Sleeping Around

This week, Emily Nagoski (THE Emily Nagoski ah) and I explore what makes pleasure thrive in relationships by looking at how we can build stronger, more fulfilling connections.We also tackle questions like: What are the ingredients to a satisfying long-term sexual relationship? What if I don’t know what I like? How to experience pleasure? Why do couples with great sex lives talk about it so openly? And THEN in the Patreon extended version, we additionally discuss how to orgasm with a partner and whether or not you can ruin sensation with vibrator over-use. You don’t want to miss this one.EMILY NAGOSKI is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestselling Come As You Are and Come Together, as well as The Come As You Are Workbook, and coauthor, with her sister, Amelia, of New York Times bestseller Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She earned an M.S. in counseling and a Ph.D. in health behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She lives in Massachusetts with two dogs, a cat, and a cartoonist.Newsletter: https://emilynagoski.substack.comWebsite: https://www.emilynagoski.com/CAYA, second edition: https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1982165316Burnout: https://www.amazon.com/Burnout-Secret-Unlocking-Stress-Cycle/dp/1984818325/CAYA Podcast: https://www.pushkin.fm/podcasts/come-as-you-areFeminist Survival Project podcast: https://www.feministsurvivalproject.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/enagoski/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this episode of Sleeping Around, Alayna welcomes longtime friend and queer sex educator Stevie Boebi to the therapy couch. Stevie shares her journey into queer sex education and the unique challenges of addressing disability, queerness, and relationships in her content. Together, they explore topics like lesbian sex techniques, navigating sensory issues during intimacy, and the importance of clear communication in relationships. Stevie Boebi is an international queer peer educator who started out on YouTube in 2010, creating the first sex education video series. Stevie’s online community continues to grow as she documents her experience as a disabled lesbian on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube shorts. Her content ranges from ‘how-to’ style tutorials to navigating life with ehlers-danlos syndrome. Her videos are accessible, entertaining, and desperately needed. Connect with Stevie:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stevieboebi/?hl=enYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@stevieTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@stevieboebiUltimate Lesbian Sex Survey: https://www.autostraddle.com/tag/ultimate-lesbian-sex-survey/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this episode, Alayna chats with Dr. Yuthika Girme about redefining singlehood. They tackle societal pressures, the myth that relationships equal happiness, and how to be single and happy. From working on your attachment style to the stigma around relationship status, this episode offers fresh insights into finding fulfillment on your own terms.Yuthika U. Girme is an Associate Professor in the Department of Psychology at Simon Fraser University. Dr. Girme is the Director of the S.E.C.U.R.E. Laboratory researching Singlehood Experiences and Complexities Underlying Relationships. Dr. Girme has developed distinct research programs investigating singlehood and relationship process that have important practical implications, including social support, attachment insecurities, emotion regulation, and social stigma. Dr. Girme regularly publishes in top social psychology journals and her research has been recognized by numerous early career research awards, including the Society of Personality and Social Psychology: Relationship Research Interest Group Graduate Student Paper Award, Society of Experimental and Social Psychology Dissertation Award, and Association of Psychological Science Rising Star Award, and Caryl Rusbult Early Career Award. Check out The Secure Lab on IG: https://www.instagram.com/securelab.sfu/Listen to Dr. Girme's Podcast here: https://open.spotify.com/show/0zVmLb4nBiRSAAjdkifTZw Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What are the five key conversations every couple should have to improve their relationship? In this episode of Sleeping Around, we dive into this question with New York Times bestselling authors Vanessa and Xander Marin. Together, they explore the challenges of how to navigate communication hurdles in relationships, and some surprising truths about intimacy. Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin. She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience, he’s a regular guy, and together they wrote Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life.They’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you’ll be calling your new besties in no time. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours.Follow them on Instagram @vanessaandxander, and tune in to their podcast, Pillow Talks, for totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get all extended episodes and your holiday card here!: https://www.patreon.com/c/AlaynaJoyGo to https://surfshark.com/alayna for 4 extra months of Surfshark at an unbeatable price!Today Alayna welcomes Dr. Devon Price, a social psychologist and acclaimed author, to explore the intersections of neurodivergence, queerness, and authentic self-expression. Together they delve into masking, the challenges of navigating relationships as a neurodivergent person, and ways to overcome societal expectations. Dr. Price offers advice on building meaningful connections and embracing your individuality. This episode answers questions like: What is masking, and how can we undo this process? How do sensory needs influence intimacy, and how can they be honored in relationships? Why is community so vital for self-discovery and healing? How can neurodivergent people approach dating and connection? Devon Price is a social psychologist, professor, and the author of several books, including Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity and the forthcoming Unmasking for Life: The Autistic Person's Guide to Connecting, Loving, and Living Authentically, which comes out in March 2025. He writes regularly about neurodiversity, radical mental health, queer sexuality, and culture for free at drdevonprice.substack.com. He lives in Chicago with his chinchilla Dump Truck and his cat Loqi. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdevonprice/?hl=enBuy His Books: https://www.amazon.ca/stores/author/B08F5CGTTN Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this episode of Sleeping Around, Alayna sits down with Dr. Eric FitzMedrud, a therapist specializing in helping men redefine masculinity, consent, and intimacy. They dive into complex topics like male vulnerability, emotional regulation, and unpacking harmful aspects of the "manosphere." Dr. FitzMedrud shares insights into consent, the importance of emotional connection, and advice on fostering authentic relationships. Whether you identify as a man or not, this conversation offers a fresh perspective on masculinity today.We answer essential questions like:- How can men learn to express vulnerability in a way that feels safe and authentic?- What role does emotional regulation play in building stronger relationships?- How does the "manosphere" impact men’s perceptions of masculinity and intimacy?- What does genuine consent look like, and how can it enhance mutual pleasure in relationships?Eric FitzMedrud is a therapist specializing in relationship and sexual issues in the San Francisco Bay Area. His specialty is helping men improve their sex lives by learning to regulate their emotions, removing sexual entitlement, and honing their sexual consent and negotiation skills. FitzMedrud is a member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. He’s the award-winning author of “The Better Man: A Guide to Consent, Stronger Relationships, and Hotter Sex” and he’s been published in academic books, and an academic journal. He’s spoken at multiple conferences, trained therapists, and taught many graduate courses in psychology. FitzMedrud has a PhD in Clinical Psychology. He is polyamorous and bisexual, and lives with his wife of twenty-four years and his life partner of seven years in San Francisco’s East Bay area.Connect with @DrEricFitzInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/drericfitz Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drericfitz LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drericfitz Threads: https://www.threads.net/@drericfitz Read The Better Man by Eric FitzMedrudAmazon: https://www.amazon.com/Better-Man-Consent-Stronger-Relationships/dp/1637560354 Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-better-man-eric-fitzmedrud/1143136034?ean=9781637560358 Bookshop: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-better-man-a-guide-to-consent-stronger-relationships-and-hotter-sex-eric-fitzmedrud/19810038?ean=9781637560358 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We dive into the world of asexuality in this week’s episode of Sleeping Around, with journalist and author Angela Chen. Angela's book, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex, sheds light on this often-misunderstood identity. Angela and Alayna explore questions like: How can someone recognize a lack of sexual attraction if they've never felt it? Can asexual individuals still enjoy intimacy and sex? How can ace and allo partners create fulfilling relationships together? What does asexuality actually mean, and how is it different from celibacy? This episode isn’t just for those identifying on the ace spectrum but for anyone seeking to understand and broaden their perspectives on sexuality, desire, and the ways we connect with one another. Join us for an eye-opening conversation that challenges conventional ideas and highlights the importance of inclusivity in understanding diverse experiences.Angela Chen is a journalist and the author of Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex, named one of the best books of 2020 by NPR. Her reporting and essays have also appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Atlantic, Paris Review, and more. Buy Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=B088H9X9Z1&i=digital-text&_encoding=UTF8&shoppingPortalEnabled=trueWebsite: https://www.angelachen.org/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Dive into a thought-provoking conversation as I welcome acclaimed erotic filmmaker Erica Lust to Sleeping Around. In this episode, we explore the world of ethical feminist porn- breaking down stereotypes, sharing behind-the-scenes stories, and redefining narratives on sexuality and representation. Lust sheds light on how her films focus on real pleasure, diversity, and empowerment in ways mainstream media often overlooks. Whether you're curious about ethical filmmaking or interested in fostering healthier perspectives on intimacy, join us for an eye-opening discussion that challenges and inspires!Lust answers questions like:- What defines ethical feminist porn, and how does it differ from mainstream pornography?- How can feminist porn challenge harmful stereotypes and reshape how we view pleasure, desire, and consent?- How can adults introduce ethical porn into their personal or shared relationships in a healthy way?- How do real experiences and emotions fit into filmed portrayals of intimacy, and how does that impact authenticity in adult media? Erika Lust is an award-winning indie erotic filmmaker. Her work confronts pornography that focuses solely on male pleasure and sexual athletics by focusing on the eroticism of human sexuality and relationships through beautiful cinematography. She refuses to typecast performers based on their age, race, sexuality, or gender, and her movies represent a wide range of human body shapes, identities, and sexualities.In addition to this, Erika has built a diverse (online & offline) community of sex-positive creators and artists. Over the past 20 years, Erika Lust has gone from strength to strength and has directed many adult feature films and series, over 130 short films, and produced around 150 more.Connect with Erika Lust:Website: https://erikalust.com/IG: https://www.instagram.com/erikalustfilms/?hl=enElse Cinema: https://www.instagram.com/else.cinema/?hl=en Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this episode of Sleeping Around, I sit down with Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research. Dr. Neff shares insights from her groundbreaking work on mindful self-compassion, discussing how it transforms our relationship with ourselves and others. Listen in for some practical tips for developing your own self-compassion practice and discover how this essential skill can improve your well-being!We answer questions like:  What are the myths about self-compassion that often hold people back from practicing it? How can self-compassion help us set boundaries and avoid burnout? What are some practical steps or exercises someone can take to start cultivating self-compassion? Why do so many people find it difficult to be kind to themselves, even though they easily offer compassion to others? Dr. Kristin Neff is an Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. She is a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, conducting the first empirical studies on self-compassion more than twenty years ago. She has been recognized as one of the most influential researchers in psychology worldwide. Kristin runs the Self-Compassion Community, an online learning platform where people can learn the skill of self-compassion with the help of others. She is author of the bestselling book Self-Compassion and Fierce Self-Compassion. Along with her colleague Chris Germer, she developed the empirically-supported Mindful Self-Compassion program and co-founded the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion. They called co-wrote the best-selling The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook and have a new book called Mindful Self-Compassion for Burnout. For more info go to self-compassion.org.Take a free Self-Compassion test! : https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-test/Join the Self-Compassion Community: https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-community/Connect with Dr. Kristen Neff:Self-Compassion CommunityTwitterFacebookInstagramBooksFierce Self-CompassionSelf-CompassionThe Mindful Self-Compassion WorkbookTeaching the Mindful Self-Compassion ProgramMindful Self-Compassion For Burnout  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Trigger Warning: in this episode we discuss sexual trauma. The episode does not contain graphic detail but does include the story of Jimanekia's assault and discussion of sexual trauma in various forms. Take care of yourself!In this episode, I chat with Jimanekia about healing from trauma and the role of community in recovery. We discuss steps for survivors re-entering the dating world, essential self-care practices, and key advice for partners supporting a survivor. A thoughtful conversation on intimacy, connection, and healing.What are the steps someone should take when they want to start dating again after experiencing trauma?What self-care practices are recommended for survivors?What are the most important things to keep in mind when being the partner of a survivor?Jimanekia Eborn is a Queer Sexual Assault & Trauma Expert, Trauma Media Consultant, and Comprehensive Sex Educator, who has worked in mental health for the past 16 years in sex education and sexual trauma support. Jimanekia is the Founder of Tending the Garden, a non-profit for sexual assault survivors of different marginalized identities and Co-founder of Cintima, bringing increased representation to the field of Intimacy Coordination in the film industry.Connect with Jimanekia:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jimanekia/?hl=enWebsite: https://traumaqueen.love/X: https://x.com/jimanekiaDon’t forget to follow the show on Instagram: @sleepingaroundpod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.