Crafting Solutions to Conflict

My most recent guest, Gleb Tsipursky, talked with me about how to do Return to Office policies right. Our conversation, Episode 229, was published on May 17, 2023. In part of our discussion, Gleb introduced us to the copy machine study. In that 1977 study, people standing in line at a copy machine were asked if they would allow someone else to cut in front of them.  Remarkably, when given the reasons because I am in a hurry or because I need to make copies the increase in people agreeing was about the same. Even though it was obvious that they were all there to make copies. People responded positively to “because”.  In a family enterprise having a “because” in the form of compliance with a family employment policy can avoid feelings of unfairness. Giving a “because” to explain estate planning decisions can prevent resentment.  The “because” behind a decision to sell a multi-generational business can reassure those affected that there are good reasons for that course of action.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

 J.W. Brehm first proposed reactance theory in 1966. Reactance is the motivation to regain a freedom after it has been lost or threatened, and it leads people to resist the social influence of others. Quoting from the article Understanding Psychological Reactance: “The unpleasant motivational state of reactance results in behavioral and cognitive efforts to reestablish one’s freedom, accompanied by the experience of emotion. People who are threatened usually feel uncomfortable, hostile, aggressive, and angry.” We can minimize or avoid the reactance phenomenon when we recognize its importance and consider how to enact policies, announce plans, and conduct ourselves to avoid real or felt loss of freedom to engage in free behaviors.  Learn more here:https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4675534/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

Gleb Tsipursky and I first talked back in the early days of the pandemic, on Episode 66, published on April 1, 2020. Then, Gleb was focused on how businesses could prepare for a lengthy pandemic and minimize its impacts. Now, he is helping clients effectively address the challenges of hybrid work and Returning To the Office the right way.  In a way that respects the needs and interests of the staff and rejects blanket mandates. Our conversation shows why the New York Times called him an office whisperer. You can learn more about Gleb’s work and contact him here: https://disasteravoidanceexperts.com/ His latest book is  Returning to the Office and Leading Hybrid and Remote Teams: A Manual on Benchmarking to Best Practices for Competitive Advantage.  You can learn more here: https://disasteravoidanceexperts.com/hybrid/. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

Open The Front Door is a communication framework. It was developed by Tasha Souza, when she was a professor at Boise State University.  It’s a helpful tool to use in hot moments in the classroom – and beyond, I think!O -- Observe. T -- Think. F -- Feel. D -- Desire. State what you Observe, factually and nonjudgmentally. State what you think. State what you feel. State what your desired outcome is.You can learn more about OTFD here:https://www.boisestate.edu/ctl/blog/2016/08/18/hot-moments-classroom/https://www.oakland.edu/Assets/Oakland/cetl/files-and-documents/TeachingTips/2016/HotMomentsTT.pdfhttps://scholarworks.boisestate.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1007&context=covid Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

    The classic book Getting to Yes gives us the B A T N A, which stands for Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement. As you might guess, W A T N A stands for your worst alternative to a negotiated agreement. Even in a straightforward dispute about money, the parties need to understand just how likely their BATNA and WATNA are. A very good chance? Almost none? And then there are the other costs of continuing a dispute. Distraction, delay, anxiety. If the dispute is not between strangers, and not about money, the questions become more complicated.  If the people involved are family members or work together in a family business, might you lose by winning? Might everyone?Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/  And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Nellie Harden is a family life and leadership coach. Her 6570 project represents the 18 years parents have to raise their offspring to be adults. Nellie shares key guideposts to prepare for and engage in courageous conversations with tween and teen daughters.You can learn more about Nellie’s work, find resources, and access her podcast here: https://www.nellieharden.com/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

The classic book Getting to Yes introduced the idea of your BATNA or Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement.  Your WATNA is the Worst Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. Understanding these can help you weigh how flexible you are in attempting to reach an agreement.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

The ZOPA is the Zone of Possible Agreement. It’s usually considered in the context of business or sales negotiations.  The Zone is the overlap between, for example, what a seller is willing to accept for a car and what a buyer is willing to pay. Or what an employer is willing to pay and an employee is willing to accept. I think the ZOPA idea can be useful in other contexts, too: it is practical and simple to grasp. It's one more concept to consider when thinking creatively about addressing conflicts.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

Beth Fisher-Yoshida has a new book, New Story, New Power: A Woman’s Guide to Negotiation. We discuss culture, stories, patterns, and habits. And practical tools to help you move away from what holds you back and reinforce what helps.You can learn more about Beth’s work and contact her here: https://bethfisheryoshida.com/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Humility is a concept that is misunderstood at times.Some believe that it suggests a low opinion of yourself, that it is a sign of weakness. In fact, the more accurate understanding is that humility is a character strength. It is an indication that you have confidence in your abilities and – better still – you lack the need to brag about yourself. You don’t need to be arrogant. Humility allows you to have better interactions with others – to have no need to show that you think you are better in some way.If I come at you with arrogance and a lack of humility, your first reaction may be to resist and fight your obnoxious opponent. Imagine how different the interaction can be and how much better the relationship can be if humility is exercised. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.