Nope! We're Not Monogamous

After 28 years of pure monogamy, my guest today dove into a sexuality community to explore something different during what one might call a midlife crisis, only to find herself with a primary relationship that created a load of freedom and challenged her to know the difference between her edges and her boundaries. My guest today is Kim Holden. Kim and I chat about exploring sexuality and relationship dynamics after you've been through a divorce, practicing tools to recognize your own personal yes and your own personal no when you're making decisions, and examining the difference between your edges and your boundaries in relationships.Kim Holden is an intimacy and relationship coach. She guides singles and couples to untangle feelings of unworthiness, shame, and invisibility and connect with their power, confidence, and unique flavor. She holds exquisite space for clients to open up and access their authentic pleasure and truth. As a breast cancer survivor, she is dedicated to helping other survivors renew their joy through connection to body, mind and soul in a new and meaningful way. 💨 TLDR;The Journey from Monogamy to Non-MonogamyTools for Reconnecting with YourselfFinding Your Embodied YesHaving Multiple Stories Be TrueThe Importance of CommunityDefining What Your Relationships AreTools for Co-Regulating❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! Want to connect with Kim?www.kimholden.comInstagram📚 Books mentioned:  I Love you the Purplest, by Brenda JoosseMating in Captivity, by Esther Perel📰 Subscribe to NSend us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Sara and I are talking about her experiences with polyamory and some of mine too! We cover coming out to family and friends as polyamorous, how polyamorous people might handle breakups of their partners, and how to deal with metamour relationships. Dr. Sara Sohn, DPT, PT, WCS is a highly accomplished and experienced pelvic floor physical therapist, sex counselor, and mentor for leaders working in taboo areas. Sara holds a strong belief that pleasure is a fundamental right and dedicates her efforts to mentoring health and wellness providers to become courageous leaders in sexual literacy. With over half a decade of experience as a leading pelvic health provider, Sara has dedicated herself to educating the community, speaking nationally, and preparing others to lead in areas that are often stigmatized or taboo. Additionally, she has a personal lifestyle of polyamory, long-term partnership with two partners, and enjoys solo backpacking and singing. To learn more about Sara and her work, visit the links provided.💨 TLDR;Kitchen Table PolyHandling Partner Breakups in PolyamoryIntegrating MetamoursPolyamory as an Identity vs ChoiceThe Coming Out ProcessMetamour RelationshipsPoly Check-inBuilding a Supportive CommunityJealousy as a CatalystLabbingThe Importance of Understanding Sexuality for Health and Wellness Providers❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! Want to connect with Sara?Website - www.confidentpelvicrehab.comFacebook group - www.facebook.com/groups/cprforyourprivatesFree Book Club - https://p.bttr.to/3DjzCLE📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. If you would like the behind the scenes exclusive content, become a Patron today! www.patreon.com/notmonogamousGet free shipping on my favorite toys!!👀 Find Us Online           - Website           - Facebook           - InstagramCredits- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine- EditorSend us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Today, I’m chatting with Kyra Gilchrist, a relationship anarchist and solo polyamory advocate. Kyra shares with us how she coped with the aftermath of being vetoed from the relationship that she was in when she was last on the show in episode nine. She describes how being vetoed can be traumatic, how she coped with it, and the tools and skills that she learned working through it. Kyra is a childcare and birth worker of color living in Seattle with her two cats and turtle. In her spare time she grounds herself with reading, nature and loved ones. She is passionate about social justice and hard cider. 💨 TLDR;What is Being Vetoed/ Couples Privilege?Deconstructing Monogamy for PolyamoryHow Trauma Can Shape Your ExperienceHow to Deal With the Emotions That Come Along with MemoriesWhy Friendship and Community Are ImportantHealing Comes From WithinHonoring Your GriefHonoring Yourself and Your Progress❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. If you would like the behind the scenes exclusive content, become a Patron today! www.patreon.com/notmonogamousGet free shipping on my favorite toys!!👀 Find Us Online           - Website           - Facebook           - InstagramCredits- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters- Hosted on BuzzsproutAbout UsEllecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general.Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth it to have relationships that don't fit in the box.Send us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Domina Anne Shirley coaches people on how to be the Dominant in their own lives. Today, she shares her struggles with the idea of non-monogamy and we talk about the different facets of dominance and submission as well as how empowering non-monogamy can be.  We discuss the importance of finding safety and trust within oneself, and I share my own exploration of power dynamics. Domina Anne is a Dominatrix Life Coach who supports individuals at owning who they are, so they can create a life, relationships, partnership finances or business they deeply desire from a kink perspective.  She supports individuals and couples at exploring kink in safer ways. And she teaches, coaches and mentors individuals at becoming a Dominatrix.💨 TLDR;Accepting Non-Monogamy as a Relationship StyleWhat It Means to Have Dominant EnergyWhat is a Dom(me)?Playing with Power DynamicsGenerational Gap of AcceptanceThe Importance of Being Connected to Your Body❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! Want to connect with Domina Anne?https://linktr.ee/domina_anne_shirleyFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/domina.anne.shirleyIG: @dominaanneshirley📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. If you would like the behind the scenes exclusive content, become a Patron today! www.patreon.com/notmonogamousGet free shipping on my favorite toys!!👀 Find Us Online           - Website           - Facebook           - InstagramCredits- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters- Hosted on Send us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callLeloGet in touch with all your pleasure points!Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

 Emily Otto is a healer for healers and an intuitive business coach who helps women listen to their heart's desires and create it through business and wild abundance. She is also a pagan, polyamorous pansexual parent who I adore. She shares her story of non-monogamy, what it's like to find other polyamorous people to connect with, and we talk about how important it is to discuss the wants and needs of each partner, and figure out how to fulfill them in a way that's mutually satisfying!💨 TLDR;The Journey to PolyamoryThe Benefits of Coaching in Polyamorous RelationshipsOpening Back Up With Small ChildrenWhere Paganism and Polyamory MeetFinding Clarity on Boundaries and Communicating ThemBeing Unquestionable AuthenticPracticing Self-Consent❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! Want to connect with Emily?www.emily-otto.com@emilyottorebelle on TikTok, Instagram and FacebookBusiness Coaching for Healers and Spiritual Entrepreneurs with Emily Otto on Facebook Groups📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. If you would like the behind the scenes exclusive content, become a Patron today! 👀 Find Us Online           - Website           - Facebook           - InstagramCredits- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters- Hosted on BuzzsproutGet free shipping on my favorite toys!!About UsEllecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general.Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasSend us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Today I am talking with Delphine Lumen. Delphine is someone who has a passion for learning about what makes happy, healthy relationships and has spent the last year or so creating social events like coffee socials, speed dating, and friending events for non monogamous folks. She creates spaces where genuine curiosity is welcome and heteronormativity, cis normativity, and mono-normativity are challenged. We talk about her story from growing up in a non-traditional household to spending seven years intentionally celibate before then starting to date and engage in polyamorous relationships. She talks about how people in polyamorous relationships deal with their jealousy and the challenges that are involved in untangling your genuine feelings from societal programming so that you can be authentically yourself in relationships.💨 TLDR;What does it mean to be polyamorous?What it was like to start dating again as a polyamorous personThe challenges of being non-monogamousJealousy and non-monogamous conditioningThe spectrum of non-monogamyCoffee socials, speed dating, and friending eventsBeing authentically you❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.Want to connect with Delphine?www.LightsOnRelationships.comhttps://www.facebook.com/LightsOnRelationships📚 Books mentioned: ● The Ethical Slut, Janet Hardy📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Get free shipping on my favorite toys!!👀 Find Us Online           - Website           - Facebook           - InstagramCredits- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters- Hosted on BuzzsproutAbout UsEllecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamorySend us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Today, I am speaking with Eleanor O’Brien is the artistic director of Dance Naked Creative, a sex-positive theater and event company.   She is a writer, performer and facilitator.  We talk about her journey from monogamy to non-monogamy, how polyamory helped her expand her sexuality, and how writing a show about polyamory helped her overcome some of the challenges during that transition.  Eleanor O'Brien starts a journey of non-monogamy and discovers that it's harder than it looks, especially when she begins to fall in love with someone other than her husband.💨 TLDR;How Polyamory Helped Eleanor Expand Her SexualityLove vs. MonogamyNavigating Jealousy in RelationshipsThe Rise of Polyamory and How It’s Changing RelationshipsFocusing on What You Love and Are Grateful For❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.  And if you want more, join our Patreon! Want to connect with Eleanor?WEBSITE PATREON INSTAGRAM FB DANCE NAKED  FETLIFE TWITTER 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Get free shipping on my favorite toys!!👀 Find Us Online           - Website           - Facebook           - InstagramCredits- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters- Hosted on BuzzsproutAbout UsEllecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general.Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social sSend us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

This week I am talking with relationship anarchist and solo polyamorous person, Isha Vela.  Isha and I talk about how they came to understand and embrace non-monogamy as part of their identity, how you can use somatic practices in non-monogamy, and what non-monogamy looks like in different parts of your life. "When I began loving in that way, it felt very much like coming home. It felt very much like, oh, this has always felt normal to me."Isha Vela is a trauma psychologist, somatic practitioner and shadow doula supporting individuals and couples of all configurations in deepening intimacy, connection and relationship satisfaction using body wisdom and somatic expressive techniques. Using nervous system awareness and attunement techniques, Isha helps people transform their intimacy wounds into intimacy superpowers.In addition to relationship work, Isha is a sovereignty coach and the creator of Body Based Business, a way of creating a bespoke business in alignment with your values and nervous system.💨 TLDR;Finding non - monogamy as a structure.What is somatic work?What relationship anarchy looks like for IshaComing out as non-monogamous.What makes a relationship successfulWhat it looks like to use somatic practices in your relationshipHow polyamory varies by age ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.Want to connect with Isha?www.ishavela.comIG: @isha_velaBody Based Business FB group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/bodybasedbiz/?ref=share📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Get free shipping on my favorite toys!!👀 Find Us Online           - Website           - Facebook           - InstagramCredits- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters- Hosted on BuzzsproutAbout UsEllecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, aSend us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Today, I'm talking to Dr. Joli Hamilton, again! We had such a great time on Episode 21 that we decided to do it all over again!  We're talking about how to differentiate your needs and wants and desires and how that shows up in long term relationships that are opening up or have been open for a while.  We touch on how we deal with jealousy and how to use our reactions to dig deeper into what’s changing in ourselves.Dr. Joli Hamilton is the relationship coach for couples who color outside the lines. She is a research psychologist, TEDx speaker, and AASECT certified sex educator. Joli’s also the author of the best-selling book Project Relationship: The Entrepreneur's Action Plan for Passionate, Sustainable Love and host of the Project Relationship podcast. She has spent the past two decades studying and reimagining what love can be if we open our imaginations to possibility. Joli helps people create partnerships that are custom-built for their authentic selves, no more shrinking, pretending, or hiding required.💨 TLDR;How do you know when it’s time to evaluate a relationship?How to deal with frustration when you’re in a non-monogamous relationship.The entry point to moving out of the adolescent phase.What is desire? What is fantasy?Bringing your desire to your partner is not enough.How to turn on your internal flame and turn it on your partner.There’s no “right” way to deal with jealousy.❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.Want to connect with Dr. Joli?Quiz- www.JoliQuiz.comGrab my top 5 Relationship Guides here - http://www.ListenToJoli.com     Connect on Instagram   https://www.instagram.com/drjoli_hamilton/📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Get free shipping on my favorite toys!!👀 Find Us Online           - Website           - Facebook           - InstagramCredits- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters- Hosted on Send us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Today I am talking with my friend Numina Mara.  Numina is a fantastic human and we had an amazing conversation that covered her love of the courtesan lifestyle, her experience in the sex industry, and what decriminalizing it could mean.  This conversation is juicy and if you aren’t already a patreon, you should do it because her sex tip is even juicier!💨 TLDR;What non-monogamy looks like for herHow to work through toxic behaviors that come from bad relationshipsEntering sex workFantasy vs. human connection in sex workThe importance of sexual education and sexual health❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more join our Patreon! Want to connect with Numina?Numina Mara OnlyFansCheck out Numina Mara (@MaraNumina) on Twitter 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Get free shipping on my favorite toys!!👀 Find Us Online           - Website           - Facebook           - InstagramCredits- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters- Hosted on BuzzsproutAbout UsEllecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general.Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth it to have relationships that don't fit in the box.Send us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237