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Playing With Fire

Latest episodes

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Nov 14, 2021 • 46min

47 Nuanced Conversations in Polyamory: Secondaries, Solos, and Couple's Privilege

Poly is not mono! Which might sound silly, but in this case we mean that polyamory is not monolithic. There are as many ways to have polyamorous relationships as there are people having them, and the differences between them are a lot of nuance. In this episode we talk with our guest, Leah Marshall, about the way she experiences her relationships, and how that's different from us. Leah is the founder and leader of the Esther Perel Discussion Group on Facebook, a community of over 13K members from across the globe who regularly discuss relationships, intimacy, sex, desire, and infidelity. You can connect with Leah on YouTube, on her blog, and in the Esther Perel Discussion Group. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube
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Nov 7, 2021 • 30min

46 How, when, and why to CELEBRATE!

How do you celebrate? Do you wait for a holiday or for someone to tell you it's time to mark an occasion? Celebrations help us see and acknowledge the things that have meaning for us- in other words, they are kindling for the fire of your relationships (romantic and otherwise).  Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Cited in this episode: Fiese, B.H. (2002) Family Routines and Rituals May Improve Family Relationships and Health, According to 50-Year Research Review. APA special edition Dec. 2002. Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to work with her If you want to stay up to date on Joli's jealousy work be sure to join the Project Relationship mailing list
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Oct 31, 2021 • 31min

45 Silent agreement - One person's perspective on a sexless marriage

Every marriage, every relationship is different. In this episode we talk about Ken's first marriage, his experience of infertility, and what he wishes he'd done differently, and why. As we mentioned in the episode, follow Katy DeJong on Instagram @thepleasureanarchist if you're interested in the best info on infertility, sex, and childlessness. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to work with her If you want to stay up to date on Joli's jealousy work be sure to join the Project Relationship mailing list
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Oct 24, 2021 • 42min

44 Three ways porn has brought us closer together

Have you ever wondered how other people use porn? In this episode we talk about our own personal answers to that question, including de-stigmatizing porn, sharing it with each other, and ensuring that we are using ethical sources. We've included some links in these show notes to ethical porn sources as well as social media links for some great sex workers and sex educators who advocate for erotic freedom and provide high-quality education about sex and sex work. A very porn-knowledgable sex educator to follow @stripperwriter Some ethical porn sources: https://www.bellesa.co/ https://xconfessions.com/ https://www.kink.com/ oooo... and if you like audible erotic stories absolutely check out  https://www.dipseastories.com/ Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to work with her If you want to stay up to date on Joli's jealousy work be sure to join the Project Relationship mailing list
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Oct 17, 2021 • 33min

43 The missing ingredient in boundary work with guest Melissa Hite

"Our relationships with others can only be as strong as our relationship with ourselves." That's just one insight we hear about in this episode during our talk with Melissa. We talk about how to tell the difference between internal and external boundaries, being in integrity, and grounding deeply in our body to help us know what our boundaries need to be.  Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Melissa is a very experienced guide for people interested in a lifelong journey of growth. If that's you, you should check out her website at www.highersexeducation.com. If you are as excited as we are about applying for Melissa's boundaries course you can go directly to the application: www.HigherSexEducation.com/boundless-living
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Oct 10, 2021 • 37min

42 It's normal to be a messy human in messy relationships. Really, it is.

Have you ever done something and looked back and said "That's not like me!" How does that happen? What do we do then? How can we use this information to manage ourselves and our relationships better? In this episode we talk about the Jungian concept of complexes, and how they can come up and run the show for a while. For reference, here are couple of powerful quotes from Jung on his model of psychological complexes: "Complexes interfere with the intentions of the will and disturb the conscious performance; they produce disturbances of memory and blockages in the flow of associations; they appear and disappear according to their own laws; they can temporarily obsess consciousness, or influence speech and action in an unconscious way. In a word, complexes behave like independent beings. from Jung, C. G., Psychological Factors in Human Behaviour, Collected Works vol 8, par. 253. "Complexes are focal or nodal points of psychic life which we would not wish to do without; indeed, they should not be missing, for otherwise psychic activity would come to a fatal standstill."Jung, C.G., A Psychological Theory of Types, Collected Works. vol. 6, par. 925. You may also enjoy reading  Complex, Archetype, Symbol by Jolande Jacobi The Individuation Principle by Murray Stein Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to work with her If you want to stay up to date on Joli's jealousy work be sure to join the Project Relationship mailing list
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Oct 3, 2021 • 32min

41 Emotional regulation and co-regulation

It's really helpful to have specific tools to use when we find ourselves managing stress, or sadness, or grief, or any of the other feelings that come with being alive. In this episode we talk about developing methods of self-regulation that help us feel stable and self with ourselves, and then follow that up with looking at co-regulation and how we can help each other. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Cited in this episode: Butler, E. & Randall, A. (2013) Emotional Coregulation in Close Relationships. Emotion Review, vol. 5 no. 2 pp. 202-210. "We propose an operational definition for coregulation as a bidirectional linkage of oscillating emotional channels between partners, which contributes to emotional stability for both partners." Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to work with her If you want to stay up to date on Joli's jealousy work be sure to join the Project Relationship mailing list
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Sep 26, 2021 • 31min

40 How to have a productive consensual non-monogamy conversation

Last episode we talked about setting up for success starting the first conversation on non-monogamy with your partner. In this episode, we talk about some of the practical details that you'll want to include in the conversation. Your relationships can be whatever you and your partner(s) design together, so let's get into some of the important components of a caring transitional conversation. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to work with her If you want to stay up to date on Joli's jealousy work be sure to join the Project Relationship mailing list
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Sep 19, 2021 • 39min

39 I want to be consensually non-monogamous: how do I talk to my partner?

We've had so many questions about this! How do I bring up the idea of non-monogamy with my partner? What can I do to make it go well? Spend a little time with us talking about what we've learned through our experiences and Joli's years of research. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to work with her If you want to stay up to date on Joli's jealousy work be sure to join the Project Relationship mailing list
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Sep 12, 2021 • 46min

38 How jealousy was the best thing that ever happened to me

Jealousy shows up differently for each of us, but it is a typical human experience. In this episode we talk about defining it, dancing with it, and five things we can do to use jealousy to strengthen and deepen our relationships. Joli shares exactly how she found herself studying jealousy every day for the past twelve years and the five-step process she uses to transform jealousy. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to work with her If you want to stay up to date on Joli's jealousy work be sure to join the Project Relationship mailing list

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