The Virtual Couch

Have you ever tried selling a grand piano on Facebook Marketplace? Our latest episode of the Q&A Files kicks off with some personal tales of downsizing and the hilarious adventures that come with it. Join us as Trisha Jamison, a board-certified functional nutritionist, and Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist and seasoned podcaster from The Virtual Couch,  and Waking Up To Narcissism, discuss these issues for Tony's podcast, The Virtual Couch. Trisha and Tony discuss emotional immaturity and narcissistic traits and offer a path to healthier relationships. We share our own journeys of growth and healing to show how. This episode delves into the challenges of navigating emotionally complex relationships and the power of validation. Whether dealing with resistance from a partner or unlocking the transformative potential of self-awareness, our candid discussions aim to provide fresh perspectives and practical strategies for listeners who might be walking similar paths.Join us next time as we discuss how to keep your relationships fresh by talking to a newlywed couple who are just as cute as can be! Follow the Q&A Files Podcast on Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/1k2Oh4rY9VCp1tVeu14dxk?si=a39537613900475b Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-q-a-files/id1730736061 or wherever you listen to podcasts. 

Are you tired of repeating the same relationship patterns? Whether it's constant worry about abandonment or a tendency to keep people at arm's length, these behaviors - known as attachment styles - aren't set in stone. In part one of this two-part series, therapist Tony Overbay examines the science of attachment theory, tracing its development from John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth's pioneering "Strange Situation" experiment to current research demonstrating how people can actually change their relationship patterns. Through clinical examples and accessible explanations, Tony breaks down how early experiences with caregivers create blueprints that influence adult relationships - and more importantly, why these patterns can evolve.Tony explains how understanding attachment style connects to emotional maturity and self-awareness. Listeners will learn about different attachment patterns, how they manifest in daily life, and why these early-developed patterns aren't a reflection of personal failure - they emerged before conscious choice was possible.This episode provides the foundation for a deeper exploration of attachment style change and relationship transformation. For anyone dealing with trust issues, abandonment fears, or struggles with emotional intimacy, the discussion offers concrete insights into becoming more secure in relationships.Part 2 will delve into specific strategies for building secure attachments and showing up differently in relationships. As Tony often says, "You're not broken, you're human" - and humans have a remarkable capacity for growth.00:00 Welcome Back and New Beginnings00:28 Understanding Narcissism and Emotional Maturity02:05 Personal Struggles and Emotional Growth04:40 Podcast Updates and Future Plans06:59 Introduction to Attachment Theory10:06 The Strange Situation Experiment12:28 Attachment Styles and Their Impact17:25 Early Childhood and Relationship Templates21:04 Avoidant Attachment in Adulthood22:07 The Painful Dance of Intimacy23:52 The Role of Fathers in Attachment24:37 Presence and Radiance: A Father's Influence26:18 Emotional Safety and Consistency29:31 Navigating Emotions and Independence39:53 Challenges of Absent Fathers44:12 Healing Attachment Wounds44:33 Conclusion and Next StepsFind more from Tony Overbay:TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@virtualcouchInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtual.couch/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft/Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-virtual-couch/id1275153998Website: https://www.tonyoverbay.com/ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/virtualcouchTo learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchAvailable NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-courseSubscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

In this special bonus episode of The Virtual Couch, host Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist, is joined by his daughter Sydney for a live Q&A session originally aired on TikTok. The duo addresses a variety of mental health topics, including ADHD management, the importance of setting realistic New Year's resolutions, and how to navigate emotional boundaries in relationships. Listeners can learn about the differences between CBT and ACT therapy, how to handle emotional immaturity and narcissism in relationships, and practical strategies for dealing with ADHD, such as medication and increasing emotional tolerance. Tony and Sydney also discuss complex emotional topics like disassociation, rejection sensitivity, and the impact of childhood defense mechanisms on adult behaviors. For those unable to join live, the episode is available on Tony's Virtual Couch YouTube channel. Viewers are encouraged to submit their mental health questions for future episodes.00:00 Welcome to The Virtual Couch01:18 Live Q&A Introduction02:37 Discussing New Year's Resolutions03:36 Understanding Socially Compliant Goals04:44 Experiential Avoidance Explained05:31 Setting Realistic Goals08:06 Addressing ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity12:02 Navigating Emotional Immaturity in Relationships18:08 Falling in Love Outside of Marriage21:15 ADHD and Attachment Styles23:35 Gaslighting: A Childhood Defense Mechanism28:41 The Impact of ADHD Medication42:10 Addressing Basic Needs42:22 Exploring Non-Stimulant ADHD Medications43:53 Understanding the Window of Tolerance46:10 Thoughts on TMS Therapy47:49 Discussing DPDR Disorder49:25 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy vs. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy52:36 Navigating Emotional Sensitivity and Boundaries57:00 Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder01:00:00 The Role of Therapy and Validation01:11:07 Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) Traits01:20:33 Concluding Thoughts and Q&AFind more from Tony Overbay:TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@virtualcouchInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtual.couch/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft/Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-virtual-couch/id1275153998Website: https://www.tonyoverbay.com/ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/virtualcouch

Tony exposes something that will forever change how you hear conversations - including your own. That moment when someone says, 'I feel like you don't care' might not actually be about feelings at all..."Have you ever said "I feel like this isn't working," when what you really meant was, "I think this isn't working - and I'm scared"? In this eye-opening episode, Tony delves into the subtle but powerful difference between thoughts and feelings, revealing how this common confusion shapes our relationships in unexpected ways.Through engaging stories from his therapy practice, Tony shows how something as simple as saying "I feel like" when we mean "I think" can accidentally put others on the defensive and hide our true emotions. You'll discover why that matters more than you might think - especially in your closest relationships.Drawing from both clinical experience and relatable examples (including a story about forgotten tacos at a dinner party), Tony explores:- Why we often mask our true feelings behind thoughts- How childhood experiences shape our comfort with emotional expression- The surprising reason self-compassion feels threatening to many people- Practical ways to build a richer emotional vocabularyOnce you understand this pattern, you'll start noticing it everywhere - in your conversations, in others' speech, and maybe even in your own internal dialogue. Visit Tony's new website https://tonyoverbay.com for additional resources on emotional intelligence and join his Patreon community at https://patreon.com/virtualcouch for exclusive content and Q&A sessions where you can dive deeper into these insights.This isn't just another episode about communication - it's about understanding why we hide our true feelings and how to finally express what we really mean.Find more from Tony Overbay:TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@virtualcouchInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtual.couch/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft/Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-virtual-couch/id1275153998Website: https://www.tonyoverbay.com/ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/virtualcouch00:00 Welcome to The Virtual Couch00:52 Understanding Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms01:20 Exciting Announcements and Facial Hair03:07 Unseen Patterns and Hidden Meanings05:49 The Power of Confirmation Bias08:58 Thoughts vs. Feelings: A Therapy Insight17:33 Emotional Vocabulary and Childhood Influences23:20 Separating Observations from Judgments24:03 Witness vs. Lawyer: A Car Accident Case24:44 Applying the Concept to Relationships25:39 Curiosity Over Judgment27:15 Workplace Communication29:37 The Taco Story: A Lesson in Self-Compassion34:56 The Impact of Self-Criticism39:13 Embracing Psychological Flexibility40:57 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Are you tired of the endless pursuit of perfection? Do you question why your self-esteem seems more tied to others' opinions than your own self-worth? In this transformative episode, Tony explores the crucial difference between self-esteem and self-compassion, drawing from Dr. Kristin Neff's groundbreaking research. Through personal experiences and scientific insights, Tony challenges our cultural obsession with self-esteem, revealing why the constant pressure to be "above average" creates an impossible and unhealthy standard for well-being.Learn how self-compassion offers a more sustainable path to genuine self-acceptance through its three core components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Tony delves into the fascinating neuroscience behind mindfulness practices, explaining how they physically rewire our brains for greater emotional regulation and self-awareness. Drawing from Viktor Frankl's profound insights as a Holocaust survivor and author of "Man's Search for Meaning," Tony illustrates how finding meaning in our struggles can transform our relationship with ourselves and others.This episode provides both the scientific framework and practical tools needed to develop self-compassion in daily life. Whether you struggle with perfectionism, find yourself caught in comparison traps, or simply want to develop a more stable sense of self-worth, you'll discover why self-compassion offers all the benefits of high self-esteem without its potential downsides. Join Tony as he shares actionable strategies for transforming your relationship with yourself and finding peace in the simple truth that you're not broken - you're human.00:00 Introduction and Personal Story01:46 The Therapist's Dilemma: Hope vs. Reality04:33 Exploring Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion07:01 The Impact of Comparison and External Validation11:02 Value-Based Goal Setting and Radical Acceptance13:08 Parental Support and Secure Attachment15:25 Listener Insights on Self-Esteem16:32 Embracing Self-Compassion23:22 Seeking Validation and Self-Compassion24:16 Confessions of an Ultramarathoner26:18 Accepting Mediocrity in Running29:19 The Power of Self-Compassion33:25 Mindfulness and Self-Kindness35:19 A Personal Podcasting Challenge39:21 Viktor Frankl's Wisdom on Meaning45:23 The Journey of Self-Compassion

Delve into the complexities of persistent depressive disorder and its impact on mental health. Learn how neurotransmitters, like serotonin and dopamine, influence mood and the role of medication in treating chronic depression. Discover the historical evolution of PDD and its place within the DSM-5 framework. Explore unhealthy coping mechanisms and the importance of self-discovery in recovery. With Thanksgiving approaching, find insightful psychological fun facts to share around the table!

Tony welcomes guests Nate and Marla Christensen to discuss the concept of self-compassion. Nate is an ALPC, and Marla is an ALPC and AMFT. They delve into the groundbreaking research of Kristen Neff, who has spent 20 years studying the benefits of self-compassion, including its effects on PTSD, anxiety, depression, and overall mental health. The episode explores the three main components of self-compassion—mindfulness, self-kindness, and common humanity—and addresses common misconceptions such as self-compassion being viewed as weakness, self-indulgence, or selfishness. They share personal insights and clinical experiences, making a compelling case for incorporating self-compassion into daily life and therapy. Nate and Marla are both currently working under Tony's license, and both currently have openings in their schedule. To reach Nate, email him at natechristensencounseling@gmail.com, and for Marla, email marlachristensencounseling@gmail.com, or you can contact them through Tony at contact@tonyoverbay.com. You can view Nate and Marla's episode on LeadingSaints.org here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=0f9P-Xk5ZaE00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview02:46 Guest Introduction: Nate and Marla Christensen02:53 Discussing Self-Compassion03:45 Nate and Marla's Professional Background08:16 The Importance of Self-Compassion14:25 Common Misconceptions About Self-Compassion17:04 Scientific Insights on Self-Compassion25:25 Historical Context and Recent Research27:27 Exploring Self-Compassion28:32 Understanding Mindfulness30:59 Practicing Self-Kindness32:52 Embracing Common Humanity34:58 Motivation Through Self-Compassion35:53 Challenges in Self-Compassion39:14 Cultural Perspectives on Compassion41:11 Reparenting and Emotional Maturity45:52 Final Thoughts and Reflections

Have you ever wondered why your aging parent suddenly needs to arrive an hour early for everything? Or why, after knowing them your entire life, they suddenly appear to be trying to exert control and order at a level that you’ve never experienced? In today’s episode of The Virtual Couch podcast, Tony Overbay, LMFT, takes us on a fascinating journey through the human brain, starting with the incredible story of Phineas Gage - the man who survived an iron rod through his head and lived to tell the tale (though he wasn't quite the same person afterward).From there, he dives into something most all of us are impacted by, either directly or through someone that we care about - anxiety. But not just any anxiety - we're talking about why our caveman's brains are still trying to protect us from tigers in the parking lot and how this shows up differently as we age. Tony breaks down the fundamental differences between normal aging, dementia, and Alzheimer's in a way that finally makes sense.Tony then breaks down a listener's email about their father’s increasingly anxious behaviors. Tony unpacks powerful tools for handling these delicate family situations. Tony introduces the acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) principle of psychological flexibility (think yoga for your emotions) and shares David Schnarch's “4 Points of Balance” to becoming more differentiated, which helps you maintain your sanity while staying connected to those you love.Tony explains Schnarch’s 'crucible' as the transformative space where relationships grow or crack under pressure. Whether you're dealing with an aging parent, a challenging relationship, or just trying to understand why people do what they do, this episode offers the “why” behind our anxious and controlling behaviors and practical ways to navigate life's complicated relationships without losing yourself.00:00 The Incredible Story of Phineas Gage04:04 Introduction to the Virtual Couch05:38 Listener's Email: Concerns About Aging Parent07:40 Understanding Anxiety and Its Evolution14:57 Distinguishing Dementia and Alzheimer's17:33 Coping with Aging and Anxiety24:50 Practical Advice for Managing Anxiety24:59 Reframing Perspectives25:09 Empathy and Understanding25:25 Intentional Conversations25:55 Meeting Halfway26:12 Choosing Your Battles26:54 Boundaries vs Ultimatums27:12 Psychological Reactance30:22 Differentiation and Emotional Autonomy32:57 Four Points of Balance38:30 Constructing Your Crucible44:43 Final Thoughts and TakeawaysTo learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchAvailable NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-coursePlease follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/ Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Tony Overbay, LMFT explores themes of faith journeys, parental expectations, communication, differentiation, and self-discovery through an allegorical story titled 'Off the Beaten Path: Finding Love and Self in a World of Conformity.' The narrative follows a young man named Ansel, who grapples with societal expectations, familial pressures, and his journey toward self-acceptance. Through meaningful encounters and introspection, Ansel learns to embrace his individuality amidst traditional, religious, and cultural norms. This episode also highlights the importance of personal integrity the challenges of navigating faith and family systems, and encourages listeners to explore their unique talents and values. Tony invites the audience to share their stories and questions about their own faith and family journeys for future episodes.00:00 Welcome and Introduction01:17 “Not My Job” song by: Riley Hope02:48 The Power of Writing and Poetry05:26 Exploring Allegories06:44 Off the Beaten Path: Ansul's Journey Begins12:14 Ansul's Struggles and Self-Discovery16:17 Meeting Maris: A New Connection17:52 Seeking Guidance: Ansul's Dilemma18:31 Ansul's Realization and Self-Acceptance19:00 Building a Relationship with Maris20:42 Themes of the Allegory: Individuality vs. Conformity22:32 Exploring Faith and Doubt22:53 Coming of Age and Self-Discovery23:30 Truth, Knowledge, and Intergenerational Expectations25:34 Curiosity, Love, and Acceptance26:38 Personal Growth Through Discomfort27:19 Diversity of Thought and Self-Acceptance29:24 Navigating Difficult Journeys of Faith and Family31:00 Encouragement for Personal Growth and Authenticity33:02 Conclusion and Call to ActionTo learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchAvailable NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-coursePlease follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/ Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

McKinley “Mackie” Overbay, host of “The Mind, the Mirror, and Me,” and Tony Overbay, LMFT, return after a significant hiatus to discuss numerous life updates, including their recent move to Arizona and Mackie's health journey with Hashimoto's disease. They delve into the struggles and triumphs of losing 55 pounds, the importance of self-love, and the necessity of balancing mind and body health. The conversation touches on the challenges of diet, exercise, meditation, and maintaining consistency. It's a candid look at personal transformation, resilience, and the importance of understanding and caring for oneself amidst life's unpredictable challenges.00:00 Introduction and Opening Banter00:25 Welcome Back and New Beginnings01:18 Social Media and Personal Updates03:21 Discussing Past Episodes and Themes05:25 Weight Loss Journey and Health Challenges07:25 Understanding Hashimoto's Disease11:21 Reflections on Self-Worth and Body Image14:20 Diet Changes and Lifestyle Adjustments24:18 Thyroid Health and Medical Insights27:56 Understanding Perimenopause and Hormonal Changes28:16 Unexpected Balloon Incident28:54 Recognizing and Addressing Health Issues30:39 The Journey to Diagnosis32:13 Lifestyle Changes and Their Impact34:21 The Importance of Consistency and Motivation35:51 Managing Inflammation and Dietary Adjustments37:21 Exercise and Weight Loss Strategies39:37 The Role of Meditation and Mindfulness48:14 Embracing Self-Worth and Positivity53:02 Concluding Thoughts and ReflectionsTo learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchAvailable NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-coursePlease follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/ Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ