Find Your Food Voice

Who hasn't heard of Keto? Wonder if it is the right option for you? Many people with PCOS or another chronic condition like diabetes, migraines, or knee pain are encouraged to give Keto a try. This is not a harmless recommendation. This week's listener letter teases apart what Intuitive Eating means for her after years of Keto. Wonder what to do next? Listen up for more. Want to dive deep into the research and discussion? Click here for my blog post on PCOS + Keto. This episode of the Love Food Podcast is brought to you by The Eating Disorder Trap book and podcast by Robyn Goldberg. It is likely you have a close friend, client or loved one who is currently struggling with an eating disorder. Do you feel lost in a deluge of information? Are you unsure who to trust? Let this book be your guide. Written by an expert with over twenty years of experience in the field of eating disorders, this book will give you the facts in a friendly and easy to read format. Get to know what you are dealing with and how it is taking a toll on your body and quality of life. Get rid of the myths “diet culture” has had you believe. Find out where to go and who to turn to for expert and compassionate care, maximizing your potential for recovery. A useful, inviting and all inclusive guide to eating disorders. Also be sure to tune in to The Eating Disorder Trap Podcast, an expansive support and resource system for people struggling with eating disorders. This podcast is for clients, clinicians and anyone who wants to be able to support someone who is struggling. Grab your free download here. NEW PODCAST ALERT Be sure to check out, support, and SUBSCRIBE to the Demystifying Diversity Podcast with hosts Daralyse Lyons and AnnaMarie Jones. The trailer has me hooked and can't wait to hear more. I have a feeling you'll love this podcast too. Dear Food: After four years of eating keto to manage my PCOS and prevent diabetes, I have started trying intuitive eating, but am honestly a little skeptical that it will work for my situation. One year into keto, I quit counting carbs and have been eating somewhat intuitively since then, even enjoying a full-sugar treat a few times a year (not without consequences to my physical and mental health, but balance, right?) I don’t worry about my weight, and in fact got rid of my scale last year and don’t miss it.  Keto was all about health for me. In fact, when I saw a new doctor a few months ago, she said I had probably gotten rid of my PCOS by cutting out sugar and I felt pretty good about that. I know it’s not possible to completely get rid of PCOS, but I know I did something right, because I started having a regular cycle for the first time in my life two years ago, thanks to keto and intermittent fasting. I don’t want to undo that and go back to where I was.  This is why I am approaching intuitive eating with a bit of hesitation, while wanting to be free from “food rules” and not think about food so much. If I could go back to eating how I did 7 years ago without suffering adverse health effects, that would be amazing, but maybe that’s not possible because bodies and metabolisms change.  I’ve tried eating fruit, beans, and rice in the past week. All of them messed with my blood sugar and made me feel like crap. Do I have to accept the fact that I just can’t get along with a whole category of you, namely grains and sugar, that those are just off-limits for me for the majority of the time? When I think of intuitive eating, I think of “all foods fit”, so I’m feeling a bit confused and stuck. I want to be healthy but I also want us to get along.  Frustrated Foodie SHOW NOTES: Julie Dillon RD blog PCOS + Keto blog post which includes details discussed including the research. Link to get latest Food Peace Syllabus. Intuitive Eating (aff) by Tribole and Resch The Eating Disorder Trap book and podcast 6 Keys To Food Peace PCOS Body Liberation Community Julie on Instagram: Instagram.com/FoodPeaceDietitian Find Eating Disorder Dietitians near you. Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help. Connect every Tuesday to hear a listener letter describe their woes in a Dear Food letter. Julie Duffy Dillon--seasoned dietitian and food behavior expert--sifts through the letter and sometimes features guests with exceptional insight. Each episode concludes with Food writing back to help you focus on permission, healing, and compassion.This podcast is not about dieting. It is not about how to lose weight. It combines 20 years of Health at Every Size informed nutrition counseling into a new way that is unapologetically anti-diet and fat positive.Find out more at JulieDillonRD.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

As we finish up Season 4, consider what parts of your Food Peace Journey™️ you can unravel and which are not your burden to carry. We must Rally together to free all bodies and no matter what, no one can take away the steps you have taken on your Food Peace Journey so far. Listen to this latest episode and stick around to the end for a special announcement! Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds. This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.  Do you own a social justice informed and fat positive business? I would love to give you the first opportunity to advertise on the Love Food Podcast. Get all the details here. Dear Wonderful, Delightful, Complicated Food:  We’ve had a long relationship of valleys and peaks, and after a long time, I finally feel like we are at a pleasant plateau. I’m no longer caught up in the very restrictive behaviors of anorexia that I experienced when I struggled to control other aspects of my life. I recognize that sometimes, my body needs more of you, and I am usually able to eat without feeling overwhelmed by grief and negative thoughts. My husband is kind, loving, and better than anything I thought possible.  And yet, I am very aware that plateaus have boundaries, and I am afraid that in this case, the boundary is a cliff, mostly related to aging. I have almost always been in a fat body, but about seven years ago, through severe restriction, I was small enough to shop in straight-sized stores for the first time since I was a freshman in high school. As nice as the compliments were, I was harming myself, and my relationship with you. While my therapist was outstanding in helping me build the strength to leave an abusive situation, he encouraged my weight loss.  Leaving abuse meant a new career, and while I never planned to be in healthcare, that is where I find myself. I work in long-term care, and every day, I listen to the fatphobic opinions of the medical community. In the last five years, I have regained all the weight I lost, and more. At work, I am always the fattest person in the room. I try to tune out water cooler discussions of their personal diets, but when we discuss patient health, I am overwhelmed. Two patients can have generally equal diagnoses, symptoms, and test results, but if one is fat, their situation is blamed on their weight, and pain is nearly always reduced to “if they would lose X pounds, they wouldn’t be in pain.” I have also had some health setbacks in these recent years. I am now disabled and experience chronic pain. I was finally diagnosed with PCOS after 26 years since my first period, and I had to stop the medication that helped regulate it because of potentially deadly side effects. I know that because of PCOS, my food needs are different from others, and that I experience hunger, fullness, and cravings differently.  Food, I am afraid that when I am older and need more medical care, they will not be able to see past the numbers on the scale. I am afraid that if I ever need residential health care, my nutrition needs will not be met because I will be served the same thing as everyone else, on their schedules, according to rules made by bureaucrats. We have worked so hard to get to this place, and I am afraid that the medical community is going to destroy that. I fear that they will not care if restriction makes my hair fall out again as long as my waist gets smaller.  Please help me find ways to stay on good terms with you while advocating for myself within a fatphobic system.  Sincerely, Allied Health Worker in Need of an Ally Show Notes: Julie Dillon RD blog Link to get latest Food Peace Syllabus. Intuitive Eating (aff) by Tribole and Resch 6 Keys To Food Peace PCOS Body Liberation Community–launches July 6th! Julie on Instagram: Instagram.com/FoodPeaceDietitian Christina Johnson RDN website and Instagram Shira Rosenbluth LCSW website and Instagram Find Eating Disorder Dietitians near you. Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Enticed by those slick new wellness products? Attracted to the hopefulness that comes from the idea that you can be happier in your body if just smaller? Recovering from diet culture and/or an eating disorder is so much tougher because the world hasn't yet. Guest expert Robyn Goldberg, author of highly recommended book, The Eating Disorder Trap, weighs in on ways to move forward on your Food Peace Journey. Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds. This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. Do you own a social justice informed business? Are you a fat positive business owner? I would like to give you the first opportunity to advertise on the Love Food Podcast. Check out the details here: JulieDillonRD.com/LoveFoodSponsor Here's this episode's Dear Food letter: Dear Food,Where do I begin? I hate you. I love you. You nourish me, yet you cause me feelings of utter guilt and shame. Do I soundcrazy yet? I have been struggling with an eating disorder for over ten years. It started out innocent-as it always does!Just wanted to lose a few pounds here and there. But then the weight loss became addicting. Consume less? Move more? Theweight melted off. Okay, I thought. This is working. Years down the road I am faced with a number of health problems. Electrolyte imbalances, the bones of an 80 year old woman (I am 27), weakening of my heart muscle, low potassium, and oh did I mention the depression and anxiety? With all of these consequences of my eating disorder, I found myself pushed into saying enough is enough. So, I went to treatment. I left there feeling great. Then I relapsed. I went back to treatment. Here I am weight restored, relatively "healthy" besides the issues I can't reverse. I follow my meal plan every day, listen to my body, eat when I'm hungry, don't over exercise. It is literally a full time job committing to recovery, food. So you can imagine my frustration with the world when I am all of a sudden being bombarded by the latest diet trends EVERYWHERE I LOOK. Wrap yourself skinny! Drink this superfood shake! Don't eat that processed crap! Join my fitness accountability group! Do I need to go on? What is happening? I've spent years in treatment trying to develop a healthy relationship with you food. Trying to let it sink in that you are not BAD. That it's all about balance and getting the nutrients you need to feel your best and yeah, that also means not denying myself a cookie or a damn muffin when I feel like it. I've been trying to be okay with eating how I truly WANT. Not how others think I should. But I can only take so much of this diet stuff. I can't have a conversation with someone, log into my Facebook, go to a coffee shop without calories, weight loss, or some new "get skinny quick"'scheme being thrown into my face. The problem is, the logical part of me who wants to stay in recovery knows that these schemes are bullshit. But the eating disorder loves this. It loves to just kind of tap me on the shoulder sometimes and say "hey..why don't you just order those shakes? It could be a healthy replacement for lunch if you're on the go." Or "hey you really don't get enough exercise these days, why don't you just order that new insane fitness program everyone is raving about?" My question is, food, how in the world amI expected to stay on track to a healthy, balanced life when everywhere I turn there is a tempting reason for me to go back to my old ways? I know that trying one of these diets, cleanses, programs will only restrict what I am "allowed" to eat, thus ruining all of the progress I've made. BUT IT IS SO HARD, FOOD!! Are these people right? Are there foods I need to stay away from? It's so hard not to be tempted or convinced when I am feeling so vulnerable. Would trying any of these programs hurt me or can I do it in a way that is healthy? -Tired (but tempted) of the diet industry SHOW NOTES: Julie Dillon RD blog Link to subscribe to the Love Food’s Food Peace Syllabus. Robyn Goldberg's website The Eating Disorder Trap by Robyn Goldberg (aff) Robyn Goldberg on Instagram and Twitter The 8 Keys to Eating Disorder Recovery by Carolyn Costin (aff) Eating Disorders: Nutrition Therapy in the Recovery Process by Reiff and Reiff (aff) Intuitive Eating book (aff) and website Find an Eating Disorder Dietitian near you. Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Ever list all the things you hate about food? The constant shame, the obsessive thoughts, the pervasive self-doubt, AND you need to eat everyday?? Diet culture gives food a confusing power differential that wedges between us and life. Pull up a chair and hear from guest expert Alex Raymond in this latest Love Food Podcast episode. Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds. This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. Do you own a social justice informed business? Are you a fat positive business owner? I would like to give you the first opportunity to advertise on the Love Food Podcast. Check out the details here: JulieDillonRD.com/LoveFoodSponsor This episode's Dear Food letter: Dear Food, 10 Things I Hate About Our Relationship. I hate the attractional pull you have on me no matter my emotional state— happy, sad, scared, anxious, lonely— and how much energy it takes to resist that pull. It’s easy to give in but then you repeatedly tell me how weak I am for giving in! If I do manage to walk away, you leave me feeling drained by all the effort, thoughts, negotiations, and willpower required of me to be strong and walk away.  I hate how insecure you make me feel when I am around you. The feeling of self-doubt during the analyzing process, checking to see if what I want to eat and what I have available to eat are within my macro allocation goals. I can’t make up my own mind about what to eat anymore!! Some days, I just shut down completely and would rather eat nothing and fast for the day.  I hate how you make me feel like I am a let down when I do not track your macros and micros and water and fiber constantly, routinely, every single day. Just turn your judgmental eyes away and I am happy to ignore your judgments and ignore this situation.  I hate how you make me think that my body is being deprived of nutrition. You tell me “I need more” and “get 2 to have one as a backup” when grocery shopping. I have not been in a state of needing to portion my food to prevent starvation. I do have a pantry, fridge, 2 freezers, and storage room full of nutritious foods. Yet still, you speak to me in ways that say “it is still not enough”.  I hate how, out of nowhere, you carry the delicious smells of good food, both sweets and savories. This constant tease of my senses triggers my thoughts and actions into downward spirals. Yet again, another opportunity for you to lure me into the depths of desire in my senses and leave both my body and mind feeling like I am a complete and utter failure. I hate how you have deeply ingrained an unspoken rule of following the ‘clean plate club’. Yet, my family did not even follow this rule! Where did you even sneak this idea into my thought patterns?! Is your influence so powerful that I see and hear your voice coming out of my friends’ eyes in their homes? I don’t want to be rude, so I eat it all!  I hate how I rationalize my mind to accept the portion of treat I have allotted myself. Indulging in a purposeful and intentional allocation of a treat. You, with the deprivation mindset, then counter with “Why not have 2 pieces instead of 1? It’s only a small amount more. You can exercise it off later today.” And then I agree. But that’s not the worst of this situation. It’s the downward spiral of thinking that “I’ve completely gone off the rails today, so why not have another cookie or two or three and some wine?” I want balance and positive lifestyle habits and you are holding me back from forming these more positive habits!   I hate how you are always the center of attention in all conversations and meetups with friends, coworkers, neighbors, and family. Coffee to start our work day? Potluck for teacher conferences? Unlimited drinks at the neighbor’s holiday party? You say, “bring a healthy item for everyone to share” then when I arrive, your Cheshire Cat smile comes out and you whisper, “well, now that we’re here, you must try the meatballs and the cheese ball and the stuffed dates!”  I hate how ashamed you make me feel when I am expressing my needs and desires to loved ones in regard to food. My satiety is not the same as anyone else. My cravings are not like anyone else’s. Yet I feel judged and ashamed when expressing my truth to others. So I hide. And hide food. Sneak eating food. Not only is this affecting my relationship with you, but also my relationship with money. I am also hiding purchases in my finances. Oh, you’ve taught me too well.  Most of all, I truly hate how you leave me utterly speechless at all-inclusive resorts when traveling out of the country! I can eat to my heart’s (and mind’s) content and drink unlimited adult and non-adult beverages and return home a week later weighing LESS than when I left?! Feeling HAPPIER and LIGHTER?! Seriously! This leaves me to wonder, “do YOU take your vacation from harassing my thoughts every time I plan and go on MY vacation out of the United States?” Why must you harass me at home? When can you cut me a break at home? Why don’t you take a vacation and I will stay at home reading by the fireplace?  SHOW NOTES: Julie Dillon RD blog Link to subscribe to the Love Food’s Food Peace Syllabus. Alex Raymond's website Alex Raymond's resources The Happiness Trap book (aff) Lauren Newman on the Love Food Podcast Alex Raymond on Instagram Intuitive Eating book (aff) and website Find an Eating Disorder Dietitian near you. Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Have you found anti-diet hashtags like intuitive eating, fat positivity, non-diet, and Health at Every Size yet wonder if they can fit for you with diabetes? Yes. You. Can. Listen to the latest Love Food Podcast episode with guest expert Amee Severson. Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds. This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. Do you own a social justice informed business? Are you a fat positive business owner? I would like to give you the first opportunity to advertise on the Love Food Podcast. Check out the details here: JulieDillonRD.com/LoveFoodSponsor This episode's Dear Food letter: Dear food, We’ve had a really rocky relationship. I’ve avoided you like the plague since I was nine. And, I only indulged when I felt faint, but ended up eating everything in the pantry. Then, after college, I was surprised to learn that you were not problem. I’m sorry I ran away for so many years. I was/am fat, and the world told me you were the problem. So, things have been good lately. But, now, I have diabetes. Between the diabetes, PCOS, and being visibly fat, I feel overwhelmed. My previous ED recovery work feels worthless. I don’t know how to engage with you and not hate you like before. I want to continue healing us. How do I eat intuitively, be fat positive, and manage my diabetes without succumbing to diet culture? Let’s be friends again. Scared and confused Show Notes: Julie Dillon RD blog Link to subscribe to the Love Food’s Food Peace Syllabus. Amee Severson's website Amee on Instagram: @Amee_RD Amee on Twitter: @AmeeSeverson Intuitive Eating book (aff) and website Find an Eating Disorder Dietitian near you. Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Looking for the right way to eat and exercise for your diabetes? Know this: there is no one right way to do diabetes self-care. Glenys Oyston is our guest on this Love Food Podcast episode and during the month of May we are focusing on anti-diet diabetes conversations. Join us! Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds. This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. Do you own a social justice informed business? Are you a fat positive business owner? I would like to give you the first opportunity to advertise on the Love Food Podcast. Check out the details here: JulieDillonRD.com/LoveFoodSponsor This episode's Dear Food letter: Dear food, I can't stop snacking, and eating fast food. I have diabetes, and need to make better choices. Lately I'm in a heavy food eating, which leads me to be sleepy and inactive. My diabetes dietitian focuses on counting carbs, and I haven't counted carbs in years. I've given up and given in to the cravings. I've gained weight, watched my blood pressure rise, and my eyes fill with sadness when I look in the mirror and wonder how much over X pounds is on my 5ft frame. I actually feel afraid for my heart and all the extra work it has to do now while my weight continues to rise. There have been times when I actually enjoyed drinking "green drinks," and having my brain and body feel healthy. Grilling out, experimenting with recipes, yoga, swimming, and such. I know my food choices today make my vision blurry, blood sugar high, and cause me to make not so good decisions because my brain isn't as clear when I "exercise and eat right. " I want a strong body again. I want to find joy in a walk or kayaking or fitting comfortable in a booth having brunch with friends. How do I get back to that? How do I get back to wanting the healthy choices, the joy in experimenting with fruits, vegetables, protein, and fats in recipes? How with limited insurance and temporary employment do I find a good dietitian? Right now I feel like you food have won. You are keeping me hostage in a body that isn't strong, and makes me physically uncomfortable, and feeds my diabetes instead of my spirit. Lost my way & afraid for my life... Show Notes: Julie Dillon RD blog Link to subscribe to the Love Food’s Food Peace Syllabus. Glenys Oyston's website: DareToNotDiet.com Check out the Facebook groups mentioned: NonDieting Diabetics and Diet Talk Free For Diabetes and Insulin Issues Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat for Diabetes (aff) Intuitive Eating book (aff) and website Find an Eating Disorder Dietitian near you. Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How do you continue to move toward Food Peace while diagnosed with a medical condition??? Are you one of the many torn with making peace with food while hearing LOUD recommendations to restrict certain foods or pursue weight loss? We want help. Listen to latest Love Food Podcast episode featuring dietitian Lauren Newman. Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds. This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.   Do you own a social justice informed business? Are you a fat positive business owner? I would like to give you the first opportunity to advertise on the Love Food Podcast. Check out the details here: JulieDillonRD.com/LoveFoodSponsor This episode's Dear Food letter:   Deer food, It feels like we're stuck in a power struggle, and there's not much peace available in a power struggle. I work really hard to pay attention to what I need, name it, and get it for my body. It took a long time to get here, with a restrictive eating disorder, PCOS and diabetes diagnosis and treatments (including Food Peace!), and an infinifat body (US32+). I'm proud of what I've learned to do for myself. But you're always whispering about the sort of lessons I got when I was diagnosed with diabetes, and then when I was pregnant. You whisper threats of death from medical staff and family alike. You whisper about carb counting. You whisper threats of losing my kidneys because I probably need insulin instead of expensive non-insulin drugs that affect my appetite (and apparently not my blood sugar). You whisper that there's no way to get enough calories for your body if you restrict carbs. You whisper that there's no way to eat that would make each of my physical health issues better. You whisper so much about carb counting as the only way to live with you. It gets echoed everywhere.  I keep thinking if the power struggle could stop - for real - it would be such a relief. We could be together without one of us pulling on the other. We could have fun, we could forget what others might say about us. I know I can't quit you. I need you. How can I get you to stop repeating the threats that people say? Is it really possible for us to work together?  Right now, even with all the knowledge I have, it still feels like I have to choose between ways to be sick. Love, Torn Show Notes: Julie Dillon RD blog Link to subscribe to the Love Food’s Food Peace Syllabus. Be sure to follow Lauren Newman on Instagram @GoFeedYourself_ Lauren's website Lauren's Diabetes Downloads Lauren's Diabetes and Disordered Eating Recovery Support Group Intuitive Eating book (aff) and website Find an Eating Disorder Dietitian near you. Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue! Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How long have you been in the cycle of binge eating and self-loathing? This episode's letter writer describes constant guilt and shame as she tries move away from binge eating and manage her diabetes. Do you feel addicted to food and struggle to manage your blood sugar? This episode is made for you. Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds. This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. Do you own a social justice informed and fat positive business? I would love to give you the first opportunity to advertise on the Love Food Podcast. Get all the details here. Dear Food, I can't remember the last time you and I were together and I didn't feel guilty.  I'm 42 now and that makes me feel really sad.   Until recently, I hadn't really weighed the consequences of what withholding and restricting  you or what binging with you was doing to my body and ultimately my soul. Years ago, in a group therapy session that I hated going to, I listened to an alcoholic describe what he did with alcohol. After work, he would binge drink beer until he passed out, only to wake up and do it all over again the next night. That's what I did with food.   About six months ago, I was diagnosed with diabetes.  I burst out crying in my doctors office. She told me gently that it wasn't my fault, but I don't believe her. I have done so many horrible, shameful things with food.    When I was 17, I went to my family doctor with an article from Cosmo that described PCOS.  "I have this!" I told him confidently.  He laughed me off.  After much pushing and shoving, horrible internal ultrasounds, humiliating facial hair and losing the hair on the top of my head, I was diagnosed at 23.   When I received the diagnosis, I got on the scale and then the nurse took my pulse. "Ahh, an athlete, your pulse is so low." I smiled and nodded. I was in the midst of a full blown eating disorder and living on Diet Coke, cigarettes and melba toast. For seven years I restricted my food intake - no one knew. I was praised for my appearance, and "willpower". I really wanted to die.   After a big break up and a big move to a new city and grad school, things began to change. I stopped working out around the clock. I started to eat three meals a day, and snacks on top of that.. Suddenly, food became such a comfort. It helped with the stress of work and studying. It helped with the loneliness and confusion I was feeling. Feeling stuffed felt better than falling in love.   For ten years I cycled through the binging and self-loathing. I gained weight, I got depressed, I was put on anti-depressants, I gained more weight, I got more depressed.  Sometimes I wonder if the sugar shock I would give myself mimicked the same dopamine surge of my medication. For a long time, I put myself on a roller coaster ride of hormones and sugar crashes, sugar comas, heartburn, indigestion, anxiety attacks, and deep depressions.  Food has been the constant in my life.   So here we are, lots of years later, trying earnestly to understand why I binge eat and how to stop it. Doctors have sent me to nutritionists who has described how important portion control is. It makes me feel angry.  I feel so ashamed.  I can't tell anyone I'm diabetic.  If I eat keto, my blood sugars stabilize, but nothing about keto feels good to me.  I am so jealous of people who can eat in balance and harmony and not in the extremes. I don't know how to do it.   I don't know how to feed myself without hurting or denying myself.  I don't know what feels good anymore. I'd like to address my diabetes through my food because I believe it is the source of the issue. I wish my doctors had given me a blood meter when I was prediabetic, so I could have started the learning process then. I wish there was more information about the emotional side of PCOS and more research into emotional eating.  I'm trying to see this as a message my body is sending me. How can I listen now with kind ears and compassion?  Show Notes: Julie Dillon RD blog Link to get latest Food Peace Syllabus. Intuitive Eating (aff) by Tribole and Resch 6 Keys To Food Peace Julie on Instagram: Instagram.com/FoodPeaceDietitian Find Eating Disorder Dietitians near you. Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Food is fuel and so much more. It is ok that food connects us to those warm fuzzy things in life--friends, family, pleasure, and humanity. Want to make this step on your Food Peace Journey™? Listen here now to the latest Love Food Podcast episode featuring guest expert Elizabeth Armstrong @PCOStherapist. Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds. This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. I want to learn more about you! I would love if you could take the 2020 Love Food survey: access it here: JulieDillonRD.com/Survey. Open until March 31, 2020. Check out my friend Summer Innanen's FREE Body Acceptance Masterclass. You will learn:  The 3 biggest mistakes people make when doing body acceptance work (and why they keep you stuck feeling bad about your body) Her 6-Part Framework for radically changing the way you feel about yourself and believing you are good enough regardless of your body size  Why it is possible for YOU (yes, YOU) to accept your body and feel more confident in who you are. Learn more about Summer's Masterclass (aff) here: JulieDillonRD.com/FREEmasterclass This episode's Dear Food letter: Dear Food, You have, and always will be, such a big part of life and identity. Growing up in an Indian household, you were everything - we would spend hours preparing delicious meals to eat and share with other people. My mum was an exceptional cook who loved nothing more than to research recipes to try out on me and her friends. Food, you are there in so many of my best childhood memories - going out for ice cream sundaes on the weekend, discovering the magic of baking, and making cheese toast as a midnight snack with my dad.  But now, at the age of 36, having battled with weight for as long as I can remember, and trying to figure out my PCOS, I realise that our relationship is really complicated. While you have brought me so much joy, you also come with a ton of fear and anxiety for me. I remember calorie counting with my mum in my early teens, being praised for controlling what I ate, and family members commenting on my body whether I had lost or gained weight. Food, I have starved myself of you so many times, and this always results in me punishing myself through binging and exercising. I'm tired of weight loss taking up so much of my headspace. I'm working really hard to get some neutrality on all of this but sometimes, even just noticing a shirt doesn't button up right anymore can set about a heap of negative thoughts. From  Working really hard Show Notes: Julie Dillon RD blog Link to subscribe to the Love Food’s Food Peace Syllabus. Be sure to follow Elizabeth Armstrong on Instagram: @PCOSTherapist Elizabeth's website: PCOStherapy.com Julie's episode on Don't Salt My Game with a PCOS deep dive: People with PCOS can totally eat birthday cake. Weight inclusive PCOS care from Laura Thomas Hunger So Wide and So Deep Intuitive Eating book (aff) and website Find an Eating Disorder Dietitian near you. Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy