Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

During this season of the Neurodiverse Love podcast, Mona Kay will be doing more short, solo episodes to share some of the information she thinks has been most helpful in the support groups she facilitates for non-autistic/neurotypical partners and neurodiverse couples. Today's episode will focus on understanding how both partners may be feeling lonely in their relationship, and the importance of getting clarity about your core values, wants, needs, and non-negotiables.The core values assessment can be found here.If you would like to explore more topics that can help you and your partner increase undertanding of your wants and needs you may want to buy the digital versions of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards and/or Workbook. When both partners begin to understand themselves and each other things can begin to change. Unintentional hurt can be reduced, acceptance of what is neurologically hard-wired can increase, and more compassion, respect and curiosity can become the norm.To learn more about the support groups and short-term coaching Mona offers you can check out her website.

Bontle Senne, an AuDHD speaker and sex coach, and Sara-Louise Ackrill, a neurodiversity specialist and therapist, dive into the complexities of relationships in the neurodivergent community. They discuss the importance of authentic connection, ‘parallel play,’ and unmasking in relationships. The duo debunks myths surrounding neurodiversity, shedding light on unique terms like 'clitmatized' and 'digmatized.' They explore the challenges of intimacy and the need for open communication, emphasizing that understanding personal needs is key to fostering deeper connections.

Maxine Aston, a renowned counsellor specializing in neurodiverse relationships, teams up with the influential clinical psychologist Tony Attwood. They discuss critical insights from their new book on counseling neurodiverse couples. Topics include the necessity for therapists to understand autism's impact on relationships and the unique challenges faced by female autistic partners. Aston and Attwood also highlight the importance of validation, effective communication, and alternative support methods to create a more understanding environment for neurodiverse families.

David Helfand, a clinical psychologist specializing in couples therapy and neurofeedback, shares fascinating insights on how brain mapping can transform relationships. He discusses the importance of understanding brain activity and our reactions to triggers. Topics include the concept of neurofeedback as 'physical therapy for the brain' and strategies to enhance communication in neurodiverse relationships. Helfand emphasizes empathy, curiosity, and the need for tailored approaches to foster connection and emotional safety. Discover how this knowledge can empower personal growth and healthier interactions.

During this episode with Jamie Johnston you will learn more about how the Mattr app is making dating more enjoyable for neurodivergent folks and those with mental health challenges. In addition, Jamie talks about why he is so passionate about his work and how understanding his dyslexia and AuDHD is helping him assist others on their on-line dating journey. Other topics discussed include:We are taught that anything that can be "perceived" shouldn’t be shared on dating apps or while dating.During the pandemic vulnerability and transparency became more acceptable on social media, but not on dating apps. Vulnerability first is the focus of the Mattr app. It is an online dating platform where you can feel safe to share whatever you want.Dating in a digital space can be very challenging for neurodivergent people.  Mattr is very user-friendly for people who have mental health challenges and/or are neurodivergent. The app is based on research and psychology/psychiatry.Dealing with rejection sensitivity dysphoria and dopamine hits through swiping or ghosting. The app uses colors that are comfortable for Autistic individuals and they have a "time out toggle". No swiping is involved and each person is given 6 matches.Some of the biggest challenges in dating and maintaining a relationship include: emotional regulation; rejection densitivity dysphoria; hyperfocus on a person or your special interest.ND folks may experience Inherent shame. Things to look for that may help you understand that someone is neurodivergent: reactions to the space you are in and sensory issues; hyperfocusing on a topic/infodumping; executive functioning challenges- like planning a date; different communication styles; emotional intensity (differences in emotional reciprocity; differences in physical intimacy preferences.“Be for someone, not for everyone”Why the Mattr app was created and different resources available through the app.  Partnerships with lots of businesses in London,  also have offsite events.You can learn more about the app here. They are hosting a special live event in London on June 25th. You can also follow Jamie on IG @Dating withJamie_To learn more about the resources Mona has available for neurodiverse couples and individuals in neurodiverse love relationships click here.

During this episode with therapist and coach Eva A. Mendes she shares some of the important information neurodiverse couples shared with her for her newest book titled: “Armchair Conversations on Love  and Autism: Secrets of Happy Neurodiverse Couples”.Some of the important things  that top performing neurodiverse couples do:Accept the diagnosis and talk openly about each partner’s neurotypes.  Work together to understand the root cause of their challenges as a couple.Have a beginners mindset as an individual and a couple.Trust each other and be able to be influenced by their partner.Some of the other topics discussed include:The challenge with taking things personally and not understanding your partner’s love.Understanding different ways of communication with your partner and others.The importance of building on your strengths.Understanding what you each may need to do differently to connect.Staying humble and curious with your partner.Going “beyond the midline”for both partners.The importance of working with a professional who has experience working with ND couples.Both partners working on the relationship to the best of their ability.Addressing different issues that come up over the lifespan. Focusing on “solvable” not “perpetual” problems.Working on empathy for each other.Understanding your partner in the greater context of their life.Acknowledging that you can’t get everything from one person.  It takes a village!Sometimes couples don’t have enough bandwidth for each other anymore.We are all here to grow and have an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and our partners.Contact Eva by clicking here.Buy the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or WorkbookSubscribe to the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter Follow Mona on Instagram Check out the Neurodiverse Love Website Listen to the Neurodivergent Connections YouTube channel Mona co-hosts

During this episode with neurodivergent counselor Jarral Boyd we address the connection between trauma and neurodivergence and ways to think about romantic love as well as the following: ​Navigating neurodivergence and trauma ​Understanding your emotional vocabulary. ​Addressing challenges through somatics and getting to know your body and acknowledge what is going on.​Creating a routine can be helpful to better understand your body and emotions and help you get more in tune.​Understand how to experience joy in your body.​Translating what’s happening in your body when you have alexithymia.​Information shared through AANE certification includes using a 1-5 scale to share with your partner how you’re feeling emotionally.​Memory issues during or after a meltdown.​Apologizing when you don’t feel you have done anything wrong. ​Trauma can make being wrong scary and unsafe.​Cassandra Syndrome ​Benefits of decentralizing romantic love for neurodivergent folx ​Removing relationship hierarchy and being open to different types of romantic relationships. This can help reduce expectations of one or both partners. ​The value of expanding the idea of love.​Asking youself "Is it the person I want or the situation?"You can contact Jarral Boyd at: jarralboyd.comIf you are interested in the free support groups Mona offers for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners you can email her at neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com to get the Zoom links.Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D. Host of the Neurodiverse Love PodcastBuy the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or WorkbookNewsletter | Instagram | Website | YouTubeClick here if you and your partner are interested in joining the support group Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples on the 3rd Wednesday of the month from 7:30-9pm EST.

Joanne Davies is AuDHD and is a clinical hypnotherapist who works with individuals and couples.  During this episode she shares so much valuable information about how hypnosis can help neurodivergent individuals and neurodiverse couples with sensory challenges, emotional differences and intimacy issues.  The topics she addresses during this episode include:How hypnotherapy can help bridge the gap between neurotypes.The parts of hypnosis: Induction, deepening and healing.The process of hypnotherapy and how neurodivergent individuals and their partners can benefit. How it can be used to help with sensory processing.The value of pendulating between something that feels good and something that doesn’t.Can help to create safety and address triggers.“Cloaking” helps you create a virtual shield to help protect you from sensory overload.How to “anchor” in a certain feeling you had during hypnosis. How hypnosis can help with emotional identification and regulation.May be able to help with reducing meltdowns or shutdowns.Helps with “reparenting”.Understanding how to meet each others needs through hypnotherapy.Using tantric processes and body mapping to help with intimacy challenges.The process to use to create your own self-hypnosis process. You can contact Joanne at Jqhypnosis.com

To learn more about the resources and information that Mona Kay has available you can check out her website at: neurodiverselove.com__________________________________________________________During this episode with Sadie and her mom Lynn they share how unknown neurodivergence impacted Sadie's childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood, In addition, they address the topics below:Terrible two's.Sensory overload and meltdowns. Restrictive eating and sensitivities.Not understanding why you are so different as a child.Masking in school and being different at home.Expectations in school were more structured and easier to understand.Overwhelm during high school and changes in social rules.Being diagnosed with an auto-immune disease in high school.Stimming at home and walking in circles helps with nervous system regulation,Having a spiky profile. When younger, being able to socialize better with adults. Being a perfectionist and the struggle with some things that others do automatically. Challenges with learning to drive and driving…being “perceived” by other drivers.Masking and then having no spoons after school.Giftedness.  Different ways that children may process and develop language.

If you would like to learn more about the resources Mona offers you can click here. In addition, if you would like to join the new community that Mona is creating for non-autistic/neurotypical partners called "Neurodiverse Love Conversations" click here to register for the 4 week series that will be held every Thursday from June 5th-June 26th from 7-8:30-pm EST (US). The cost is ONLY $149 and each participant will get the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards and Workbook and lifetime access to the 2023 and 2025 Neurodiverse Love Conference sessions. If you are trying to make sense of how two people could love each other yet repeatedly misunderstand and hurt each other, then this community is for you. If you are repeatedly confused and don't understand why conflict, contempt or stonewalling have become more the norm than the type of connection and attunement you are looking for then this community is where you will find understanding, tools and strategies that can help you work towards achieving more peace and joy in your relationship and life!Spaces are limited, so if you feel called to join this supportive community I hope you will register today!____________________________________________________________This podcast episode was originally published on Jodi Carlton’s podcast called “YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship” and is a conversation between Jodi Carlton, Mona Kay and Michael Daniel, the developer of the "Neurotranslator" and his wife Elise.The goal for sharing this episode on the "Neurodiverse Love" podcast is to spread information about the life-changing Neurotranslator app and to highlight the story behind its creator and the challenges he and his wife had been experiencing before learning he was neurodivergent.The topics addressed in this episode include:How having children changed everythingLearning about neurodivergence through a child’s diagnosis Communication challenges Being high masking in life and marriageHow misunderstandings contributed to conflictUnmaskingUnderstanding your identity after learning you are neurodivergent Reliving trauma through a neurodiverse lensHow ability to function can change after diagnosisAutistic burnoutSituational mutismAbleismWishing you could have a husband with a NT brainHow the “NeuroTranslator” was born Both partners need to work to understand each otherYou can learn more about the Neurotranslator app here