Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Last time, I talked about spoken language. This time it’s body language and facial language. You have likely heard that a very large percentage of our communication is not spoken. Some slips are things you know you shouldn’t do. Let’s focus on what to do about that. Do you know that you are doing it? Try this. When you are talking on the phone with someone who can try your patience, watch yourself in a mirror. Not while driving, please. But look and notice your face, your shoulders, and more.  Are there facial or body actions that you are not really aware of? As with most things, awareness is the first step. If you now know you are doing it, you can work on reining that in.Next, you may be doing something, and you are aware that it might be misinterpreted.If others easily assume that I am miserable about something, they may be guessing wrong about what it is. So what should I do? Name it. Direct and accurate communication to counteract what is indirect and inaccurate.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/  

Without much thought, we can use words and phrases that subtly or strongly convey meaning – and do unnecessary harm.  A” blended family” is more positive than a “stepfamily”. “Always” and “never” are words that frequently cause harm (and are often inaccurate). “I” statements can lead to more positive conversations than accusatory ones. Vague words like “you” and “soon” invite trouble. These examples aren’t meant to be exhaustive, but to illustrate how we can pay more attention to the words that we use and perhaps avoid some unnecessary bad conflict. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ 

Emily Bouchard combines her academic learning, professional experience, and personal awareness to serve blended families. We talk about reframing stepfamilies to blended families, ex-partners to former partners, and bonus parents – examples of the importance of careful language and intentional communication to enable families to thrive. And we hear a taste of Emily’s work with humans connecting with horses in transformational retreats.Emily mentions her book, Beginner’s Guide to Purposeful Prenups. You can learn more about that and her work here: https://emilybouchard.com/Her recent article about the challenge of gray divorce can be found here: https://www.craincurrency.com/family-office-management/gray-divorce-and-remarriage-can-make-things-complicated-family-officeDo you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/  

A false start in a conflict situation can appear in different ways. We can create a conflict where none existed or when we make a good faith attempt to resolve a conflict. Of course, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. A concept so fundamental that it was the focus of Episode 11, way back on March 13, 2019.  But if a false start has occurred, remember and take advantage of the fact of the false start – emphasis on “start”. So, let’s start over. If you made an honest mistake, try an old-fashioned apology. Explain, if you can, what went wrong.   If the other person refuses to engage with you and says so, consider offering a cooling-off period of some specific duration.  An agreement to try again at a certain time or date. Take a break, a breather, a pause.  If it’s just crickets, no response at all, think about a good length for a breather – from your perspective and the other person’s, too – and pick it. Take the initiative to try again at the end of that pause.   It’s just the start. Too soon to give up. Worth it to try again and do what you can to set up for a better result. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ 

There is widespread agreement that the phrase comes from a military engagement, though which one is the original is less clear. Fundamentally, what is the cost to take that hill, to hold the high ground. Then weighing it against the advantage. In interpersonal conflict, we can benefit by going through that analysis explicitly and thoughtfully.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

The general idea of Community Mediation is that trained volunteers work on neighbor disputes. The volunteer mediators are impartial. This approach can keep disputes out of court. And that’s the most common understanding of it. But community mediation can be much more. First, the individuals in a specific mediated dispute can experience a way to address disagreements and conflict  beyond just hating a neighbor or getting the police involved, in one way or another.  Many settings beyond neighborhoods can benefit. Not just individuals but groups and organizations can engage in mediation. And services beyond mediation can have great value.  The hard part is the funding, at least in part because it can be difficult to put a monetary value on problems solved, relationships improved, and government expenses avoided. You can learn more about Community Mediation through the website of the U.S. based National Association for Community Mediation (NAFCM) https://www.nafcm.org/.     Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

Maria Arpa joins me to talk about her journey from a very challenging childhood to a mission to help families, organizations, and communities find effective solutions to problems. Maria is the creator of The Dialogue Road Map, which she uses in her own work. And it is critical to the deep engagement of the social change charity she created, the London-based Centre for Peaceful Solutions.  Learn more about the Centre here: https://centreforpeacefulsolutions.org/ . And about her own professional work here:https://workplacehuddle.com/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ 

Mediation is a flexible process. What matters is what works for the people involved and the mediator.  That the people in conflict are in control of the outcome. That the mediator is impartial. That the people in conflict are treated equally. And that anything said in confidence to the mediator stays in confidence. Think about mediation creatively and expansively. It’s a good fit in many circumstances of conflict. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

I’ve been diving into helping people handle conflict for many years. Decades now. Early on, more than a few people could get mixed up about mediation and meditation. Fortunately, I haven’t seen that kind of mix-up for a long time. But here’s a perennial one: mediation and arbitration. Merriam-webster.com has this to say:  arbitration is the hearing and determination of a disputed case by an arbiter.  Or, arbitrator. Mediation is defined as intervention between conflicting parties to promote reconciliation, settlement, or compromise.Fundamentally, mediators do not decide. Do not judge. Do not impose solutions.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/  

Janet Ettele joins me to talk about her new book, How Joyous Effort Works. It’s the fourth in her How Life Works series.  Through her books, Janet presents an accessible introduction to Buddhist principles, using the timeless power of story. You can learn more about Janet’s work, including her books, here: https://janetettele.com/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/