Orthodox Conundrum

The ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are dedicated to teshuva, commonly translated as “repentance” or “return.” According to the Rambam’s classic formulation, repentance consists of three elements: regret, determination not to repeat the sin in the future, and confession. In many ways it sounds relatively simple… though in practice, it’s often much more difficult. Moreover, from a psychological perspective, the processes of repenting, apologizing, and forgiving are very complex. What does it mean to experience shame, and how is the regret required by Jewish law different from the paralyzing shame that psychologists discourage? Can someone truly experience shame when that person still reaps the benefits of his wrongdoing? Is apologizing to someone different from asking for forgiveness - and what, exactly, is forgiveness, anyway? Are there techniques that can make it easier for us to forgive those who have hurt us? Is it ever wrong to apologize? And what if someone is convinced that he or she is simply unredeemable? In order to discuss these issues from both religious and psychological perspectives, Scott spoke with marriage and family therapist Elisheva Liss on the podcast. Please listen to and share this podcast, and let us know what you think on the Orthodox Conundrum Discussion Group on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/groups/432020081498108). Check out the Orthodox Conundrum Commentary on Substack and get your free subscription by going to https://scottkahn.substack.com/. Thanks to all of our Patreon subscribers, who have access to bonus JCH podcasts, merch, and more - we appreciate your help, and hope you really enjoy the extras! Visit the JCH Patreon site at https://www.patreon.com/jewishcoffeehouse. Check out https://jewishcoffeehouse.com/ for the Orthodox Conundrum and other great podcasts, and remember to subscribe to them on your favorite podcast provider. Also visit https://www.jchpodcasts.com/ to learn all about creating your own podcast. Music: "Happy Rock" by bensound.com  

Rosh Hashanah is a day of judgment, but it also represents renewal, hope, confidence, and optimism as we look toward the future. This is expressed in many ways, but perhaps most obviously in the Torah reading of the first day of Rosh Hashanah, where we read that Sarah, after a lifetime of being unable to have children, gave birth to Yitzchak at the age of ninety. In the haftarah of that same day, we read the similar story of Chanah, who was barren until G-d accepted her prayer;  she gave birth to Shmuel HaNavi soon thereafter. But these stories of hope, alongside other themes of Rosh Hashanah, may have the opposite effect for people who suffer from infertility. Seeing families in the synagogue, sitting around a yom tov table alongside couples who have children, and even hearing that G-d answered Sarah yet wondering, “Why hasn’t He said yes to me, too?” - may be exceedingly painful. To discuss some of the issues of infertility, including how we all can develop the proper sensitivity to those who suffer from infertility, Scott was honored to speak with Dr. Aimee Baron, the founder and executive director of I Was Supposed to Have a Baby. Read "59 Things to Talk About Other Than Babies and Kids" here. Please listen to and share this podcast, and let us know what you think on the Orthodox Conundrum Discussion Group on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/groups/432020081498108). Check out the Orthodox Conundrum Commentary on Substack and get your free subscription by going to https://scottkahn.substack.com/. If you subscribe by Thursday, September 14, you will receive a free PDF of The Laws of Tekiat Shofar. Thanks to all of our Patreon subscribers, who have access to bonus JCH podcasts, merch, and more - we appreciate your help, and hope you really enjoy the extras! Visit the JCH Patreon site at https://www.patreon.com/jewishcoffeehouse. Check out https://jewishcoffeehouse.com/ for the Orthodox Conundrum and other great podcasts, and remember to subscribe to them on your favorite podcast provider. Also visit https://www.jchpodcasts.com/ to learn all about creating your own podcast. Music: "Happy Rock" by bensound.com    

The tefilot of the Yamim Nora’im - starting from Selichot and continuing through Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur - are deep and meaningful, but also long and often quite hard to understand. But that difficulty is minor compared with the theological problem of how to relate to God when our prayers go unanswered... when He seems to have abandoned us... when rather than a divine nod of approval, we feel like we are getting God’s cold shoulder. This is a topic which Scott discussed over the past two weeks in his Substack, Orthodox Conundrum Commentary; it’s also an issue that everyone must confront at one point or another. To that end, Scott spoke with Rebecca Sarchi, a high school principal living in Johannesburg. Right before Tisha B’Av, her son Chaim tragically passed away; despite their intense tefilot and mitzvah observance, God still said no. Rebecca decided that she wants to address what happened, and describe the ways that a person can maintain faith in the face of unthinkable tragedy.  She does not provide answers; instead, she simply talks about her and her family’s experience. She mentions the importance of prayer despite the possibility of God’s saying no. She describes the need to cherish every moment, and to live fully in every second. She advocates going outside of yourself, and reaching out to someone else. No, none of these are answers; instead, they are lessons that can hopefully help us gain proper perspective as we enter the end of Elul, and begin the countdown to Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Please listen to and share this podcast, and let us know what you think on the Orthodox Conundrum Discussion Group on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/groups/432020081498108). Check out the Orthodox Conundrum Commentary on Substack and get your free subscription by going to https://scottkahn.substack.com/. Thanks to all of our Patreon subscribers, who have access to bonus JCH podcasts, merch, and more - we appreciate your help, and hope you really enjoy the extras! Visit the JCH Patreon site at https://www.patreon.com/jewishcoffeehouse. Check out https://jewishcoffeehouse.com/ for the Orthodox Conundrum and other great podcasts, and remember to subscribe to them on your favorite podcast provider. Also visit https://www.jchpodcasts.com/ to learn all about creating your own podcast. Music: "Happy Rock" by bensound.com  

What may a teacher or kiruv professional do in order to make people frum? Do the ends of bringing people closer to Torah justify the means of manipulating them emotionally? And even if the methodology is valid in some way, does it even work? According to Scott, playing mind games in the service of religion is not just wrong, but literally abusive. It potentially causes trauma, and further cements, in both the teacher and the students, the damaging idea that the teacher has special access to spiritual truth that is denied to the student. While someone who has studied Torah hopefully has a greater knowledge of Jewish law, and while he or she may potentially possess insights into spirituality, that does not translate into genuine knowledge of the mind of G-d; in reality, those who abuse often seem to profess shallow inanities that desecrate G-d's name. Yet some abusive rabbis have become famous and popular not despite their hurtful words, but because of them. And there are others - less famous, to be sure - who may be teaching in the schools attended by our children. To learn more about this troubling phenomenon, Scott spoke with Rabbi Mark Dratch and Mrs. Rachel Dratch. Please listen to and share this podcast, and let us know what you think on the Orthodox Conundrum Discussion Group on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/groups/432020081498108). Check out the Orthodox Conundrum Commentary on Substack and get your free subscription by going to https://scottkahn.substack.com/. Thanks to all of our Patreon subscribers, who have access to bonus JCH podcasts, merch, and more - we appreciate your help, and hope you really enjoy the extras! Visit the JCH Patreon site at https://www.patreon.com/jewishcoffeehouse. Check out https://jewishcoffeehouse.com/ for the Orthodox Conundrum and other great podcasts, and remember to subscribe to them on your favorite podcast provider. Also visit https://www.jchpodcasts.com/ to learn all about creating your own podcast. Music: "Happy Rock" by bensound.com  

A podcast hosted by an Orthodox comedian recently featured a controversial interview with a child sex offender.  In response, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum created a panel to discuss whether there are potential benefits to learning more about people who struggle with attraction to minors and do not offend, as well as those who do. (This episode contains explicit material regarding sexual abuse that some readers may find disturbing.) Please listen to and share this podcast, and let us know what you think on the Orthodox Conundrum Discussion Group on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/groups/432020081498108). Check out the Orthodox Conundrum Commentary on Substack and get your free subscription by going to https://scottkahn.substack.com/. Thanks to all of our Patreon subscribers, who have access to bonus JCH podcasts, merch, and more - we appreciate your help, and hope you really enjoy the extras! Visit the JCH Patreon site at https://www.patreon.com/jewishcoffeehouse. Check out https://jewishcoffeehouse.com/ for the Orthodox Conundrum and other great podcasts, and remember to subscribe to them on your favorite podcast provider. Also visit https://www.jchpodcasts.com/ to learn all about creating your own podcast. Music: "Happy Rock" by bensound.com  

Rachel Stomel, an expert on Israel's rabbinic establishment, discusses the potential negative impact of the government-sponsored Rabbinate and proposed legislation to increase its power. Topics include the history and evolution of the Chief Rabbinate, the lack of civil avenues for following Hala'cha, opposition to restrictive bills, and the need for political awareness and engagement to address problematic legislation. The speakers also question whether there should be a chief rabbi in Israel and advocate for radical changes to the rabbinate system.

Guest: Rabbi Jeremy Wieder, discusses orthodoxy's upper limit and the Orthodox community's obsession with materialism. Interesting topics include: materialism's violation of Torah, hedonism's impact on spiritual growth, high yeshiva tuition, unethical business schemes in Orthodox communities, lessons from Covid, and the importance of discussing materialism.

Many people are troubled by what appears to be a dearth of moral leadership in the Jewish world in general, and in the Orthodox world in particular. Of course, no one is asserting that there are no admirable leaders; rather, in addtion to these good leaders, there are too many leaders who are incompetent, cowardly, selfish, or immoral. For that reason, Scott was honored to talk with Dr. Erica Brown about whether this common impression is right, what constitutes good leadership according to Jewish sources, and how such leaders are cultivated. They discussed why there are different models of leadership in Jewish texts; some examples of leaders in Tanach including Yosef, Moshe, Rut, Esther, and Kohelet; what’s often called imposter syndrome; the importance of identifying talent and whether this involves favoritism; introverted versus extroverted leadership; the problem when institutional leadership protects itself rather than the people it ostensibly represents; rabbinic scandals and those who enable bad behavior; "protexia" and nepotism; the dangers of charismatic leadership; and much more. Please listen to and share this podcast, and let us know what you think on the Orthodox Conundrum Discussion Group on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/groups/432020081498108). Check out the Orthodox Conundrum Commentary on Substack and get your free subscription by going to https://scottkahn.substack.com/. Thanks to all of our Patreon subscribers, who have access to bonus JCH podcasts, merch, and more - we appreciate your help, and hope you really enjoy the extras! Visit the JCH Patreon site at https://www.patreon.com/jewishcoffeehouse. Check out https://jewishcoffeehouse.com/ for the Orthodox Conundrum and other great podcasts, and remember to subscribe to them on your favorite podcast provider. Also visit https://www.jchpodcasts.com/ to learn all about creating your own podcast. Music: "Happy Rock" by bensound.com  

“What does Eichah have in common with climate change deniers, anti-vaxxers, Holocaust deniers and those that claim that the 2020 presidential elections were stolen?” Rabbi Dr. Joshua Berman sent this to Scott, who was intrigued and immediately invited him back onto this podcast to discuss what he meant. More than anything else, we need a way to relate to Megillat Eicha in a world which seems so distant from that described in the book. And even the world described in Eicha is complicated; it’s often hard to make sense of exactly what is being said. There are different voices represented, and they often contradict each other, and themselves. The book seems to go back and forth between blaming the community for its own destruction, and saying that G-d went too far - and sometimes neither, just lamenting how terrible everything is. Maybe the real question is whether there is a theology of Eicha at all, or if it's a book with multiple theologies - some of which border on the heretical. Rabbi Berman developed a novel approach to Eicha, and his reading infuses it with new life. Rabbi Berman believes that Eicha was written to be performed like a play, as a dialogue between the prophet Yirmiyahu and Bat Tzion - a composite character who represents the different voices that were being expressed by the grief-stricken people after the Destruction. Rabbi Berman also sees Eicha as representing a type of therapy session between the author and the people, who need to face realities that they’re refusing to acknowledge even when those realities seem blindingly obvious. And crucially, Rabbi Berman sees Eicha as a corrective to common but shallow theology - a theology that, he believes, remains something that we believe until today. Ultimately, any deep understanding of Judaism and acknowledgement of G-d’s love for Israel isn’t complete without the splash of cold water that Eicha provides. It would be nice to advocate a Jewish theology that ignores the difficult parts of our relationship with Hashem; but it wouldn’t be honest or true. This conversation with Rabbi Berman will not only make Tisha B’Av more meaningful, but will also provide serious food for thought that we can take with us long after Tisha B’Av is over. To order Rabbi Berman’s new book on Eicha, go to https://www.cambridge.org/core/books/book-of-lamentations/5CE9A9C4A6B9159F1CACAE7055C35768?fbclid=IwAR0fU0sjtMUwmMT2o6kGQBche6DL4POuNi29jYYJVfwhDLNtT1mXqy5jw6g. Please listen to and share this podcast, and let us know what you think on the Orthodox Conundrum Discussion Group on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/groups/432020081498108). Check out the Orthodox Conundrum Commentary on Substack and get your free subscription by going to https://scottkahn.substack.com/. There’s so much that we can accomplish together through this podcast! We invite you to support the Orthodox Conundrum through our Patreon site. Go to https://www.patreon.com/jewishcoffeehouse and help us to create a positive, G-d-centered, halachic, intellectually honest, self-aware, accountable and welcoming Orthodox Judaism. Check out https://jewishcoffeehouse.com/ for the Orthodox Conundrum and other great podcasts, and remember to subscribe to them on your favorite podcast provider. Also visit https://www.jchpodcasts.com/ to learn all about creating your own podcast. Music: "Happy Rock" by bensound.com  

The high cost of living an Orthodox life is a big problem. In the United States, for example, the high cost of day school or yeshiva tuition, combined with everything from the need to purchase kosher food to buying a lulav and etrog for Sukkot, adds to a family’s annual bills significantly. When we factor in the reality that standards are getting higher - semachot, for example, are very expensive, while overnight camps often have increasingly elaborate programs that in turn make the price go up - the problem is exacerbated. And then there’s the issue of social or peer pressure, intentional or otherwise. More people go away for Pesach, and programs compete to offer the most luxurious amenities and best entertainment possible. Conspicuous consumption, it seems, has become - among some Orthodox Jews - not a problem that we need to address, but a desired feature that we aspire to emulate. And whether we’re conscious of that fact or not, it affects everyone by raising standards and expectations. Those people who aren’t able to afford the same things as others are often either left feeling “less than,” or - even worse - end up spending more than they are able, and find themselves in real financial trouble. While the problems in every locale are somewhat different, this is an issue that affects many Orthodox communities, including some of those in Israel. There are many consequences of these financial, social, and psychological realities. One of them is the possibility of people falling for ponzi schemes and other get-rich-quick scams, including those that are broadly legal but still unethical; another is the need for chesed and tzedakah organizations to find new and more effective ways to help people who, in the drive to keep up and live an Orthodox life, have fallen into a deep financial hole. Two people who have a broad knowledge of these problems, and who deal with them daily, are Rachel Krich, the Executive Director of Project Ezrah, and Rabbi Avrohom Leventhal, the Executive Director of Lema’an Achai. They and Scott had a frank conversation about all of these topics and more.  Please listen to and share this podcast, and let us know what you think on the Orthodox Conundrum Discussion Group on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/groups/432020081498108). Check out the Orthodox Conundrum Commentary on Substack and get your free subscription by going to https://scottkahn.substack.com/. Thanks to all of our Patreon subscribers, who have access to bonus JCH podcasts, merch, and more - we appreciate your help, and hope you really enjoy the extras! Visit the JCH Patreon site at https://www.patreon.com/jewishcoffeehouse. Check out https://jewishcoffeehouse.com/ for the Orthodox Conundrum and other great podcasts, and remember to subscribe to them on your favorite podcast provider. Also visit https://www.jchpodcasts.com/ to learn all about creating your own podcast. To donate to Lema'an Achai, go to https://www.lemaanachai.org/en/donation.php. To donate to Project Ezrah, go to https://www.ezrah.org/donate/. Music: "Happy Rock" by bensound.com