Better Sex

Shame. We're not born with it but it is given to us at a very early age. And we unwittingly pass it along to others. Shame is an emotional response which is completely natural, and you should never feel there is something the matter with you for which you should be ashamed. Our natural response to shame is to close in, to try and hide as we attempt to minimize our exposure to something shameful. Shame has also evolved into a tool we use to keep each other safe and to make it clear what the rules of engagement are. However, our attachment and bond with another can be ruptured in these instances, leaving the feeling of shame. It's important to repair this disruption and restore the bond as best as we can, or permanent damage can occur. Difficult to see at times because of its very nature to be hidden, shame can be pushed into a pattern which can be very difficult to interrupt. How do we reduce this shame amplification? How do we heal? And what does Parke mean when he speaks of "Healthy Guilt?" Listen to this powerful session and learn how you can begin to work through your shame and recognize when you are using it as an emotional tool, in and out of your sex life. Parke Burgess is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and psychotherapist in private practice in Tacoma and Seattle, Washington, working with couples and individual adults. In addition to a Masters of Psychology, Parke holds a doctorate in music from the University of Washington and a Bachelors degree from Yale University. He has written a book on the problem of violence and presented extensively to mental health and education professionals on the nature and treatment of shame. Parke Burgess - http://www.parkeburgess.com/ More info: Web – http://bettersexpodcast.com/3 Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

During this important conversation about grief and how it impacts our lives, especially within the context of our sex lives, Jessa and guest Edy Nathan help us to recognize that sexual changes throughout life are not always looked at as moments of grief. But, they certainly are and even if they seem small, they can add up to bigger, more powerful moments.Edy also helps us to understand the phases of grief. And, to see what may have shifted or changed in our lives which could have a dramatic impact on our feelings towards sex.Listen and learn about these phases and what you can do to move through the grief to find new ways to feel alive while learning more about yourself.Edy Nathan is a licensed clinical social work and AASECT certified sex therapist specializing in grief, trauma, and sexuality. She interweaves her formal training as a psychotherapist with alternative ways to tap into the self and truth.Within the context of sexuality, trauma, abuse, and death, she believes that everyone experiences grief throughout their lives. She believes that you cannot talk your way out of the process of grief, loss or trauma – you need to find a way into the self to get relief.Edy Nathan - http://edynathan.com/More info:Web – http://bettersexpodcast.com/2Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/Better Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

It's all over the news these days and sexual consent is important everywhere, even in a committed relationship. There are no "givens" and consent is required, no matter the situation. Especially if you change something within the relationship. Consent is basically a temporary license which must be renewed, you cannot take anything for granted. It is often quite hard to say "No!" Misunderstandings and miscommunications revolving around sexual consent, expectations, and even entitlement can lead to resentment or consent incidents. Even though the damage may not be intentional, the person who has violated the consent of another, despite differing perceptions, is still responsible for the damage. What do we do when a consent incident happens? Listen to this episode where Jessa Zimmerman interviews Sar Surmick to reveal some tools and strategies to navigate the tricky waters of Consent. The question is not just, "Has consent been given?" It can also be, "Has consent been asked for?" Sar Surmick is the director of the Consent Academy and a Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in identity work and couples therapy. With offices in Redmond and Seattle, Sar works with a wide variety of clients specializing in Non-Monogamy, Sex & Gender concerns, Trans* Clients, and BDSM/Kink. Sar teaches as a sex-positive educator focusing on Communication, Identity, and Consent. Sar Surmick - http://significantconnections.com Consent Academy - http://consent.academy.com More info: Web – http://bettersexpodcast.com/1 Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Welcome to the very first episode of Better Sex. I'm so glad you're here. The format of the show in the future is going to be largely interview-based, where I'm going to be talking to people with various areas of specialty and expertise that have some bearing on improving your sex life. But first, I want to give you a little chance to know who I am and why I'm doing this. I am a couples counselor and a sex therapist. I'm in private practice in Seattle, at the point of this recording, for about seven and a half years. But, I have people ask me a lot why I decided to become a sex therapist. It is a relatively rare specialty and certification and it started really when I was in graduate school. I was getting my master's degree in order to be a therapist. And early on in the program, we had a presentation by a sex therapist and she referred to her work as mostly grief and loss work. And that just hit me in the gut. I knew in that moment I wanted to be a sex therapist. There was something about resonating or empathizing with the suffering that people feel if their sex life isn't working. Right there in that moment, I knew that's what I wanted to do. I had to finish graduate school, get my master's degree and to finish all the requirements to become licensed as a therapist. So I went through the extensive training required to certify someone as a sex therapist. And I also got a lot of training in couples therapy approaches and from the very beginning of my practice, I have worked almost exclusively with couples. Most people that I see in my practice are struggling with sex even though their bodies are just fine. So nothing is physically wrong but they're having big problems. I see people struggling with desire discrepancy, where one person wants sex more than the other person. I see people fighting about sex. I see people certainly that don't know how to talk about it at all. And I certainly see people that don't have the information that they need to create a good sex life or to feel good about it. So as I meet with dozens of couples each week, I see patterns. I see where people get stuck. I see how a lack of information is going to completely handicap people. If you don't understand how sex works or what's going on, you don't know how to get solutions. I see how unrealistic expectations are killing people's ability to enjoy sex. There is so much misinformation out there. People have these ideas about what sex should be or what performing would look like or whatever it is and that's so in people's way. And I certainly see people not knowing how to talk about sex or the problems that they're having with their partner. Whether they're avoiding the topic completely or whether they end up in fights, they just don't know how to have the conversations they need to have to make it better. So that is really why I've started this podcast. I want to bring you the information you need to make the best possible sex life. So every episode is going to address something different and the topics may not be relevant to you right now, but hopefully, they will add up to a vast wealth of knowledge that will help if you need it at some point in the future. I also want to make it clear that I am inclusive. So I affirm every sexual orientation, gender identity, relationship structure, and consensual sexual behavior that there is. I'm what's called a sex-positive therapist. That really matters to me and I hope you can find that reflected in every episode. And with my guests as well. I'm really excited about this. I hope you're going to join me on this journey. And I wish you a lifetime of satisfying and pleasurable sex. Web – http://bettersexpodcast.com/000 Web – http://jessazimmerman.com Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/seattlecouplescounselor/ Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass