Better Sex

Correction: I misspoke in my introduction to the episode. Melissa is not yet certified as a sex therapist. I apologize for any confusion. Sexual Fragmentation - what is it and how does it show up in sex therapy? Tune in today to learn about how Melissa defines fragmentation as it applies to sex therapy work, as she talks about the competing needs we all have within us. How do we get fragmented? Melissa answers this question, discussing how our sexual and social development from a young age is impacted by loved ones and society, often creating a wedge between our minds and bodies Fragmentation: positive or negative? Keep listening to hear why fragmentation is not necessarily a negative thing, and why it can, in fact, help us to explore and learn more about ourselves. Melissa delves into the fact that a large part of our psyche is in shadow. As we grow up, we are encouraged to critically think and explore so many different subjects and aspects of life; but generally not encouraged to explore or think critically about sexuality and intimacy. “We don’t know what we don’t know.” How does fragmentation present? Here we learn the key topics that Melissa’s clients often bring up and how people use shame or blame as a defense against things that scare them. Spend some time listening as Melissa talks more about the subject of fear in relation to sexuality. Working to heal fragmentation Hear Melissa explain how she approaches the subject of fragmentation with her clients by using body-centered therapy. She tells us that she uses not only the minds of clients but also focuses heavily on dropping down into the body, to the original place where many fragmentations originally occurred. Past memories and moving forward to healing Melissa answers the question: Do people need to remember the original incidences in order to heal? Join in to find out how she helps people de-identify with their stories and move them past the uncomfortable feelings and emotions they may experience in this journey. Erotic mindfulness The definition of mindfulness is listening to your arousal instead of following it blindly. This is one of the first things that Melissa helps her clients to develop a practice in, to help them get out of their head and focus on the pleasure of the body. Find out how it works when couples experience therapy and practice together. Trauma survivors and fear of getting in touch with the body Melissa outlines the impact that trauma can have on the body, and the gentle process that she uses to help people reconnect with those parts of themselves that may have become numb, so they can begin experiencing pleasure and enjoying sex again. Starting the healing process at home Find out some simple pathways to help you start this reconnection process at home by exploring things that already give you pleasure in ways that may not necessarily be sexual. Here, we learn about the expansiveness of sexuality as a generative force and how sex itself is just one component of sensuality. The final takeaway message Our podcast winds up with Melissa telling us her one most important take-home message to start bringing all those fragmented parts of ourselves together. You don’t want to miss this valuable message. Background Melissa Walker is a Body-Centered Psychotherapist specializing in sex and relationship therapy for both couples and individuals. Director for the Embodied Relationships Counseling Center, she graduated Naropa University in 2009 and combines her training with certification in Somatic Archaeology, Psychodrama, and Authentic Movement, teaching clients how to get in touch with their body and repair some of the fragmentation that occurs during their life experiences. Melissa now teaches Professional Orientation and Ethics at Naropa University. Links and how to contact Melissa Walker For more information on Melissa, including workshops talks, and to sign up for her monthly blog, visit: http://embodiedrelationshipscenter.com/ More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Amanda’s interest in menstrual health began as early as her childhood. Today she passionately shares her wisdom about how women should have knowledge of how their bodies work and, with this, feel empowered to talk about menstruation and sex without feeling ashamed. Menstrual problems and Sex Join us as we discuss the main issues around periods and sex. Problems such as not feeling sexy when your period is heavy, hormonal imbalances and disorders which can cause excruciating pain. Amanda answers the question of whether you can have sex when you’re on your period with a resounding YES, absolutely you can! Tune in to hear Amanda’s thoughts on why having sex on your period is a great thing, what precautions you can take, and what you can do to make it an enjoyable experience for both parties. She touches on why your period can help orgasms and how orgasms can ease your period. We learn that a key factor in ensuring you and your partner are comfortable with having sex during menstruation. Amanda shares an interesting list of products to use when having sex on your period. If you haven’t heard about menstrual discs, listen in to get an idea of how you can use them too! DIaphragms are mentioned and Amanda gives us her criticism on that. History of myths about menstruation We hear about the history and myths around women and menstruation. Many myths went unchallenged and were usually painted in an unfavorable light, surrounded by mysticism and power. “ Women’s power has always been acknowledged but it’s also been oppressed or feared.” Listen in to find out what mayonnaise and hunting had to do with this taboo topic! How to think about periods Join in to hear Amanda’s approach to your period. She highlights the cultural attitudes we have been taught and encourages us to understand your cycle and its role in our general wellness as our attitudes dictate our experience. She questions where we get our information from and challenges us to look further to gain useful insights into the motivation behind this. Nutrition and how it affects your periods Tune in to hear Amanda’s simple tips to improve your period. She covers simple tricks such as a healthier nutritional intake and using more organic products to better your monthly experience. Amanda shares how NOT eating certain foods can positively affect your body too! Can you get Pregnant on your Period? Amanda tackles this interesting question in detail so we understand the probabilities for our individual cases. Listen in to learn how to determine whether you can indeed fall pregnant during your period. About Amanda Laird Amanda Laird is a Registered Holistic Nutritionist ™ and host of the Heavy Flow Podcast – a weekly podcast dedicated to casual conversations about periods, reproductive health and other taboo health and wellness topics, available on iTunes and at www.amandalaird.ca. She lives in Toronto with her husband and daughter. Amanda specializes in helping women understand their menstrual cycle and how nutrition can contribute towards a more positive monthly experience. A self-confessed menstrual mogul, she draws on her personal experience to teach women how to balance their hormonal health by choosing the right food and lifestyle so periods no longer have to be a curse. How to reach Amanda and related links You can reach Amanda on these links: Website: www.amandalaird.ca Instagram: www.instagram.com/amandalaird Facebook: www.facebook.com/amandalairdrhn Twitter: www.twitter.com/amandalaird Listen to Amanda’s podcast episode “Can you get pregnant on your period” http://amandalaird.ca/can-you-get-pregnant-on-your-period/ Listen to Amanda's podcast episode “What's the best period product to use” http://amandalaird.ca/question-period-what-are-the-best-menstrual-products-to-use/ More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

What is pelvic floor physical therapy? Dr. Fiacco kicks off by telling us exactly what pelvic floor physical therapy is; explaining about the basic musculature of the pelvic area and what kind of health issues can stem from this region, including some unexpected areas of the body that may present with problems that actually arise from the pelvis. Training and certification Going on to talk about what training and certification are required to practice in this field, Dr. Fiacco outlines her educational history, and just what it means to become a specialist in pelvic floor physical therapy. Pelvic floor physical therapy and sex therapy Keep listening to hear about the importance of combining pelvic floor physical therapy with sexual education and communication, and why Dr. Fiacco believes that sex therapy is a crucial component of any pelvic physical therapy treatment plan. Who needs pelvic floor physical therapy? This is essential listening for men and women alike. Dr. Fiacco talks at great length about who can benefit from this therapy and the most common problems that can be remedied with it, explaining that both men and women from all walks of life can typically benefit from an assessment. We hear that many people learn to tolerate discomfort or come to believe it’s normal, when in fact there are ways that these niggling health problems can be fixed. Discover what some of the common symptoms are that you should not dismiss with regards to the pelvic area. Vaginismus is one of the most common problems Tune in to hear about vaginismus and related problems. What are the symptoms? How can it be treated? Dr. Fiacco explains that you should not put up with something that affects your quality of life and that there are ways to address it. What to expect during pelvic floor physical therapy Not sure exactly what to expect during your pelvic floor physical therapy assessment and treatment? Take some time to listen to Dr. Fiacco walk you through the process; from each step of the assessment and physical examination to pelvic exercises, breath work and more. Dilator therapy Dr. Fiacco outlines the process of dilator therapy, talking us through her personalized treatment style, and detailing exactly what it’s for and how it works, as she demystifies this often-misconstrued method of therapy. She also talks about the essential emotional component that should be present in any therapy sessions involving dilators and shares her fascinating knowledge about how the body registers and processes pain signals. Finding a pelvic floor physical therapist Wrapping up this informative podcast, Dr. Fiacco tells the listeners exactly how to go about finding a qualified pelvic floor physical therapist; offering tips to seek one out in your area. About Serena Fiacco A licensed physical therapist and board-certified sexuality specialist, Dr. Fiacco holds Doctorate degrees in both physical therapy and human sexuality. Specializing in treating the pelvic floor and sexual health conditions, her integrated healing model involves a wide array of techniques; including massage, joint work, exercise, movement education, sexual health education, talk therapy and breath, movement, and meditation style treatments. Dr. Fiacco also educates the community and university groups about sexual health. Links and how to contact Dr. Serena Fiacco www.pelvichealthclinic.com https://www.apta.org https://hermanwallace.com Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Sex in the elder years In today's episode, we look at sex and sexuality in the elderly. It is a common misconception that people are no longer sexually active as they grow older and Dr. Flores will be sharing her thoughts on this with us so enjoy the insights! Is sex (and sexuality) common in the elderly? Dr. Flores shares her findings that elderly people are still sexually active after 75. She reveals her statistics about masturbation even as they experience lifestyle changes. Tune in to hear about what men and women experience sexually as their bodies and needs change. She shares ways to work with changing sexual needs as people get older. With the flood of sexual stereotypes being sown in society, Dr. Flores points out the unrealistic expectations this creates for both young and old alike and highlights the reality that the elderly still have a sexual appetite and need despite what is commonly believed. Join in to hear what some of Dr. Flores’s findings are with sexually transmitted diseases and their frequency among the elderly, this may surprise you! Privacy challenges for older people in nursing homes The question of privacy in nursing homes is brought up. Dr. Flores tackles this candidly with a few interesting examples of why this is a problem. In her examples, dementia and Alzheimers come up and a few key issues are raised. She believes that individual homes are slowly moving in the direction of revisiting policies so that the elderly can someday freely engage in consensual sex but it is not being addressed on a national level. The fine line between protection and freedom for the elderly is brought up within this discussion so you can examine the challenges brought up with and without privacy. Some advice from Dr. Flores is to find out what nursing facilities policies are around sexuality to ensure that you choose the right one for your loved one. About Dr. Flores Renee Flores, M.D., is a board-certified physician in the field of geriatrics and internal medicine with 10 years of clinical experience. She provides comprehensive care for primarily older adults, as well as internal medicine patients. Recognizing that sexual health and emotional health are a salient part of comprehensive health care, she has expanded her role as an educator and sexuality and intimacy counselor. She works in collaboration with patients to address sexual desire, pain, performance, intimacy and relationship challenges. Dr. Flores’ work includes clinical interaction, individual and couples counseling, as well as education. She is actively involved in teaching medical students, residents, physicians, and people in the community. She is devoted to life-long learning and has an endless passion to continue education and training in the field of sexual health medicine. How to reach Dr. Flores Visit her at her Sexual Health clinic in Texas or Houston and https://www.utphysicians.com/provider/renee-j-flores/ More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Frank was raised in a conservative home that placed a noose of fear and shame around sex. After a decade of fantasizing about sex, Frank married in his late 20’s and recalls the awkwardness about it. Sexuality was a very taboo topic in Frank's life and this carried into both his marriages. Nancy had issues of her own as well. Being a victim of sexual abuse from the age of 5, Nancy felt dirty and ashamed as a child. Her first sexual experience made this worse and led to her having a reputation for being a tease and mastering manipulation to maintain her power. Being Partners Nancy eventually shared her sexual history with Frank and things began to make sense in context for him. He then understood what Nancy went through and together they made an effort to make their relationship a safe place for them to be intimate. They believe they were the perfect storm but share that their commitment was what kept them together. Join us to hear Frank's opinion on the main tool that molded their broken relationship into a healthy one. The Effort Nancy shares Franks total commitment to her even when she pushed him away and the meticulous detail he put into making her comfortable. Her endearing reference to him as her coach describes her feelings for him. Frank shares his experience at Nancy’s side as she persisted to try and improve their intimacy. He emphasizes the factors of the positive environment he believed, that set Nancy free. Setbacks After a painful pelvic surgery, Nancy had to endure a six month recovery period which meant that sex was off the table. The couple, however, tells us about how they made lemonade out of the lemons of life’s curve balls yet again. Emancipation Tune in to hear Frank's personal struggles and the guilt that he carried for over twenty years. He reveals his journey to becoming comfortable with Nancy about taboo topics like porn and the emancipation they both experienced when he was finally able to share his sexuality with his lifetime companion. This milestone for Frank was a welcome surprise for Nancy who felt a sense of familiarity after watching other women in their most vulnerable moments. Today Frank and Nancy have shared a 30-year journey together. They tell us about what their sex life is like today, after years of diligent effort. Listen in to hear how their love for each other has evolved and matured to offer them a deeper connection. Their valuable advice to couples is to hang in there, talk a lot and listen with an open heart. More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

How important is passion? The place of Love across cultures In this episode of Better Sex, Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh unwraps her theory of love in two categories: submergent and emergent. She describes the difference between the two and how cultures have different expectations about love and passion. She dissects each journey and love cycle as people typically experience it. She shares an interesting find about successful couples having the foundation right, then letting the love emerge. The question of love from friendship comes up. Tune in to learn what Dr. Sara thinks about this and what the defining factors are for a harmonious relationship. The Sharp Orange Color We chat about the yearning people have for each other (playfully labeled as the Sharp orange color by Dr. Sara). She shares the impact of a healthy foundation once the orange color phase has passed. Her beautiful description for this is a rainbow kind of love. Join in to hear the secret of a rainbow relationship, it’s ingredients and why it works. Differences in culture After discussing her thoughts on arranged marriages, Dr. Sara outlines the different competencies that rank as priorities in different social or cultural contexts. The different perceptions of relationships are brought up for western cultures as we discuss the fantasies people  adopt as ‘normal.’ Daily findings and advice Dr. Sara offers some advice for submergent types of relationships that want to try and build an emergent type of love. “Language is the least effective way to communicate with someone” - a belief Dr. Saras shares before she dives into analyzing what couples do when they ‘spend’ time together. She has an interesting way of re-branding relationships once couples walk through her door. She touches on the questions couples bring up, the hurt and the past and shares her method around that to ensure couples still move forward. Sex across cultures You won’t want to miss Dr. Sara's findings on sex and its reflection of power as well as its weight in relationships. She opens our eyes to the sexual confusion found in submergent relationships versus healthier emergent relationships. About our guest Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh, Ph.D. is a Social Psychologist and a thought leader in the fields of Cultural Literacy, Sexual Health, and Relationships. She is an award-winning author and a sought-after speaker and educator. As a former member of the International Federation of Journalists, Dr. Sara is the host of a BBC World Service program on sexuality and relationship issues, which received the BBC’s Innovation of the Year Award in 2007. This program is still ongoing and reaches millions of Farsi-speaking audience across the globe. Dr. Nasserzadeh has been consulted as a senior cultural advisor by governments, international NGOs, professional organizations and private sector across 37 countries. In 2007, her international work in the area of human development and sexuality education received the World Association for Sexual Health (WAS) runner-up award for Excellence and Innovation. In 2011, she was a winner for the Pfizer Inc. Innovation of the Year Award for designing an integrative strategic plan to make customers the priory for the enterprise. In 2014, Dr. Nasserzadeh was awarded by the People of Distinction Humanitarian Award in New York City for her humanitarian work around the globe. Dr. Nasserzadeh has been a contributor to numerous books, journals, and white papers. She is highly regarded by her peers and serves on the Board of various professional organizations including the World Association for Sexual Health (WAS) and the American Association for Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT). Dr. Sara was named as one of the Best Love Doctors by Harpers Bazaar, and one of the Women in the Know by Daily Mirror. DatingAdvice.com named her as one of the 10 Best Sex and Dating Experts in 2015. Dr. Nasserzadeh is based in Palo Alto, California and travels widely. How to Reach Dr. Sara and Related Links Twitter: @DR_Sara_ FB: Dr.SaraNasserzadeh Instagram: Dr.SaraNasserzadeh LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/dr.-sara-nasserzadeh Website: www.Sara-Nasserzadeh.com Books In English: 1) Wheel of Context for Sexuality Education: https://www.wheelofcontext.com, 2) Orgasm Answer Guide: https://jhupbooks.press.jhu.edu/content/orgasm-answer-guide For Farsi speakers (BBC Show): http://www.bbc.com/persian/tv-and-radio-40532793 ----- Better Sex Podcast - https://bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Men's sexual health concerns often stem from the pressure of expectations In today’s episode, Jessa and Jennifer Valli talk about men’s sexual health concerns and dysfunctions ( men being defined as people who have been raised male and who have a penis) and approaches to make sex easier and stress-free. Reasons Men go to Sex Therapy Jennifer discusses the most common reasons that men go to sex therapy and the compounding pressure they face from society to behave in a predefined manner. She highlights the underlying social habits men are raised to practice and the effect it has on intimacy. The question of penis size is raised and some shocking statistics revealed from Google searches. Expectations Jennifer covers initiation of sex and the role men are expected to play there as well as the desired sexual response that is burdened on them. She shares her thoughts on how this came to be, by looking at partners past experiences and the historical decline of testosterone. Tips for men Jennifer covers specific tips about premature ejaculation and recommends a great book called ‘Coping with Premature Ejaculation’ by Michael Metz and Barry McCarthy coupled with an SSRI. Tune in as she shares her Sex Club Rules, adapted from the movie, Fight Club: Rule #1 Don’t panic. Rule #2 Don’t panic. Rule #3 Men may need both fiction and friction to get erect (touch and fantasy). Rule #4 Engage with a semi-rigid or moderately rigid penis–don’t wait to be 100% rigid. Rule #5 Men don’t need an erection to experience an orgasm. Rule #6 Expect waxing and waning erections. This is more common for older men or men with dysfunction. Rule #7 Men can still experience orgasm even if they don’t ejaculate from the penis (prostate surgeries or TURP surgeries, for example, can cause retrograde ejaculation where the ejaculate goes back up into the bladder but the man can still feel the orgasm). Rule #8 Don’t apologize and turn it into a humiliating catastrophe. Instead, proceed to Rule #9. Rule #9 Make eye contact with your partner and transition to being sexual a different way (which Jennifer shares suggestions on) Performance anxiety Jennifer tells us about an interesting experiment around this topic and comes to the conclusion that lack of erotic focus causes performance anxiety. She explains how the brain works leading up to and during an orgasm. The topic of learning how to receive comes up and Jennifer shares how men can learn to do this without it feeling unnatural. Jennifer covers loss of an erection, the role of the mind, the partner and ways to tune in and engage as a couple with perspective on the matter. Delayed ejaculation is covered and Jennifer shares what to do with this, so you will be in safe hands! I ask if erectile dysfunction is physical or mental and Jennifer shares her thoughts on this with another interesting experiment you probably didn’t know about. Listen in to find out if they are linked or not and why. Where to from here? For men who have stayed away from sexual encounters and want to try and experience this again, she discusses how men can start having sex by “scaffolding in physical intimacy”. Listen in as she takes us on a step by step guide to slowly build up to a comfortable place with your partner. About Jennifer Jennifer Valli is a seasoned therapist and draws on 25 years of post-master’s clinical experience in psychiatry. She is a licensed psychotherapist in Tennessee and Certified Sex Therapist through AASECT, the American Association of Sexual Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Valli completed some of this training in the area of fetishes and paraphilias with faculty through John’s Hopkins. She received a postgraduate degree in Sexual Health at the University of Michigan, both as a Sex Therapist and Sex Educator. Valli is an instructor at the University of Tennessee Health Science Center with appointments with Medical Education and OBGYN in the College of Medicine and with Occupational Therapy in the College of Health Professions. She is on the Board of Advisors at Men’s Fitness Magazine and has been quoted in Contemporary Sexuality, CNN, Men’s Health Magazine and Men’s Fitness Magazine. In her private practice, Valli focuses on both emotional and physical intimacy. Useful links For more information, you can visit http://www.JenniferValli.com Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Sexual-Health-by-Psychotherapist-Jennifer-Valli-431786393625792/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/JenniferValli/ AASECT: The American Association of Sexual Educators, Counselors and Therapists https://www.aasect.org/ Books: Coping with Premature Ejaculation: How to Overcome PE, Please Your Partner and Have Great Sex. By Metz and McCarthy. https://www.amazon.com/Coping-Premature-Ejaculation-Overcome-Partner/dp/1572243406 Coping with Erectile Dysfunction: How to Regain Confidence and Enjoy Great Sex. By Metz and McCarthy. https://www.amazon.com/Coping-Erectile-Dysfunction-Regain-Confidence/dp/1572243864 Better Sex Podcast - https://bettersexpodcast.com Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Out of control sexual behavior or sex addiction Are you concerned about your own sexual behavior in relation to your values? Do you wonder if your sexual behavior is out of control? Are you or someone you love worried that you have a sex addiction? You cannot afford to miss this episode with guest Marc Gilmartin. Marc is a Certified Sex Therapist and Licensed Mental Health Counselor who unpacks how to identify if you have a sexual behavior problem and how to deal with it. Marc provides individual and group psychotherapy for a range of clinical issues, but in today's episode, he shares about Out of Control Sexual Behavior and Erotic Conflict. Identifying a problem In his diagnosis of a problem, Marc explains understanding if your sexual behavior is compulsive or conflicting with your values. He identifies the starting point of sexual behavior problems as the discovery or disclosure of an “agreement breaking process”  and provides a few great examples. Tune in to learn more as Marc discusses the three categories of problems he finds that could help you. Marc’s Process and Advice Helping people define their own clear boundaries for sexual behavior is something Marc specializes in through regular one-on-one and group sessions.  Join us to hear Marc's advice on Couples therapy and when it is needed. While Marc helps people with their sexual conflicts, his role is not to judge if a behavior is appropriate or inappropriate, but instead for his client to identify what is meaningful to them and align that to their personal values. He teaches clients that, “it is not necessarily the fact that you were looking for pleasure, it's the way you were going about trying to get that need met.” Listen in as he takes us through the stages to achieve that ideal vision of sexual health in relation to each individuals situation. Getting Help There are a number of internet support groups, books and 12-step programs available, some of which we discuss on this episode, but they don't work for everyone. If you think that talking to Marc might help you to understand any of the issues discussed and how they may relate to yourself, then check out his contact details below and get in touch. Website: http://marcgilmartin.com/ Email: marc@marcgilmartin.com Phone: (425) 453-6344 More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

I'm excited about the topic for this episode. We're going to be talking about both Masculine and Feminine Energy. I'm talking about this because it's relevant to sex and to our lives in general. We all have masculine and feminine energy, it's not about whether you're male or female bodied. It doesn't matter what kind of physical form you're in. Each of us has both types of energy, and it's important to be able to access and develop our sense of each of them in our lives. It's especially important in sex because it's the interplay between the two different energies that creates attraction. Masculine and feminine energy are like magnetic poles. If you have two that are alike, they can repel, and if they're different then they attract. That sort of tension or difference is what creates some vitality in a sexual attraction. And again, it's not about two different genders, but it's about having some interaction between those two different energies. It is helpful to learn about what those energies are, how they show up, what might block them, and what it's like to develop the one you're less comfortable in or spend less time in. That gives you more choice about how you show up in your sexual relationship, and it offers some fuel for your sexual fire. These concepts show up in my sex therapy practice, although people aren't generally using the language of masculine or feminine energy. But they are talking about trouble shifting gears from work.They are talking about lacking confidence and power in their sexual interactions. They are talking about struggling with sexual initiation and demonstration of their desire. All of the concerns relate to your balance of female and male energy. Clients also talk about struggles with attraction to their partner. Maybe it's because they aren't polarized in their energy, they are both in sort of the same place, whether that's masculine or feminine. And again, I'm not talking about gender; it doesn't matter if you're two men or two women. It's about what energy you are inhabiting. I have this amazing guest to talk to us today about this. Her name is Jeni Dahn, and she's really a gifted and experienced shamanic practitioner, an energetic healer and a life coach who empowers her clients to reconnect with their inner wisdom and live authentically. Jeni uses a variety of indigenous and modern healing modalities which focus on removing the energetic and mental barriers that prevent individuals from living to their full potential. She serves a wide variety of clients, including those seeking emotional support during life changes and recovery from physical, psychological, or emotional trauma, and also those who desire to live more wholeheartedly and abundantly. She sees the beauty in light in everyone, and she certainly shines her own beauty and light with everybody she deals with. She's compassionate, loving, understanding, and always fully present with clients and after working with her, people often say they feel more alive, joyful, grounded, and inspired to live from the truth of their being. It is just a delight to have Jeni Dahn with me here today. Initially inspired by the work of Dr. Alberto Villoldo, Jeni studied for two years with the Four Winds Society, where she learned many healing arts and the power of energy medicine. After receiving a certificate in energy healing from the Four Winds Society, Jeni completed additional training with the CTI coaching program. As a lifelong learner, Jeni continues to study indigenous healing practices and remains inspired by her teachers in the Seattle area and abroad. Along with private sessions, Jeni offers workshops, retreats, and group healing sessions throughout the Northwest. Links: Website - https://www.jenidahn.com/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/jenidahn/ Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/jeni.dahn Jeni's talk about masculine and feminine energy - https://www.facebook.com/jessica.butts.9400/videos/10212329852111602/ A little cartoon teaching about energy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiaVazF1SIY&feature=youtu.be More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

What are we talking about? Men who have sex with men, have done it in the past or who are interested in it, but still identify as straight or mostly straight. However, their behavior or their interest makes their partner wonder about their sexuality. Sometimes someone will wonder if their husband is gay because they have no interest in sex with them. Or they don't show a strong libido or a high sex drive. Or, maybe their partner has had sex with men, either recently or in the distant past or maybe they've got an interest in them. And it really makes them wonder, "Is my husband gay?" Seems like a reasonable question. But the truth is that sexuality is on a continuum. There's fluidity in our lives and our behavior is different than our identity. So you can't say just because somebody has done something that it defines who they are. You have a stable sexual orientation throughout your lifetime, but you may have romantic or sexual episodes long your path with someone outside of your sexual identity. Sometimes these can be frightening and confusing. Especially since as children and adolescents, we are only given permission to know that there is heterosexuality. People who discover a different sexual identity usually are much older. Dr. Kort describes his four questions that can help lead you to discover your own, personal sexual identity. He also explains what may be happening with these incidents and experiences, and how this can be an opportunity to have a conversation you might not ever have. Dr. Joe Kort is a licensed sex and relationship therapist. He specializes in sex therapy, LGBTQ issues, and Imago Relationship Therapy. He is the author of four books: 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives: Revised and Updated, 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love, LGBTQ Clients in Therapy: Clinical Issues and Treatment Strategies, and Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?: A Guide for Women Concerned about Their Men. A regular blogger for Psychology Today and The Huffington Post, he’s on the teaching faculty of the University of Michigan’s Sexual Health Certificate Program. Dr. Kort is also in partnership with Modern Sex Therapy Institute offering an LGBTQIA Affirmative Certification for helping professionals working with this population. Dr. Joe Kort: http://www.joekort.com Book - Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?: https://www.amazon.com/My-Husband-Gay-Straight-Concerned/dp/1442223251/ More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass