Unapologetically Sensitive

Often we are afraid of feeling disappointed or angry and frustrated if we ask for something and we don't get it. I share a few stories of taking a risk and asking, and getting some really positive responses and an unexpected outcome. Also, I have a really exciting surprise for you that's really the reason why I recorded this episode. There are 2 upcoming episodes that are geared to you as the listener and the holidays. I mention Chel Hamilton who has a podcast Meditation Minis. You can find all things Chel here https://chelhamilton.com/ LINKS Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/ Instagram--@unapologeticallysensitive Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail--info@unapologeticallysensitive.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

My son Josh talks about what it's like having a therapist who's a mom. We also talk about our relationship, and the areas where we are similar. I ask Josh about the relationships his friends have with their parents.

Daniel Young (one of my twins) talks about how he feels about self-disclosure, and how he handled communicating with his teachers when he was in school. Daniel has ADHD and we talk about how he feels about this, and how he feels sharing it with others. I also ask him, "What do you want to say about me as a mom?"

EPISODE Bonus Episode Day 13 TITLE Would I Be a Twin If I Had a Choice? GUEST Josh Young EPISODE OVERVIEW I had delightful conversation with one of my twins, Josh. We talk about self-disclosure and why Josh chooses to share the way he does. We talk about what it was like for Josh to have a twin, and the challenges it posed for him. Josh has a theory about why he thinks he and his twin are so different. I have a different perspective, which I share in my introduction to our conversation. Josh talks about telling his teacher his grandma was going to live in our backyard (before we added on to our house). I talk about some of my shortcomings as a parent since Josh needed more protection than I gave him. I also talk about the tattoos that they boys got on their 18th birthday and why it is so significant. BIO Josh Young is a freshman at Cal State University Fullerton where he is a business major. Josh has a wicked sense of humor, and loves to push the rules until they just about break. Josh loves doing distance cycling, and he did his first triathalon a few years ago. He also participates in marathon napping! LINKS Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/ Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail--info@unapologeticallysensitive.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

EPISODE Bonus Episode Day 12 TITLE When your kidult is engaging in behavior that doesn't align with your values GUEST Daniel Young EPISODE OVERVIEW My twins were home from college for the weekend, and my son Daniel sat down with me to chat. I asked him what it's like to have a mom who's a therapist. We also talk about how we navigated when Daniel started engaging in behaviors that did not align with our family's values. It's controversial since most families would probably forbid the kidult against engaging in the behavior. My relationship with my son was more important, and since he was going to be 18 soon and heading off to college, it felt more important to have open and honest conversations with him about his behavior; how to stay safe and what my concerns were. I also think I may have been manipulative when I tell Daniel at the end that I love him. I think I wanted you all to hear that my son tells me he loves me. BIO Daniel is a freshman at Cal State University Long Beach where he is studying criminology. Daniel is a talented rapper who writes and performs his own songs. He is an amazing graphic designer and photographer. He took all the headshots on my website (and the pic of me podcasting that I use for the podcast). LINKS Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/ Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail--info@unapologeticallysensitive.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

EPISODE 005 TITLE 005 I gave myself permission to be me, and not place undue expectations about who I should be, with Melvin Varghese, PhD GUEST Melvin Varghese, PhD EPISODE OVERVIEW Melvin talks about what it was like being born in India, and coming to the U.S. as a sensitive, minority male in a new culture. Melvin talks about the collective consciousness in India compared to the individualistic values in the U.S. Before Melvin had the baby, he got up at 4:30 every morning; and he talks about his pre-baby morning routine, and what it looks like now. Melvin also talks about how he had to prepare for his first child, who was in the NICU after birth, and the values he wants to instill in his daughter. Melvin candidly talks about his fears and what he has done to create multiple successful business ventures. Melvin's business success is tightly yoked with his strong values for social justice. Melvin is creating a scholarship fund for kids who have been rescued from brothels from some of the proceeds from one of his businesses—Selling The Couch Directory BIO Dr. Melvin Varghese is a psychologist and successful entrepreneur, as well as the host of the podcast Selling the Couch, which was listed as one of the top 15 podcasts in iTunes in 2015. It has grown by leaps and bounds since then! Melvin also has a podcasting course called The Healthcasters, and an online Directory for therapists called Selling the Couch Directory. Melvin also has a private practice where he helps entrepreneurs overcome the mental roadblocks that prevent success. He uses a variety of research-based strategies including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and mindfulness. In 2007, Melvin spent 3 weeks in Bombay in Bombay, India working with an NGO helping to end human sex trafficking (Bombay has the largest concentrated red light district in the world.). He decided to use his abilities to better the world and not just create income. Melvin met his future wife on a humanitarian trip to New Orleans in 2010 helping rebuild houses hit by Hurricane Katrina. He never imagined a Cowboy's fan and Eagle's fan living in one house. Melvin loves playing basketball weekly, and he loves spending time with his wife and new daughter. QUOTES My needs shouldn't be so, that I don't think of the needs around me The point of parenting is to have a daughter who is kind and caring and develops the capacity to think through decisions and makes decisions that aligns with who she wants to be Business has never been just about business; there has to be a social mission or social justice to it Business success doesn't just end with the financial goal. What we've done has impacted someone's life—maybe for a generation Life was about who you were surrounded by. How do we serve those around us? Parenthood is teaching me to appreciate the moments Be kind and gracious to yourself. Don't feel the pressure to conform. You're not going to fit in a perfect box; nor should you LINKS Website— http://melvinvarghese.com/ Selling the Couch-- https://sellingthecouch.com/ Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/ Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail--info@unapologeticallysensitive.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

EPISODE Bonus Episode Day 11 TITLE Not Allowing Others to Define Us GUEST Solo episode—Patricia Young EPISODE OVERVIEW How wounding from our past can cause bigger reactions in us than the situation warrants. This can also trigger a strong sense for us to want to be right about a situation (and to want to make others wrong). This is due to shame and wounding. I talk about how I show up in the world, and my expectation that others will fully embrace who I am. Obviously, this doesn't always happen (LOL). This triggers my gremlins that tell me that I'm too much; I share too much; I don't have boundaries and that I should reign in back in. Sometimes we allow others to take up too much space in our head even though it keeps us stuck, and there are people who are providing support. We get to choose to live our lives out loud and to be exactly who we are. This is how we claim what is true for us. I also talk about how HSPs often take longer to accomplish things. We beat ourselves up, but often we need the extra time, and there are payoffs and benefits that come from taking the extra time. The use of mindful self-compassion is what helps us honor our rhythms. BIO Patricia Young, LCSW is a therapist in San Diego who is in private practice. Patricia works primarily with Highly Sensitive People (HSP) helping them understand their HSPness, and to turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts we have to offer. LINKS Podcast—How to Be a Girl by Marlo Mack Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/ Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail--info@unapologeticallysensitive.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Knowing we are an introvert, extrovert or Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), can bring relief, and it can help us understand why we are the way we are. It can provide comfort, validation, understanding and knowledge. However, it's important to be mindful HOW we're using these "labels." I always thought I had social anxiety, but in retrospect, I think it was overwhelm and overstimulation. I also thought I was an introvert, so I avoided social situations thinking this was how to take care of myself. I recently learned that I'm a highly sensitive extrovert, and I need to find the right balance of stimulation and "out" time to feel really nurtured and fulfilled. When I thought I was an introvert, I took a lot of down time thinking it's what I needed to recharge, but it left me feeling listless and a little depressed, because what I needed was connection to others. I talk about the importance of play, and how it's easy to lose the joy and connection we felt when we were younger, and how having that sense of connection can bring joy and energy to our lives. I end up talking about how it took me 14 years to get my BA degree, and 8 years to get my license (which is a 2 year process), and then it took me 17 months to launch this podcast. This is where the use of self-compassion comes in, and trusting that as HSPs, we often need more time to do things. It's not a bad thing. I also talk about author Susan Cain and her book Quiet, the Power of Introverts, and how she blends traits of being Highly Sensitive with being an introvert. I also mention Jacquelyn Strickland's article called Introverts, Extroverts and the Highly Sensitive Person which can be found on Dr. Elaine Aron's website. You can find references to these in the show notes. Introversion, Extroversion and the Highly Sensitive Person by Jaquelyn Strickland, LPC--https://hsperson.com/introversion-extroversion-and-the-highly-sensitive-person/ Quiet, the Power of Introverts by Susan Cain Podcast—How to Be a Girl by Marlo Mack Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/ Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail--info@unapologeticallysensitive.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Many HSPs have wounding from childhood because their caregiver(s) were not able to attune with them (to understand their needs, and respond in a way that would have nurtured the HS child). This leads to anxiety and depression (shown in Dr. Elaine Aron's Research www.hsperson.com). Many HSPs grow up hating their sensitivity because it wasn't embraced or supported when they were young. These HSPs didn't learn how to honor their gifts, and often they have been told what's wrong with them, so they bring these wounds into their relationships, where they are told again that they are too sensitive. It's not the sensitivity that's the problem! It's the wounding. Then I go off on a little rant about the benefits of therapy and how to choose an HSP knowledgeable therapist.

We never know who we will impact, or how people will be impacted by our behavior. This is a little change of pace, and I feel pretty vulnerable putting this out there. There is so much power in receiving forgiveness! I was bully when I was younger, and although I apologized to the boy I was ruthless to when I saw him many years ago at my high school reunion, when I launched this podcast, he was following me on social media, and I felt like I didn't deserve to have him share my episodes and support me because I had been so terrible to him. I reached out to him via messenger and I read his response to me in this episode.