Therapy Works

Welcome back to Season 3 of Therapy Works! To mark the publication of the paperback of my book Every Family Has a Story, we decided to do a role reversal and I invited the fantastic comedian and podcaster Cariad Loyd to put me in the therapy chair.Can I just say being interviewed is not my happy place! Although I did love this conversation, as I ended up being very open, I laughed, cried and said things I have never said publicly before. The topics we covered: We discussed my mother being an alcoholic and how that led to me becoming a psychotherapist.  The complexity of our relationships, that people often want to label them as good or bad, and how relationships are full of contradictions: love, hate, fury, gratitude, compassion  How I changed through my training as a therapist, and the moment I allowed myself to surrender to the profound love I felt for my children.  How I wanted to 'love my children into being' as opposed to love being like work at times. My ambivalent relationship with attention – wanting it and feeling ashamed for wanting it.  Emily and Sophie touch on the importance of stories in families and how helpful it has been hearing me share these experiences.  If you want to know me better, and hear how I see myself, my children and my attitude towards my work then you will hear it all in this episode. This is terrifying for me to release. Just saying… but I hope you all enjoy!Please buy the paperback of Every Family Has A Story: https://amzn.eu/d/56BpppdFind Julia:Julia’s Website: https://juliasamuel.co.uk/Julia’s Instagram: @juliasamuelmbeGrief Works app: https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/grief-works-self-care-love/id1558867513--Produced by Georgie Rutherford Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

For those of you who don’t know Zoe Blaskey, she is the founder of Motherland, the host of the brilliant podcast of the same name and a transformational coach. For those that do know her I think you will be delighted by this open and honest conversation, from which I learned so much. Zoe is a mother of two and openly speaks about learning to lean into what she was struggling with, which was every aspect of motherhood.This conversation is full of nuggets of wisdom and simply a joy to listen to – in it we discuss: How to deal with big emotions - we might be brought up to believe we are ‘too much’ and block our emotions through many negative behaviours, but over time we can train ourselves to respond differently, by allowing them and even validating them.  How change takes a huge amount of learning – whether it’s books, workshops, therapy and podcasts. Whilst the process can take longer than we want or choose.  The emotional load of motherhood and what can protect us from burn out.  The division of labour between two parents – how old systems can get played out unconsciously and now there is a NEW way – through the book Fair Play (see below for link).  The power and gift of handwritten letters that we send or even write but don’t send.   When we look at transgenerational patterns it opens up our understanding and compassion for our parents and grandparents. It has the ability to change our outlook and increases our level of appreciation towards them. This is an episode that I think you can go back and revisit time and time again, you will see yourself in it, your children, your parents, siblings and partner. It will provide you with a new way of seeing yourself and others which might be empowering or a relief.Find Zoe: Website: https://www.motherkind.co/Motherkind Podcast: https://www.motherkind.co/podcastInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/zoeblaskey/Link to the book, Fair Play: https://amzn.eu/d/cm9SuESThis episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/therapy works and get on your way to being your best self.Produced by Georgie RutherfordHosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Abi Morgan is the brilliant screen writer of huge films like The Iron Lady, Shame and the hugely successful TV series, The Split. She is also the author of the memoir ‘This Isn’t A Pity Memoir’ charting the devastating story of her husband’s illness in which she was ‘absolutely the same and profoundly changed.’As someone who uses words as a profession, we discover in this podcast that Abi uses words to help her think, to make sense and connect, and to enable us to enter her internal world. Abi does this with speed and eloquence, so hold onto your coat tails and listen along with us as we dive deep into her whirlwind of a story. In this episode we discuss: How trauma is truly devastating and yet how minutiae or humour can feel life-saving. That while we are in the crisis, which is relentless and frightening, we can’t truly feel or face it, often we deal with it in retrospect. How through her work Abi may have unconsciously been answering the puzzle of herself – maybe we all do this at some level? Why love is a live thing – it is communication and action, it is messy and annoying,  and it can even be dead and then the profound revelatory truth, it can return. As Abi puts it, ‘Love is the flower in winter that says nothing.’ The paradox of using artifice to find truth. This is an episode that will marinate in your minds – it’s a true gem of an episode and incredibly powerful too.Find Abi:Instagram: @abimorgan9Book: https://amzn.eu/d/2N6JlVjFind Julia:Julia’s Website: https://juliasamuel.co.uk/Julia’s Instagram: @juliasamuelmbeGrief Works app: https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/grief-works-self-care-love/id1558867513--Produced by Georgie RutherfordHosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today I am joined by Jonny Wilkinson, widely known as the best British Rugby player of all time, who represented England and British and Irish Lions, and is famous for scoring the winning drop goal in 2003 at the Rugby World Cup Final. We all need to hear this conversation as it challenges many of our fixed beliefs about winning and losing, control, success and freedom. Jonny broke through the chains of limiting beliefs and is someone who shows us that in order to do so we have to want to change and put in the work. In this episode you will gain insights into: How wanting control can trap us – and surprisingly, it’s when you give up control that you are then empowered. Insights into winning and success, is thrilling in the moment and yet long term it can feel empty or it can be the thing that robs you of feeling like you are enough when you constantly chase it.  Life is a process of moving towards our true selves, we never arrive at a fixed destination.  The concept of plenty rather than insufficiency is a way of being in the world that is much less stressful. How powerful it is to look inwards and why we should all be asking ourselves questions like ‘who am I really?’.  Becoming more aware that on a daily basis we are given messages that we are under threat and have to fight to survive.  This conversation with Jonny truly gives us life enhancing insights of how to both protect ourselves and yet remain true to ourselves in a place of compassion and calm.Find Jonny: Instagram: @jonnywilkinsonofficialWebsite: @jonnywilkinsonPodcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/i-am-with-jonny-wilkinson/id1610549437Find Julia:Julia’s Website: https://juliasamuel.co.uk/Julia’s Instagram: @juliasamuelmbeGrief Works app: https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/grief-works-self-care-love/id1558867513A big thank you to Drowsy for sponsoring this episode. If you're in need of the best night's sleep ever, then head to www.drowsysleepco.com and use the code JULIA for a very generous 25% off. ---Produced by Georgie RutherfordHosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This beautiful, moving and revelatory conversation is about loss and also of course, about love. Dr Maya Shankar is a cognitive scientist as well as the host of the extraordinary podcast A Slight Change of Plans which was Apple’s Best Show of 2022. In this episode we discuss: How to navigate a life full of unexpected challenges, particularly around fertility. We discuss surrogacy, a subject that is new and still relatively unknown to most and particularly the physical challenges of gestational surrogacy.  How surrogacy involves creating a personal and intimate relationship with a stranger and trusting them with the responsibility of carrying their most precious being - their baby.  How we can make our family from the people we choose to love.  How Maya is thrown into the rollercoaster of hope and despair when it comes to fertility – as she says ‘everything in fertility humbles you.’ Maya discusses the meaning of the loss of an early miscarriage, how utterly devastating it is, and how the small acts of kindness from others gave her forbearance to somehow weather the pain of it.  How important it is to recognise in a world of fixing and toxic positivity that you can’t escape the pain of loss.  This episode is an incredible example of how listening to live, real connected conversations between two people who barely know each other and yet feel a deep connection is how we learn about ourselves and others.  This is an inspirational episode — not to be missed. Find Maya: Instagram: @drmayashankarPodcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-slight-change-of-plans/id1561860622Support links: Miscarriage association: https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/Child Bereavement UK: https://www.childbereavementuk.org/Sands (stillbirth and neonatal death): https://www.sands.org.uk/Julia’s Website: https://juliasamuel.co.uk/Julia’s Instagram: @juliasamuelmbeGrief Works app: https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/grief-works-self-care-love/id1558867513A big thank you to Drowsy for sponsoring this episode. If you're in need of the best night's sleep ever, then head to www.drowsysleepco.com and use the code JULIA for a very generous 25% off. ---Produced by Georgie RutherfordHosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you want to hear someone who is crazily famous and who is totally unchanged by her fame then you want to listen to this wonderfully open and honest conversation. It is tender, funny, warm and wise. Evanna Lynch is best known for her role as the quirky Luna Lovegood in Harry Potter, she is also a podcaster, a supporter of animal rights and an author. She is an incredibly interesting woman that I know many young people will relate to. Amongst the many interesting topics we explored were: Evanna’s relationship with fame – the unprecedented level of success she experienced, how she struggles to find a way to live with it and to still have a connected ‘normal’ life. How the depth of connection from having genuine deep conversations is far easier than small talk.  Her passion, which is infectious, to protect innocence – in all things, animals, children, the environment. How we can drive ourselves mad trying to find an attributable reason for our negative, self-harming behaviours when sometimes there just isn’t one.  How it is legitimate and normal to feel existential pain without needing to ‘do’ anything to fix it. It is also important to recognise that there can be times, that we need to address it, and the sooner we deal with it, the better the outcome.  The power of small trivial things like chocolate to give us little moments of joy that can see us through a dark day.  Support links: Beat: https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/ Find Evanna: Evanna is currently starring in Under the Black Rock at Hackney's Arcola Theatre, head to the website to buy tickets here: https://www.arcolatheatre.com/whats-on/under-the-black-rock/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/evannalynch/?hl=enFind Julia: Website: https://juliasamuel.co.uk/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/juliasamuelmbe/A big thank you to Drowsy for sponsoring this episode. If you're in need of the best night's sleep ever, then head to www.drowsysleepco.com and use the code JULIA for a very generous 25% off. A big thank you to Youth & Earth for sponsoring this episode. Head to www.youthandearth.com now and take advantage of a very generous 25% off when using the code JULIA25 on your first order. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/therapy works and get on your way to being your best self.Produced by Georgie RutherfordHosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My first conversation with Geraint John on this podcast had a big impact on you all. You were moved by his honesty and the psychological difficulty he faced for himself and his whole family when his beautiful wife Debs was terminally ill. This conversation is as heartrending, letting you know how he, Debs and his family have navigated her devastating loss. This is a powerfully emotional episode which will help you understand yourself as a griever and the grief of others. You will see again, that grief is by no means tidy - it’s messy, chaotic but can also be profoundly beautiful. In this episode we discussed: The complexity of talking about dying with the person who is dying and the tricky navigation of wanting to be protective and yet truthful. There is no easy way to bear the pain of witnessing the death of a partner and parent, it is hellish, and yet it’s important to have no regrets. The importance of the funeral which was both a performance and an intimate act of love.  How to find a way of having birthdays and ordinary days when your whole life and the life of your children is irreversibly changed.  Wanting a house full of love for the whole family, where the perception of what matters is forever changed, on the whole for the good.  Bring your hankies, cups of tea and hugs of others for afterwards. Julia’s Website: https://juliasamuel.co.uk/Julia’s Instagram: @juliasamuelmbeGrief Works app: https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/grief-works-self-care-love/id1558867513Important links: If you are in need of bereavement support please visit Cruse: https://www.cruse.org.uk/Please visit Child Bereavement UK if your children are in need of support: https://www.childbereavementuk.orA big thank you to Drowsy for sponsoring this episode. If you're in need of the best night's sleep ever, then head to www.drowsysleepco.com and use the code JULIA for a very generous 25% off. A big thank you to Youth & Earth for sponsoring this episode. Head to www.youthandearth.com now and take advantage of a very generous 25% off when using the code JULIA25 on your first order. ---Produced by Georgie RutherfordHosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Susannah Constantine is a former TV fashion guru (one half of the eponymous What Not To Wear duo), TV presenter and author. This conversation is full of therapeutic light bulb moments where Susannah begins to see something familiar in a new way. As you also might expect like anything with Susannah, it’s also full of laughter, wisdom and humanity. Topics we discuss include: What we inherit from our parents. The difficulty of ‘putting on a show’ and how it blocks you from truly knowing yourself. How fear can hide behind a bravado and that sometimes the fear needs to be anaesthetised because it isn’t faced.  The journey to recovery from alcoholism. The harm that lies do to us personally and how they start to create disconnection with others.  The challenge of talking honestly to our children, wanting to both protect them from ‘our own stuff’ and also protect ourselves from their judgement – but it only builds up the walls between us.  Important links:Susannah’s new book: https://amzn.eu/d/6TVR51Y Website: https://susannahconstantine.co.uk/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/susannahconstantine/?hl=en Support links: Alcoholics Anonymous: https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/ Find Julia: Website: https://juliasamuel.co.uk/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/juliasamuelmbe/A big thank you to Drowsy for sponsoring this episode. If you're in need of the best night's sleep ever, then head to www.drowsysleepco.com and use the code JULIA for a very generous 25% off. A big thank you to Youth & Earth for sponsoring this episode. Head to www.youthandearth.com now and take advantage of a very generous 25% off when using the code JULIA25 on your first order. Produced by Georgie RutherfordHosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Andrew G. Marshall is a well known marital therapist and I sat down with him to discuss the grief he felt following his father’s death. His understandings are rooted in his decades as a therapist and have a particular clarity I think many of you will find helpful.In this episode, we discuss: How the death of a parent in old age is still a big psychological event and brings up many related losses which are often unrecognised.  The power of the unconscious, how we can limit who we are and how we are in the world when we only focus on our conscious lives.  For those with parents who are still alive, this episode is a timely reminder to have those important conversations before they die - don’t pretend they are immortal.  Be patient with friends and family - allow time, space, commit, endure and try again if they are resistant.  The power that rituals hold and how they can help us to move through the pain. Finally how, despite our fear, when we walk towards our pain that is when we can heal. It takes courage, but fear is exhausting and pervasive and this is a route to releasing yourself from it.  I won’t spoil the drama in this episode but suffice to say there are some big surprises - to do with wolves, rituals and tattoos…! Support links: Grief Works app: https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/grief-works-self-care-love/id1558867513Grief Works book: https://juliasamuel.co.uk/books/grief-worksFeel The Fear and Do it Anyway book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Feel-Fear-Anyway-Indecision-Confidence/dp/0091907071Find Andrew G. Marshall:Website: https://andrewgmarshall.com/Podcast: https://andrewgmarshall.com/podcasts/Find Julia: Website: https://juliasamuel.co.uk/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/juliasamuelmbe/A big thank you to Youth & Earth for sponsoring this episode. Head to www.youthandearth.com now and take advantage of a very generous 25% off when using the code JULIA25 on your first order. Produced by Georgie RutherfordHosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

*Trigger warning - includes references to racial abuse that some listeners might find distressing*This is a fast moving energetic conversation which will at times stop you in your tracks. Trisha Goddard is an extraordinarily successful actress and television presenter. In this deep and emotionally revealing interview, Trisha takes us on a ride with courage and honesty. You will discover how she overcame enormous adversity and how she has finally found love and happiness at the age of 65 years old. There is so much you will relate to. We discuss: How an intelligent woman who has tremendous insight and instinct professionally can be blind to red flags in her personal relationships due to early attachment issues.  The racist abuse she experienced, which is both internalised and normalised in much of her life.  How the political and social movement, Black Lives Matter, transformed Trisha’s own understanding of racism. How formative her schooling was. Education, reading books, and a couple of excellent teachers was her salvation.  The emotional cost of the breakdown of her 20 year marriage. How her relationship with her two daughters after years of complexity evolved to be one of healing and closeness. They discovered the power of honesty, that the truth, as hard as it is, is curative.  And finally the heart-warming story of how she found love and her list of 20 questions she asked him before she agreed to date him. What would your 20 questions be? Important links: Ten critical questions before embarking on a relationship: https://www.exeter.ac.uk/news/research/title_672700_en.htmlTherapist Uncensored Podcast referred to by Sophie in episode; https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/therapist-uncensored-podcast/id1146941306?i=1000593377798 Explanation of Dialectical behaviour therapy: https://www.verywellmind.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy-1067402 Black Lives Matter UK: https://blacklivesmatter.uk/Find Trisha: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therealtrishagoddard/?hl=enFind Julia: Website: https://juliasamuel.co.uk/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/juliasamuelmbe/A big thank you to Youth & Earth for sponsoring this episode. Head to www.youthandearth.com now and take advantage of a very generous 25% off when using the code JULIA25 on your first order. Produced by Georgie RutherfordEdited by Nick KingswellHosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices