Shrink For The Shy Guy

Explore the fear of emotionally hurting others and its toll on your well-being. Discover the crucial difference between hurting someone and truly harming them, emphasizing the need for honest communication. Learn how people-pleasing can backfire and how avoiding tough conversations may strain relationships. Delve into personal stories that reveal the balance between self-expression and maintaining connections. Understand that disappointing others is natural and necessary for your own growth.

Feeling stuck, frustrated, or like nothing you're doing is working? Discouragement is part of every growth journey—but how you handle it determines whether you break through or give up. In this episode, Dr. Aziz reveals the hidden reasons why we feel discouraged and how your mind is wired to shut you down when challenges arise. Learn the powerful questions you must ask yourself to shift from discouraged to determined and keep making progress toward your goals. If you've ever felt like giving up, listen now—this episode could change everything.   ------------------   We’ve all been there: feeling excited, optimistic, and ready to take on the world, only to face moments of discouragement. The truth is, on any growth journey, there will be highs and lows. The key to lasting success lies not in avoiding those lows but in how you handle them when they come. The Power of Staying in the Game Just like in investing, success in confidence-building isn’t about timing the market—it's about time in the market. In other words, consistency is what matters. If you’re committed to growing your confidence, it’s not about doing something quickly and checking it off your list. It’s about staying in the process, even when things get tough. But here’s the catch: the more action you take, the more likely you are to face discouragement. That’s by design. When you start actively putting yourself out there—whether it’s in dating, your career, or speaking up more in meetings—you open yourself up to setbacks. And when those setbacks happen, that discouragement can feel like a ton of bricks. Why Does Discouragement Hit So Hard? Discouragement hits hardest when you start to face your fears and take risks. When you’re playing it safe, like I did in my own life during my battle with social anxiety, you can avoid discouragement. But once you start stepping up, putting yourself out there, and truly engaging in the process, discouragement is inevitable. Why? Because there’s a part of you—the safety police—that wants to avoid discomfort at all costs. When you try something new, especially if it’s a risk, that part of you freaks out and says, Whoa, stop, stay small, stay safe. That’s when the discouragement feels so intense. It’s designed to make you stop, retreat, and never try again. Shifting Your Response to Discouragement Here’s the crucial point: How you respond to discouragement will determine how far you go on your confidence journey. If you give in to it and retreat, you’ll never see the growth you want. But if you can push through and keep going, that’s when the real transformation happens. To break through discouragement, here’s what you need to do: Name What’s Happening: When you feel discouraged, recognize it for what it is. Acknowledge that the discouragement is real but doesn’t define you. It's just part of the process. Get Compassionate with Yourself: Take a moment to connect with yourself. Put one hand on your chest, one on your belly, and take deep breaths. Acknowledge the discouragement with compassion—Yeah, it feels tough right now, but that doesn’t mean I’m stuck. Then, shift your focus. Ask the Key Questions: Why do I want this? How bad do I want it? Am I willing to do what it takes to achieve it? The power of answering these questions lies in the fact that when you connect with your deeper values and purpose, your discouragement fades into determination. Your Action Step If you're feeling discouraged right now, perfect timing—this is exactly when you can apply these tools. Take a moment to ask yourself: What’s a goal I really care about? Answer the questions above honestly. The more connected you are to your “why,” the stronger your resolve will be to push through challenges. If you’re not feeling discouraged at the moment, think of a goal you’ve been working on, and run yourself through the same process. You’ll be amazed at how clarity and determination come flooding back.   The road to confidence isn’t always easy, but when you stay in the game and choose to keep going, you’ll look back and be amazed at how far you’ve come. Keep going, and don’t give up—you’re building something extraordinary.

Explore how your inner dialogue shapes your confidence! The discussion reveals the transformative power of self-talk and how shifting away from negative thoughts can enhance self-esteem. Learn practical steps to turn self-criticism into empowering affirmations. Discover the link between healthy habits and maintaining confidence, emphasizing personal responsibility in your inner conversation. It's time to reclaim your self-talk and unlock your full potential!

What if your 'not enough' beliefs are just lies you've been telling yourself? Dive into the compelling topic of self-deception and discover how these limiting beliefs keep you stuck in fear and self-doubt. Learn practical steps to recognize and challenge these negative perceptions. Imagine breaking free from this trap and embracing your true, confident self. It’s time to step into your power and live authentically!

Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? We've all heard the phrase, nice guys finish last, but is it really true? In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz dives into the hidden costs of being too nice—how people-pleasing can hold you back in relationships, career, and life. But don’t worry, the solution isn’t to become a jerk. Instead, you’ll discover the real opposite of nice: authenticity. Learn how to express yourself boldly, set boundaries without guilt, and step out of the nice cage so you can stop finishing last and start living fully. If you’re ready to break free from the fear of upsetting others and claim your confidence, tune in now!   --------------------------------------------------------------- You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Nice guys finish last.” But is it really true? What does it mean for you? Are you doomed if you’re too nice? Isn’t being nice a good thing? If you’ve ever wondered about the impact of people-pleasing on your life, you’re in the right place. In today’s post, we’ll dive deep into the origins of this phrase and, more importantly, how being overly nice may actually be holding you back in life. I’ll share with you some powerful insights and actionable steps to stop pleasing others at the expense of your own happiness, so you can start living more boldly and authentically. The Real Cost of Being "Nice" Being nice might sound like a virtue, but when it’s rooted in fear of rejection and disapproval, it can actually harm your relationships, career, and even your health. Niceness isn’t the same as kindness. Kindness is about genuinely caring for others, but niceness is driven by a desire to avoid conflict or rejection at any cost. This people-pleasing behavior can leave you feeling disconnected from yourself, burned out, and ultimately, overlooked by others. “Niceness is not kindness; it’s fear. Fear of being rejected, judged, or abandoned. When you live in fear, you end up losing yourself.” If you’ve ever said “yes” when you really wanted to say “no,” you know exactly what I mean. This habit of putting others’ needs above your own comes at a price — one that often leads to frustration, resentment, and even physical symptoms like burnout. The Myth of "Nice Guys Finish Last" The phrase “nice guys finish last” originated in the world of sports, when Leo Durocher, a baseball manager, claimed that being overly nice was detrimental to success. The idea was simple: in competitive environments, the nicest person is often the one who gets passed over or overlooked. But what does that mean for you in your everyday life? Being nice out of fear doesn’t just hurt you in sports; it’s a pattern that shows up in every part of life. Whether it’s at work, in relationships, or in social situations, excessive niceness can make you feel like you’re finishing last. You might be overlooked, undervalued, or even taken advantage of because you haven’t learned to assert your needs, wants, and boundaries. Breaking Free from the "Nice" Cage Here’s the good news: You can break free. The opposite of being nice isn’t about becoming a jerk or a narcissist; it’s about being authentically you. It’s about expressing your true thoughts, setting boundaries, and confidently saying “no” when you need to. “The opposite of being nice isn’t being mean, it’s being authentic. You don’t need to please everyone to win in life. You need to please yourself first.” In my upcoming event, Not Nice Live, we’ll dive into how you can shed the pattern of people-pleasing and start living in alignment with who you truly are. We’ll explore powerful tools and practices to help you break free from the cage of niceness. You’ll gain clarity on why you’ve fallen into this pattern, how it impacts you, and most importantly, how to start shifting it during the event — and carry those changes forward into your life. The Permission to Be Bold Imagine a life where you confidently say no when you need to, ask for what you truly want, and express your feelings without fear of judgment. That’s the power of reclaiming your authenticity. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but with consistent practice and the right support, you’ll start to feel a sense of freedom and empowerment. “The true cost of staying nice is the regret of not living fully. The cost is a life that’s out of alignment with who you are meant to be.” I know it may sound like a far-off dream, but this is within your reach. You can step out of the shadows of people-pleasing and step into the light of being unapologetically yourself. The best part? You don’t have to do it alone. Action Step: Start Reclaiming Your Rights Today As a first step, start by giving yourself permission to do one thing you’ve been holding back on. Maybe it’s saying “no” to an invitation you don’t want to accept, or expressing your true feelings about something that’s been bothering you. Write it down, say it aloud, and practice it every day until it feels natural. The more you practice, the more you’ll internalize this new way of being. And I promise you, it will change your life. Remember, it’s not about being rude or inconsiderate; it’s about showing up as your true self, without fear of judgment. If you're ready to take your boldness to the next level, I invite you to join me for Not Nice Live in March. The event is virtual, so you can attend from anywhere in the world, and we’re offering a special early-bird price right now. Don’t miss out — this is your chance to step into the life you truly want, without the guilt.

How much influence do you really have over your life? More than you think. In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz explores the direct connection between your confidence and the results you create. Whether it’s in social interactions, your career, or personal growth, hesitation and fear hold you back while boldness and self-trust open doors. Through a powerful real-life example, you’ll see how the way you think shapes your experiences and the hidden ways self-doubt limits your success. Are you playing to win, or just trying not to fail? Tune in to discover how shifting your mindset can radically change your results.   ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   What if I told you that the key to changing your life, whether it's in your career, relationships, or personal goals, lies in how you show up with confidence? No, I’m not suggesting that you can control everything or that if you just get your confidence “right,” you’ll always get what you want. But here’s the truth: Your confidence has more power over your outcomes than you realize. Let’s break down why this is, how it works, and how you can start taking control of your life right now. The Fear That Holds You Back Here’s what most people don’t want to admit: Confidence is a choice, and often, we choose to avoid it. Why? Because of fear. We fear that we’re not enough—not smart enough, not capable enough, not lovable enough. And when we operate from this place of fear, we avoid the things that challenge us, we make excuses, and we often stay stuck in our comfort zones. You may have told yourself stories like, “I don’t want to talk to that person; they probably won’t like me anyway,” or “I shouldn’t try that because I might fail and look stupid.” These stories might feel real, but they’re just that—stories. And they keep you from stepping into your true power and potential. How Confidence Shapes Your Actions Let me share a story to illustrate this. Recently, I watched my son play his first basketball game of the season. He’s a tall, scrappy 11-year-old who loves the game and plays with enthusiasm at home. But when he got to the game, he froze. His body language said it all—his shoulders were slumped, his arms hung low, and he wasn’t trying to make plays. He was paralyzed by the fear of missing shots or messing up. I asked him what was going on, and through tears, he admitted, “No one passes to me.” The truth was, his inner critic—his own “Poopy Coach”—was running the show. His body was unconsciously signaling that he wasn’t ready to play, and as a result, his teammates avoided passing him the ball. This is the same pattern that happens in life when we let our inner critic take over. When you play it safe and avoid risk, you’re not just holding back in one area of life—you’re restricting yourself in every area. The more you fear judgment, failure, or rejection, the more you limit the outcomes you could achieve. The Key to Transforming Your Confidence Now, here’s where things get interesting: confidence isn’t about eliminating fear—it’s about being willing to take action despite it. It’s about saying, “Yes, I’m scared. But I’m still going to try.” For my son, I helped him see that missing a shot doesn’t define him. I suggested that he try to take more shots in the next game, even if they didn’t go in. The goal wasn’t to make every shot; the goal was to get comfortable with failure—because each time he takes a shot, win or lose, his confidence grows. This is where you can start to make the same shift in your life. Stop focusing on avoiding failure and start focusing on making progress. It's not about perfection—it’s about showing up and doing your best. Take More Shots in Your Life So, here’s your action step: What shots can you take this week? What risks are you avoiding? Is it speaking up in a meeting? Is it reaching out to someone you’ve been afraid to talk to? Is it stepping up and taking charge of your career or relationships? The next time you feel the urge to hold back, ask yourself, “What would I do if I had the confidence to act?” Then, take that action—even if it’s uncomfortable. Your confidence grows each time you act despite fear. And most importantly, remember: If you don’t succeed, it doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It means you’re learning. Confidence isn’t about being perfect—it’s about embracing the journey and trusting that with each step, you’re getting better, stronger, and more capable. Final Thoughts: It’s Time to Take Control The truth is that your confidence is the key to your success. It’s not a magic fix, and it’s not about avoiding discomfort. But if you’re willing to show up, take the shots, and keep going, you’ll find that the outcomes you want in life are closer than you think. So, step up. Own your confidence. And watch as you start to control the outcomes in your life. Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are, and to know deep down, that you are awesome.

Have you ever felt trapped by self-doubt or overwhelmed by negative thoughts about yourself? In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz explores how our minds play tricks on us, creating distorted beliefs that undermine our confidence. But what if you could flip the script? Learn why these mental patterns exist, how they hold you back, and what you can do to reclaim your confidence. Whether you’re navigating social anxiety, professional insecurity, or just want to feel more self-assured in your day-to-day life, this episode offers insights that will shift your perspective and help you step into your best self. Tune in now!----------------------------------------------------   Confidence can seem elusive at times, especially when you’re constantly battling inner doubts and self-criticism. But what if I told you that you can trick yourself into feeling high confidence? Now, I know this might sound strange at first. "Tricking yourself?" you might wonder. Isn't that just being fake? Well, let's take a deeper look at how this actually works—and how it can help you break free from the cycle of self-doubt. The Power of "Tricking" Yourself The concept of "tricking yourself" isn't about being dishonest or pretending to be something you're not. Instead, it's about flipping the negative, distorted thoughts you have about yourself and intentionally replacing them with a more positive, empowering narrative. Think of it as a fun little game, where you reprogram your brain to believe in your capabilities, even when your inner critic tells you otherwise. If you’re skeptical about this approach, consider this: We’re already tricking ourselves every day. Most of us are walking around with an internal narrative that tells us we’re inadequate, unlikable, or just not good enough. These thoughts aren't grounded in reality—they're just distorted beliefs we’ve bought into. So why not "trick" yourself into the opposite? Why We Do It: The Safety Police There’s a part of us that keeps us safe from discomfort—the "safety police" inside. It wants to protect us from potential pain and failure, so it distorts our reality to prevent us from taking risks. This is why we might assume that we're awkward, unworthy, or destined to fail in social situations. The safety police uses this distorted thinking to keep us from putting ourselves out there. But by tricking ourselves into believing that we are worthy and capable, we bypass this fear and begin to act with confidence. Real-Life Example: The Power of Perception Let me share a story from one of my clients. He and his friends were at a club, dancing, and he felt extremely self-conscious. He imagined that everyone around him thought he was awkward and uncomfortable. But after the night ended, he casually asked someone he had danced with if they thought it was awkward. To his surprise, she said it was great! That moment clicked for him. All the negative thoughts he’d had were simply made-up stories, and once he let go of those fears, he could enjoy the moment without the burden of self-doubt. This is how our minds work: we create stories, usually negative ones, about our abilities and how others perceive us. The trick is to flip the script and start making up positive, empowering stories instead. How to Put It Into Action Identify a Negative Story: Think about a situation where you typically feel insecure or self-conscious—maybe it’s speaking up at meetings, going on a date, or trying something new. Flip the Script: Now, reframe that situation. Instead of imagining how awkward or unlikable you are, make up a story where everything goes smoothly. For example, instead of thinking, "I’ll probably mess this up," tell yourself, "I’m confident and capable. I’m going to do great!" Practice It Regularly: The more you practice this technique, the easier it will become to automatically think in a positive, empowering way. Eventually, you’ll find that these new beliefs start to feel just as true as the old, negative ones. The Takeaway: It’s All Made Up Anyway Here’s the thing: We are always telling ourselves stories—about ourselves and the world around us. Most of the time, those stories are negative, but there’s no rule saying they have to be. You have the power to reframe your inner narrative and make up something that serves you, not something that holds you back. So next time you’re faced with a situation that triggers your self-doubt, remember: It’s all made up anyway. Why not make up a story that helps you feel confident, capable, and worthy of success? You might be surprised at how powerful this simple shift in thinking can be. You can start today. Trick yourself into believing that you are awesome—and watch how quickly your confidence follows.

Insecurities can plague anyone, even the most accomplished individuals. The key to overcoming self-consciousness lies in shifting focus from yourself to those around you. By observing others and engaging genuinely, you can break the cycle of self-doubt and anxiety. Embracing connections rather than perfection fosters true confidence. Additionally, trusting yourself helps you enter a state of flow, enhancing your social interactions. Start small by noticing something unique about someone else, and watch your insecurities fade away.

True self-confidence doesn’t come from looking perfect, saying the right things, or playing a role—it comes from letting yourself be truly seen. In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz reveals the surprising magic ingredient to building lasting confidence: authentic sharing. When you allow yourself to share what’s real—your thoughts, feelings, and experiences—you break down the barriers of fear and self-doubt. Instead of hiding behind a mask, you show up as your true self, and in doing so, you create genuine connection and trust with others. This level of vulnerability isn’t always easy, but it’s where real confidence lives. Start small: share 5% more of your authentic self in your next conversation and notice the difference. If you're ready to claim 2025 as the year you show up fully and boldly, tune in and discover how unveiling yourself can transform your confidence forever.   ----------------------------------------------------------   Are you struggling with self-confidence? It might surprise you to know that the magic ingredient isn’t about changing your appearance, gaining more knowledge, or getting a perfect track record. In fact, it’s something far more powerful—and it’s not about you at all. I’m Dr. Aziz, and in today’s episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, I’ll reveal the counterintuitive secret to building true self-confidence in 2025. The best part? You can start practicing it right now. The Key to True Confidence: Letting Yourself Be Seen The secret to true self-confidence isn’t more self-help tools or tricks. It’s about one thing: sharing. Not just sharing your favorite hobbies or where you’re from, but allowing yourself to be seen and known as you are right now. This means being authentically yourself, even in moments when it feels uncomfortable. I call it “unveiling yourself,” and it’s the key to breaking down barriers in your social life and relationships. When you let others see who you really are, the magic of confidence starts to build, because confidence is not about pretending to be someone else—it’s about fully showing up as the person you truly are. “Intimacy is not about sex. It’s about being seen for who you truly are.” Why We Hide Ourselves—and How to Stop For many, opening up and sharing who we truly are can feel risky. We worry that we’ll be judged, rejected, or misunderstood. Maybe you’ve tried to fit in by playing a role or saying the things you think people want to hear. But here's the truth: playing a role doesn’t build confidence—it breeds anxiety. True confidence comes from showing up authentically and letting people see the real you. When you “unveil” yourself, it’s about being honest about what you’re feeling in the moment. Whether it's vulnerability, anxiety, or joy, when you share that openly, you invite deeper connection. And that’s the essence of confidence. Intimacy is Key A common misconception about intimacy is that it’s tied only to romantic relationships. But intimacy is about true connection, whether it’s with your partner, a friend, or even a stranger. Intimacy comes when you allow someone to see into you, and you do the same for them. Most people aren’t comfortable with this level of intimacy. It’s risky, and it’s not always easy. But the beauty of intimacy is that it strengthens relationships and deepens bonds in a way that surface-level small talk never can. “The more you share, the stronger your connection becomes, and your self-confidence builds with every real interaction.” The Power of Vulnerability When I met my wife Candace, I decided to do things differently. I didn’t want to hide behind any role or act. I wanted to be real, even if it meant feeling vulnerable. Instead of asking what I should say to impress her, I focused on what was true for me and shared that. What I found was shocking: Being vulnerable didn’t push her away. Instead, it drew us closer and built a deeper connection. And, as a bonus, it boosted my confidence because I no longer had to pretend to be someone I wasn’t. Your Action Step for Today It’s time for you to practice unveiling yourself. Start small—pick one relationship in your life and share a little bit more than you normally would. Let yourself be seen and known for who you really are, even if it’s just 5% more than usual. As you practice, you’ll notice something amazing: Not only will your relationships deepen, but your confidence will grow. And the best part? You’re going to feel more authentic and connected than ever before. “When you let go of the need to hide and share your true self, you unlock a powerful, unshakable confidence.” So, are you ready to claim 2025 as the year you step into your authentic self? Practice unveiling yourself, and watch your self-confidence soar. Let me know how it goes!

In this first episode of 2025, Dr. Aziz kicks off the year with a powerful question: Is 2025 going to be your year? While the future holds uncertainty, Dr. Aziz emphasizes that you can still claim this year as yours—not because you can predict every outcome, but because of how you choose to show up in every moment. With humor, insight, and a touch of personal vulnerability, he explores how our mindset, attitude, and willingness to embrace both patience and bold action determine the quality of our experiences, regardless of circumstances. Dr. Aziz shares reflections on the power of claiming your path, leaning into challenges, and adopting a sense of certainty that transcends momentary setbacks. He introduces the concept of being “guided by your future self,” a perspective inspired by his studies with Donny Epstein, the creator of Network Chiropractic. Whether it’s adopting patience, cultivating resilience, or committing to bold actions, Dr. Aziz encourages listeners to anchor themselves in a powerful intention for the year ahead. To wrap up, he invites you to declare aloud (or in your mind, if you’re surrounded by people), “2025 is going to be my year because…” Fill in that blank with your truth, your vision, and your commitment. As challenges inevitably arise, this declaration serves as your north star, keeping you focused and aligned with your goals. Welcome to 2025—let’s make it your year.   --------------------------------------------------------------------------   Welcome to 2025! As we dive into the new year, you might be wondering, Will this year be your year? The truth is, while none of us can predict exactly what the future holds, there’s one thing we can control—how we approach it. I’m Dr. Aziz, and in this episode, I’m challenging you to stop waiting for perfect circumstances and start claiming your power. The truth is, confidence is not about waiting for everything to align perfectly. It’s about choosing to stand strong no matter what life throws your way. The Power of Claiming Your Year You might wonder, how can you say 2025 is going to be your year when you don’t even know what’s coming? Here’s the secret: You don’t need to know. When we let life passively happen to us—waiting for good things to come or trying to avoid bad ones—we’re giving away our power. In this episode, I break down why life is full of uncertainty, and why that can either hold you back or drive you forward. Instead of letting uncertainty create anxiety, use it to fuel your confidence. Instead of seeing challenges as obstacles, see them as opportunities for growth. What if everything that happens, good or bad, could be part of your greater plan? The key is to claim your year by focusing on what you’re going to create and how you’re going to show up. Your Confidence is an Inside Job So, how do you make 2025 your year? The first step is realizing that your confidence doesn’t come from external events or circumstances. It’s an inside job. If you tie your sense of worth and happiness to things outside of you—like recognition, success, or approval—you’ll always be at the mercy of external forces. But when you realize that your worth is inherent, that you don’t need others’ approval to validate your existence, everything changes. That’s how you build unshakeable confidence. So, ask yourself: What would 2025 look like if you fully owned your value, no matter what’s happening in the world around you? Adversity is Part of the Journey The reality is, adversity will come. Challenges are inevitable. And just like I learned in my own life and through working with countless others, how you respond to adversity is what defines your success. Instead of viewing setbacks as something to fear or avoid, I encourage you to see them as part of the process. As I shared in my upcoming book Doubtless, uncertainty is not something to fear but to embrace. It’s where all growth and transformation happen. Here’s a powerful action step for you: Take a moment to say out loud, “2025 is going to be my year because...” Let the words flow from you. Maybe it’s because you’re going to show up with more courage. Maybe it’s because you’re going to take bold actions, practice patience, or trust yourself like never before. 2025 is going to be your year—not because the circumstances will be perfect, but because you’re choosing to take control of your response. You’re choosing confidence over fear. You’re choosing to show up no matter what. And that, my friend, is the true key to success. Claim Your Year Now As you move forward into 2025, take it one day at a time. Know that challenges will arise, but you have the tools to face them. With every step you take, no matter how small, you’re moving closer to a more confident version of yourself. In the words of my mentor Donnie Epstein, you are already who you need to be. The future you’re aiming for is already there; it’s just a matter of stepping into it. Embrace that power, and let’s make this your year of confidence and success. Until next time, may you have the courage to be who you are and know, deep down, that you're awesome. Let’s make 2025 a year to remember.