Crafting Solutions to Conflict

What should you do about a situation where you are being deliberately baited: in a one-on-one setting, in a small group, or in a polarized family? Don’t rise to the bait! I can see no upside to that and plenty of potential downside.Choose not to avoid the conflict but to resist the bait. What would that look like? You could carefully frame the message you want to send. With or without explicitly mentioning the bait. But thinking through how to move toward a better situation, not make things worse.When the bait is dangled publicly – when more than the dangler and the, um, danglee are aware of the bait – consider taking it private.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/  And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

We may try to ignore, minimize, or delay dealing with a conflict. And then we can pivot in the other direction and rush to jump into action. Better to make a plan about how to address it. Start with who, what, where, when, how, and why. And perhaps add in a “what if” to allow for the dynamics of addressing the situation.Learn more about the Purposeful Planning Institute here: https://purposefulplanninginstitute.com/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

In 2016, a book titled Never Split the Difference was published by Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator.  Voss offers nine principles to use in negotiations. One of them is mirroring.  In a nutshell, mirroring means using the last one to three words the other person used, without agreeing or disagreeing, but using an inquisitive tone. The idea is that you sound like you are paying close attention to what the other person is saying. One view is that this type of negotiating tactic will make the other person feel at ease and keep them talking.What would you think if you realized someone was applying mirroring to you? Would you feel that you trusted the person more? That you wanted to keep talking? Or – would you have a different view. You know that a tactic is being applied to you. You feel that someone is trying to manipulate you. You feel inclined to trust the other person less, not more. We can do better. Instead of trying to create the appearance that you are carefully listening to the other person how about a reality that you are doing exactly that?Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

Samantha Drum has used her experience with high-conflict personalities to hone her expertise and create practical ideas about how to deal with these people effectively. How to identify them. And how to minimize chaos in your own life. Her five-point playbook crystallizes five essential skills that will help you defuse any argument. You can learn more and access resources at her website: https://www.controlledconfrontation.com/ The Argument Playbook is here:https://www.controlledconfrontation.com/playbook   And the quiz is here:https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/6090701efce2500017e8a900Details on the high conflict cure are here: The High Conflict Cure: www.controlledcontrontation.com/courseDo you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Earlier episodes have addressed different types of cognitive biases. They represent shortcuts in our thinking and how we reach conclusions. Now, let’s think about the overall idea of biases. We think of biases as negative – and they certainly can lead us astray. But we can think of them as not just a human shortcut that we need to be mindful of. We can easily brand bias as a moral weakness. In ourselves and others. Better, all around, to have some compassion and some optimism.  Compassion for the human frailty of others – and ourselves. We can consider that others have opinions unlike ours that aren’t purely or mostly based on bias.  And with engagement and effort, it’s possible to change.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

Several historical quotes address the question of just how far freedom extends. The most graphic one focuses on arms and noses. In essence, my freedom to swing my arm ends where your nose begins. Circumstances in everyday life have more nuance than that idea. Also, far more typical in everyday life. Gray areas, assumptions, misconceptions, different perspectives and priorities. And to refer to another body part: a good time to resist knee-jerk reactions.  Better to pause, think, and – perhaps -- have a conversation.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Jeff Savlov has an interest and expertise in how parents can talk to young kids about family wealth. Starting quite young, parents can help children learn please, thank you, I’m sorry, how to clean up after themselves.  That last point includes a concept I find wonderfully compelling: the Golden Sippy Cup Rule.  You can contact Jeff and learn more about his work here: https://blumandsavlov.com/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Whataboutism is the practice – or even a single act – of responding to a criticism or accusation by claiming that a supposed offense committed by someone else is just as bad or worse. In the interest of promoting rational conversation… Let’s assume for a moment, that you hear something that prompts you to want to respond with whataboutism.  Try to resist that temptation.   Instead of “what about …?” try something less likely to ignite anger. Even “what do you think about …?”   “How might they be similar?” On the flip side, what works best if the “what about” is thrown at you? You could say “well, let’s talk about that.”  “Tell me more about what you are thinking.”  Or some other words that can lead to a continuing dialogue.And, of course, tone matters, too.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

It’s not news that women can be criticized for language or behavior labelled as aggressive. And that exactly the same language or behavior would be championed as assertive by a man. A little discouraging but I suggest we can approach this challenge. First, as with any sort of bias, we can try to be more aware of the ones we carry and how they affect our thought process and our conclusions. Second, we can steer ourselves toward assertive language and behavior. Third, we can respond when we witness someone else exhibiting what we feel is a bias by being assertive and not aggressive.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/  And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Cindy Watson’s new book, The Art of Feminine Negotiation: How to get what you want from the boardroom to the bedroom, addresses a key topic in our lives. Her ARE FIT model represents an acronym of six key skills to being a great negotiator: assertiveness, rapport building, empathy, flexibility, intuition, and trustworthiness. You can learn more about Cindy and the book here: http://artoffemininenegotiation.com/The secret website for listeners to access can be found here: https://www.artoffemininenegotiationbook.com/aofn-book-launch1678293893238Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.