The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Focusing on understanding what's driving behavior can sometimes make it feel like we aren't addressing the behavior at all. It can feel as if we are boundaryless and permissive. This episode sheds light on what boundaries really are and how focusing on regulation, connection and felt-safety increases compassionate boundaries in response to behaviors.In this episode, you’ll learn:What boundaries really areHow they are different than punishment and rulesExamples of boundariesWhat to do when your child violates a boundary Resources mentioned in this podcast:Previous podcast episode "But What about a Consequence?"FREEOne-page PDF infographic on Boundaries with Connection!CLICK HERE to get the download sent to your inboxRead a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boundaries1Teaching kids about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain is one key piece of growing their owl brain and calming their watchdog and possum brain!Register for this once-a-year webinar on September 4, 2025 at RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrainYou'll get access to the recording and OODLES of resources.Club Members- you do NOT have to register!!!*** Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Ever wondered if your child's outbursts are intentional? This discussion tackles the confusion surrounding dysregulation and sheds light on how it often roots in trauma, rather than manipulation. Parents learn about the vital role of co-regulation for emotional stability and how to provide the support their children need. Exciting resources and community support for navigating these behaviors are also shared, making it a must-listen for anyone facing the challenges of parenting after trauma.

Understanding behavior helps us actually solve the problem, leads to compassion, and actually helps behavior to change, but first we must understand why we are so afraid that understanding behaviors means we are excusing "bad" behaviors.In this episode, you’ll learn:The difference between understanding behavior and excusing behaviorWhy understanding behavior is importantWhat are our fears about understanding behaviorWhat leads to behavior changeThe importance of compassionate boundariesRead a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/understandingbehaviorTeaching kids about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain is one key piece of growing their owl brain and calming their watchdog and possum brain!Register for this once-a-year webinar on September 4, 2025 at RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrainYou'll get access to the recording and OODLES of resources.Club Members- you do NOT have to register!!!*** Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

An episode of sharing, connecting, and reflecting on all the goodness and intensity of 2022, celebrating this community, and looking forward to the year ahead on the podcast and more.In this episode, you’ll learn:The huge and impactful undertaking of Being WithNews about my upcoming book!What's been happening in The ClubThe most vulnerable thing I did in my business in 2022What's ahead for 2023Resources mentioned in this podcast:Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) Directory: https://robyngobbel.com/immersionprogramgraduate/Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/reflectionsTeaching kids about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain is one key piece of growing their owl brain and calming their watchdog and possum brain!Register for this once-a-year webinar on September 4, 2025 at RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrainYou'll get access to the recording and OODLES of resources.Club Members- you do NOT have to register!!!*** Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

An interview with Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker about empowering children to be the boss of their own stories and how to find therapists who can hold those stories with curiosity and resonance.In this episode, you’ll learn:We all get to decide how we want our stories to be shared, and why it's especially important for adoptees to have tools for responding to intrusive questionsThe powerful connection of finding a therapist who is an adopteeHow to find the right therapist for your childResources mentioned in this podcast:Dr. Wirta-Leiker's book: https://growbeyondwords.com/adoptees-like-me/National Adoptee Therapist Directory: https://growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory/Screening Questions: https://growbeyondwords.com/2015/08/screening-questions-when-seeking-an-adoption-competent-therapist/Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/superpowersConnect with Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker here:Website: https://growbeyondwords.com/Instagram: @growbeyondwordsFacebook: @BeyondWordsPsychologicalServicesTeaching kids about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain is one key piece of growing their owl brain and calming their watchdog and possum brain!Register for this once-a-year webinar on September 4, 2025 at RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrainYou'll get access to the recording and OODLES of resources.Club Members- you do NOT have to register!!!*** Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

***This episode originally aired on May 18th, 2021***What if I told you that calm isn't best?  Calm isn't what we are working toward!  And prioritizing calm gives other states of the nervous system a bad wrap! Calm is just a byproduct of an attempt to regulate!  In fact, there are risks to focusing on calm as our primary goal. On today's episode, I'm thrilled to introduce you to Lisa Dion, LPC, RPT-S, is an international teacher, creator of Synergetic Play Therapy, founder and President of the Synergetic Play Therapy Institute, and host of the Lessons from the Playroom podcast.  She is the author of Aggression in Play Therapy:  A Neurobiological Approach for Integrating Intensity and is the 2015 recipient of the Association for Play Therapy’s Professional Education and Training Award of Excellence.Lisa and I have a lovely time discussing the difference between regulated and calm, including the risks of pretending to be calm when we aren't.  As parents and clinicians who care for kids with a history of trauma, it's important to negotiate ways within ourselves that we can be honest and congruent with our true experiences (maybe we are mad!) while still remaining regulated and offering felt-safety. Wait what?! Regulated and mad?!?!Yup.  Regulated and mad.  Have a listen to see what Lisa has to say about this!You can find more of Lisa's work over at Synergetic Play Therapy Institue, including her book for clinicians, Teaching kids about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain is one key piece of growing their owl brain and calming their watchdog and possum brain!Register for this once-a-year webinar on September 4, 2025 at RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrainYou'll get access to the recording and OODLES of resources.Club Members- you do NOT have to register!!!*** Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

***This episode originally aired on May 11th, 2021***You’ve asked yourself “Is this a behavior that’s coming from my child’s trauma?  Or is this regular acting out kid behavior???”Sometimes it’s pretty obvious but if you’re asking yourself that question, you’re probably in a situation where it isn’t obvious.What if I told you it doesn’t matter?Hear me out.Why do you want to figure that out?  Usually because it feels like you’ll handle the situation different based on the answer.But actually, it doesn’t matter. And it’s impossible to determine anyway.What you really want to think about is- how dysregulated is my child?And then respond to that!!  There are some core truths about humans- regulated, connected kids who feel safe do well.  So if you’re child isn’t doing well- ask yourself if this is about regulation, connection, felt-safety or some combination of those.Then, based on your child’s level of arousal/dysregulation, you can intervene in a way that will calm their arousal and bring back their owl brain.   I explore this in depth in today’s episode!  If you want to learn more about this way of looking at behaviors, watch this free masterclass online  www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclassTo view the full summary or the full transcript visit: https://robyngobbel.com/traumabehavior/Teaching kids about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain is one key piece of growing their owl brain and calming their watchdog and possum brain!Register for this once-a-year webinar on September 4, 2025 at RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrainYou'll get access to the recording and OODLES of resources.Club Members- you do NOT have to register!!!*** Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

***This episode originally aired on May 24th, 2022***There’s a lot of confusion about what co-regulation really is.  Parents often say to me something like “OK, I get it- I’m supposed to give co-regulation instead of a consequence.  But- what does that really mean?  Like- what does co-regulation actually look like in real life?”Listen to the episode to learn:What regulation really isWhat co-regulation really isThe ‘ingredients’ of co-regulationAn example of in-real-life co-regulation (with an older child)Active vs. passive co-regulationYou can read a longer summary AND get a full transcript over at https://robyngobbel.com/coregulationIn this podcast, I mention:Is it really about trust? Or not enough co-regulation?  Building the Tower of Self-RegulationRegulation Does Not Equal CalmTeaching kids about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain is one key piece of growing their owl brain and calming their watchdog and possum brain!Register for this once-a-year webinar on September 4, 2025 at RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrainYou'll get access to the recording and OODLES of resources.Club Members- you do NOT have to register!!!*** Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

***This podcast episode originally aired on January 5th, 2021***How do we not flip our lids when our kids are going bananas?  It's HARD.  Because dysregulation is quite literally contagious!!  And if we flip our lids too then it's usually pretty hard to deescalate the situation.   Offering connection, regulation, and felt-safety to our kids is a lot easier if we don't flip our lids! (Although for sure- perfection in parenting is never ever ever required and sometimes, I flip my lid, too!)In this episode, we will look at steps you can take- IN THE MOMENT- of a stressful parenting experience (assuming no one is in literal danger!) that will help you stay regulated (not calm!) so you can tackle the real problem.  The real problem is probably your child's regulation, connection, and/or felt-safety!To read the full summary or the full transcript visit: www.RobynGobbel.com/notflippingyourlidIf you are new to this model of brain-based parenting, you can watch my free 45 minute masterclass on Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety here: www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclassTeaching kids about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain is one key piece of growing their owl brain and calming their watchdog and possum brain!Register for this once-a-year webinar on September 4, 2025 at RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrainYou'll get access to the recording and OODLES of resources.Club Members- you do NOT have to register!!!*** Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

***This episode originally aired on December 22nd, 2020***I love love love talking about self-compassion for two main reasons.   Self-Compassion is solidly anchored in the relational neurosciences- and you know how much I love...and need...for things to be anchored in science.  Self-compassion has tenacity.  There's no way out.  Self-compassion has an answer for all your reasons why you aren't worthy of self-compassion.  I love that about self-compassion (probably because people describe me as tenacious- especially, relationally).In this episode, we will explore the science of self-compassion.  We'll look at why compassion is the neurobiology of change.  Why you deserve compassion.  Why compassion is how the brain heals and changes.  Compassion can feel risky- and I'll give you the science that might help you feel safe enough to take the vulnerable step toward self-compassion.To read the full summary or the full transcript visit:  robyngobbel.com/selfcompassionTeaching kids about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain is one key piece of growing their owl brain and calming their watchdog and possum brain!Register for this once-a-year webinar on September 4, 2025 at RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrainYou'll get access to the recording and OODLES of resources.Club Members- you do NOT have to register!!!*** Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)