Do you agree that we live in a world that equates body size with a person’s value? What is our society teaching our kids about fat, body size, and a person’s worth? If you experienced body-size shaming as you grew up, don’t you want to do a better job with your children? Parenting around these topics is not easy, and my guest today wrote a book to help us understand more. I’m excited for this conversation with Virginia Sole-Smith, author of Fat Talk: Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture and host of the Burnt Toast podcast. Join us to learn more!Show Highlights: Why parents struggle with fears and concerns around their kids’ body sizes Why the goal is to have kids who don’t feel anxious about their relationship with food Why we need to think about health as MUCH more than a number on the scale Why, to embrace body diversity, we need to challenge what we’ve been trained to think about health, beauty, and morality How weight distribution matches up with “thin privilege” and anti-fat bias How focusing too closely on our personal weight struggles causes us to reinforce and perpetuate fat bias in the world How our children receive messaging around body types and sizes from healthcare providers, sports coaches, etc.  How to have healthy conversations with kids about bodies, fat, diets, etc.  Why parents need to give counter programming to the default settings our kids receive from society about topics such as body shaming and racism Why Virginia included in her book a chapter called “Straight White Dads on Diets”  Resources:Connect with Virginia Sole-Smith: Website, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, Burnt Toast podcast, and Fat Talk bookConnect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While DrowningWe love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Getting therapy and finding the right therapist is super intimidating! Most people aren’t even sure how to begin the process. Besides the fear and stigma associated with seeking help for mental health, therapy can be scary when you don’t know what to expect. One of my friends from TikTok has written a book with tons of practical information and advice about the basics of therapy. Join us to learn more!Shani Tran is a licensed therapist in Minnesota and Arizona. She wrote the book, Dope Therapy: A Radical Guide to Owning Your Therapy, to validate the anxiety that can arise around seeking counseling. Through her book, she offers guidance for navigating the uncomfortable conversations that can come up in therapy. In her professional work and on TikTok, Shani focuses on education around cultural humility and helping people of color, who have historically been underserved by the mental health community. Show Highlights: Why Shani wanted to write her book to make the therapy process less intimidating How Shani’s book breaks down the therapy process, including all the financial information that people need to know Why it is important to be direct in your questions to a therapist How to reframe your thinking around, “Therapy didn’t work for me.” Why it’s OK to tell your therapist how you really feel (they WANT you to advocate for yourself!) Shani’s advice about firing a therapist (Hint: Ghosting them is OK!) Why the therapy room is a great place to practice new communication skills in a safe place Why your relationship with your therapist is different from every other human relationship How teletherapy brings new elements to the therapy process to improve accessibility Why Shani wants to be noticed for her diverse skills as a clinician and not just her work with the BIPOC community The difference in cultural competency and cultural humility  Resources:We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codesConnect with Shani: Dope Therapy book (also available at other booksellers), TikTok, and InstagramMentioned by Shani: The Gift of Therapy by Irvin D. YalomConnect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Small things can make all the difference, and each person gets to decide for themselves what those little steps are that uplift our spirits and lighten our load. These little things are NOT the same for everyone! A simple thing, like having her hair washed and styled twice weekly, helps energize today’s guest and makes her feel that she can take on the world–and she doesn’t need to make excuses for it. Join us to hear my conversation with Heidi Smith.Show Highlights: How Heidi decided that having someone “do her hair” twice each week is a BIG deal for her mental health Why we have to decide for ourselves how to spend our emotional energy, which is in limited supply Why it is ridiculous that women put so much pressure on themselves to be presentable because of external motivation Why our self-care routines should serve us and have a place in our functionality How parenting responsibilities evolved for Heidi to finally allow her to take time for yourself Why the best advice around self-care tasks is to find what works best for YOU  Resources:Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, we are covering an important topic today, but maybe not in the way you expect. I’m joined by Rachel Mulholland (aka Shug CM), a therapist whom I met on TikTok because of her incredible content around sex education for children. Today’s focus is on how our lives as adults are impacted if we don’t get comprehensive sex education as children. Join us for the conversation!Show Highlights: How KC’s story from her teenage years illustrates the gaps that most people have in their education about sex and the fact that sex ed is NOT a one-time conversation How “purity culture” is impacting teenagers in certain places in the US in damaging ways How even most comprehensive sex ed doesn’t address the pleasurable side of sex–and (for females) that the pleasure doesn’t have to come from another person How sexual predators take advantage of the lack of information in sex ed from SAFE places Why parents have real fear about talking to their kids about sex ed The effects of NOT educating kids that sex and pleasure don’t always go together Rachel’s Four Pillars of Safe Sex: confirmation, communication, lubrication, and enthusiastic participation Why parents should be aware when their kids are ready to hear and learn–and begin at the most basic level appropriate for their age How to answer those first little-kid questions around, “Where do babies come from?” Why curiosity is a foundational part of body talk for kids–not just around sexuality How parents can work through their own feelings around sex ed with their children Why Rachel’s next project is a book about body talk Resources:Connect with Rachel: TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and Website (coming soon!)Recommended by Rachel: How Do You Make A Baby by Anna FiskeConnect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you’ve thought about finding a counselor or therapist, you know it can seem overwhelming. Remember that those first few sessions are essentially a time for YOU to interview the therapist to see if there are good vibes and a good fit for you. Don’t be intimidated by the process! I’m breaking it down with tips and advice about finding the right therapist for you. Join me for this episode!Show Highlights: The basics: What is the difference between therapy and counseling? A breakdown of different providers and what they do: psychiatrist, psychologist, therapists, and counselors How to find a provider–with and without insurance (Visit my Shop at www.strugglecare.com to download my FREE pdf file, Finding a Therapist.) How to contact a provider when you’ve chosen one and what to say (Hint: It matters whether your private insurance is a PPO or HMO.) What to ask during the first phone call about scheduling constraints, experience with your specific issue, typical sessions, etc. Why it is OK to go into the first session with questions of your own What you should communicate to the provider during the first session How to ask the provider about their supervision, cancellation policies, emergencies sessions or phone calls How to tell the provider that they aren’t a good fit for you Probing questions you can ask to determine any biases/prejudices your provider might have around religion, spirituality, interventions, faith, LGBTQ people, gender identity, sexuality, psychiatric medications How to figure out the therapist qualities that matter most to you  Safety resources in the US (See Resources below for details.) Resources:If you are in a domestic violence situation and need safety now, call the 24-hour hotline 1-800-799-7233.If you are under 18 and need help, safety, counseling, or services, text “Safe” with your address, city, and state to 44357.The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN) is America’s largest anti-sexual violence organization. If you’ve been assaulted and need help, call their hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE.  Lifeline Suicide Help can be reached at 1-800-273-8255. They provide 24-hour free and confidential support to people in distress who need crisis resources.The Trevor Project is a chat, text, and phone support line for LGBTQ youth in crisis. They provide peer programs and resources. Reach them at www.thetrevorproject.com. NEXT Distro is an online and email-based harm reduction service designed to reduce the opioid overdose death rate, prevent injection-related disease transmission, and improve the lives of those who use drugs. Find them at www.nextdistro.org. Never Use Alone can be reached if you choose to use drugs alone. Their operator will stay on the line with you while you use and notify emergency services if you stop responding. Find them at www.neverusealone.com and 800-484-3731. Connect with KC: Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website (Find the FREE pdf, Finding a Good Therapist, under the “Shop” tab.)Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We are focusing on one particular aspect of self-care today with therapist and professional organizer Amanda Dodson of Nesting Your Life. I love learning more about how these two roles intersect in helping people with real-life problems. Join us to learn more from Amanda!Show Highlights: Why Amanda became interested in “low-energy care of self” Why it is difficult to accept that you aren’t physically, mentally, and emotionally capable of doing the things you want to do How Amanda explains the “Spoon Theory” of energy An explanation of diminished energy and the blame and frustration that come with it Why resources for self-care should think outside the box regarding the unseen rules we live by Why budgeting your energy differently requires a sort of “mourning” the death of your able-bodied self as life changes occur How societal messages about dealing with low-energy cater to the well people Why neurodivergent people tend to have off-balance eating habits How Amanda helps her clients aim for regular eating routines to be in touch with their hunger and fullness cues Where to start if your home is not functional (Just take the first step!) How sensory issues factor into low-energy self-care—and how to address them  Why motivation pairing can be a real game-changer in making undesirable tasks more tolerable Why Amanda sees it as an important part of her work to help men become more involved in the care of their homes  Resources:Connect with Amanda Dodson: TikTok and WebsiteConnect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today’s episode is a conversation in which Ellie Pike, host of the Mental Note podcast (this episode first aired on 2/27/23), and I discuss my adult ADHD diagnosis and the workarounds I’ve learned to get things done and function in my life. Join us!Show Highlights: KC’s background as a messy person whose life changed dramatically when her two children were born How KC had to learn how to keep a functional home in a totally new phase of life How an ADHD diagnosis as a young mother made sense of her whole life Why KC’s ADHD diagnosis was “missed” during childhood and youth because she didn’t “fit the mold” Why ADHD is NOT simply the inability to pay attention How success in school changed for KC during college when most of the work was to be done outside of class How ADHD affects what is going on in the brain, regardless of external behavior that may appear normal What KC has put in place to help her finish necessary tasks, even when they don’t interest her The difference between motivation and task initiation–and why we treat them differently How ADHD medication changed everything for KC Why late-diagnosed adults with ADHD usually hit some kind of barrier, event, or transition that brings everything to a crisis point The connection between KC’s depressive episodes and isolation, under-stimulation, and boredom KC’s advice for listeners about creating systems that work WITH your brain: “Do a little, and do it as a person that deserves to function.” Why KC’s message is that “care tasks are morally neutral” and have nothing to do with someone being a worthwhile human being  Resources:Connect with Ellie Pike and find out more about the Eating Recovery Center and Mood and Anxiety Center: www.mentalnotepodcast.com  Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I’m excited to have Danita Platt on the show today. I didn’t know anyone of color in the field of care tasks until I met her. Her content resonates with me and my views around care tasks, so I hope you’ll enjoy hearing more from Danita!Show Highlights: Who Danita is and how she became an expert on gentle care tasks How our society over the last two generations has moralized care tasks and tied them to the worth of a woman Why we need to rethink our views about care tasks and “being a good woman” that go back to the founding of the US, historically speaking How the concept of “invisible labor” has carried over from colonial days even to today How many white people were able to live the lives they did because of the cheap, exploitable labor of Black women How the Great Migration happened to move many Black families to northern cities from the South How the shift happened to push Black (and white) women to work industrial jobs while men were away during the war How the push is recurring for 1950s homemaking to be viewed as the superior role for women What we DON’T talk about in the fulfilling life of a homemaker How Danita chooses to honor the Black women who had to wash clothes, clean house, and cook meals under duress–with no freedom or choice of their own What Danita would say to women who want to live more joyfully in their homes and experience more freedom and quality of life  Resources:Connect with Danita: TikTok and InstagramMentioned in this episode: Sisters in Hate: American Women on the Front Lines of White NationalismConnect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I’ve never been a perfectionist. I’ve never cared if my bed is made or my handwriting is neat or if a picture on the wall is hanging perfectly. I’m not bothered by things being a little “out of place.” So imagine my surprise to discover that my whole life is run by perfectionism–a different kind of perfectionism. That’s today’s topic on the show. Join me to find out more!Show Highlights: How an 18-month-stint as a teenager in a long-term rehab facility turned me into a moral perfectionist How a militaristic 12-step program and an evangelical church forced me to examine every daily decision for pure, altruistic motives How this type of perfectionism told me that I had to be “good enough” to be loved and accepted How even self-improvement is approached differently with moral perfectionism Why it’s impossible to live with moral perfectionism The first step toward change: recognizing that I am a moral perfectionist who is trying to earn my worth through altruism and unselfishness Why you are not alone if you feel like a moral perfectionist An excerpt from my book, How to Keep House While Drowning, chapter 3  Resources:Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today’s discussion is about high-control groups. If you aren’t familiar with this phrase, think of it as the clinical term for a cult, and most of us are familiar with that word. Let’s talk about it with my guest, Chris Wilson, who has spent many years studying this topic. She has a Bachelor’s degree in Sociology, a Master’s in Religion, and is working on a Master’s in Industrial and Organizational Psychology. Join us to learn more from Chris!Show Highlights: Why a high-control group is usually toxic, with the abuse of power and control that induces trauma in people How Chris witnessed abuse and experienced trauma in her religious upbringing–and became passionately determined to help others KC’s story of teenage drug addiction, rehab, and exposure to high-control groups How a recovery group that helps a person can also be a high-control group What makes a group a high-control group They use control tactics and don’t teach coping mechanisms. They prioritize predatory collectivism. Why not all religions with strict rules and regulations are high-control groups How high-control groups function with behavior control and punishment How high-control group tactics can show up in the toxic workplace How high-control groups implement information control and use thought-stopping cliches to stop people from evaluating what is happening to them How high-control groups remove a person’s ability and opportunity to make all decisions about even the most mundane things in daily life Tips from Chris and KC for joining a group and being aware: Balance your passion with rationality. Connect with others in the group and ask specifically about the “downsides” of the group. Beware if the group touts themselves as the ONLY ONE doing things right. Beware if the group leader claims to be clairvoyant, infallible, or claims to know you better than you know yourself.  Resources:Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices