Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Steve Legler joins me for a return visit. Steve was an early guest, in Episode 32 back on August 7, 2019. Today we talk about the value of moving away from the concept of one big, multi-hour conversation on an important topic toward ongoing bite-sized conversations.I appreciate Steve’s work and value his friendship. As you will hear, Steve was kind enough to be willing to record this episode when my voice wasn’t at its best. You can learn more about Steve’s work and sign up for the blogs and newsletter that I enjoy here: https://stevelegler.com/. You can find Steve on LinkedIn here:https://www.linkedin.com/in/steve-legler-mba-fea-cpcc-259065a/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/  

We may be well aware that an unpleasant conflict is brewing – perhaps simmering but not yet exploding.  We can dread an explosion. Or an explosion may have occurred. We can dread what comes next.  Dread won’t help us. Anticipation will.Anticipating by being as ready as we can be. Then, knowing that, facing whatever comes with as much calm and confidence as we can muster.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/  

One of my favorite new words is, of all things, disrespect, used as a verb. It’s not the same as a mere lack of respect. It’s more intense, more direct, and  … more offensive. We can feel disrespected when that wasn’t the intention. Especially now when so much of life can seem fraught, we can jump to feeling disrespected in a heartbeat. Plus the reverse: we can look, speak, write, and behave in a way that radiates disrespect. We can slow down and not leap to conclusions about someone else’s intent.  Also, we need to pay close attention to the messages we send. And keep the dis out of disagreement.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ 

You can learn more about Kristen and her company on the company website: https://www.inthreegenerations.com/ You can also find them on LinkedIn and Instagram.  Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ 

Last time, I talked about how each of us can find different methods for calming our own emotions. I have talked before about thinking through how to support the other person engaged with you in a challenging conversation to be their best self. Just like you, -- it’s true for all of us – they will be better able to analyze the situation and to make better decisions when they are calm.So, what do you do about it? What you don’t do is tell them to be calm. More likely to irritate than soothe.  What do you do?First, be sensitive to the idea that they may have their own practices for calming themselves.Next, be open to accommodating their calming practices as much as you are able. Not only can that willingness help them in that moment to better engage with you, that gesture can help the relationship itself. And the stronger the relationship, the more commitment people can have to handling inevitable disagreements that will pop up in the future.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

I thank Cinnie Noble, who created the CINERGY conflict management model in which I am certified, for sparking this idea. In her most recent talk with certified coaches, Cinnie reminded us about the importance of allowing – and helping – brains to calm down.When emotions are carrying the day, our ability to analyze a situation effectively and to make good decisions is compromised. We are simply not at our best. Conflict often feels like chaos to us. And chaos allows emotions to come to the fore. Calming your emotions when dealing with conflict is more than just a nice idea. It’s an essential piece of handling conflict effectively.Next time, a few thoughts about that other person’s attempts to find calm in chaos.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

Melissa Mitchell-Blitch joins me.  We talk about her book, In the Company of Family: How to Thrive When Business is Personal. Melissa shares some thought-provoking concepts about healthy boundaries that apply to family business relationships and truly any kind of relationship. Ideas about responsibility, hurt vs. harm, and true guilt vs. false guilt. You can learn more about Melissa’s work here: https://melissamitchellblitch.com/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

In my latest three solo episodes, I’ve talked about watching our spoken language, our facial and body language, and our written language. Often, we will have a choice about what mode of communication to pursue. It’s worth some careful thought. If we take advantage of the opportunity to carefully craft and review what we write, that’s a plus. Sometimes, our tone of voice and our facial and body expressions can soften a blow, express kindness in a way that is harder to do with written language alone. If we know the person receiving the message we are sending, we may know what mode of communication works best for them.You may be familiar with what some call the three-email rule. If the topic can’t be resolved and the conversation completed in three messages, it’s time to move on to another mode of communication: phone, video, or in-person. Spinning your wheels in frustration is an invitation to conflict that you should decline.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ 

We can carefully draft a message, set it aside, and then calmly review it to determine whether we like how it reads to someone receiving it. Because that is the point, isn’t it? Our own satisfaction with our wordsmithing is far less important than the message received. Written language has a different risk from spoken language: our words can be shared, verbatim, immediately or eventually. Photocopies, scans, forwarded emails, copied texts. A reply to you, including your original message, with a blind cc. Our words can travel far and wide. We need to choose them with care.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

Amy Castoro joins me to explore the concept of cordial hypocrisy. What it means and how families can avoid it – including the importance of creating, and cultivating, a family culture of open and honest communication. You can learn more about Amy’s work here:  https://www.thewilliamsgroup.org/.  Or you can reach out to Amy’s assistant here: joan@thewilliamsgroup.org. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/