The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

While our go-to image of mental health might be a couch in a therapist’s office, the world is slowly changing (and I’m SO glad it is!). Don’t get me wrong...I’m not anti-therapy (I’m a therapist myself), but I think it’s only part of the equation. I believe we need more.   I believe true healing must be holistic, looking at our experiences from every angle and using methods that heal body, mind and spirit.   Dr. Nicole LePera is a kindred spirit when it comes to holistic healing, the creator behind one of my favorite Instagram accounts @the.holistic.psychologist and a self-healing guru that I am thrilled to finally bring on the show! Drawing from psychology, spirituality, the mind/body connection and more, Dr. LePera believes mental wellness is for everyone and we all have the power to heal ourselves with the right tools (can I get an amen?).   In this episode, Dr. LePera shares her own story of transformation, her philosophy of self-healing and tools you can use to regulate your nervous system, figure out who you are and what you need and change limiting patterns in your life by turning in and tuning in.   Listen to discover: The power of consciousness and being in the present moment The nervous system’s role in healing The importance of breathwork The power of journaling to create consciousness and set intentions How to update and rewire programming Interdependence and how to be healthy in relationships Dr. LePera believes healing begins by going inside and connecting to self, and I couldn’t agree more (it’s ALL about awareness)! If you’re on a journey of transformation, I hope this episode encourages you to look at your healing through a holistic lens and reminds you that you have the power (and tools) you need right where you are. "We need to understand the whole being in an integrative way, and I believe we need to expand the tools we're practicing outside of therapy as well." - Nicole LePera "You can be awake but still not be fully in the body and conscious about what you're doing." - Michelle Chalfant "There isn't one universal way to heal." - Nicole LePera "My goal is to empower within so we can cope with the ever-changing without." - Nicole LePera   "With conscious effort, every single day, a little bit of something...we do find that people can change. We REALLY can change." - Michelle Chalfant Resources   Dr. Nicole LePera Instagram https://www.instagram.com/the.holistic.psychologist/   Dr. Nicole LePera Website https://yourholisticpsychologist.com/   The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.   He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.   Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  

We’ve talked a lot about narcissistic abuse and the emotional effects of it on this podcast, but we haven’t dug into how this experience affects the brain and how neuroscience and healing from narcissistic abuse go hand in hand…until today! In this episode, we’re diving deep into this very important topic with Dr. Rhonda Freeman, who is an expert on the brain, neuroplasticity and trauma and who brings a message of hope to anyone wondering how to heal.   Dr. Freeman is a neuropsychologist who works with patients with neurological conditions and brain trauma, and after her own experience in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, she began using her knowledge of the brain to help survivors of abuse and trauma heal. This is an absolutely fascinating episode that gives an inside look into what is actually going on in the brain during and after an abusive relationship, how the healing process works and the hopeful science that shows why anyone can change their brain after trauma.   Listen to discover:   How a romantic relationship with an unhealthy person changes the brain The effects of narcissism on children Why anyone can heal and how the healing process works The prefrontal cortex and trauma How to get back into a balanced brain state The importance of body work in changing the brain   One of the most interesting things Dr. Freeman talks about is how abusive situations activate parts of the brain that wouldn’t be activated otherwise...for example, the bonding system and threat system being triggered at the same time. When we can see what’s going on at a brain chemistry level, it helps us understand why these situations are truly so unique and damaging...and why none of it is your fault! But the hopeful side is that the brain is constantly changing and being shaped by new experiences, so with the right tools, you can heal and transform your brain and get back to a hothealthy, balanced state...and this episode will show you how!   “In general, experiences change our brains.” - Dr. Rhonda Freeman   “The brain will do whatever it takes to protect you.” - Dr. Rhonda Freeman   “We’re bonded...and even though we’re in threat, we can’t let go.” - Michelle Chalfant   “You have to have others to heal.” - Dr. Rhonda Freeman   “Pay attention to your intuition. If it feels off, don’t sweep it under the carpet.” - Michelle Chalfant   “Bonds don’t necessarily mean love.” - Dr. Rhonda Freeman     LINKS & RESOURCES   Dr. Rhonda Freeman Website https://neuroinstincts.com/   Dr. Rhonda Freeman Instagram https://www.instagram.com/neuroinstincts/   BrainHQ (Brain Training) https://www.brainhq.com/   Diner Dash (Video Game with Cognitive Benefits) https://www.crazygames.com/game/diner-dash   The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/   The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ August Theme: I live in peace.   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart       MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/       STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  

As you know, codependency is one of my “things.” Fortunately, it’s less of a thing these days, but I understand firsthand what it’s like to spend years so focused on others that we lose our sense of self. That’s part of why we talk about this so much on the podcast — so many people suffer for years not knowing about codependency, and I’m passionate about helping you get free...quickly and simply!   My guest today, Darlene Lancer, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, author and expert on codependency and relationships. She has worked with couples and individuals for 30 years, and she shares SO much valuable information in today’s show about what codependency looks like, how to begin recovery, the connection between shame and codependency and practical steps to becoming a healthy, whole you.   Listen to discover: The three stages to codependency recovery The shame and codependency connection Shame attacks and how to get out of them The importance of mindfulness in recovery How to start feeling your anger as a codependent The connection between codependency and attachment styles 10 ways to love yourself   Darlene closes the show with her 10 tips for loving yourself, and let me tell you, they are so beautiful! I remember when I was beginning my healing journey and being told I needed to learn self-love but having no idea where to begin...and these tips are exactly where to start! I hope this is an enlightening and empowering episode for anyone ready to unlearn codependency and learn to love themselves.     "We become alienated from who we really are because of faulty parenting, and we keep trying to fill up that emptiness or feel more alive by trying to connect to something outside ourselves." - Darlene Lancer   "Self-esteem in action is being self-empowered." - Darlene Lancer   "A parent's most important job is to reflect their child." - Michelle Chalfant   "Codependency is based on faulty beliefs." - Darlene Lancer   "The unconscious doesn't distinguish between messages it hears from the outside and messages you tell yourself." - Darlene Lancer   "When we realize what's going on, it's like Act 2. And it's a very exciting time." - Michelle Chalfant       LINKS & RESOURCES   Darlene Lancer Website https://www.whatiscodependency.com/   Episode #249: The Power of Self-Compassion with Dr. Kristin Neff https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/249/   Episode #253: Codependency and Anger with Michelle Farris https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/253/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification Doors open August 1 https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart       MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/       STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.   Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  

Everyone wants a caring, loving family, right? But is it possible for close to become too close? “Enmeshment” is a term that’s been gaining more traction recently, and it describes family systems that are intertwined in unhealthy ways. These families appear very loving from the outside, but that love is often based on guilt and obligation...and usually the family doesn’t even know this about themselves! My brilliant guest today, Dr. Ken Adams, is pulling back the veil on enmeshment and helping us understand what it is and when and how it forms. One of the leading researchers and teachers on this topic, Dr. Adams helps us understand when closeness crosses a line, how to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy family structures and how to break free and develop secure attachments to your partner, friends or other relationships you’ve created.   Listen to discover: What enmeshment means How it forms in childhood The effects enmeshment has on a spouse or partner How to change the family system Why getting free is something you have to do for yourself Often, enmeshment is rooted in a lonely parent who substitutes their child for their partner. This leads to adult children who feel a sense of obligation to the parent’s well-being, even at the expense of their own needs or the life they’ve created.   The good news is that this doesn't have to be an either/or scenario. It’s possible to love your family without feeling tangled up with them, and you CAN redefine the relationship and become free to be who you’re meant to be — including a great son or daughter.   “The love contract is defined by obligatory guilt and loyalty, not about freedom to love.” - Dr. Ken Adams   “The empathetic, sensitive soul in the family gets glommed onto by the lonely parent.” - Dr. Ken Adams   “Enmeshment has a direct impact on romantic availability.” - Dr. Ken Adams   “Emancipation is not a negotiation.” - Dr. Ken Adams   “The idea of cracking [the false self] open and becoming the true self is terrifying because we don’t know who we are without that mask.” - Michelle Chalfant   “It feels like your spouse is having an affair, but it’s with their mother or their father.” - Michelle Chalfant   Resources   Dr. Ken Adams Website https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/   Dr. Ken Adams YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzFj2abP0cx8tEO1eLyjbDA   “When He’s Married to Mom” (Dr. Ken Adams book) https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/books/when-hes-married-to-mom/   “Silently Seduced” (Dr. Ken Adams book) https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/books/silently-seduced/   The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com      

Wow — I was blown away by the response to last week’s episode with my one and only, Graham Chalfant. It seems like so many could relate to our relationship dynamics and the learning and work we’ve done over the years...and so many of you also asked how we started doing the work and making changes in our relationship.   In this week’s episode, I’m focusing the conversation back on the self and how we can each choose to show up differently in our relationships from our Adult Chair. We can’t make anyone change, but if we think of relationships as a dance, we can change the way we’re dancing, which gives our partners the opportunity to shift and fall into step with us. This is true for all kinds of relationships, not just romantic ones.   Listen to discover: My story of changing the dance in my own marriage How to change the tone of your relationship by doing your own work Finding your self-worth and setting boundaries in relationships How to be more open and relational   We all bring our wounds, expectations and “stuff” to a relationship. When we do our work, we not only transform our own lives but we change the tone of our relationships, inviting friends and partners who are a true match for us into a new way of relating to each other. Everything — including strong, connected relationships — starts within!   “If you want to change your relationship with anybody, you’ve gotta change the dance.” - Michelle Chalfant   “We are always attracting in other people based on our unconscious programming.” - Michelle Chalfant   “You’ve gotta see yourself as a very beautiful, precious diamond, and when you can see yourself like that, boundaries become more natural.” - Michelle Chalfant   “When you own your stuff, it sets you free.” - Michelle Chalfant   Resources   Episode #251: How Feeling Your Emotions Can Change Your Relationship with Graham Chalfant https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/251/   The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.   He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.   Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  

Everyone wants connection — we’re hardwired for it as humans! But we can only connect as deeply with others as we’ve connected with ourselves. Strong relationships start by going within, feeling our emotions and being willing to open up and share with our partners.   On this week’s podcast, I have a very, very special guest...my husband! We’re talking with you today together and sharing some very personal details about our marriage and how feeling emotions has changed our relationship for the better.   Graham comes from a background where emotions weren’t expressed, and I come from an Italian family that was very expressive. For so many years, we both saw the other as not emotional enough or too emotional. Learning to feel, honor and share our emotions has deepened our connection so much and been so transformational for us.   In this episode, Graham shares what helped him learn to process his emotions, how that’s changed his response to different situations and the changes we’ve both seen in our relationship.   Listen to discover: How relationships can help us overcome childhood issues when we approach them with consciousness The importance of raw, open communication in a relationship Somatic processing and the power of feeling emotions in the body Navigating anger and stress in a relationship How feeling emotions deepens intimacy (both emotional and physical)   By the way, Graham did all of this work on his own (no bonus points for having a spouse who is a therapist and coach!). Which means YOU can do this too! We’re all born with the ability to feel our emotions, but we have to tune in with intention instead of running away from them. When we do, we’ll find they stop coming out sideways and are instead an invitation into deeper connection with others.   “When we engage in a relationship with another human being, our childhood issues are going to rear up. That person is here to help us work through those childhood issues.” - Michelle Chalfant   “Once our youngest child left the house, then it all slowed down and it became more apparent to me that I needed to figure out this ‘feeling’ thing.” - Graham Chalfant   “I learned I could just sit with it and in 30 seconds, that heaviness would literally melt away.” - Graham Chalfant   “Everybody has the ability to feel emotions. At some point along our life journey, we turn them off and turn them down.” - Michelle Chalfant   “When you feel an emotion without building a story around it, the emotion goes through you in 90 seconds.” - Michelle Chalfant   Resources   Episode #42: Inviting Your Relationship into The Adult Chair with Michelle and Graham Chalfant https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/42-inviting-your-relationship-into-the-adult-chair-with-michelle-and-graham-chalfant/   Episode #49: Am I a Fraud? Imposter Syndrome & You! https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/49-am-i-a-fraud-imposter-syndrome-you/   The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ July Theme: I live in balance.   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Applications open for those on the waitlist July 12!   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.   He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.   Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  

Compassion is something we have when we live in our healthiest Adult self, but how easy is it for you to turn around and offer that compassion to yourself? Most of us speak very differently to ourselves than we would to a friend, especially when we make a mistake or are going through a hard time.   But self-compassion is an essential part of healing! In fact, studies show that truly effective therapy is improved by increasing our self-compassion so we can live with more love and less anxiety and stress. My guest today, Dr. Kristin Neff, is one of the world’s leading self-compassion experts and one of the first to conduct scientific research on the benefits of self-compassion and how it can change your life. I LOVED our conversation, which covers everything from what self-compassion is and how to cultivate it to the inner critic, anger, gender roles and the way society often makes it difficult to cultivate self-compassion.   Listen to discover: What self compassion really is The three core components of self-compassion Emotional and behavioral self-compassion practices Why self-compassion is not selfish When anger is constructive and loving Why self-compassion is essential for overcoming depression, anxiety and stress Self-compassion is not selfish. In fact, studies show that when we show ourselves compassion, it actually increases our compassion for others! Life is messy and none of us is perfect, which is why approaching the journey — both ours and others’ — with gentleness and kindness is so important to being healthy! “The biggest problem with self-esteem is it’s contingent on success.” - Dr. Kristin Neff   “The word ‘compassion’ by definition is a connected stance.” - Dr. Kristin Neff   “I know from practicing The Adult Chair, where we’re mindful, we practice self-compassion, we’re living in the moment, we’re tuning into the moment...it gets easier.” - Michelle Chalfant   “What reminds you to practice self-compassion is your suffering.” - Dr. Kristin Neff   “I really changed myself through self-compassion.” - Michelle Chalfant   Resources   Dr. Kristin Neff Website https://self-compassion.org/   “Fierce Self-Compassion” https://www.amazon.com/Fierce-Self-Compassion-Harness-Kindness-Thrive/dp/006299106X   The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ July Theme: I live in balance.   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Applications open for those on the waitlist July 12!   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.   He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.   Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  

The work we do in The Adult Chair® isn’t just about healing past wounding, working with the inner child, parts work or uncovering unconscious programming (though you know I LOVE all of those things).   It’s also about navigating everyday life...what’s happening in the here and now.   Because let’s be honest: when life comes at us (and it always does), it can be hard to stay grounded and in peace and balance. It’s often the everyday experiences of flat tires, our kids talking back to us, our boss giving us a last-minute deadline and home projects gone awry where stress, anger, and anxiety build up and we find ourselves seated smack dab in our Adolescent Chair.   But that’s exactly what The Adult Chair model is here for. It's a model for how to live as the healthiest version of yourself and a manual for everyday life..including when you're having just “one of those days.”   In this episode, I’m walking you through some key Adult Chair principles that are designed to help you navigate everyday stress and stay in balance, even when curveballs get thrown your way. I’m sharing some real examples from my recent home remodel and how I was able to witness the choices I had in each small moment and choose the ones that pulled me out of stress and into peace (even when in a frustrating situation). These tips are simple and practical, and if I can do it, I promise you can too!   Listen to discover: How to live with presence Why curiosity can change any situation How to witness thoughts without buying into them The importance of protecting your own nervous system Working with triggers How to stay in your Adult when dealing with work and parenting challenges These principles don’t mean we don’t feel stress or anger. They just mean we don’t let it overtake us. When life happens, there is always a moment where we have a choice and that choice is to either go into the negativity or to take charge of the situation and do what is needed without added suffering or drama. This is how we honor our Child’s emotions and the Adolescent’s need to protect while operating from a place of consciousness and staying in our peaceful Adult Chair. “When I live with presence, I’m not going into the past and pulling up ammunition for what’s going on in my present moment, and I’m also not launching into the future to figure out what’s coming.” - Michelle Chalfant   “We’ve got 70,000 to 90,000 thoughts a day. We don’t need to follow all of them.” - Michelle Chalfant   “My emotions are not in control of me. They just run through me.” - Michelle Chalfant   “The world mirrors where we are with…how well we’re living in the healthiest version of ourselves.” - Michelle Chalfant   “Things happen to us and how we see it and perceive it and tell the story can really stir up some serious drama.” - Michelle Chalfant   “Drama is a choice. Pulling out anger is a choice. And it affects only me.” - Michelle Chalfant   “We have to make choices and changes in our life to get ourselves out of stress.” - Michelle Chalfant   Resources   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.   He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.   Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  

When we form intimate partnerships in life, it goes far beyond love. The relationship becomes our home, our social circle, our sense of safety, and our way of living.   That’s why betrayal in intimate relationships, whether infidelity or lying, is so hurtful. It doesn’t just cause emotional pain, but it also shakes our entire sense of safety and reality. It’s a true multi-layered trauma that is not nearly as simple as breaking up and moving on or deciding to forgive and stay together.   The betrayed partner often faces feelings of confusion, self-doubt, shame, hurt, distrust and even PTSD. And the betrayer often has an addiction or attachment wound that underlies the betrayal. Both partners need support and healing, whether they choose to repair the relationship or step into a new chapter.   My guests today, Duane Osterlind and Marnie Breecker, both specialize in helping people heal after infidelity and betrayal by looking at it through a holistic lens that takes into account all the various forms of trauma that the betrayal has caused. In this episode, they share such important information about why betrayal is such a big deal, the different ways it affects us and how to rebuild safety and trust in a relationship if both partners decide they want to stay together. This is such an insightful show that sheds light on how attachment works, how trust forms, what trauma is and the deeper story behind betrayal.   Listen to discover: The six dimensions of betrayal trauma Why betrayal trauma can lead to PTSD How you can rebuild trust after a betrayal The importance of the "second brain" What the betrayed partner needs Where to find support The true source of affairs At the end of the day, each one of us is seeking connection. When a betrayal occurs, it’s often an unhealthy way of getting the connection we all crave. It is possible to rebuild a sense of safety, trust, secure attachment and connection after betrayal — whether you choose to rebuild that with the same partner or for yourself and in future relationships. “We’re talking about a lot of complex systems in the brain. We’re talking about attachment. We’re talking about where we are in this life.” - Duane Osterlind   “When intimate relationships are betrayed, it impacts the primary feeling of safety that a person has in their life structure.” - Duane Osterlind   “This is an existential crisis and an attachment trauma for the partner, and all systems of meaning have been shattered." - Marnie Breecker   "Our nature is to trust the person we're living with." - Michelle Chalfant   "We were wired to connect, and in order to connect, we have to be able to trust." - Marnie Breecker   "We don't know how to communicate in a healthy way with other people." - Michelle Chalfant   Resources   Helping Couples Heal (Duane and Marnie Website) https://helpingcouplesheal.com/   Helping Couples Heal Podcast https://helpingcouplesheal.com/podcasts/   Novus Mindful Life Institute (Duane Website) https://novusmindfullife.com/   Center for Relational Healing (Marnie Website) http://lacrh.com/   APSATS (The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists) https://www.apsats.org/   IITAP (International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals) https://iitap.com/   The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com\

We all want healthier, stronger relationships. As beings wired for connection, relationships can bring us the greatest joy and fulfillment in life...or, when they’re full of chaos, drama, miscommunication, and misunderstandings, they can bring lots of pain and confusion.   When we’re experiencing relationship drama, our first reaction is to blame our partner or assume we’re with the wrong person. But the truth is that we get to define our relationships by how we show up in them...we’re creating either an Adolescent relationship (think blame, drama and ego) or an Adult relationship (centered on truth, clarity and empathy). We have the power to transform our relationships just by changing the Chair we’re sitting in!    In this episode, I’m bringing back my friend, Tracy, who has shared her journey through her divorce and reentering the dating scene. Now, she’s in a relationship and she is sharing how The Adult Chair® has helped her change that relationship for the better.    She opens up about how both she and her boyfriend brought their individual fears and doubts to the table and how a series of stories and assumptions actually led them to break up for several months. But when she realized this relationship was too important to her to lose, she decided to drop assumptions and blame and instead get vulnerable and speak her truth (be in her Adult Chair!). When she did this, it completely transformed the dynamics of her relationship, and it’s now stronger than ever!   Listen to discover: How to use The Adult Chair model in relationships  The moment that turned Tracy’s relationship completely around  How rationalization and blame ruin relationships How to get out of the weeds in relationship communication The power of vulnerability  Tracy did such an amazing job in the conversation she had with her boyfriend, and I’m so proud of how she models The Adult Chair for him and for everyone listening to the show. It is incredibly uncomfortable to get vulnerable. It’s even more uncomfortable to let go of our ego, own our role in the relationship, stop trying to prove we’re right and instead look for solutions. But when we do this, we invite our partner into a different kind of relationship — one centered on common goals, a higher perspective and a model that works!    “There has to be, when we’re in our Adult Chair, taking responsibility, owning your reality, being honest and talking about the elephant in the room.” - Michelle Chalfant    “I practiced speaking fact and truth and being totally vulnerable.” - Tracy    “If you’re having an argument, it gets you nowhere. You have to go with a higher perspective.” - Michelle Chalfant     “I’m blown away by how the work you have done, this Adult Chair model, how it truly works.” - Tracy   “It’s no one’s job but our own to share with others what we’re experiencing.” - Michelle Chalfant     “[The Adult Chair] gives us tools for how to show up in life.” - Michelle Chalfant    Resources   Episode #179: I’m in a Relationship with a Narcissist https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/179/    Episode #199: Dating from The Adult Chair® https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/199/    The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/    P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/  Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair    The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop  https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com