The Virtual Couch

Every couple starts their marriage journey with hearts full of hope and eyes bright with optimism. But what happens when the fairy tale meets reality? In this compelling episode of the Virtual Couch, marriage therapist Tony Overbay takes listeners on an intimate journey through the evolution of marriage, sparked by his observation of a young newlywed couple, Hannah and Cody, during a recent podcast interview.Drawing from over 20 years of experience as a marriage therapist, Tony bridges the gap between those magical early days and the complex reality that many couples face years into their marriage. He addresses the common refrain of "just wait until..." that many newlyweds hear, while offering hope and practical tools for couples at all stages of their relationship.Key insights include:- The power of intentional curiosity in long-term relationships- Why emotional maturity matters more than initial chemistry- The critical balance between self-care and partner care- How to maintain individual growth while nurturing your relationship- The four pillars of connected conversation that can transform your communicationTony shares vulnerable moments from his own 34-year marriage journey, demonstrating how the principles he teaches aren't just theoretical—they're battle-tested. He tackles the delicate balance between maintaining individual identity and building a strong partnership, offering practical insights for both newlyweds and seasoned couples.Whether you're basking in newlywed bliss like Hannah and Cody or navigating the complexities of a decades-long partnership, this episode provides a roadmap for understanding how to evolve together while maintaining the spark that brought you together in the first place. Tony's unique perspective helps couples understand that while change is inevitable in marriage, it doesn't have to mean growing apart—it can mean growing together in new and deeper ways.This episode is essential listening for:- Newlywed couples wanting to build a strong foundation- Long-term couples seeking to reconnect or deepen their bond- Anyone curious about the real journey from romantic love to lasting partnership- Couples wanting practical tools for better communication and understandingJoin Tony as he unpacks these insights and more, offering both hope and practical strategies for couples at any stage of their marriage journey.Follow the Q&A Files Podcast on Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/1k2Oh4rY9VCp1tVeu14dxk?si=a39537613900475b Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-q-a-files/id1730736061 or wherever you listen to podcasts. 00:00 Introduction and Podcast Overview01:52 Reflecting on Marriage and Personal Experiences03:42 The Importance of Communication in Relationships05:42 Premarital and Newlywed Counseling Insights06:59 Four Pillars of a Connected Conversation11:15 Navigating Discomfort and Growth in Relationships19:52 Intentionality and Integrity in Commitments23:22 Embracing Change and Curiosity in Marriage25:49 Expressing Authenticity26:00 Navigating Online Dating28:01 The Game of Emotional Immaturity28:44 The Challenge of Authenticity in Dating30:07 Saying 'I Love You'32:38 Psychological Flexibility in Relationships39:06 The Importance of Self-Care42:56 Boundaries and Pathological Kindness45:07 Choosing Love Daily46:53 Conclusion and Future Topics

What happens when you walk face-first into a wall at the movies? For therapist Tony Overbay, it led to a deep discussion about relationships, self-worth, and the challenges of being true to yourself in a world that often demands conformity.In this engaging episode of The Virtual Couch, Tony is joined by his daughter Mackie for their regular Sunday night Q&A session. After sharing a humorous story about his movie theater mishap (complete with butterfly stitches), they dive into profound conversations about relationships, mental health, and personal growth.The episode explores the concept of "normal" versus "pathological" narcissism, with Tony breaking down Eleanor Greenberg's research on how healthy ego differs from defensive narcissism. They discuss how true confidence comes from actual accomplishments rather than a fragile facade of superiority.A significant portion focuses on the challenges of maintaining authenticity in relationships, particularly when dealing with emotional immaturity. Tony explains how many people lose themselves trying to make others happy, and the importance of choosing self-care first - not as an act of selfishness, but as a necessary foundation for genuine connection.The father-daughter duo tackles numerous listener questions, covering topics like:- Setting healthy boundaries versus giving ultimatums- The impact of being a "scapegoat" in family dynamics- Dealing with betrayal trauma and infidelity- The struggles of highly sensitive people (HSP)- Navigating relationships with emotionally immature partners- The challenges of being authentically yourself in a society that often rewards conformityThroughout the episode, Tony emphasizes the importance of differentiation - developing a strong but flexible sense of self while maintaining connections with others. He provides practical advice for listeners struggling with various relationship challenges, including resources for finding affordable therapy and support groups for those dealing with emotionally immature partners.The conversation weaves together clinical insights with personal experiences, creating an authentic and relatable dialogue that helps listeners understand they're not alone in their struggles. Tony and Mackie's natural rapport adds warmth and accessibility to complex therapeutic concepts, making them more digestible for a general audience.00:00 Introduction and Setting the Scene01:06 Super Bowl and Halftime Show Reactions02:30 Movie Theater Mishap and Story Time07:10 Relationship Dynamics and Self-Care11:47 Understanding Narcissism and Healthy Ego17:34 Questions from the Audience41:14 Navigating the Online Dating World41:50 The Struggle of Authenticity in Relationships43:20 The Journey of Emotional Growth47:22 Dealing with Narcissistic Relationships53:54 The Importance of Setting Boundaries01:11:12 Overcoming Trauma and Seeking Therapy01:14:15 Confronting Relationship Challenges01:19:59 Final Thoughts and Resources

Tony welcomes sisters Sarah Bailey and Karla Cragg, who share a passion for enhancing the social lives of individuals with autism. They introduce their Breaking Social Barriers PEERS program, an evidence-based social skills training course designed specifically for young adults on the autism spectrum. Their program is based on UCLA’s acclaimed PEERS treatment model, the only research-backed method proven to help young adults with autism form and maintain meaningful friendships.Sarah and Karla provide an inside look at their curriculum, which offers practical strategies for entering, maintaining, and exiting conversations—along with other essential social skills that set individuals up for success. They emphasize the importance of honoring autistic individuals' authenticity while equipping them with the social tools they may need.The conversation also explores key topics such as the differences between autism and highly sensitive person (HSP) traits, the impact of diagnosis and labeling, and the increasing demand for targeted social skills training.Tune in to discover how Sarah and Karla’s approach is making a profound difference in the lives of autistic individuals—whether formally diagnosed or self-identified.Learn more about their evidence-based programs at BreakingSocialBarriers.com.00:00 Welcome to the Virtual Couch01:11 Diving into Autism Awareness02:22 Carla's Journey into Autism Education05:31 Introducing the Peers Program08:27 Navigating Social Skills for Young Adults12:44 Understanding Autism and Neurodiversity20:43 Navigating Social Interactions with High Functioning Autism21:27 Teaching the Art of Trading Information23:30 The Importance of Evidence-Based Social Skills Programs25:18 Addressing Loneliness and Social Isolation26:24 Course Structure and Content29:43 Role Playing and Practical Applications35:56 Enhancing Authentic Social Interactions38:29 Conclusion and Contact Information

Have you ever been told you're 'too sensitive' or that you need to ‘get over it,’ or ‘don’t worry about it,’ but that only causes you to worry more, or feel less connected to others, or even yourself? Or have you been told that your sensitivity must mean you're on the autism spectrum? Or are you on the autisim spectrum and can you also identify with many of the characteristics of Highly Sensitive People? With over 2.2 million views and hundreds of comments on recent viral videos about Highly Sensitive People (HSPs), it's clear this topic strikes a nerve. Drawing from his experience working with both HSPs and individuals with ASD, Tony dives deep into why these distinct experiences are often confused - and why understanding the difference isn't just interesting, it's essential for creating a more empathetic world.Through viral video statistics, personal anecdotes, and real-world examples, he breaks down how HSPs (representing 15-20% of the population) and individuals with ASD navigate life differently. From sensory processing to social dynamics, discover why that deep emotional processing might actually be an evolutionary advantage rather than a disorder. Along the way, the discussion explores how ADHD and NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) intersect with these experiences.This episode provides crucial insights into recognizing, understanding, and supporting both HSPs and individuals with ASD. Whether questioning your own experiences or trying to better understand someone else's, listeners will find the clarity and validation they've been seeking. Perfect for anyone who's ever felt misunderstood about their sensitivity or confused about where they fit in the neurodiversity spectrum. Join Tony for an eye-opening discussion that might just change how you see yourself - or someone you love."00:00 Welcome and Introduction00:30 The Viral Video on Highly Sensitive People01:04 Behind the Scenes: Social Media Stats02:05 Addressing Misconceptions and Personal Insights03:26 A Personal Anecdote: The Butterfly Bandage04:12 Responding to Drive-By Comments04:29 Understanding Highly Sensitive People (HSP) vs Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)07:27 Story Time: Sarah and Michael's Interaction18:57 The Evolutionary Purpose of High Sensitivity21:39 Traits and Characteristics of Highly Sensitive People29:17 Challenges Faced by Highly Sensitive People33:59 The Importance of Curiosity and Understanding35:30 Understanding Human Uniqueness36:22 Fascinating Facts About Human Preferences37:22 The Complexity of Sensitivity39:20 Exploring Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)40:49 Comparing HSP and ASD Sensory Experiences54:50 Social Interactions: HSP vs. ASD01:00:47 Nonverbal Communication Differences01:04:26 Emotional Energy and Social Fatigue01:08:05 Final Thoughts and Listener Engagement

Have you ever tried selling a grand piano on Facebook Marketplace? Our latest episode of the Q&A Files kicks off with some personal tales of downsizing and the hilarious adventures that come with it. Join us as Trisha Jamison, a board-certified functional nutritionist, and Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist and seasoned podcaster from The Virtual Couch,  and Waking Up To Narcissism, discuss these issues for Tony's podcast, The Virtual Couch. Trisha and Tony discuss emotional immaturity and narcissistic traits and offer a path to healthier relationships. We share our own journeys of growth and healing to show how. This episode delves into the challenges of navigating emotionally complex relationships and the power of validation. Whether dealing with resistance from a partner or unlocking the transformative potential of self-awareness, our candid discussions aim to provide fresh perspectives and practical strategies for listeners who might be walking similar paths.Join us next time as we discuss how to keep your relationships fresh by talking to a newlywed couple who are just as cute as can be! Follow the Q&A Files Podcast on Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/1k2Oh4rY9VCp1tVeu14dxk?si=a39537613900475b Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-q-a-files/id1730736061 or wherever you listen to podcasts. 

Are you tired of repeating the same relationship patterns? Whether it's constant worry about abandonment or a tendency to keep people at arm's length, these behaviors - known as attachment styles - aren't set in stone. In part one of this two-part series, therapist Tony Overbay examines the science of attachment theory, tracing its development from John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth's pioneering "Strange Situation" experiment to current research demonstrating how people can actually change their relationship patterns. Through clinical examples and accessible explanations, Tony breaks down how early experiences with caregivers create blueprints that influence adult relationships - and more importantly, why these patterns can evolve.Tony explains how understanding attachment style connects to emotional maturity and self-awareness. Listeners will learn about different attachment patterns, how they manifest in daily life, and why these early-developed patterns aren't a reflection of personal failure - they emerged before conscious choice was possible.This episode provides the foundation for a deeper exploration of attachment style change and relationship transformation. For anyone dealing with trust issues, abandonment fears, or struggles with emotional intimacy, the discussion offers concrete insights into becoming more secure in relationships.Part 2 will delve into specific strategies for building secure attachments and showing up differently in relationships. As Tony often says, "You're not broken, you're human" - and humans have a remarkable capacity for growth.00:00 Welcome Back and New Beginnings00:28 Understanding Narcissism and Emotional Maturity02:05 Personal Struggles and Emotional Growth04:40 Podcast Updates and Future Plans06:59 Introduction to Attachment Theory10:06 The Strange Situation Experiment12:28 Attachment Styles and Their Impact17:25 Early Childhood and Relationship Templates21:04 Avoidant Attachment in Adulthood22:07 The Painful Dance of Intimacy23:52 The Role of Fathers in Attachment24:37 Presence and Radiance: A Father's Influence26:18 Emotional Safety and Consistency29:31 Navigating Emotions and Independence39:53 Challenges of Absent Fathers44:12 Healing Attachment Wounds44:33 Conclusion and Next StepsFind more from Tony Overbay:TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@virtualcouchInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtual.couch/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft/Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-virtual-couch/id1275153998Website: https://www.tonyoverbay.com/ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/virtualcouchTo learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchAvailable NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-courseSubscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

In this special bonus episode of The Virtual Couch, host Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist, is joined by his daughter Sydney for a live Q&A session originally aired on TikTok. The duo addresses a variety of mental health topics, including ADHD management, the importance of setting realistic New Year's resolutions, and how to navigate emotional boundaries in relationships. Listeners can learn about the differences between CBT and ACT therapy, how to handle emotional immaturity and narcissism in relationships, and practical strategies for dealing with ADHD, such as medication and increasing emotional tolerance. Tony and Sydney also discuss complex emotional topics like disassociation, rejection sensitivity, and the impact of childhood defense mechanisms on adult behaviors. For those unable to join live, the episode is available on Tony's Virtual Couch YouTube channel. Viewers are encouraged to submit their mental health questions for future episodes.00:00 Welcome to The Virtual Couch01:18 Live Q&A Introduction02:37 Discussing New Year's Resolutions03:36 Understanding Socially Compliant Goals04:44 Experiential Avoidance Explained05:31 Setting Realistic Goals08:06 Addressing ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity12:02 Navigating Emotional Immaturity in Relationships18:08 Falling in Love Outside of Marriage21:15 ADHD and Attachment Styles23:35 Gaslighting: A Childhood Defense Mechanism28:41 The Impact of ADHD Medication42:10 Addressing Basic Needs42:22 Exploring Non-Stimulant ADHD Medications43:53 Understanding the Window of Tolerance46:10 Thoughts on TMS Therapy47:49 Discussing DPDR Disorder49:25 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy vs. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy52:36 Navigating Emotional Sensitivity and Boundaries57:00 Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder01:00:00 The Role of Therapy and Validation01:11:07 Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) Traits01:20:33 Concluding Thoughts and Q&AFind more from Tony Overbay:TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@virtualcouchInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtual.couch/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft/Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-virtual-couch/id1275153998Website: https://www.tonyoverbay.com/ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/virtualcouch

Tony exposes something that will forever change how you hear conversations - including your own. That moment when someone says, 'I feel like you don't care' might not actually be about feelings at all..."Have you ever said "I feel like this isn't working," when what you really meant was, "I think this isn't working - and I'm scared"? In this eye-opening episode, Tony delves into the subtle but powerful difference between thoughts and feelings, revealing how this common confusion shapes our relationships in unexpected ways.Through engaging stories from his therapy practice, Tony shows how something as simple as saying "I feel like" when we mean "I think" can accidentally put others on the defensive and hide our true emotions. You'll discover why that matters more than you might think - especially in your closest relationships.Drawing from both clinical experience and relatable examples (including a story about forgotten tacos at a dinner party), Tony explores:- Why we often mask our true feelings behind thoughts- How childhood experiences shape our comfort with emotional expression- The surprising reason self-compassion feels threatening to many people- Practical ways to build a richer emotional vocabularyOnce you understand this pattern, you'll start noticing it everywhere - in your conversations, in others' speech, and maybe even in your own internal dialogue. Visit Tony's new website https://tonyoverbay.com for additional resources on emotional intelligence and join his Patreon community at https://patreon.com/virtualcouch for exclusive content and Q&A sessions where you can dive deeper into these insights.This isn't just another episode about communication - it's about understanding why we hide our true feelings and how to finally express what we really mean.Find more from Tony Overbay:TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@virtualcouchInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtual.couch/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft/Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-virtual-couch/id1275153998Website: https://www.tonyoverbay.com/ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/virtualcouch00:00 Welcome to The Virtual Couch00:52 Understanding Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms01:20 Exciting Announcements and Facial Hair03:07 Unseen Patterns and Hidden Meanings05:49 The Power of Confirmation Bias08:58 Thoughts vs. Feelings: A Therapy Insight17:33 Emotional Vocabulary and Childhood Influences23:20 Separating Observations from Judgments24:03 Witness vs. Lawyer: A Car Accident Case24:44 Applying the Concept to Relationships25:39 Curiosity Over Judgment27:15 Workplace Communication29:37 The Taco Story: A Lesson in Self-Compassion34:56 The Impact of Self-Criticism39:13 Embracing Psychological Flexibility40:57 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Are you tired of the endless pursuit of perfection? Do you question why your self-esteem seems more tied to others' opinions than your own self-worth? In this transformative episode, Tony explores the crucial difference between self-esteem and self-compassion, drawing from Dr. Kristin Neff's groundbreaking research. Through personal experiences and scientific insights, Tony challenges our cultural obsession with self-esteem, revealing why the constant pressure to be "above average" creates an impossible and unhealthy standard for well-being.Learn how self-compassion offers a more sustainable path to genuine self-acceptance through its three core components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Tony delves into the fascinating neuroscience behind mindfulness practices, explaining how they physically rewire our brains for greater emotional regulation and self-awareness. Drawing from Viktor Frankl's profound insights as a Holocaust survivor and author of "Man's Search for Meaning," Tony illustrates how finding meaning in our struggles can transform our relationship with ourselves and others.This episode provides both the scientific framework and practical tools needed to develop self-compassion in daily life. Whether you struggle with perfectionism, find yourself caught in comparison traps, or simply want to develop a more stable sense of self-worth, you'll discover why self-compassion offers all the benefits of high self-esteem without its potential downsides. Join Tony as he shares actionable strategies for transforming your relationship with yourself and finding peace in the simple truth that you're not broken - you're human.00:00 Introduction and Personal Story01:46 The Therapist's Dilemma: Hope vs. Reality04:33 Exploring Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion07:01 The Impact of Comparison and External Validation11:02 Value-Based Goal Setting and Radical Acceptance13:08 Parental Support and Secure Attachment15:25 Listener Insights on Self-Esteem16:32 Embracing Self-Compassion23:22 Seeking Validation and Self-Compassion24:16 Confessions of an Ultramarathoner26:18 Accepting Mediocrity in Running29:19 The Power of Self-Compassion33:25 Mindfulness and Self-Kindness35:19 A Personal Podcasting Challenge39:21 Viktor Frankl's Wisdom on Meaning45:23 The Journey of Self-Compassion

Delve into the complexities of persistent depressive disorder and its impact on mental health. Learn how neurotransmitters, like serotonin and dopamine, influence mood and the role of medication in treating chronic depression. Discover the historical evolution of PDD and its place within the DSM-5 framework. Explore unhealthy coping mechanisms and the importance of self-discovery in recovery. With Thanksgiving approaching, find insightful psychological fun facts to share around the table!