Unapologetically Sensitive

TITLE What is an Emotionally Immature Parent, & How to Identify a Healthy Relationship  GUEST  Lindsay Gibson, PsyD. EPISODE OVERVIEW  Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, & Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents explains what an emotionally immature parent is, and how this impacts their adult children.  I talk about crying when I got overwhelmed when my kids were young, and Lindsay comments on this. We talk about how to establish good emotional ties with our children, and what constitutes good enough parenting, Lindsay provides nineteen qualities to identify what a healthy relationship looks like.   HIGHLIGHTS What is emotionally immaturity? Why is it important to understand it? What are the main characteristics of an emotionally immature parent? How do relationships with emotionally immature parents affect their children’s lives? What are the main things to remember when dealing with emotionally immature parents? If you’re dating, how do you pick a person who is emotionally mature? How do you identify what a healthy relationship looks like? What is our human Bill of Rights? We talk about repair work with parenting I share that I’d get really frustrated with my boys when they were young, and I’d cry because I didn’t know what else to do Lindsay talks about how she views this We talk about the pressures of parenting Lindsay explains what good enough parenting is—which should be very reassuring to parents! I share about having a tantrum when my son had a tantrum and how it felt lousy afterward We’d do good repair work, but I eventually learned to stay calm I would also let my boys know when I was edgy and close to loosing it. I would let them know what they could do to help me. They’ve told me as young adults how helpful this was to them We talk about emotional intimacy with our children How do we let ourselves be known by our children when we are having difficult feelings How to establish good emotional ties with our kids in a good way Winnicut talks about good enough parenting Research shows that it just takes 30% of being a good enough parent in order to have a favorable outcome Lindsay gives an example of how an adult child could set a limit with their emotionally immature parent if they decided not to spend Thanksgiving with the family When adult children set limits with their emotionally immature parents, the parent feels rejected; unloved or they have a strong defensive reaction When setting a boundary, you want to stay present to your own heart You want to be able to have empathy and acknowledge what it is like for the other person You want to remember what your goal is for the interaction, so your intention is clear for yourself You also have an opportunity to observe how the other person is reacting, and the defenses that they use Emotionally Healthy Relationships Is the person generally realistic and reliable? Do they work with reality rather than fighting it? Are they finding ways to solve problems or are they complaining about how they’ve been victimized? Do they have a consistent and reliable nature about them? Do they take things personally? When they get upset, can they still think? Do they lose the ability to be rational? Signs of temper, impatience or impulsivity should be a red flag—those are cardinal signs of immaturity Another red flag is when a person gets very upset, then tells you it’s just because they love you You want your partner to be reciprocal; you do something for them and they do something for you You set a boundary, and they say OK If you set a boundary, and your partner tries to talk you out of it, or walk you out of it, that is two red flags Boundaries at the beginning of the relationship will tell you almost everything you want to know about that person Being flexible and able to compromise is a sign of maturity You want someone who is basically truthful; that you can trust who they are Does the person respond to you in a manner that you feel safe, and seen and heard? Do they reflect on their mistakes and try and change, or do they make excuses? Do they reflect when you tell them you’re mad at them, or do they say, “Why do you keep bringing that up? What’s wrong with you?” If they can’t accept when you’re angry and they get defensive, that’s about having a major lack of empathy Your partner is thin skinned meaning they do not allow other’s reactions to happen, because that person gets so reactive Nobody is more intrinsically important as an adult than anybody else They way that emotionally immature people react with guilt, shame, fear and self-doubt, can make the other person start to doubt their reality This is where you have to remember that “There’s good stuff in me!”  GUEST BIO Lindsay Gibson, PsyD. has been a licensed clinical psychologist for over thirty years and specializes in individual adult psychotherapy with adult children of emotionally immature parents. She is the author of three books, the most recent being Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and just out in May of this year, Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents. In the past Dr. Gibson has served as an adjunct assistant professor teaching doctoral psychology students, and she writes a monthly Well-Being column for Tidewater Women magazine in Virginia Beach, VA. PODCAST HOST Patricia Young hosts the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive, and works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them to understand their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online groups for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more). LINKS Website— http://www.drlindsaygibson.com/ Dr. Elaine Aron’s website—HSP self-test https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/ Dr. Gibson’s book was translated from English to Russian by Elena Tereshchnkova  You can find the actual translator here-- https://www.facebook.com/elena.tereshchenkova   Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/ Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/ Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/ Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail-- unapologeticallysensitive@gmail.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

TITLE Creating Sanctuary in the Home; How to Create a Space You Love   GUEST Helen Joy Butler  EPISODE OVERVIEW Helen Joy Butler is a Sanctuary Creator, Elemental Space Clearer and #HSP Warrior.  She talks about creating external sanctuary in our home, which helps to create internal sanctuary.  This helps to decrease stress and increase peace. It can also help us feel more grounded in our space. What do we want people to feel when they enter our home? Helen talks about ways to clear or shift stagnant energy in our home. She talks about small ways to make changes so we don’t feel overwhelmed, and the importance of being gentle with ourselves.   HIGHLIGHTS We need to create external sanctuary; this helps to create internal sanctuary What externally brings you a sense of sanctuary You can create sanctuary pockets or vignettes in your home This creates a greater sense of grounding Things come to you that you need, and things you don’t need tend to fall away You can start with your front door, or the center of your home What is my vision for this space? What do I want someone to feel when they come into my home? What’s a place in your home that is causing you stress? If you’re sick or upset, or the area is emotionally charged, it may be best to hold off working on this space BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF You can start with something small like a junk drawer, or a sock drawer When you get rid of things, you create a vortex or a vacuum—the tendency is to refill that space once it’s emptied Elemental space clearing—cleansing the energy in a space How to energetically clear a space Light a candle Put on music Dance Have tea with a friend Move things out as gently as you need Move furniture around Change the sheets, move a lamp Laugh and bring joy into the space Do it piece by piece. You don’t want stagnant energy in a room, so you want to keep moving the energy What is your intention for the room? Joy, connection, happiness, love How to create a space you love Connect with nature Where do I spend my time How can I reduce my stress Be gentle; be kind  BIO  Helen Joy Butler is a Sanctuary Creator, Elemental Space Clearer and #HSP Warrior. Through her business Helen blends practicality and spirituality to create Sanctuary in her client's home and life. Helen is an accredited Expert Professional Organiser, Certified Elemental Space Clearing® Practitioner, is attuned to Reiki Level 1 and has a Masters of Business Administration as well as two teaching degrees. After the birth of her son, Helen left teaching and started her Professional Organising business, working with clients in their homes as well as educating thousands of people online about organising, decluttering and living a balanced life. Helen lives in Brisbane, Australia, with her husband, teenage son and Elvis the dog.  PODCAST HOST Patricia Young hosts the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive, and works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them to understand their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online groups for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more). LINKS Helen’s Links https://helenjoybutler.com 5 Days to Sanctuary (free course)-- https://www.helenjoybutler.com/five-days-to-sanctuary-challenge/   Patricia’s Links Meetup Saturday October 5, 2019 10 am – noon.  Jacaranda Drive between Jacaranda Place and Upas Street at Morley Field.  Bring chairs or blankets https://www.meetup.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-Meetup/events/264665841/ Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/ Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/ Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/ Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber Pinterest-- https://www.pinterest.com/patriciayounglcsw/ e-mail-- unapologeticallysensitive@gmail.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com  

TITLE I Wasn't Invited...there’s more.  Sigh….   GUEST Solo Episode   EPISODE OVERVIEW Is it ok to NOT want information about a situation that may have felt hurtful to us? If we continue to have strong feelings about it, does it mean we’re not healing? Is it possible to feel uncomfortable, AND be healing at the same time? Do I regret releasing any of these episodes about the situation? What does self-compassion have to do with all of this? No matter what feelings come up, ALL feelings are welcome, and need to be honored!     HIGHLIGHTS How to take care of ourselves when we feel uncomfortable and not ready Is it ok to not pick up your phone when you feel rattled when someone calls I feel like I was 12 years old again. I felt really anxious Feelings of shame, and guilt came up for me, and it was uncomfortable When something happens and we have a strong emotional response, if we’re verbal processors, it can help to talk to someone who is safe What do we do when shame surfaces and we feel like we did something wrong We can have strong emotional responses, but it doesn’t mean that we haven’t “worked through” our stuff When we have strong emotional responses, we can often attach a negative meaning, but it’s not the truth We can feel strong feelings, and still be courageous even if we’re feeling fear When we have strong feelings, we often feel like we have to justify why we’re having strong feelings Others have a right to invite whomever they want to and they don’t ever have to include us Others have a right to post on social media There is no right or wrong, and no one is to blame If it brings up feelings for us, we get to focus on the healing we need to do It’s really important to start talking about these things with safe people who can support us No matter what feelings come up (joy, sadness, jealousy, anxiety, depression), all of our feelings are ok We need to find ways to honor all the feelings that come up We need to get support We need to use tools We can reflect on the conversation and situation if we need to make sense out of it When we get stressed or have things to do, we have our internal “taskmaster” show up My “taskmaster” generally lacks empathy and just wants to get stuff done It’s also important to talk about how we’re impacted by other’s behavior (if they are safe people that can engage with us) It’s really important to talk about our expectations We may have a plan, but not communicate it to someone else, and it can cause a rift if we don’t communicate There is no right or wrong way of doing things If we’re able to communicate; the recommunicate and recommunicate. It’s about going back in and doing what we need to do understand and to be understood This is about our imperfection, our humanity, about showing up and being in the messy middle, and not know what the outcome is going to be What happens when we have bumps; how do we process; what do we do when we’re having a harder time letting it go If someone gives us a “valid” reason when we got hurt, does it mean that we shouldn’t have had a reaction? Sometimes we see things as “either, or” then I realized there was another perspective Is it ok to NOT want information about a situation where we felt hurt I felt like I “should” be open to hearing information, which made me feel guilty, and somewhat anxious, and I doubted myself and felt like I wasn’t doing it “right.” We get to choose what we want in our life Gremlins will come up for us My gremlins told me I shouldn’t be talking about this on a podcast Is it wrong to process what goes on for me publicly? Is it “worth” it if it helps others? I want to model how as deep feelers and thinkers how we go through difficult situations When we overdo it, we may feel vulnerable and tend to take things more personally We can observe and know that we will come back to balance again We will get activated, and it may take time to restore and get our balance again Setting limits and boundaries can feel challenging to us, and it may bring up things for us We need to trust ourselves; be gentle with ourselves and have lots of self-compassion We can trust that we know what’s right for us at that moment Give yourself permission to be exactly where you’re at today   PODCAST HOST Patricia Young hosts the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive, and works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them to understand their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online groups for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more).   LINKS   Meetup Saturday October 5, 2019 10 am – noon.  Jacaranda Drive between Jacaranda Place and Upas Street at Morley Field.  Bring chairs or blankets https://www.meetup.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-Meetup/events/264665841/   Bonus Episode 54 I Wasn’t Invited; This Sucks! Now What? https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/bonus-episode-56/   Bonus Episode 56 I Wasn’t Invited—Follow Up https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/bonus-episode-58/   Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/ Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/ Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/ Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail-- unapologeticallysensitive@gmail.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

TITLE I Acknowledge I’m not Broken; I’m Really Strong   GUEST Elena Truskova Lenochka   EPISODE OVERVIEW Elena lives in Moscow and has a podcast and a very popular blog.  She is an avid reader, and often translates best sellers written in English into Russian.  Elena talks about her fear of not feeling good enough, and not being perfect enough to be on the podcast, but she realized that we have more things in common than our differences.  This is an incredibly insightful and rich conversation, and Elena talks about how she manages intrusive thoughts. Elena demonstrates such a high level of self-acceptance, and she shares the books that have helped her develop these skills.     HIGHLIGHTS Elena talks about feeling not good enough or not perfect enough to be on the podcast Even though we may have different cultures, language, experiences, etc., we all have similarities that we share Emotions are universal Elena has had to learn how to manage intrusive thoughts. She acknowledges how her brain is wired She allows herself to be Elena has learned to remind herself that “I’m not ok, and this is ok.” CEN Childhood Emotional Neglect is common in immigrant families Elena believes that many millennial parents are striving to provide a good life, but they are not fluent in emotional language If you are angry, after 90 seconds, the anger will dissipate, or it will be with you for 13 years I can change how I respond Women can get angry. It can mobilize us to take action “I’m not ok, but this is ok.”   GUEST BIO Elena Truskova (Lenochka) works as a (project manager at IT company named Yandex, it’s kind of Russian Google, really good place to work), she also has a blog with 500+ visitors per day, a weekly kitchen-talk podcast, an Instagram and a blog in a Telegram app with 3200+ followers (similar to WhatsApp but there are blogs without comment sections — a gift for HSPs! No criticism!). She also helps with book translations and also holds online creative writing workshops. She’s an avid reader—she reads 150-200 books a year.   PODCAST HOST Patricia Young hosts the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive, and works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them to understand their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online groups for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more).   LINKS   Elena’s Links Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/forgetenot/ My separate cat Instagram profile: https://www.instagram.com/fayeeena/   Facebook profile: https://www.facebook.com/elena.truskova   https://tipsfromonerussianbear.blogspot.com — my small blog about non-touristic Russia that doesn't update lately but there are lots of old posts I wrote that still are valid   https://www.spottedbylocals.com/saintpetersburg/author/elenatruskova/ —  my articles for Spotted by Locals website about non-touristic spots in my city that could be interesting for a visitor (everything is kept up to date on this website/app)   RESOURCES   Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers  by Karyl McBride   I Think Too Much: How to Channel Intrusive Thoughts by Christel Petitcollin   Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents—Lindsay Gibson PsyD   Pema Chodron-- https://pemachodronfoundation.org/   Brene Brown-- https://brenebrown.com/   The Highly Sensitive Person Dr. Elaine Aron       Patricia’s Links Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/ Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/ Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/ Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber Pinterest-- https://www.pinterest.com/patriciayounglcsw/ e-mail-- unapologeticallysensitive@gmail.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Bonus Episode 58   TITLE I Wasn't Invited...Follow Up   GUEST Solo Episode   EPISODE OVERVIEW What happened after I released bonus episode 56? I had some insights, and some people reached out to me.  I also realized that I had blatantly neglected another Mom that was in this group! She reached out to me, and I talk about our conversation.  What do we do when someone wants to spend more time with us than we want (or are able to)? Can we be kind and set healthy boundaries?     HIGHLIGHTS Another mom from this group I talk about in Bonus episode 56 reached out to me to provide support And she talked about feeling very hurt and left out by the group about something I initiated and never followed through with How to we own our mistakes? How do we make living amends when we have been unkind or insensitive (whether it’s intentional or not) Whose responsibility is it when we have been left out and we find out? We may have hurt others by not including them, and not even realized that we’ve done this What do we do when we find this out? How do we evaluate relationships? Gremlins are really a form of shame, and I talk about why it’s important to name our gremlins and how it frees us up If the women who didn’t invite me to their get together reached out to me to invite me in the future, would I join them? I explain where I’m at with this What do we do when we meet someone and they want to spend more time with us than we either want to or have the time to? What are some of the reasons that setting boundaries can be difficult for HSPs?   PODCAST HOST Patricia Young hosts the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive, and works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them to understand their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online groups for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more).   LINKS   Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/ Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/ Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/ Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber Pinterest-- https://www.pinterest.com/patriciayounglcsw/ e-mail-- unapologeticallysensitive@gmail.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Bonus Episode 57   TITLE You Take Things So Personally! How to Respond   GUEST Solo Episode   EPISODE OVERVIEW As a Highly Sensitive Person, aka HSP, it’s not uncommon for us to be told that we take things so personally.  What does this mean to the person who says it?  What if other people told us that they don’t process deeply, and they don’t feel deeply? The goal (to me) is to become an empowered HSP, so when we hear this, we can get curious about where the other person is coming from.  If hearing this feels hurtful, we may have our own work and healing to do.  We can embrace all of our feelings, and love our traits.     HIGHLIGHTS Other people rarely own how they are impacted by our behavior It often has little to nothing to do with us, but we take it on We can get really curious about what this means to the other person When we have wounding, we tend to feel like this statement is about something that’s wrong with us When we do our work and healing, when someone says this to us, it doesn’t have to sting Do we need to give ourselves reassurances? What do we need to hear from ourselves so we feel comfort? We want to work things through so we understand. It’s important to use descriptive words instead of words like “ruminating” If someone doesn’t have the capacity to explore what they’re saying, then maybe we need to just say “OK” We don’t always have to explain why we are the way we are When we do our work, comments like this won’t have that stinging charge We may continue to have a response when someone says something like to us, but the amount that it stings or how long it bothers us can lessen over time It’s easy to go into judgement for ourselves and others This is why having self-compassion is important Being an empowered HSP means that we know our strengths and we embrace our traits We can have a party about our sensitivity; it’s something to celebrate When we can tease out the wounding around our traits, we can own our traits and feel great about them Messages we have received in the past about our traits can create wounding   PODCAST HOST Patricia Young hosts the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive, and works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them to understand their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online groups for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more).   LINKS   Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/ Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/ Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/ Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail-- unapologeticallysensitive@gmail.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

TITLE Sensitive Souls Can Be Prone to Addiction with Angela Raspass   GUEST Angela Raspass   EPISODE OVERVIEW We discuss the struggle that some Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) have with addiction. Angela shares her recovery story and provides the tools she uses on a daily basis to be her best.  We talk about the importance of trusting yourself and leaning into your strengths.  Sometimes, what we feel is a weakness, is really our greatest gift(s). Angela talks about the different types of inner critics we have. With addiction, you’re not a bad person, just a sick person who needs to be loved back to life.   HIGHLIGHTS Angela didn’t realize she was a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), but in “kindsight” she realized she is an HSP and she struggled with emotions Angela felt like a chameleon, trying to be a specific way so people would approve of her Angela grew up in Australia and began struggling with alcohol addiction in high school Angela used alcohol to numb the pain; help with feelings of insecurity, and to help her forget her self-loathing Angela felt like she was walking around without skin Alcohol helped her interact with people, without worrying about what people thought about her, and her belief that she did not measure up Angela talks about what it means to be a high-functioning alcoholic We discuss Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), which can happen if a parent is NOT an HSP, and the child is Those HSPs who had “difficult” childhoods have a higher rate of anxiety and depression Angela has been sober for 13 years and she is passionate about helping others Angela got to a point where she could NOT stop alcohol; she was emotionally dependent on it. It can be very hard to ask for help. We have a feeling we should be able to stop drinking on our own Brene Brown says that shame needs secrecy to survive, but if you bring it into the light, you can find freedom With the Cycle of Addiction, you use something to stop feeling bad, and then you feel bad for using it, so you use it again With addiction, the addict tries everything to try and trick the addiction. The biggest step is to surrender Recovery is about stopping living in the problem and starting living in the solution You’re not a bad person who needs to become good; you are a sick person who needs to get well, and you need to be loved back to life Angela’s perception is that everyone at recovery identifies as very sensitive—like people, who felt like they had no skin. There is power in naming what is going on and sharing it and allowing people to see our vulnerability Emotions are created by thinking, and HSPs think much more than non-HSPs It’s important to know our triggers—things like comparison, envy, jealousy Recovery is about needing tools to recognize the emotions that are behind the feeling. You can allow yourself to move through uncomfortable feelings and not get stuck. It’s all about self-realization. Angela gets through emotions a lot quicker now because she honors her feelings, and she recognizes them, which allows them to pass Tara Brach talked about the second arrow. The first arrow is the pain, and the second arrow is the hard time we give ourselves over feeling the pain We need to keep ourselves in a fit spiritual state Angela has tools she calls Bookends and Park Bench BookEnds – are used at the beginning and end of day Morning Book End: First thing in the morning, Angela uses daily Calm App, 10-15 minutes, to do a short meditation before doing anything else in the morning Evening Bookend: Gratitude Journaling about 4-5 things that she’s grateful for, and a few things she did well In the middle of the day, Angela uses the tools of Park Bench. She sits down, breathes, thinks and appreciates Additional tools include being sure she is sleeping well, eating well, and using bookends and park bench Angela understands the true nature of who she is, and if she cares for herself emotionally and physically, she won’t have to go back to where she was when she was using Russ Harris – ACT  - Acceptance, Commitment Therapy is what helped Angela. Actions of confidence come first, feelings of confidence come later You need to practice it for a while before you actually begin to feel confident  What are your values/strengths?  Self-care is important. You need to do the work to show up in the world. Taking steps on a daily basis builds a sense of self-esteem and lets us know we can count on ourselves Some HSPs have a struggle with being sensitive to other people’s opinions When the real you emerges, you can make decisions that honor who you are. Angela talks about feeling like her business was killing her; she was sad, stressed and was smoking. She was sensitive about other people’s opinions, but she closed that business, which was what helped her move to the next level It’s okay to design a business around your sensitivity—to play to your strengths You can use a strengths-finder quiz online to find your strength. Angela’s is positivity. Angela tells others, “You can borrow my belief in you until you believe it yourself” Is your addiction costing you more than money? It is taking an emotional toll? Is it affecting your relationships? how often are you thinking about drinking? There’s no shame in asking for help Abstinence is like having a tiger in a cage, that stays locked in the cage, but moderation in terms of addiction is like opening the cage every so often and letting the tiger out There are AA volunteers to help you  There is also Smart Recovery, though Angela did not take that option. Once you decide, you can look into the “next chapter” – you recognize your values and strengths. Angela offers a confidence guide on her website  She also has a quiz to figure out what type of inner critic you have: perfectionist, mean girl, imposter, etc. Finally, Angela’s website has a guide to breakthrough those critical walls. Angela would tell her younger self that it’s okay to feel things, and it’s a superpower that gives you an opportunity for a deeper connection Angela is about to launch YourNextChapter.com and is publishing her book, Your Next Chapter.         QUOTES “Shame needs secrecy to survive.” “I felt like I was walking around without skin.” “You keep getting the messages from the world that you’re a bit strange, and that you don’t fit; that does hurt.” “I just turned 50, and it feels like life is just beginning. Turning this next chapter is exciting.” “I’m no longer working on auto-pilot. Things are getting better and better since I stepped into recovery.” “Life is so much brighter with emotional freedom.” “You don’t have to do your business by the book.”   GUEST BIO   Angela Raspass is Business Mentor and Podcast Host who supports businesswomen craving more fulfilment in their life to confidently identify and turn their ideas and experience into unique, tangible and impactful business models. She wraps her clients in strategic and emotional support to ensure sustainable growth through masterminds, retreats and personal mentoring. Angela has been self-employed since 2003, having launched her own marketing consultancy at her dining room table with two small children underfoot after a corporate career in market, sponsorships and sales with News Limited. Ideas Into Action expanded into a Sydney office with a team of full time staff and clients in three states. In 2012, Angela decided to pivot into her own Next Chapter, moving from pure consulting to mentoring the rapidly growing audience of women-led solo and micro businesses.   PODCAST HOST Patricia Young works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them in understanding their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online courses for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more).   LINKS   Angela’s Links: Website - www.AngelaRaspass.com Facebook - www.Facebook.com/Angelaraspass Confidence Guide - www.AngelaRaspass.com/confidence Take the Quiz - www.AngelaRaspass.com/takethequiz Breakthrough Guide - www.AngelaRaspass.com/breakthroughguide   Resources: Russ Harris – ACT - https://www.actmindfully.com.au/ Calm App - https://www.calm.com/ Brene Brown on Shame - https://brenebrown.com/articles/2013/01/14/shame-v-guilt/ Tara Brach -  https://www.tarabrach.com Alcoholics Anonymous – www.aa.org Smart Recovery, www.smartrecovery.org   Patricia’s Links: Website--http://www.unaplogeticallysensitive.com Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/ Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/ Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/ Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail-- unapologeticallysensitive@gmail.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com Editor & Show Notes: Cianna Reider – YourPodcastVA.weebly.com

Bonus Episode 56   TITLE I Wasn't Invited...Why? This Sucks!...Now What?   GUEST Solo Episode   EPISODE OVERVIEW It genuinely stings when we learn we weren’t invited to something! This just happened to me, when I saw something posted on social media.  What can we do to heal the parts of us that get triggered and feel hurt when this happens? We get to love the part of us that feels hurt. We can unpack our bags and live in the hurt, or we use this as an opportunity to evaluate the relationship, the activity we missed, and what we want in our lives.  Are these our People? What are our values and how we show up in the world?     HIGHLIGHTS It’s going to sting when we find out we aren’t included—that’s a fact, and it’s very normal to feel hurt, angry, disappointed when we learn that we weren’t included As a Highly Sensitive Person, aka HSP, we tend to be kind, loving, thoughtful human beings We don’t know why we weren’t included It’s not really our business Are there things we’re doing to hang on to the hurt or try and find out more about why we weren’t included What are our values? Are these our people? Chances are, it will trigger past feelings of inadequacy and the tendency to make it about ourselves—this is usually an indication that the fit in the relationship is off When were are truly seen and heard, we have very little doubt about whether or not we fit. It just feels good and right How can we love the part of us that feels hurt Do we need to get extra support from a friend, therapist, mentor or coach if we’re feeling stuck? We can process and give energy to the woundedness We’re in it We’re defending We’re keeping the wound alive We can process and heal the woundness We evaluate the relationship We evaluate if we enjoy and benefit from the activity We evaluate our values and how we show up vs. how the other people show up Do you unfollow or unfriend the person (people) that are excluding you? What’s the kind thing to do in order to surround yourself with love and support How will it be if you continue to see things you’re not invited to on social media? People have a right to NOT include you People have a right to post on social media or talk about things you weren’t invited to How can we learn to heal our wounds and allow others to do what they do? When we look at our relationships, are they reciprocal? Do we give/do more than the other person consistently? Are we the one who is always reaching out and making plans? Do we enjoy the same activities? Do we have the same values? How do we feel after being with the person? We get to choose what we have in our lives We can learn to work through these hurts so they don’t over run the other things in our lives   PODCAST HOST Patricia Young hosts the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive, and works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them to understand their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online groups for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more).   LINKS   Online HSP Course-- https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/hsp-online-groups/   Bonus Episode 54 Being an Educated and Informed HSP Allows You to Know Your Gifts; Know Your Limitations, and to Accept that This is How You’re Wired https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/bonus-episode-54/  

Bonus Episode 55   TITLE When Others Don’t Communicate the Way You Do   GUEST Solo Episode   EPISODE OVERVIEW As a Highly Sensitive Person, we often expect others to be able to communicate the way we do.  My son is having challenges with his 3 roommates, and it got me thinking about how Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) tend to show up in relationships, and what can we do in those relationships where the other person cannot see or own their part; they blame, and open communication is not possible.     HIGHLIGHTS Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) often are able to communicate with honesty, openness and an ability to hear another person’s perspective We are often surprised, angry and disappointed when we learn that others may not have the same capacity that we do How do we navigate this? If it’s a relationship where we don’t have as much freedom to choose (a boss, school, family relationships), can we put on a “game face” and hold the tender parts of our being back? Can we recognize that this is a limitation in the relationship? Sometimes we don’t know the other person has a limitation until we have conflict or competing needs Sometimes we can work through this What are the deal breakers?   PODCAST HOST Patricia Young hosts the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive, and works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them to understand their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online groups for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more).   LINKS   Online HSP Course-- https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/hsp-online-groups/   Welcome video for Online HSP Course--https://youtu.be/pGwwfbnuXfc   To enter the raffle for the scholarship for the Online HSP Course, send an email to unapologeticallysensitive.com and put “HSP Course Raffle” in the subject line.  A winner will be announced via e-mail on Monday September 16, 2017   Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/ Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/ Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/ Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail-- unapologeticallysensitive@gmail.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Bonus Episode 54   TITLE Being an Educated and Informed HSP Allows You to Know Your Gifts; Know Your Limitations, and to Accept that this is How You’re Wired   GUEST Solo Episode   EPISODE OVERVIEW The Highly Sensitive Person can have a number of struggles, AND it is possible to embrace our traits as an HSP; to feel comfortable in our skin; to know we think and feel deeply and to learn to shrug off things that aren’t helpful.  We often have a greater capacity than we think we do.  When we know about our traits, we can advocate for ourselves and educate others.  Being sensitive is an incredible strength! Enter to win free registration for the upcoming HSP Online Course for September 2019.   QUOTES Being an educated and informed HSP means that you know your gifts; you know your limitations, and you accept that this is how you’re wired   With this Course, it was a very loving and secure environment that allowed you to be vulnerable.   I realized I’m valid; that my needs and desires are valid and my boundaries are valid…people need to be ok with it, or they are just not going to be able to be in my life or interact with me in a major way.   This is my strength. This is something that I have that others don’t, and it lets me shine in situations.   I’m able to overserve things and see things that other people don’t see.     HIGHLIGHTS The Highly Sensitive Person often experiences some of these things Difficulty calming our nervous system Being able to stand by what we say, and not be overrun with guilt or shame (boundaries) Thriving in a world with people who don’t “get” us Trusting too quickly Getting attached too quickly Embracing our “weirdness” Getting tongue tied Comparing Having a difficult time letting things go Not taking things personally Ways to break patterns and make change Name the challenge It breaks the shame It creates room for healing and brings it out into the light Reframing our perceived weaknesses Picky becomes detail oriented or discriminating Embracing our traits Learning how our brains work We take in more information than non-HSPs, so our sense of reality may be different than others We may get nervous before new things, but there are ways we can manage We can use mindfulness to check in I’ve been struggling with how to communicate the benefits of the online courses     PODCAST HOST Patricia Young hosts the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive, and works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them to understand their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online groups for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more).   LINKS   Online HSP Course-- https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/hsp-online-groups/   Welcome video for Online HSP Course--https://youtu.be/pGwwfbnuXfc   To enter the raffle for the scholarship for the Online HSP Course, send an email to unapologeticallysensitive.com and put “HSP Course Raffle” in the subject line.  A winner will be announced via e-mail on Monday September 16, 2017   Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/ Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/ Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/ Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail-- unapologeticallysensitive@gmail.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com