The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

We as a society and individuals don’t do grief very well. For most of us, it’s something we’d rather just not “do” at all. Even knowing what to say to a grieving friend can leave us tongue-tied and lost.   But as much as we wish it weren't true, if we’re human, we’re going to experience loss at some point in life. And grief takes many forms. It can come with a change in lifestyle, a relationship or job we love or with the loss of a pet, sending a child off to school or of course, the death or loss of a loved one.   We all experience loss, but we don’t all experience grief...and we need to learn how to experience grief, because like any emotion, it heals when we turn toward it and allow ourselves to feel it.   In this episode, I’m talking with two beautiful women, sisters Sharon and Erica, grief specialists who guide others through grief based on their own personal journey of walking through grief together. Their journey started when Erica lost not one but two children, and they found how truly lacking they were for support and resources. They decided there must be a better way and began searching for ways to heal that actually worked.   In this episode, Sharon and Erica tell their honest, raw and real stories about loss and what it really looks like to heal.   Listen to discover:  The true definition of grief and how we all have multiple grieving experiences  The difference between experiencing grief and processing grief Why we should not compare our losses with someone else’s The main reason people get stuck in grief The importance of teaching our children how to grieve  The most important thing you can do for a griever   Sharon and Erica are full of such incredible insight and wisdom on what grief actually looks like, how to process it and why the traditional advice just doesn’t work. If you’re looking for advice on how to talk to or support someone who is grieving or how to heal from your own loss, I know this episode is going to help you see grief in a new way and let you know you're not alone.    "Grief is so overwhelming. It's completely debilitating. It affects every area of your life, every single relationship you have. So, who wants that?" – Erica Honore “The most powerful thing you could do is just sit with a griever.” – Sharon Brubaker  “One of the most disrespectful things you can say to a griever is ‘I know how you feel.’” – Sharon Brubaker  “Healing from grief is possible. But what happens as a society is that we say you'll never get over that." – Sharon Brubaker "Some days, I'm going to cry. Some days, I'm going to be mad. Some days, I'm not going to know what I feel. But it's all okay." – Erica Honore LINKS & RESOURCES:  Healing Start with the Heart (Sharon and Erica’s Website) https://www.healingstartswiththeheart.com/  Other Podcast Episodes on Grief https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/?sterm=grief  The Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches   The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/  P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/  Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart  MORE ADULT CHAIR:  The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop  https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.   He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.   Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  

 Codependency is one of those issues that can often come across as selfless to those around us...in fact, it might even earn us praise because we seem so nice and helpful (although at our own expense).   But what if I told you that codependency was actually a form of control? This episode today was inspired by a very insightful question from one of our listeners who shared his realization that in his codependency, he was being unintentionally manipulative and controlling. He was showing up as the ever-helpful husband, but he was often doing this from a place of trying to get his own needs met (earning his wife’s love, support, etc.). Of course, this was not conscious, and once he had his awakening, he wanted to know how to move forward and learn how to be genuinely helpful and healthy.   Codependency is one of my favorite topics to talk about, and in this episode, I’m giving you five simple steps for what to do next when you find yourself asking, “I’m codependent. Now what?”   Listen to discover: How we improve our relationships with others when we’re codependent Why this is different than intentional or abusive control Five steps to break the pattern of codependency Why realizing you’re codependent isn’t a bad thing If this is you, the first step is to drop the blame and shame. You weren’t trying to be manipulative; you were trying to survive based on what your programming told you to do. Once you realize this, you can step into a whole new chapter in your life...one filled with healthier relationships and a healthier connection to self!   “We’re controlling and being manipulative from an unconscious place.” - Michelle Chalfant   “We betray ourselves and change who we are in order to make sure other people outside of us are happy and peaceful. That’s how it’s manipulative and controlling.” - Michelle Chalfant   “We need someone who can fact check us.” - Michelle Chalfant   “That’s why so many codependents are so exhausted, because our energy is going out to others all day, every day.” - Michelle Chalfant   Resources   Other Podcast Episodes on Codependency https://theadultchair.com/?s=codependency&pageName=default   The Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.   He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.   Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  

The world around us demands so much of us. If we’re not careful, it can erode our souls, steal our true selves and get us to believe lies about the source of our worth. We have to become conscious and aware to step into our true power and a whole, awakened life.   I have been a huge fan of Dr. Shefali for years. I got SO much out of her work on conscious parenting when my kids were young, and it’s no wonder she’s become so well known for her work. But her new book might just be my favorite yet — I truly couldn’t put it down (it’s SO aligned with The Adult Chair®) — and I’m beyond thrilled to have her on the show to discuss how to have a radical (and beautiful) awakening in life.   In this conversation, we explore the way our ego and our social conditioning covers up the true self and keeps us from living free lives. This can be especially true for those oriented towards giving, nurturing and connecting. Society takes these gifts and trains us to be outward focused, seeking praise, validation and approval instead of turning inward and claiming who we really are.   Dr. Shefali shares her own story of awakening, when she realized that despite her work, she was living in the “matrix” and ignoring her true wants and needs to try to get love from others (what she calls the “beggar” mentality). By going deep into the often difficult work of looking at the ego and the masks we all wear, she was able to strip away the lies and see what was true — and step into the authentic self-love and self-care we all deserve.   Listen to discover: Shefali’s own radical awakening The trap women (and men) fall into How to stop suppressing the true self What soul erosion is and how it forms The “triple threat” women face in childhood The role of the ego in our life What keeps us from awakening (especially in our culture) This is a profound conversation that will take the blinders off and change what you think is normal, while inspiring you to strive for what is truly possible for you — and for all of us.   “We, women especially, need to snap out of our chronic civility, helplessness and unworthiness.”  - Dr. Shefali   “We cannot waste our life never discovering our true self.” - Dr. Shefali   “When we’re told we can only be given worth when we put others before ourselves, now that giving heart leads to an obliteration of ourselves.” - Dr. Shefali   “We’re so disconnected from our true self, we don’t know who we are at all.” - Michelle Chalfant   “The way out is in. We have to go in to heal.” - Michelle Chalfant   “I want what’s on the other side of that wall, but you got to go through the wall, and the wall is our pain.” - Michelle Chalfant   “We tell ourselves the greatest stories in the world, and we don’t know we’re telling ourselves stories.” - Dr. Shefali   “The greatest narcissism is to pretend you’re not a queen or a king and not own your voice.” - Dr. Shefali   Resources   “A Radical Awakening” Book and Course http://aradicalawakening.com/    Dr. Shefali Website https://www.drshefali.com/   Free Inner Child Resource https://theadultchair.com/innerchild   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.   He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.   Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  

It takes courage to do our work and look at the stuff that scares us, and I believe we all need encouragement and inspiration along the way. And the story I have for you today is SO inspiring!   I got to know Susan Gorey as part of The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification Program. From the beginning, I could feel Susan’s strength and her fearlessness around speaking up for what she felt was right. But I also witnessed her unconsciously causing others to feel uncomfortable and unsafe around her. Susan called it putting off a feeling of “broken glass” — a sharpness or sense of conflict or that would sometimes come out in communication. During the certification program, she faced this “broken glass” and some of her deepest fears. This caused her to go through an incredible and fast transformation…and I know it’s real, because it’s stuck!   In this episode, Susan shares what it was like growing up in an environment filled with criticism and conflict and how that childhood wounding caused her to show up later in life — looking for love through masks, feeling like she had to be bold and strong and not always self-regulating her approach to conflict and relationships.   Then she shares how she used The Adult Chair and our work together to drop the cement suitcase she was carrying from childhood, go deep into the shadow beliefs she carried and transform from within so her wounding stopped running the show. This is a raw and real episode that shows what truly is possible on this journey of healing!   Listen to discover: Susan’s story of transformation using The Adult Chair model How she broke a generational cycle of criticism and judgment Her journey of dropping the cement suitcase and no longer living from her wounding How we worked together to bring an experiential shift into her life The changes she has seen in herself and her relationships since her transformation At the end of the episode, I share a very special surprise for Susan that might leave you a little teary-eyed (at least she and I were!).   I love Susan’s story so much because it’s a beautiful example of how we don’t have to change who we are when we transform…we actually reveal who we really are. Susan’s strength and tenacity are beautiful qualities — and now she and everyone around her gets to experience them from her Adult self instead of the wounded self.   Doing our work isn’t easy, but as Susan shows, when we’re willing to go into the darkness and shadows and walk through them, we can stop living in them and instead find new life on the other side! “We have to clean our slate...because we can only take people as far as we have gone.” - Michelle Chalfant “I brought light to my shadowy areas.” - Susan Gorey   “We all live from our childhood wounding. We all get covered up. That true self gets covered up by all these masks.” - Michelle Chalfant   “In The Adult Chair, we become conscious of who we are and our wounding.” - Michelle Chalfant   “What I realized is my wounding, my childhood, my sadness and all of those masks...I didn’t have to carry it anymore.” - Susan Gorey   “We get signs of who we are all the time.”  - Michelle Chalfant   “When we look at our stuff that scares us the most, we come out as transformed people.”  - Michelle Chalfant   Resources   Susan Gorey Website https://forwardtogethercoaching.com/   The Adult Chair® Membership (May Theme: “I Own.”) https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification Program https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification Program https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.   He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.   Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  

We talk a lot about how to set boundaries in The Adult Chair®, but sometimes we forget that we are human and sometimes we cross others’ boundaries. The other side of mastering boundaries is learning how to humbly and gracefully receive a boundary when the tables are turned and we’re the ones being asked to shift our behavior or approach.   It’s very easy to perceive boundaries as criticism and go on the defensive, but receiving a boundary is an opportunity to understand someone better and deepen our relationships. When we show up with presence, pay attention to our triggers and respond with grace, we grow as a person and show up in a more intentional and loving way with the people around us.   In this episode, we’re looking at the other side of boundaries, and I’m walking you through simple steps for how to receive a boundary well and what not to do when approached with a boundary (plus, how to recover the conversation if you do find yourself getting defensive...it happens to all of us!).   Listen to discover: Practical steps for receiving a boundary with grace Tips for recentering when triggered How to respond kindly and respectfully What not to do when someone sets a boundary with you How to spot (and get out of) an Adolescent reaction If someone comes to you with a boundary, try to think of it as them sharing with you instead of drawing a line in the sand or putting up a wall. Sharing comes from a place of vulnerability and wanting connection, and it’s an honor when someone feels safe enough to share with us...even if it feels a little hard to hear sometimes.   It takes practice to receive a boundary with grace, but when you own your stuff, you will find you have healthier relationships all around. “Give them that space to share whatever it is they need to share.” - Michelle Chalfant “Get in your Adult and remind yourself, ‘It’s not about me.’” - Michelle Chalfant “You want to make sure the person that’s sharing their boundary with you feels seen and heard.”  - Michelle Chalfant Resources   The Adult Chair® Membership (May Theme: “I Own.”) https://theadultchair.com/membership/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.   He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.   Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  

Do you find yourself feeling unfulfilled and empty, despite seemingly having everything you need to be happy? Do you crave closer relationships but feel like you can’t connect at the deep level you want?   These feelings can often be subtle signs of childhood emotional neglect, which is when our parents or caregivers didn’t tend to or validate our emotions as children. This sets us up for an adult life where we don’t know how to feel our own emotions — which is essential to experiencing joy, passion and connection!   In this show, I’m chatting with Dr. Jonice Webb, a psychologist and author and a highly requested guest in The Adult Chair® community, about how to spot childhood emotional neglect and how to begin the process of accessing your emotions as an adult. This show is filled with incredible insights into an issue that unknowingly affects so many of us and how to heal from it.   Listen to discover: What childhood emotional neglect is Why invalidating our feelings leads to shame How childhood emotional neglect affects adult relationships What emotional intimacy is Rebuilding from childhood emotional neglect Steps to start your healing journey Childhood emotional neglect isn’t necessarily abuse; in fact, it can happen in very loving, well meaning homes. But anything that disconnects us from our emotions — our inner navigation system and a key to living in The Adult Chair — is going to keep us from living the happy, fulfilled life we all dream of. I hope this episode encourages you to look inward and connect with the deepest parts of who you are. That is how you will experience the fullness of life and connection with others!   “We need our feelings to survive and thrive in our adult life.” - Dr. Jonice Webb   “Eventually the child brain just erects a wall so that you don’t have to feel anything, and that wall stays there until you take it down.” - Dr. Jonice Webb   “Men have the equal capacity or ability to feel all emotions because they’re human.” - Michelle Chalfant   “What you have inside is a constellation of how your parents treated your feelings.” - Dr. Jonice Webb   “Emotions are the expression of your deepest self.” - Dr. Jonice Webb   “Emotions are our built-in navigation system, and they guide us.” - Michelle Chalfant   Resources   Dr. Jonice Webb Website https://emotionalneglect.com   “Running on Empty” (Dr. Jonice Webb book) https://drjonicewebb.com/the-book/   Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   Inner Child Resource https://theadultchair.com/innerchild   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.   He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.   Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  

I know you guys love all things Enneagram (and I do too!), so I’m thrilled to bring back our resident Enneagram expert and dear friend of mine, Ramona Reid. Ramona, who is also an Adult Chair® Certified Coach, has always done a beautiful job weaving together The Adult Chair® with the Enneagram, helping us understand how our inner child and childhood wounding shapes our personality type and how our Adolescent fear manifests depending on our Enneagram type.   But the point of the Enneagram is not to put you in a box of personality...it’s to help you see the ways you’re already stuck so you can transform and become a more whole, authentic self! Each type also has the healthiest, highest version of their type (aka The Adult Chair) where the beautiful gifts and virtues of each type bring healing to the world...for example, Type 1’s integrity, Type 2’s love, Type 8’s power and Type 9’s peace.   So, in this episode, we’re focusing on what healthy looks like for each Enneagram type, so you can better understand what life looks like for you when you are in your Adult Chair!   Listen to discover: A breakdown of all nine types and their highest versions What The Adult Chair looks like for each Enneagram type How to tell when you’re becoming healthier Why we all access healing differently I hope this episode gives you a guide to see when you’re living in your Adult Chair and reminds you of the beautiful gifts you uniquely bring to the world! “When we’re in our Adolescent...our way of being is coming from the illusion that there’s something missing....When we start to realize that we are in fact the source of this thing that we think is missing...that’s when we start being in our Adult Chair.” - Ramona Reid “The only way we can really get there is to identify the feeling behind the doing.” - Ramona Reid   “I don't think time heals. I think really getting in there and being curious and working with our emotions is what heals wounds.” - Ramona Reid   "This is what The Adult Chair is all about. That's why we've got all the aspects of what a healthy Adult looks like, so we can reach and point our energy towards that." - Michelle Chalfant   "You're not going to lose those parts of yourself. You're going to lose the part of yourself that acts out by not wanting to be scared." - Ramona Reid   "The next thought is the conscious thought from the Adult perspective." - Michelle Chalfant   Resources   Ramona Reid Website http://www.mynashvillecenter.com/   Episode #51: Find Your Authentic Self at the Heart of the Enneagram with Ramona Reid https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/51/   Episode #114: Deepening The Adult Chair® Using The Wisdom of the Enneagram with Ramona Reid https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/114-deepening-the-adult-chair-using-the-wisdom-of-the-enneagram-with-ramona-reid/   Episode #176: Childhood Wounding in the Enneagram with Ramona Reid https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/176/   Episode #205: Stress and Your Enneagram Type with Ramona Reid https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/205/   Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  

We’ve talked a lot about narcissistic abuse and the emotional effects of it on this podcast, but we haven’t dug into how this experience affects the brain and how neuroscience and healing from narcissistic abuse go hand in hand…until today! In this episode, we’re diving deep into this very important topic with Dr. Rhonda Freeman, who is an expert on the brain, neuroplasticity and trauma and who brings a message of hope to anyone wondering how to heal.   Dr. Freeman is a neuropsychologist who works with patients with neurological conditions and brain trauma, and after her own experience in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, she began using her knowledge of the brain to help survivors of abuse and trauma heal. This is an absolutely fascinating episode that gives an inside look into what is actually going on in the brain during and after an abusive relationship, how the healing process works and the hopeful science that shows why anyone can change their brain after trauma.   Listen to discover: How a romantic relationship with an unhealthy person changes the brain The effects of narcissism on children Why anyone can heal and how the healing process works The prefrontal cortex and trauma How to get back into a balanced brain state The importance of bodywork in changing the brain One of the most interesting things Dr. Freeman talks about is how abusive situations activate parts of the brain that wouldn’t be activated otherwise...for example, the bonding system and threat system being triggered at the same time. When we can see what’s going on at a brain-chemistry level, it helps us understand why these situations are truly so unique and damaging...and why none of it is your fault! But the hopeful side is that the brain is constantly changing and being shaped by new experiences, so with the right tools, you can heal and transform your brain and get back to a healthy, balanced state...and this episode will show you how! “In general, experiences change our brains.” - Dr. Rhonda Freeman   “The brain will do whatever it takes to protect you.” - Dr. Rhonda Freeman   “We’re bonded...and even though we’re in threat, we can’t let go.” - Michelle Chalfant   “You have to have others to heal.” - Dr. Rhonda Freeman   “Pay attention to your intuition. If it feels off, don’t sweep it under the carpet.” - Michelle Chalfant   “Bonds don’t necessarily mean love.” - Dr. Rhonda Freeman   Resources   Dr. Rhonda Freeman Website https://neuroinstincts.com/   Dr. Rhonda Freeman Instagram https://www.instagram.com/neuroinstincts/   BrainHQ (Brain Training) https://www.brainhq.com/   Diner Dash (Video Game with Cognitive Benefits) https://www.crazygames.com/game/diner-dash   TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.   He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.   Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

As you know, codependency is one of my “things.” Fortunately, it’s less of a thing these days, but I understand firsthand what it’s like to spend years so focused on others that we lose our sense of self. That’s part of why we talk about this so much on the podcast — so many people suffer for years not knowing about codependency, and I’m passionate about helping you get free...quickly and simply!   My guest today, Darlene Lancer, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, author and expert on codependency and relationships. She has worked with couples and individuals for 30 years, and she shares SO much valuable information in today’s show about what codependency looks like, how to begin recovery, the connection between shame and codependency and practical steps to becoming a healthy, whole you.   Listen to discover: The three stages to codependency recovery The shame and codependency connection Shame attacks and how to get out of them The importance of mindfulness in recovery How to start feeling your anger as a codependent The connection between codependency and attachment styles 10 ways to love yourself Darlene closes the show with her 10 tips for loving yourself, and let me tell you, they are so beautiful! I remember when I was beginning my healing journey and being told I needed to learn self-love but having no idea where to begin...and these tips are exactly where to start! I hope this is an enlightening and empowering episode for anyone ready to unlearn codependency and learn to love themselves. "We become alienated from who we really are because of faulty parenting, and we keep trying to fill up that emptiness or feel more alive by trying to connect to something outside ourselves." - Darlene Lancer   "Self-esteem in action is being self-empowered." - Darlene Lancer   "A parent's most important job is to reflect their child." - Michelle Chalfant   "Codependency is based on faulty beliefs." - Darlene Lancer   "The unconscious doesn't distinguish between messages it hears from the outside and messages you tell yourself." - Darlene Lancer   "When we realize what's going on, it's like Act 2. And it's a very exciting time." - Michelle Chalfant   Resources   Darlene Lancer Website https://www.whatiscodependency.com/   Episode #249: The Power of Self-Compassion with Dr. Kristin Neff https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/249/   Episode #253: Codependency and Anger with Michelle Farris https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/253/   The Adult Chair Membership - April “I Believe” Month https://theadultchair.com/membership/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.   He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.   Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  

Everyone wants a caring, loving family, right? But is it possible for close to become too close?   “Enmeshment” is a term that’s been gaining more traction recently, and it describes family systems that are intertwined in unhealthy ways. These families appear very loving from the outside, but that love is often based on guilt and obligation...and usually the family doesn’t even know this about themselves!   My brilliant guest today, Dr. Ken Adams, is pulling back the veil on enmeshment and helping us understand what it is and when and how it forms. One of the leading researchers and teachers on this topic, Dr. Adams helps us understand when closeness crosses a line, how to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy family structures and how to break free and develop secure attachments to your partner, friends or other relationships you’ve created.   Listen to discover: What enmeshment means How it forms in childhood The effects enmeshment has on a spouse or partner How to change the family system Why getting free is something you have to do for yourself Often, enmeshment is rooted in a lonely parent who substitutes their child for their partner. This leads to adult children who feel a sense of obligation to the parent’s well-being, even at the expense of their own needs or the life they’ve created.   The good news is that this doesn't have to be an either/or scenario. It’s possible to love your family without feeling tangled up with them, and you CAN redefine the relationship and become free to be who you’re meant to be — including a great son or daughter.   “The love contract is defined by obligatory guilt and loyalty, not about freedom to love.” - Dr. Ken Adams   “The empathetic, sensitive soul in the family gets globbed onto by the lonely parent.” - Dr. Ken Adams   “Enmeshment has a direct impact on romantic availability.” - Dr. Ken Adams   “Emancipation is not a negotiation.” - Dr. Ken Adams   “The idea of cracking [the false self] open and becoming the true self is terrifying because we don’t know who we are without that mask.” - Michelle Chalfant   “It feels like your spouse is having an affair, but it’s with their mother or their father.” - Michelle   Resources   Dr. Ken Adams Website https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/   Dr. Ken Adams YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzFj2abP0cx8tEO1eLyjbDA   “When He’s Married to Mom” (Dr. Ken Adams book) https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/books/when-hes-married-to-mom/   “Silently Seduced” (Dr. Ken Adams book) https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/books/silently-seduced/   The Adult Chair Membership - April “I Believe” Month https://theadultchair.com/membership/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.   He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.   Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com