Therapy Works

There are some episodes of this podcast that are more heart-breaking than others. This is one of them. Lisa Smart describes in loving detail the terminal diagnosis, illness, and the death of her beloved 22 year old daughter, Emily. Lisa also shows us how she has learned to live and love again despite the tragedy of her daughter’s death.In this episode we discuss: How living with someone who is dying focuses the mind, and helps you recognise the preciousness of time. Things that don’t matter fall away. Despite her daughter’s inability to move, she guided the whole family through the last 6 months of her life – you will learn what a difference this capacity to plan, prepare and act (e.g. planning her funeral, writing letters) makes to the living after her death. We discuss the fear around death and how the antidote to that fear is love. Emily loved them all into their future without her. We discuss how different family members navigated their grief in different ways. We explore how we are all changed by grief.  We talk about how our relationship with the person we love who has died changes but continues after the death. How connecting with the person after their death, feeling close to them can help with the loss Support links:My Grief Works app: https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/grief-works-self-care-love/id1558867513Child Bereavement UK: https://www.childbereavementuk.org/Cruse Bereavement Support: https://www.cruse.org.uk/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sadie Frost is an English actress, producer and fashion designer, who ran fashion label Frost French and a film production company. She is also the mother of four adult children.  Whilst Sadie’s roles may seem distant from our own experience, everything she discusses with me, in this open and honest conversation, is very relatable. You will see yourself in her challenges and learn how she has managed them. We discuss:  The shock of our children becoming adults and how to manage this transition.  The challenge of living alone and how to keep oneself balanced in order to connect effectively with friends and family.  How to manage one’s childhood self that can sometimes override one’s adult self. Particularly given the trauma of her past.  How she has learnt what really matters in life How one's relationship with time changes - over time!  How the joy of small things gives us peace. Emily's recommended exercises you can do as a parent of an adolescent/young adult: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1O0XK3vegh2A45zV196NAUjEs2nfJDQZ2/view?usp=sharingSupport links:Seek counselling: https://www.bacp.co.uk/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Amber Jeffrey is a celebrated podcast host and online community facilitator. Her work & podcast, The Grief Gang,specialises in grief, breaking down the stigma of it, one conversation at a time.One of the great innovative changes that has swept through the grief community in recent years-- through access to social media--is the voice of bereaved young people. This younger generation tends to be more honest about their experience. In doing so improve our understanding of what it is like to be ‘a griefster’ leading to better support.In this energetic and at times funny conversation between Amber and I, you will hear the warmth of our friendship, that has created deep trust and allows Amber to explore aspects of her grief that she has never explored publicly before.In this episode, we talk about: When and how someone dies has a huge impact on the impact of their death. How anger is a natural but often unvoiced aspect of grief – it can cause havoc - and yet shutting it down can also cause harm. How the pain of loss for the person who has died, which links to the intensity of the love – can block adapting to the loss. Explore the existential question of whether we can turn pain to purpose, or sometimes just let tragedy be a tragedy. How the relationship with the surviving parent can be impacted – when they ‘move on.’ The unvoiced and taboo thought many have ‘did the wrong parent die?” How pre-existing fault lines in family systems can be ignited, in Amber’s case, racism. How grief can change one’s perception of what matters and give freedom to enjoy the sheer preciousness of life. Support links:CRUSE: https://www.cruse.org.uk/ CHILD BEREAVEMENT UK: https://www.childbereavementuk.org/ GOOD GRIEF TRUST: https://www.thegoodgrieftrust.org/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Will Young is a singer, actor and author of multiple hit singles and albums of the last 20 years. If you are like Emily, Sophie and I you will remember Will Young from his nascent pop self in Pop Idol, the first of the talent shows that we all became hooked on. You will be grateful, as I was, at Will Young’s capacity to have this conversation about profoundly important and complex issues with me, a total stranger. The quality and depth of our conversation was defined by his willingness to be spontaneous. Being open. Daring to explore aspects of himself, his life and his talent that was not curated, but therapeutic. When you listen to this episode you will hear us explore: His childhood trauma at boarding school and it’s lasting legacy on his mental health His experience of depersonalization/derealization disorder and Emily’s explanation of these disorders The different ways he regulates his nervous system and how he ‘gets back online.’ How he built his resilience, one aspect being singing for 30 minutes a day.  Will’s relationship with his voice and how it is ‘his best companion.’ We talked about the suicide of his twin brother Rupert. Bringing into awareness the narrative that ‘some people can’t get there’ in a culture that is always looking for fixes. Will’s creative energy being channelled in many different directions, particularly in the face of the toxicity of the music business. Our ambivalent relationship with attention.  When you take this episode out of your ears, your mind and body will be buzzing with new ideas, thoughts and responses to life. You will definitely be left feeling inspired. Support LinksChildhood trauma: https://lookthroughtheireyes.org/what-is-childhood-trauma/ Suicide prevention: https://www.papyrus-uk.org/ Sibling bereavement support: https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/bereavement-support/supporting-brothers-and-sisters/ More information on depersonalisation and derealisation: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/blog/tips-for-coping-with-depersonalisation-and-derealisation/ Find Will: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/willyoungofficial/?hl=enWill's Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/2zi1QKto2CGMfqiJfANljz?si=6274f223450e4e5b Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My conversation with Meg is one that touches on universal themes about love and life. Who is my life partner going to be? How and when can I have a baby? What can I do and how can I create the life I want when the odds seem against me?In this episode, you will hear topics that put you in mind of your own life, and Meg’s decisions will give you insights into how she made the life she wanted. We discuss: How to navigate the imperfect messiness of huge life decisions.  How the death of someone we love can create moments of absolute clarity and change everything.  The difficulty in managing the not knowing of fertility treatment and the rollercoaster of failed IVF attempts. The agony and grief of early baby loss.  The luck of being born into a loving family and having a steadfast loving parent. The resilience of having that team support helps in times of intense loss and uncertainty.  In all of it, being a gay couple was the least significant aspect of her life and not a challenge that needed to be faced.  Despite the terrible odds, faith and hope enabled huge challenges to be overcome.  Support links:National Childbirth Trust: https://www.nct.org.uk/pregnancy/same-sex-parents/two-mum-families-sharing-experiences-and-supportNHS: https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/having-a-baby-if-you-are-lgbt-plus/ways-to-become-a-parent-if-you-are-lgbt-plus/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Rosie Jones who has cerebral palsy is known primarily for her comedy appearances and stand up, she is also an established writer, actor and author.This is a great episode, open your ears, your mind and let go of many assumptions that we all make about being able bodied and having a disability; this conversation will inspire and fascinate you. We discussed : Rosie’s great strength is her ‘constant optimism’, which has been a big part of her success in life personally and professionally – and how exhausting it is. You will hear how for Rosie having a disability means she has to overcome everyone’s assumptions first, before they connect with her. For her, having cerebral palsy is not 1% of who she is.  Rosie talks about how incredible her parents were and how she had to educate them to extend their expectations of her – she is always breaking down other people’s limits that they assume and impose on her.  How humour is a brilliant connector and barrier breaker – humour can mean we, in that moment, have a shared reality. How therapy enabled her to reconfigure who she was, what she wanted and how to get it.  We have a lively discussion about her sexiness, dating and her decision to come out as gay at age 28. Having never spoken to Rosie before, I cried, laughed and became a huge fan in a nanosecond. If you listen to this episode, I have no doubt you will too.Find Rosie: Instagram: @josieronesWebsite: https://rosiejonescomedy.com/Books: https://www.waterstones.com/author/rosie-jones/1013806Tour: https://rosiejonescomedy.com/live/Find Julia:Website: https://juliasamuel.co.uk/Instagram: @juliasamuelmbe--This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/THERAPYWORKS and get on your way to being your best self.Produced by Georgie Rutherford Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I am very grateful to Joanne for having the courage to talk to me about her estrangement with her daughter. Estrangement in families is stigmatised and coated in shame and so it isn’t something we hear about very much, although research shows one in five families have a level of estrangement. In this episode, you will learn: How frightening and painful it is to be estranged from one’s child  How fast the estrangement can be from believing everything was fine to being removed from their life  How important it is to recognise that even as therapists we can’t fix others and hard it is to hear distress Strategies to maintain resilience, including connection to her friends, given how horrendous the not knowing, and sitting and waiting is.  Also we discuss ways she can stay connected with her daughter, without triggering further estrangement.  We need to recognise, in all families, that each member of the family has their own reality, which maybe different from ours, and allow everyone’s reality to have a place. How it is often through flexibility, being realistic and future focussed that bridges can be built. How small steps are the most effective. Acknowledging how painful this is is and how it’s helpful to recognise that we can’t look for an upside. Some things are just awful.  Support links: Stand Alone: https://www.standalone.org.uk/Links referenced in the podcast: So you want to stage an intervention: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/helpers-so-you-want-to-stage-an-intervention/Someone I know is being abused. Shall I call the police?: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/someone-i-know-is-being-abused-should-i-call-the-police/Find Julia:Julia’s Website: https://juliasamuel.co.uk/Julia’s Instagram: @juliasamuelmbe--Produced by Georgie Rutherford Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is an episode about change, and showing how even change that we want and choose can be hard to process. The wonderful Dr Rupy Ajula is a well known Doctor who founded The Doctors Kitchen and believes that food is a powerful medicine. He has succeeded in life because of his innate warmth and genuine intent to make the world a better place. He talked to me about the challenge of moving from being a practising Doctor in the NHS to being an entrepreneur and businessman. In this conversation you will hear about:- How tricky it can be to form a new identity and a new sense of legitimacy in a new role. Particularly if it presses your buttons of ‘How much am I allowed’ and when it challenges our values of what is ‘good.’- The challenges of building a business that is in public view, and therefore open to the opinions of others. How hard it is to hold trust in one’s own purpose and meaning. - Fascinating insights into what influences us as adults, is what has been modelled for us as a child. -The strengths and particular nuances of being born a British Asian, how that influences him and inspires him to go forward, and yet his parents wish to protect him from the very risks they took. - How developing our true self and finding our own identity; sometimes we have to go away in order to be able to come back. - The amazing power of a gratitude practice. You will hear how this simple practice has shaped and supported Rupy to enable him to be the man he is today.- How gratitude can influence you to reframe what is difficult or negative to something that brings an opportunity. Aligning trust as a guiding force – ‘even not right moves are right moves.’ Trust enables him to tap into his innate guiding force and find his path. - Love is the strongest medicine; how love gives him strength being ‘Held by the hands of the people that love you.’- We discuss the power of food, it is generative as a way of loving family, friends and neighbours. As well, of course as curative physically. Find more information on Dr Rupy:Website: https://thedoctorskitchen.com/Instagram: @doctors_kitchenPodcast: https://thedoctorskitchen.com/podcasts/App: https://thedoctorskitchen.com/app/Find Julia:Julia’s Website: https://juliasamuel.co.uk/Julia’s Instagram: @juliasamuelmbe--Produced by Georgie Rutherford Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As a parent watching your child suffer is unbearable. For Clare her beautiful son Harrison aged 16 admitted to feeling suicidal. Clare’s conversation with me, which is deeply personal and painful, represents the mental health pandemic in young people, which is wrecking lives – individually, in families and in society as a whole.In this episode you will hear: The first time Clare heard that Harrison was contemplating taking his own life, how devastating it was, and also what a relief that he did tell her.  How Clare was split in two – between being his loving caring mother and a human being trying to find a solution to his problem. How, as a parent, we all, and Clare in this case, looks back and wonders what did I miss? What did I do wrong? Did I build him the wrong way? The pervasive sense of guilt as a parent when we can’t fix our child’s problem. The intensity of the struggle Clare and her husband had in trying to find him the support her child needs – incompetence, lack of care, lack of resources, constantly hitting brick walls. To the extent that Harrison still has no consistent support now. You will hear one of the distressing episodes of Harrison’s breakdown and how traumatising it is for the whole family.  Clare’s inspiring determination to keep Harrison alive, and fight for his support. Her description of the catalogue of failings In a Mental Health system which is broken and fractured.  How, as a family they live with the burden of this terror, that Harrison might one day succeed.  We want this episode to help you have conversations in your family to ensure that your loved ones can be honest with you about their Mental Health, as prevention is the best cure. Also it’s important we recognise the scale of the problem in Children and Adolescent Mental health Services so we can campaign to improve them. Important support links: Community Advice and Listening Line (C.A.L.L.) - https://www.callhelpline.org.uk/ Maytree Suicide Respite Centre - https://www.maytree.org.uk/ James' Place - https://www.jamesplace.org.uk/get-support/ Shout - https://giveusashout.org/ Calm Halm - https://calmharm.co.uk Papyrus - https://www.papyrus-uk.org Child Mind - https://childmind.org/ Charlie Waller Foundation - https://charliewaller.org/ This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/therapyworks and get on your way to being your best self. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As most of you will know Ruby Wax is a comedian, actor and author as well as a mental health campaigner. Our conversation was particularly powerful because we got under the hood of the performer Ruby, and gained insight into who she really is, and how she got to be who she is. In listening to her honesty you will connect with yourself and recognise some of the influences that led you, the listener, to be you. We discussed complex issues like: What led Ruby to be ‘not as well as [she] thought [she] was’ and her breakdown after 12 years of being stable. Why her experience of depression was like a ‘holocaust inside’.  How we navigate together the difficult line of describing her experience without triggering her to drop back into it. The power of comedy as a defence and as a way to bear the unbearable We discuss the roots of Ruby’s depression and how it stemmed from the abuse and terror of her childhood and how that terror lives on and plays out in our daily life, even if managed.  For Ruby being at home is a place of threat and how she feels ’trapped’ when locked inside her house for too long. You need to listen to this episode if you want to understand depression, yourself and what can help you. Buy Ruby's new book: https://amzn.eu/d/aaTlK7bFind support at the Frazzled Cafe: https://www.frazzledcafe.org/---Please buy a ticket to my Masterclass, 'Change your family dynamics with Julia Samuel at The School of Life' on 16th and 22nd May: https://www.theschooloflife.com/amsterdam/julia-samuel-change-your-family-dynamics/?utm_source=colla&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=juliapodcastDiscount code: TheSchool_JuliaFind Julia:Julia’s Website: https://juliasamuel.co.uk/Julia’s Instagram: @juliasamuelmbeGrief Works app: https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/grief-works-self-care-love/id1558867513--Produced by Georgie Rutherford Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices