week“Divorce is a marathon — or as Andrea would spell it, a Martha-thon"Timestamps:05:01 – The Hulu Show That Made Us CringeAndrea reviews All’s Fair — the all-female divorce firm drama starring Kim Kardashian — and the verdict? “It sucks.” (Which turns out to be the perfect segue…)07:46 – Introducing the SUCK AcronymMorgan and Andrea unveil a new framework that will actually help you survive your divorce with your dignity intact:S – Set aside your feelingsU – Utilize expertsC – Calm your nervous systemK – Know the facts (and stick to them)09:02 – Step 1: Set Aside Your FeelingsMorgan explains the science behind emotional flooding (hello, cortisol!) and how to think like a businessperson instead of a brokenhearted one.10:34 – Andrea’s Advice for the Highly EmotionalIf you can’t be calm — pretend to be someone who can. Channel your inner TV badass (minus the tire-slashing).11:35 – Step 2: Utilize ExpertsMorgan reminds listeners: you hired your experts for a reason. Don’t go rogue.12:55 – Why Ignoring Your Attorney’s Advice BackfiresAndrea walks through what happens when clients do the opposite of what their lawyer says — and how to avoid a legal disaster.15:59 – Step 3: Calm Your Nervous SystemAndrea and Morgan dig into the physical side of stress. What happens in your body when your ex drops a bombshell — and how to get your calm back.17:54 – Morgan’s “20-Minute Rule” for FreakoutsShe shares a practical strategy: take 20–30 minutes before responding to any major divorce news. No driving, no emailing, no rage-texting.19:44 – Andrea’s Panic-Proof ToolkitThe “panic attack queen of Chicago” shares her science-backed tricks: movement, cold exposure, vagus-nerve activation, and a hilarious deck of cards that actually help.22:29 – Step 4: Know the Facts and Stick to ThemMorgan explains why emotional storytelling wastes time and money — and how bullet-pointed facts will save your case.23:50 – Feelings Aren’t FactsAndrea breaks down why your opinions about “Brenda being a nut job” won’t hold up in court.25:07 – How It All Comes TogetherAndrea explains how each SUCK step builds on the next — from calming your system to using your experts effectively.26:46 – Recap: Why You Need to SUCKMorgan summarizes the SUCK method and introduces their thriving online communities.27:53 – The Community ShoutoutsThey celebrate the rapid growth of their private and post-divorce Facebook groups (and tease upcoming expert videos).29:17 – Andrea’s Favorite Amazon FindsIce rollers, mood-light sconces, and gifts that make your friends’ day — because retail therapy totally counts as healing.30:44 – Morgan’s $40 Spanx DupeThe jumpsuit that broke the internet (and didn’t break the bank).33:57 – Red Light SpecialAndrea’s bedroom lighting hack turns hilariously NSFW — and somehow ties back to the theme of “sucking.”Resources:Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseWe are truly engaged with Truly Engaging cards. It's THE BEST way to remain connected with your community. Use code: NOTSUCKTE to get 10% off your order and ask to have Alisiah help you!! www.trulyengaging.comOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckPlease rate our show! It means so much!! www.ratethispodcast.com/notsuckAmazon Links:Andrea's Vegus Nerve Deck: https://a.co/d/7oH0YBrAndrea's Ice Roller: https://a.co/d/5euYlveMorgan's SKIMS Dupe Sweatsuit: https://a.co/d/6tJ8zeRAndrea's battery operated light fixtures: https://a.co/d/5Pqt2SqJoin the private communities!The How Not to Suck at Divorce CommunityThe How Not to Suck at Life AFTER DIVORCE CommunityFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago

You’re almost done… which is exactly when smart people make expensive mistakes. In this punchy, practical episode, Andrea and Morgan tackle “divorce senioritis”, that end-of-process urge to rush, stop reading, or pick last-minute fights, and lay out the three biggest mistakes people make in the final stretch of divorce (plus how to avoid them without losing your mind or your money).✅ What You’ll Learn (Skimmable Takeaways)1.Don’t glaze over “small” document editsTiny word shifts like “may / shall / will” can flip legal meaning.Action: Print the latest draft, run a Word Compare, read line-by-line for one quiet hour, and send your written questions to your attorney.Ask explicitly: “Do these changes affect any earlier documents (e.g., parenting or financial agreements)?”2.Stop the 11th-hour nickel-and-dimingAdding minor demands late (or “saving money” by not calling your lawyer) can drag negotiations and raise fees.Action: Bullet the 5–8 items bugging you; ask your lawyer:“Which of these have a realistic chance of success and are worth pushing to get us across the finish line?”Big picture > petty wins.3.Prepare for the mixed emotions after finalizationRelief, sadness, anticlimax—it’s normal to feel the opposite of what you expected.Action: Don’t over-schedule a celebration that day. Give yourself space to process, rest, and recalibrate.🕒 Suggested Chapter Markers00:00 Senioritis is real: why the finish line is risky05:24 The urge to “just sign it” (and how that backfires)10:14 Compare feature, “may/shall/will,” and cross-document impacts16:40 Nickel-and-diming at the 11th hour (and how to reframe control)23:39 Read like a businessperson, not a broken heart25:39 The post-divorce emotional curve (why it’s anticlimactic)28:38 Don’t plan a blowout the day it finalizes—plan space33:12 Mini-game: Marry or Divorce? (PG-13 edition)Please rate our show! It means so much!! www.ratethispodcast.com/notsuckJoin the private communities!The How Not to Suck at Divorce CommunityThe How Not to Suck at Life AFTER DIVORCE CommunityWe are truly engaged with Truly Engaging cards. It's THE BEST way to remain connected with your community. Use code: NOTSUCKTE to get 10% off your order and ask to have Alisiah help you!! www.trulyengaging.comOur Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners and save 20% off your first year of the essentials package http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago

The first 30 days of divorce can feel like a tornado: unpredictable, emotional, and expensive if you’re not careful. In this episode, hosts Andrea Rappaport (comedian + marketing guru) and Morgan L. Stogsdill (family law powerhouse) share the top three mistakes people make in the early days of divorce, and how to avoid them.From texting your ex when you’re angry, to oversharing on social media, to thinking you can “speed through” the legal process. This episode breaks down the emotional, financial, and legal landmines that derail people again and again. You’ll laugh, cringe, and probably see yourself in a few of these moments (we’ve all been there).If you’re newly separated or about to file, this episode is your permission slip to pause, breathe, and get smart.🧾 In This Episode:1️⃣ Mistake #1: Expecting it to get easier right awayWhy things actually feel worse before they get betterHow to ask your attorney for a 30-day roadmapThe importance of managing adrenaline and expectations2️⃣ Mistake #2: Venting online (and via text)Why your DMs, TikToks, and “inspirational quotes” can backfire legallyThe true cost of an emotional text (yes, every angry email = more billable hours)How to protect your privacy and your kids’ peace during divorce3️⃣ Mistake #3: Rushing through paperwork to “get it over with”Why going too fast leads to expensive mistakesHow to give yourself grace — and time — in the processWhy “slow and steady” really does win this race💬 Key Quotes“Don’t pop the popcorn and let everybody watch the show. Go to the real people in your world who are there to lift you up.” – Andrea Rappaport“Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. Sometimes it’s day by day, other times hour by hour — and that’s okay.” – Morgan StogsdillThe early days of divorce are all about emotional control, clarity, and smart strategy. Expect the chaos, plan for it, and don’t react from pain. Whether you’re tempted to overshare online, over-email your lawyer, or overthink your ex ... stop, take a breath, and remember: you’ve got this. And we’ve got you.🔗 Resources Mentioned💌 Join Our Private Community: For support, laughter, and real talk✉️ Truly Engaging Cards: Connect with your people this holiday season ([link + promo code in show notes])We are truly engaged with Truly Engaging cards. It's THE BEST way to remain connected with your community. Use code: NOTSUCKTE to get 10% off your order and ask to have Alisiah help you!! www.trulyengaging.comOur Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago

When divorce gets messy, who gets the details, your best friend or your lawyer? Comedian Andrea Rappaport and family-law powerhouse Morgan L. Stogsdill break down exactly what belongs in your attorney’s inbox (strategy, facts, timelines, negotiations) and what belongs at brunch (feelings, venting, support). You’ll learn how to communicate efficiently to save money, protect leverage, and avoid sabotaging your case, plus how to choose the right friends to lean on without getting “keyed up and liquored up” and firing off expensive emails. Practical scripts, pattern-tracking tips, and a reminder that attorney-client conversations are confidential.Negotiating without lawyers? Tell your attorney first.What to report: “We’ve been negotiating directly,” plus the round-by-round back-and-forth (Offer → Counter → Counter). This preserves leverage and prevents your lawyer from being blindsided by opposing counsel’s “but the parties already agreed…” (≈ 11:00–12:31).Use cost-effective communications.Prefer a short bullet-point email or a 15-minute call to recap facts; end with a clear question (“Is this relevant / do you need more?”) so your lawyer can triage quickly (≈ 12:06–12:41, 16:45–17:45).Medical issues can change your financial outcome.Tell your lawyer the bottom line (e.g., “Follow-up testing showed I had a stroke; next steps include X”). This can impact maintenance/alimony, health-insurance planning, and future medical costs—don’t hold back due to privacy; it’s confidential (≈ 6:01–8:54).Kids & custody: document patterns, not one-offs.Track behaviors over time (timeline with dates) and escalate only when a pattern emerges. Use a co-parenting app (e.g., OurFamilyWizard) so records are centralized and tamper-resistant (≈ 18:59–20:29, 36:13–36:49).Do not crowd-source legal strategy or finances to friends.Don’t pass around your financial affidavit/balance sheet or share strategy; non-experts amp anxiety and can trigger costly re-work by your legal team (≈ 24:07–26:45).Avoid “keyed up + liquored up” emails.Late-night venting to your lawyer = billable time and often requires follow-up to unwind, costing hundreds for nothing actionable (≈ 24:49–25:48).Attorney-client privilege & scope.Your lawyer needs high-level facts and actionable timelines; save feelings for friends/therapist unless they reveal patterns relevant to the case (≈ 4:47–5:37, 18:59–19:46).00:00 Why lawyers need the facts; negotiating w/o attorneys03:38 Attorney vs. friend: who gets what06:01 Medical issues that change financial outcomes09:35 Private negotiations: how to report rounds + counters12:06 Bullets vs. calls; add a question to every email16:45 Kids’ issues: patterns, timelines, apps21:16 Choosing the right friend (avoid “Sally Big Mouth” & hidden agendas)24:07 Don’t show friends your balance sheet; cost traps32:56 Community + handwritten cards (sponsor segment)41:19 Marathon mindset + resources/community“Your attorney protects your case; your friend protects your heart—don’t confuse the two.”“If you’re negotiating directly, tell us—and give the round-by-round offers.”“Report like a newscaster: facts, dates, sequence. Feelings go to friends.”“Keyed up + liquored up = very expensive emails.”Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseWe are truly engaged with Truly Engaging cards. It's THE BEST way to remain connected with your community. Use code: NOTSUCKTE to get 10% off your order and ask to have Alisiah help you!! www.trulyengaging.comOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago

Money talk can make anyone want to hide under a blanket (or a naked sweater 👀), but dividing assets during divorce doesn’t have to send you into a panic spiral. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, comedian Andrea Rappaport and powerhouse attorney Morgan Stogsdill break down the financial side of divorce into three simple letters: A, B, and CYou’ll laugh, you’ll cringe, and you’ll definitely take notes as Andrea and Morgan make sense of the mess — from Target runs and Amazon receipts to Botox budgets and business-minded thinking.Here’s what you’ll learn:A — Ask for Help: How to stop avoiding financial paperwork, and who you should lean on (yes, paralegals and lawyers are your new BFFs).B — Think Like a Business Person: Why emotions can tank smart decisions — and how to negotiate like you’re closing a deal, not fighting a war.C — Calculate, Don’t Catastrophize: The mindset shift that keeps you out of the panic zone and focused on strategy, not drama.Morgan’s expert tips on financial affidavits, balance sheets, and why honesty about your spending (yes, even the Botox) pays off in the long run.Andrea’s real-life story about getting zero in her settlement — and how she turned it into a comeback.Wild (and hilarious) real-world examples of divorce gone petty — from stolen cabinet knobs to donation revenge schemes 💡 Whether you’re splitting assets worth millions or dividing a Target cart, this episode gives you the knowledge, humor, and empowerment to handle your money like a pro — without losing your sanity.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseIf you have a concern about alcohol use during coparenting time, you need Soberlink. Head to www.soberlink.com/notsuck to see how Soberlink can be used in your case and claim your $100 Visa gift card.Our Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago