Playing With Fire

"Why are you doing it like that?"  Whether your criticism is about something as mundane as loading the dishwasher or as complex as managing new relationship energy, poorly timed, unsolicited criticism doesn't actually get us the connection we're longing for.  Dr. Jessica Higgins joins us this week to offer clarity on what criticism is really telling us and what we can do to shift our feedback patterns.  Watch this episode on YouTube Did you love Dr. Jessica's style? Check out her fantastic Empowered Relationships Podcast ! Dr. Jessica Higgins holds two graduate degrees in psychology, two coaching certifications, and over 20 years of experience helping clients achieve successful results. As the host of the Empowered Relationship Podcast, she helps people navigate the terrain of long-lasting intimacy more skillfully and mindfully. Through her coaching and online course, clients transform pain into love and connection. Listeners can download Dr. Jessica’s free guide “Is Criticism Tearing Your Relationship Apart?” here  Find out more about Jessica's work here https://drjessicahiggins.com/ How ready are you--right now-- to open your marriage? Take this 2 minute quiz and see!

Want a more expansive, custom-designed life? You need to take some risks and make changes. BUT--before you go committing to permanent change, learn exactly how to use one of Joli's most-trusted tools for minimizing risk while making exciting changes in your relationships.  Watch this episode on YouTube How ready are you--right now-- to open your marriage? Take this 2 minute quiz and see!

Relationships get stronger and healthier when you talk about them with your partners. For that you're going to need shared language and meaning, Learning the jargon of relationship styles is so helpful! So, here's how we think about relationship labels---open relationship, kitchen table polyamory, relationship anarchy, and lots more. As mentioned in the episode, for more information on relationship anarchy, read Andie Nordgren’s Relationship Anarchy Manifesto Watch this episode on YouTube Are you ready to have an unconventional love? Take this 2 minute quiz and see!

Do you wish desire just magically ramped up without any effort? It certainly does sometimes, but most of the time desire flows better because we actively FUEL desire. This week we're talking about the things that block your access to desire and what to do about those blocks.  Desire does not have to be elusive, so if you struggle here rest assured it is 100% normal to need to learn the skills of building desire in yourself and in your relationships. Watch this episode on YouTube Link to the research on responsive desire by Bancroft & Janssen  See also: Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski Are you ready to have an unconventional love? Take this 2 minute quiz and see!

Sure, it sounds fun, but is polyamory actually practical? And what if you have kids-- it's already tough to find time-- how can this work? What about STIs? Unplanned pregnancy? Or what if we find out we aren't a good fit anymore? When these big questions loom its helpful to hear from people who've been there, done, got the t-shirt. If you're new to polyamory this interview is especially well-suited for you!  Laura Boyle, the author of Ready for Polyamory joins us to talk about how this all really works.  Watch this episode on YouTube They can visit www.readyforpolyamory.com/about for a complete listing of all Laura's content both free and paid, or for bite-sized polyamory content follow her on Instagram and TikTok @readyforpolyamory.

Conventional wisdom tells us marriage is all about compromise and we are not here for it. Honestly, conventional wisdom will, at best get you a conventional relationship... and if you are here you want way more than that kind of life. Let's talk about what compromise does to your individuation path, where compromise is appropriate, and how to choose an uncompromising intimacy with love and compassion. Watch this episode on YouTube Are you ready to have an unconventional love? Take this 2 minute quiz and see!

"I want to feel less jealousy and more compersion- HELP!" There's no one in the world who can speak to this topic like Dr. Marie Thouin, so we were thrilled to have this conversation with her. Compersion is the feeling of joy for another's joy, and it's often seen as the opposite of jealousy. Every week I hear people wrestling with jealousy and trying to move toward compersion, but what is compersion beyond that short definition? What conditions help us feel compersion and what hinders compersion? Marie is bringing us answers directly from her research. If you love Joli's jealousy work- wait till you hear where the collaboration of jealousy researcher + compersion researcher takes us! Watch this episode on YouTube Want to know more about Dr. Thouins work? Go to her website www.WhatIsCompersion.com to read more about her research & join the mailing list, and also book a free 30-min exploratory session for dating & relationship coaching at www.LoveInSight-Dating.com. ...also follow Marie on Instagram, @love_insight_dating Have a question you'd like us to answer on a follow-up episode? email ken@jolihamilton.com and we'll add your question to the queue!

It's totally normal to be moody, triggered, and reactive but it takes a TOLL on your relationships if you don't know how to get back out of those states. You perceive the world---and all your relationships---through your nervous system. Sensory information comes in and your brain interprets it. So it makes sense that learning how to regulate your nervous system is a key part of making your relationship feel safe and satisfying.  This has all felt like a great idea for a long time but learning practical tools--and when exactly to use them--really changed everything.  Watch this episode on YouTube Not sure you're ready yet? Take the quiz to find out if you're Ready to Open Up Happily?

Do you experience jealousy as overwhelming, painful, or disruptive? How about envy? Yeah- most people agree, there's more pain than fun packed into these feelings. But, like other big emotions, jealousy and envy have are rich with gold you for your individuation journey. The trick is to begin seeing these green-eyed monsters for their archetypal content rather than as something to solve. Jealousy and envy won't necessarily become your favorite emotional experiences, but they can absolutely become part of your personal growth process starting today.  Joli's spent the past decade researching to bring you practical methods for working with jealousy & envy whether you are non-monogamous, monogamous, or just figuring out what the right relationship style is for you. Watch this episode on YouTube Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com

Do you want to grow into the most authentic version of your Self that you can be? The good news is that you get to choose that, and all you need is within reach right now. Typically, individuation is seen as a solo activity, a deep inner journey that often comes with an image of the hermit. But we've found that relational individuation is another VERY fruitful option. This week we are talking about what steps you can take to engage fully in your journey whether your life partner/s is/are interested in psychological development or not. Watch this episode on YouTube Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com