Shrink For The Shy Guy

Welcome to today’s episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy with Dr. Aziz! If you’ve ever felt stuck, procrastinated, or told yourself “I should…” but still didn’t follow through — this episode is for you. Dr. Aziz reveals the three powerful secrets to breaking out of avoidance and finally taking the action you know will move your life forward. Whether it’s social confidence, career growth, health habits, or daily routines — it all comes back to one key truth: Confidence is a byproduct of action. In this episode, you’ll discover: Why resistance, groaning, and procrastination are totally normal (and how to break through them) The surprising way your identity story might be keeping you stuck How to use pain as powerful leverage (yes, really!) The missing piece that makes it way easier to follow through Why pleasure in the future is the key to taking action today Dr. Aziz also shares his personal story of emotional pain, transformation, and how one pivotal night in his 20s changed everything. If you're ready to overcome avoidance and create a life that energizes and fulfills you, this episode will give you both the mindset and momentum to start now. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Do you often find yourself stuck in the cycle of procrastination, avoiding tasks that you know could improve your life? Whether it's taking social risks, having difficult conversations, or simply getting things done, we all face moments when it feels impossible to take action. In this post, I’m going to reveal the three secrets to breaking free from inaction and boosting your confidence. Secret #1: Recognize the Pattern The first step in overcoming procrastination and avoidance is to recognize the cycle you’re in. It often starts with the feeling of fear—fear of failure, fear of judgment, or fear of discomfort. You know you should act, but instead, you avoid the task. You tell yourself “I should,” but you don’t follow through. This internal tension leads to resistance, and eventually, you may find yourself stuck in a negative identity—thinking of yourself as someone who just can’t follow through or is too scared to act. The first secret is to notice this pattern. Acknowledge that you’re caught in it and make the decision to do something different. The more you notice it, the more you can break free from it and start acting from a place of empowerment, not fear. "Confidence is a byproduct of action. You won’t feel confident until you take action." — Dr. Aziz Secret #2: Use Pain as Leverage Pain is one of the most powerful motivators for action. In fact, research shows that we are twice as motivated by pain as we are by pleasure. The key is to leverage pain in a constructive way. Ask yourself: What is the cost of inaction? If you keep avoiding something, where will it take you? In the case of social anxiety, it might be loneliness or missed career opportunities. By focusing on the pain of staying stuck, you can create a sense of urgency and motivate yourself to act. However, it's essential to not get lost in despair when reflecting on this pain. Instead, take ownership of the situation and realize that you can change things. When the pain of staying where you are exceeds the fear of the unknown, you’ll finally take the leap. Secret #3: Focus on the Pleasure of Action While pain can push you to act, pleasure is what will keep you going. We often resist action because we focus on the discomfort of getting started, but if you shift your focus to the benefits of taking action, you’ll find yourself motivated. For example, if you’re avoiding a workout because it feels hard to start, remind yourself of how good you’ll feel afterward—the energy, the sense of accomplishment, the pride in doing something for yourself. By training your mind to see the pleasure on the other side, you’ll feel more compelled to take action. "Are you willing to be uncomfortable now to experience the extraordinary in your life?" — Dr. Aziz Taking Action: Your Next Step Now that you know the three secrets to taking action, it’s time to put them into practice. Start by recognizing the patterns that hold you back, use pain and pleasure to motivate yourself, and take action even when it feels uncomfortable. If you want to make real progress in your life, the key is consistent action. The more you act, the more confidence you’ll build. It’s time to break free from the cycle of procrastination and start living boldly. Remember, confidence comes from doing—not waiting for the perfect moment or feeling ready. Take action today, and watch your confidence grow! You are capable of so much more than you realize. Keep going, and you'll soon be amazed at how far you can go.

In today’s episode, Dr. Aziz dives deep into the hidden cycle that fuels your worry and anxiety—especially when it comes to social situations, work, dating, money, health, and more. If you’ve ever wondered why anxiety keeps coming back despite trying tools like affirmations, meditation, or even medication, this episode is for you. You’ll discover: The 5-part anxiety loop that drives your fear and fuels the need to control everything Why the real issue isn’t the fear itself, but how you relate to it How to spot where you are in the cycle so you can break free in real time The power of self-awareness and softening, instead of resistance and control One simple but powerful action step to find relief—starting today Dr. Aziz reveals how recognizing this cycle (Fear → Urge to Do → Prevent the Bad → Avoid Pain → More Fear) can unlock lasting freedom and peace. Tune in now and take the first step toward living with more presence, ease, and inner confidence. 🎧 Ready to finally stop fighting anxiety and start living? Press play now.------------------------------------------   Have you ever found yourself caught in an endless loop of worry and anxiety? Maybe you're overthinking conversations, feeling uneasy about upcoming events, or imagining worst-case scenarios. This constant cycle of fear and worry can feel overwhelming, but there’s a way out. In today’s post, we’re diving deep into how anxiety works and, more importantly, how you can start breaking free from it. Let’s explore how to stop worrying, be more present, and create lasting peace of mind. The Anxiety Cycle: Fear, Action, and Pain It all starts with fear—the feeling we all know too well. When we feel anxious, whether it’s about a social situation, work stress, or personal struggles, we experience fear. It’s that tightness in your chest, the flutter in your stomach, or the constant, buzzing thoughts in your head. The immediate reaction to this fear is often the urge to do something—anything to make it stop. We might try to control the situation, over-prepare, or replay conversations in our minds, trying to plan every possible outcome. This urgency to act comes from the desire to avoid pain. Whether it’s the emotional pain of rejection, embarrassment, or failure, we act to prevent those outcomes. But the irony is, the more we try to control and avoid pain, the more we trap ourselves in this cycle. "Fear leads to the urge to do something, which is often about preventing bad outcomes. But what are we really protecting ourselves from? Pain." What Happens Next? Once we’ve acted or worried about acting, we eventually arrive at the one thing we’ve been trying to avoid—pain. It could be the pain of failure, rejection, or even just the discomfort of uncertainty. And here’s the twist: we’re so afraid of pain that we spend most of our energy trying to protect ourselves from it. But what if we stopped trying to avoid pain altogether? What if, instead of controlling, we embraced impermanence and allowed ourselves to experience life’s inevitable ups and downs? As Buddhist teachings remind us, everything in life changes, including pain. The pain we fear is often temporary, and yet, we treat it like a permanent threat. "The fear of pain keeps us stuck in a cycle of worry and control. But what if we embraced the fact that pain, like everything else, is temporary?" Breaking the Cycle: The Power of Observation So how do we break this cycle? It starts with observation. The first step is noticing where you are in the cycle of anxiety. Are you stuck in fear, urgently trying to do something? Are you trying to protect yourself from pain or a bad outcome? By becoming aware of these patterns, you can begin to step out of the cycle. Next, try to soften the need for control. Recognize that, while some things in life are out of your hands, this doesn’t mean you’re powerless. You don’t need to control every outcome to feel okay. You can still act, but from a place of inspiration, not fear. Start practicing this mindset shift by simply observing your thoughts and reactions when anxiety arises. "By observing the cycle of fear, action, and pain, we can break free from the need to control and start embracing life's natural flow." The Action Step: Embrace the Impermanence of Pain As your action step today, when you notice anxiety or worry creeping in, pause and ask yourself: “What am I trying to control? Am I trying to prevent pain or avoid something that might not even happen?” Recognize that life is full of ups and downs, and some of the pain we fear is inevitable. But that doesn’t mean we can’t navigate it with peace and resilience. Instead of reacting out of fear, act from a place of acceptance and curiosity. It’s okay to feel discomfort or uncertainty. By embracing this, you’ll free yourself from the constant cycle of worry and begin to live more fully in the present.

This discussion tackles the burden of societal expectations that lead to feelings of inadequacy. Dr. Aziz reveals the 'fundamental error' of waiting for external validation to find happiness. A transformative method is shared to help break free from negative self-talk and foster real confidence. Listeners learn to embrace self-compassion and accept their emotional complexities without judgment. Ultimately, the conversation emphasizes that true peace comes from within, regardless of life's circumstances.

Do you ever feel like you're behind in life? Like you're not where you should be? In today’s episode, Dr. Aziz dives deep into the unconscious programming that fuels this feeling and how to break free from it. You'll learn: Why we constantly feel like we’re falling short How societal and personal conditioning shape our expectations The key to shifting your mindset so you can feel good right now—without waiting for external success This episode is all about reclaiming control over your life, challenging the "drummer in the back of the bus," and finding joy before you reach the next milestone.   --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------       Have you ever felt like you're not where you should be in life? Like there's a destination you're supposed to reach, but no matter how hard you try, it feels out of your grasp? You’re not alone. Many of us have faced these feelings of inadequacy, discouragement, or frustration when we feel that we haven't achieved everything we thought we would by a certain age or stage in life. In this episode, we’ll explore why that happens and how to break free from these limiting beliefs to get to where you want to be—both in life and in your inner world. The Unconscious Forces at Play We often think we’re in control of our lives. After all, we make decisions, set goals, and take action. But have you ever caught yourself doing something you didn’t plan to do? Maybe eating something late at night you didn’t even want, or acting out of frustration when you didn’t mean to? If you’ve experienced this, you’ve been influenced by unconscious forces that are driving your behavior without you even realizing it. Carl Jung famously said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” This means that the patterns, beliefs, and conditioning we’ve developed throughout our lives are often controlling us, guiding us in ways that might not be aligned with our true desires. The Drummer in the Back of the Bus Think of your life as a bus, and you are the driver. But here’s the catch: you're not driving alone. There's a whole group of characters in the back of the bus, influencing your decisions. These characters are your unconscious programming—the messages you've absorbed from society, family, and past experiences. Some of these voices might tell you that you're not good enough, not successful enough, or that you’re falling behind in life. Imagine one of the voices on the bus is the "drummer"—the voice that constantly beats the rhythm of what's wrong, what's missing, and what you should have done by now. It’s the voice that says, "You should have achieved more by now" or "You need to be in a relationship to be happy." The problem is, these unconscious voices drive us to make decisions based on fear and inadequacy. We feel the pressure to be perfect and chase after what society says we should want, but often, these desires are culturally conditioned and not entirely our own. Shifting from Fear to Freedom How do you break free from the constant chatter of this internal drummer? The first step is awareness. You need to listen to the voices that tell you you’re not where you should be, and ask them questions. What do you want me to do? Why do I need to achieve this specific thing to feel okay? By bringing attention to these voices, you start to question whether they are truly yours, or if they're just a product of your upbringing or societal expectations. Once you understand these voices are not the truth of who you are, you can begin to quiet them. And here's the key: true freedom comes when you recognize that you don’t need to achieve or have everything in place to be happy. The pressure to be perfect, to meet certain external standards, is what keeps you stuck in a cycle of self-criticism and frustration. Your Action Step This week, take some time to listen to the drummer in the back of your bus. Pay attention to the voice that tells you you're not enough. Write down what it says. Then, question it. Challenge its validity. Is it really true? Can you still be happy without meeting those external standards? The more you do this, the more you’ll create space for your true self to emerge. You don’t need to meet every external expectation to feel worthy. True growth comes from aligning with your authentic desires, not from chasing what others expect of you. In the next episode, we’ll explore how to liberate yourself from this inner conflict and step into a life filled with joy and authenticity. Stay tuned for more!

Explore the fear of emotionally hurting others and its toll on your well-being. Discover the crucial difference between hurting someone and truly harming them, emphasizing the need for honest communication. Learn how people-pleasing can backfire and how avoiding tough conversations may strain relationships. Delve into personal stories that reveal the balance between self-expression and maintaining connections. Understand that disappointing others is natural and necessary for your own growth.

Feeling stuck, frustrated, or like nothing you're doing is working? Discouragement is part of every growth journey—but how you handle it determines whether you break through or give up. In this episode, Dr. Aziz reveals the hidden reasons why we feel discouraged and how your mind is wired to shut you down when challenges arise. Learn the powerful questions you must ask yourself to shift from discouraged to determined and keep making progress toward your goals. If you've ever felt like giving up, listen now—this episode could change everything.   ------------------   We’ve all been there: feeling excited, optimistic, and ready to take on the world, only to face moments of discouragement. The truth is, on any growth journey, there will be highs and lows. The key to lasting success lies not in avoiding those lows but in how you handle them when they come. The Power of Staying in the Game Just like in investing, success in confidence-building isn’t about timing the market—it's about time in the market. In other words, consistency is what matters. If you’re committed to growing your confidence, it’s not about doing something quickly and checking it off your list. It’s about staying in the process, even when things get tough. But here’s the catch: the more action you take, the more likely you are to face discouragement. That’s by design. When you start actively putting yourself out there—whether it’s in dating, your career, or speaking up more in meetings—you open yourself up to setbacks. And when those setbacks happen, that discouragement can feel like a ton of bricks. Why Does Discouragement Hit So Hard? Discouragement hits hardest when you start to face your fears and take risks. When you’re playing it safe, like I did in my own life during my battle with social anxiety, you can avoid discouragement. But once you start stepping up, putting yourself out there, and truly engaging in the process, discouragement is inevitable. Why? Because there’s a part of you—the safety police—that wants to avoid discomfort at all costs. When you try something new, especially if it’s a risk, that part of you freaks out and says, Whoa, stop, stay small, stay safe. That’s when the discouragement feels so intense. It’s designed to make you stop, retreat, and never try again. Shifting Your Response to Discouragement Here’s the crucial point: How you respond to discouragement will determine how far you go on your confidence journey. If you give in to it and retreat, you’ll never see the growth you want. But if you can push through and keep going, that’s when the real transformation happens. To break through discouragement, here’s what you need to do: Name What’s Happening: When you feel discouraged, recognize it for what it is. Acknowledge that the discouragement is real but doesn’t define you. It's just part of the process. Get Compassionate with Yourself: Take a moment to connect with yourself. Put one hand on your chest, one on your belly, and take deep breaths. Acknowledge the discouragement with compassion—Yeah, it feels tough right now, but that doesn’t mean I’m stuck. Then, shift your focus. Ask the Key Questions: Why do I want this? How bad do I want it? Am I willing to do what it takes to achieve it? The power of answering these questions lies in the fact that when you connect with your deeper values and purpose, your discouragement fades into determination. Your Action Step If you're feeling discouraged right now, perfect timing—this is exactly when you can apply these tools. Take a moment to ask yourself: What’s a goal I really care about? Answer the questions above honestly. The more connected you are to your “why,” the stronger your resolve will be to push through challenges. If you’re not feeling discouraged at the moment, think of a goal you’ve been working on, and run yourself through the same process. You’ll be amazed at how clarity and determination come flooding back.   The road to confidence isn’t always easy, but when you stay in the game and choose to keep going, you’ll look back and be amazed at how far you’ve come. Keep going, and don’t give up—you’re building something extraordinary.

Explore how your inner dialogue shapes your confidence! The discussion reveals the transformative power of self-talk and how shifting away from negative thoughts can enhance self-esteem. Learn practical steps to turn self-criticism into empowering affirmations. Discover the link between healthy habits and maintaining confidence, emphasizing personal responsibility in your inner conversation. It's time to reclaim your self-talk and unlock your full potential!

What if your 'not enough' beliefs are just lies you've been telling yourself? Dive into the compelling topic of self-deception and discover how these limiting beliefs keep you stuck in fear and self-doubt. Learn practical steps to recognize and challenge these negative perceptions. Imagine breaking free from this trap and embracing your true, confident self. It’s time to step into your power and live authentically!

Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? We've all heard the phrase, nice guys finish last, but is it really true? In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz dives into the hidden costs of being too nice—how people-pleasing can hold you back in relationships, career, and life. But don’t worry, the solution isn’t to become a jerk. Instead, you’ll discover the real opposite of nice: authenticity. Learn how to express yourself boldly, set boundaries without guilt, and step out of the nice cage so you can stop finishing last and start living fully. If you’re ready to break free from the fear of upsetting others and claim your confidence, tune in now!   --------------------------------------------------------------- You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Nice guys finish last.” But is it really true? What does it mean for you? Are you doomed if you’re too nice? Isn’t being nice a good thing? If you’ve ever wondered about the impact of people-pleasing on your life, you’re in the right place. In today’s post, we’ll dive deep into the origins of this phrase and, more importantly, how being overly nice may actually be holding you back in life. I’ll share with you some powerful insights and actionable steps to stop pleasing others at the expense of your own happiness, so you can start living more boldly and authentically. The Real Cost of Being "Nice" Being nice might sound like a virtue, but when it’s rooted in fear of rejection and disapproval, it can actually harm your relationships, career, and even your health. Niceness isn’t the same as kindness. Kindness is about genuinely caring for others, but niceness is driven by a desire to avoid conflict or rejection at any cost. This people-pleasing behavior can leave you feeling disconnected from yourself, burned out, and ultimately, overlooked by others. “Niceness is not kindness; it’s fear. Fear of being rejected, judged, or abandoned. When you live in fear, you end up losing yourself.” If you’ve ever said “yes” when you really wanted to say “no,” you know exactly what I mean. This habit of putting others’ needs above your own comes at a price — one that often leads to frustration, resentment, and even physical symptoms like burnout. The Myth of "Nice Guys Finish Last" The phrase “nice guys finish last” originated in the world of sports, when Leo Durocher, a baseball manager, claimed that being overly nice was detrimental to success. The idea was simple: in competitive environments, the nicest person is often the one who gets passed over or overlooked. But what does that mean for you in your everyday life? Being nice out of fear doesn’t just hurt you in sports; it’s a pattern that shows up in every part of life. Whether it’s at work, in relationships, or in social situations, excessive niceness can make you feel like you’re finishing last. You might be overlooked, undervalued, or even taken advantage of because you haven’t learned to assert your needs, wants, and boundaries. Breaking Free from the "Nice" Cage Here’s the good news: You can break free. The opposite of being nice isn’t about becoming a jerk or a narcissist; it’s about being authentically you. It’s about expressing your true thoughts, setting boundaries, and confidently saying “no” when you need to. “The opposite of being nice isn’t being mean, it’s being authentic. You don’t need to please everyone to win in life. You need to please yourself first.” In my upcoming event, Not Nice Live, we’ll dive into how you can shed the pattern of people-pleasing and start living in alignment with who you truly are. We’ll explore powerful tools and practices to help you break free from the cage of niceness. You’ll gain clarity on why you’ve fallen into this pattern, how it impacts you, and most importantly, how to start shifting it during the event — and carry those changes forward into your life. The Permission to Be Bold Imagine a life where you confidently say no when you need to, ask for what you truly want, and express your feelings without fear of judgment. That’s the power of reclaiming your authenticity. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but with consistent practice and the right support, you’ll start to feel a sense of freedom and empowerment. “The true cost of staying nice is the regret of not living fully. The cost is a life that’s out of alignment with who you are meant to be.” I know it may sound like a far-off dream, but this is within your reach. You can step out of the shadows of people-pleasing and step into the light of being unapologetically yourself. The best part? You don’t have to do it alone. Action Step: Start Reclaiming Your Rights Today As a first step, start by giving yourself permission to do one thing you’ve been holding back on. Maybe it’s saying “no” to an invitation you don’t want to accept, or expressing your true feelings about something that’s been bothering you. Write it down, say it aloud, and practice it every day until it feels natural. The more you practice, the more you’ll internalize this new way of being. And I promise you, it will change your life. Remember, it’s not about being rude or inconsiderate; it’s about showing up as your true self, without fear of judgment. If you're ready to take your boldness to the next level, I invite you to join me for Not Nice Live in March. The event is virtual, so you can attend from anywhere in the world, and we’re offering a special early-bird price right now. Don’t miss out — this is your chance to step into the life you truly want, without the guilt.

How much influence do you really have over your life? More than you think. In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz explores the direct connection between your confidence and the results you create. Whether it’s in social interactions, your career, or personal growth, hesitation and fear hold you back while boldness and self-trust open doors. Through a powerful real-life example, you’ll see how the way you think shapes your experiences and the hidden ways self-doubt limits your success. Are you playing to win, or just trying not to fail? Tune in to discover how shifting your mindset can radically change your results.   ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   What if I told you that the key to changing your life, whether it's in your career, relationships, or personal goals, lies in how you show up with confidence? No, I’m not suggesting that you can control everything or that if you just get your confidence “right,” you’ll always get what you want. But here’s the truth: Your confidence has more power over your outcomes than you realize. Let’s break down why this is, how it works, and how you can start taking control of your life right now. The Fear That Holds You Back Here’s what most people don’t want to admit: Confidence is a choice, and often, we choose to avoid it. Why? Because of fear. We fear that we’re not enough—not smart enough, not capable enough, not lovable enough. And when we operate from this place of fear, we avoid the things that challenge us, we make excuses, and we often stay stuck in our comfort zones. You may have told yourself stories like, “I don’t want to talk to that person; they probably won’t like me anyway,” or “I shouldn’t try that because I might fail and look stupid.” These stories might feel real, but they’re just that—stories. And they keep you from stepping into your true power and potential. How Confidence Shapes Your Actions Let me share a story to illustrate this. Recently, I watched my son play his first basketball game of the season. He’s a tall, scrappy 11-year-old who loves the game and plays with enthusiasm at home. But when he got to the game, he froze. His body language said it all—his shoulders were slumped, his arms hung low, and he wasn’t trying to make plays. He was paralyzed by the fear of missing shots or messing up. I asked him what was going on, and through tears, he admitted, “No one passes to me.” The truth was, his inner critic—his own “Poopy Coach”—was running the show. His body was unconsciously signaling that he wasn’t ready to play, and as a result, his teammates avoided passing him the ball. This is the same pattern that happens in life when we let our inner critic take over. When you play it safe and avoid risk, you’re not just holding back in one area of life—you’re restricting yourself in every area. The more you fear judgment, failure, or rejection, the more you limit the outcomes you could achieve. The Key to Transforming Your Confidence Now, here’s where things get interesting: confidence isn’t about eliminating fear—it’s about being willing to take action despite it. It’s about saying, “Yes, I’m scared. But I’m still going to try.” For my son, I helped him see that missing a shot doesn’t define him. I suggested that he try to take more shots in the next game, even if they didn’t go in. The goal wasn’t to make every shot; the goal was to get comfortable with failure—because each time he takes a shot, win or lose, his confidence grows. This is where you can start to make the same shift in your life. Stop focusing on avoiding failure and start focusing on making progress. It's not about perfection—it’s about showing up and doing your best. Take More Shots in Your Life So, here’s your action step: What shots can you take this week? What risks are you avoiding? Is it speaking up in a meeting? Is it reaching out to someone you’ve been afraid to talk to? Is it stepping up and taking charge of your career or relationships? The next time you feel the urge to hold back, ask yourself, “What would I do if I had the confidence to act?” Then, take that action—even if it’s uncomfortable. Your confidence grows each time you act despite fear. And most importantly, remember: If you don’t succeed, it doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It means you’re learning. Confidence isn’t about being perfect—it’s about embracing the journey and trusting that with each step, you’re getting better, stronger, and more capable. Final Thoughts: It’s Time to Take Control The truth is that your confidence is the key to your success. It’s not a magic fix, and it’s not about avoiding discomfort. But if you’re willing to show up, take the shots, and keep going, you’ll find that the outcomes you want in life are closer than you think. So, step up. Own your confidence. And watch as you start to control the outcomes in your life. Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are, and to know deep down, that you are awesome.