Crafting Solutions to Conflict

More than nine million copies of the TKI assessment have been sold since it was introduced in the mid- 1970s, according to the Kilmann Diagnostics website: https://kilmanndiagnostics.com/assessments/thomas-kilmann-instrument-one-assessment-person/ The tool isn’t black or white and doesn’t label conflict is bad. In fact, it calls conflict “neutral”. https://kilmanndiagnostics.com/faqs/The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument describes five different approaches to conflict. And those five are always available to each of us. They are accommodating, avoiding, collaborating, competing, and compromising.  I have named them in alphabetical order, in an attempt to honor the tool’s advice to use the mode that fits best for a given situation, while remaining open to switching another if the situation changes. In upcoming episodes, I will describe them and allow listeners to think about how they currently use them and how they may shift.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Making choices about just how much conflict to address can lead to better outcomes than stopping before you start or setting up for a sense of failure. We can feel overwhelmed -- and fearful -- about estate planning, as my guest last time, Paul Hood, discussed. An internal conflict. It helps to recognize that it will take time and that changes can be made down the road. And almost any decision is better than none. Doing nothing invites conflict in your surviving family.  Trying to make a difficult relationship perfect is unrealistic – instead, try to make it better. When a family has multiple concerns to address, it’s best to handle critical ones first. Outside of a crisis, try for a “win” where the family can experience success. Attempting to solve everything at once is a lot to ask. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Paul Hood has written extensively about estate planning for many years – books, articles, and more. Many have been full of insights for professionals. Earlier this year, Paul’s book on estate planning geared for lay people was published. Yours, Mine, and Ours – estate planning for people in blended or stepfamilies.  Among other topics, Paul covers the common fears that can stop people from starting the estate planning process or get them off track after they start.We also discuss how ongoing conversations can help families and their advisors be more successful in creating and executing estate plans.  Learn more about Paul’s work, find free resources, and order his books at:https://paulhoodservices.com/ Contact Paul at: paul@paulhoodservices.comDo you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Putting yourself in the shoes of the person you are in conflict with can provide valuable insights. It’s a key feature of the CINERGY conflict coaching model. Cinnie Noble, creator of the model, was my guest on Episode 69, published on April 22, 2020. Listen wherever you get your podcasts or here: https://bit.ly/2xtYMIl. In two recent instances, coaching clients discovered, by putting themselves in the shoes of the other person in the conflict, that the client and the other person faced the same systemic challenge. The other person wasn’t at fault at all. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

In a recent blog post, Seth Godin riffed on Interested vs. Interesting.  In short, we are all interesting in our own way. That doesn’t necessarily mean that other people are interested in what we have to offer. Granted. Then I viewed the post through the lens of handling conflict better.        One suggestion that comes up in preventing and resolving negative conflicts is to adopt curiosity.  In other words, be genuinely interested in other people’s perspectives. Especially if their perspective is different from ours. It is a challenge.  No doubt. But we can learn and when we learn, we can more easily find common ground. Now, “interesting”?  When in doubt, talk less and listen more. It’s funny how people may find someone interesting and a great conversationalist if they don’t dominate the conversation.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

Marlene’s most recent book is From Conflict to Courage: How to Stop Avoiding and Start Leading. We discuss dysfunctional leadership identities and how they can lead to conflict.  How to increase your conflict capacity. And how structure leads to behavior. You can find Marlene on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/marlenechism/. You can also reach her by email, at marlene@marlenechism.com. Her website, https://marlenechism.com/ , offers information about her book, her services, and insightful comments on her blog. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

Earlier this month, I attended my first in-person conference since early 2020, the Institute for Family Governance conference in New York City. During the lunch break, I chaired a roundtable discussion on addressing and preventing conflict in a family enterprise. Our conversation echoed – and amplified – some themes that we heard throughout the day.Setting expectations is key – well before a problem erupts. Recognize that families and their family enterprises necessarily evolve over time. Important documents, whether legally binding or not, need to change, too. Disagreements are to be expected, and even welcomed. They don’t need to be nasty or destructive. Burying them is rarely a wise move. Finally, the process of communicating is valuable in and of itself.Most interesting to me, over the course of the day, is a newer idea.I was hearing more conversation about the importance of ongoing work within legacy families, family offices, and family enterprises on the subject of handling conflict effectively. One day or one long weekend isn’t enough.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

Implicit bias is an unconscious bias or prejudice that we have, which may be contrary to what we say we believe – or even what we think we believe. The Implicit Association Test (IAT) available through the Harvard University website. It’s free and takes ten to fifteen minutes to complete, on your own, online. https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/takeatest.html . Project Implicit is a research project. The Implicit Association Test (IAT) measures attitudes and beliefs that people may be unwilling or unable to report. Some people who take the test are surprised and concerned about their results.  They may wish to address these concerns. For some excellent suggestions to do that, check out the “What is Implicit Bias?” page of Loyola Marymount University’s website, in the Resources section. Within that, you will see a link back to the Harvard site to take the test. And a full section on “Strategies to Reduce Implicit Bias.” It includes Motives to Reduce Bias, Individual Strategies to Mitigate Implicit Bias, Structural Strategies to Mitigate Implicit Bias, and additional resources. Suggested motives include promoting equity and building stronger relationships. Individual strategies include a focus on deliberate, conscious processing, intentionally focusing on perspective, and spending time with people who aren’t like us. One structural strategy is especially practical and easy to implement: build in enough time for decision-making and don’t make decisions in the heat of the moment.https://resources.lmu.edu/dei/initiativesprograms/implicitbiasinitiative/whatisimplicitbias/          Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Implicit bias is an unconscious bias or prejudice that we have, which may be contrary to what we say we believe – or even what we think we believe. The Implicit Association Test (IAT) available through the Harvard University website. It’s free and takes ten to fifteen minutes to complete, on your own, online. https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/takeatest.html . Project Implicit is a research project. The Implicit Association Test (IAT) measures attitudes and beliefs that people may be unwilling or unable to report. Some people who take the test are surprised and concerned about their results.  They may wish to address these concerns. For some excellent suggestions to do that, check out the “What is Implicit Bias?” page of Loyola Marymount University’s website, in the Resources section. I will put the link in the show notes. Within that, you will see a link back to the Harvard site to take the test. And a full section on “Strategies to Reduce Implicit Bias.” It includes Motives to Reduce Bias, Individual Strategies to Mitigate Implicit Bias, Structural Strategies to Mitigate Implicit Bias, and additional resources. https://resources.lmu.edu/dei/initiativesprograms/implicitbiasinitiative/whatisimplicitbias/          Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

The idea of the Ladder of Inference was introduced by Chris Argyris in 1970.  The concept became widely known when he and Peter Senge published The Fifth Discipline in 1992.  The Ladder of Inference helps us visualize how our brain processes work. Some of it with lightning speed. By better understanding what is happening, we can better address what isn’t serving us well. The Ladder of Inference appears in a number of sources online. Here are two: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Ladder_of_inference.svg and https://www.toolshero.com/decision-making/ladder-of-inference/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.