Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Today I am sharing Part 1 of an amazing conversation I had with Leanne and Greg Million. We talk about non monogamy and all of its forms-- the differences between consensual non-monogamy, ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, solo polyamory, relationship anarchy, swinging, and the real power to be gained with relational autonomy. There's some really beautiful advice for dealing with jealousy and hear what happens when you put three coaches in a room with each other.Leanne is a Relationship and Sexuality Coach, with an emphasis on those curious about or practicing poly/CNM, kink and alternative lifestyles. Greg is a relationship and empowerment coach specializing in helping others tap into the strength of their emotional life by supporting and guiding others on their journey of transformation into their most authentic, conscious, vulnerable and loving selves. Their coaching business, EMPOWERED NOW, is a safe space for the LGBTQ2IA+ community and people of all ethnicities, relationship structures and dynamics. 💨 TLDR;3:25- Relationship Autonomy21:34- Jealousy30:07- CNM or ENM?36.31- Societal Misconceptions41:51- Creating Safety in Non-Monogamy53:14- Defining Your Relationship Style❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.Want to connect with The Millions?Website - www.gregmillion.com and www.leannemillion.comIG - @gregmillion.lifecoach and @leannemillionFB - Greg Million and Leanne Million📚 Books mentioned: Polysecure, by Jessica FernThe Ethical Slut, by Janet Hardy🎵ENM Playlist on Spotify📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 👀 Find Us Online           - Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com/          - Facebook: Send us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

I'm no expert on racism. But I am a person who's always learning and growing and challenging my own internalized racism. I consider this podcast and my other platforms to be absolutely anti-racist. So while this may not be a topic I address very often it is a topic that I feel passionately about. So today I'm sharing a conversation I had with my friend Kyra. Kyra is a solo poly relationship anarchist and a person of color who's passionate about hard cider and social justice. She is a child care and birth worker of color living in Seattle with her two cats and her turtle and in her spare time she grounds herself with reading and nature and loved ones, and is just a phenomenal human being. I'm really excited to share this conversation with you. Enjoy.💨 TLDR;1:36  - What is Relationship Anarchy?3:49  - Deconstructing a religious conservative upbringing9:08  - Dating as a Solo Polyamorous Relationship Anarchist13:52- Misconceptions around polyamory and sexism21:25- Racism and Decolonizing Relationships31:11- Rupture and Repair in relationships40:59- How Racism Effects Relationships52:53- Unlearning Monogamy59:37- Resources for Decolonizing Polyamory❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.📚 Books and resources mentioned: Visit our website for a list of  POC ENM Resources from Kyra📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 👀 Find Us Online           - Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com/           - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine           - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Credits- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters. About UsEllecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamoSend us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

In today’s episode, I'm talking to Danny, the producer and editor of Nope, We're Not Monogamous, and also one of my partners. He shares the story of how a couple of high school sweethearts from a small town in the Midwest wound up in a committed married polyamorous quad, living in the Pacific Northwest. We talk about how that came about, the challenges that they faced, how they've overcome them and we dig deeper into the role insecurity plays in relationships.💨 TLDR;3:27- From a monogamish relationship to full blown polyamory14:12- Insecurities23:39- Transitioning Relationship Styles31:33- Trust36:17- Group Sex ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Getting It on In a Group - Intentional Threesomes, Foursomes, & Moresomes Course👀 Find Us Online           - Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com/           - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine           - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Credits- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters. About UsEllecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general.Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth it to have relationships that don't fit in the box.Send us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

My friend, April Filiczkowski, the Green Goddess Pleasure Queen, and I discuss our previous monogamous marriages and the switch to polyamory after divorce, raising kids in polyamorous households, the myth of happily ever after, and veganism and how it can affect relationships and sex!April helps people live a more pleasurable turned on life by helping them love and honor themselves through food, gardening and sexual liberation. She is passionate about Mother Earth, healthy eating and a healthy balanced sex life. She helps people live a greener, healthier, more abundant life. 💨 TLDR;2:59- Inspiration on dealing with conflict5:21- Past relationships & monogamy11:21- Societal pressures12:17- Family & polyamory14:20- Kids & polyamory18:02- Jealousy & self-worth23:28- Society & polyamory28:27- Veganism24:22- Veganism & sex35:57- Why polyamory❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.Want to connect with the Green Goddess Pleasure Queen…The Green Goddess on FacebookThe Green Goddess on Instagram📚 Books and Resources mentioned:  Layla Martin- Vita InstituteMama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts“Getting the Love You Want” by Harville Hendrix📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 👀 Find Us Online           - Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com/           - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine     Send us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Krista Kathleen, the author of Beyond The White Picket Fence - Breaking Out of the Life Everyone Expects You to Live, and I chat about her journey into non-monogamy and how it changed over time. We dig into what it means to live authentically regardless of pressures from our family and society to show up as expected.Krista has been coaching women online since 2016 after she got fired from her full time nursing career and divorced all in the same week. She sold her belongings and left the United States to travel all over the world, working and living in 50 different countries. She had her first baby, Lincoln, at home during the pandemic and just published her first book: Beyond the White Picket Fence. Krista plans to open her own life coach certification in fall 2021 and has a goal to train & mentor at least 1,000 life coaches in the next 10 years. 💨 TLDR;2:01- Starting the Non-Monogamy Journey8:59- Battling Jealousy13:39- From an Open Relationship to Polyamory20:13- New Relationship Energy, what is it?23:29- Monogamy as a Choice25:23- Being Open and Authentic35:29- Expectations40:28- Sexual Shame42:06- Children and Non-Monogamy45:37- Safety and Power49:30- Advice for Healthy Relationships❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review on your favorite podcast platform. Get in touch with Krista: WebsiteFacebook groupInstagram YouTubeBuy my book📚 Books mentioned: The Ethical Slut by Janet HardyA Woman’s Guide to Power Unbound by Kasia Urbaniak📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerSend us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Today we're talking to Katy Alaniz, a poly friendly therapist whose focus is really on helping clients rediscover confidence, sexuality, healing from trauma, and a lot of focus on body image, eating disorder recovery, and also how all of that intersects with relationships. Katy is a cis pansexual demisexual polyamorous woman who is super passionate about treating eating disorders and body image issues. She has a badass 10 year old, a couple of cats, she loves fresh hydrangeas, and good coffee. We have the best conversation with her about her life experiences as a solo polyamorous woman, the lessons that she has learned, and the tools she shares with her clients. 💨 TLDR;2:21- Solo Polyamory6:57- Fear of Non-monogamy11:15- Transition to Polyamory15:43- Parenting and Polyamory20:44- Polyamory as a Choice24:07- Therapy Work28:15- Body Image42:56- Preventative Therapy❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 📚 Books mentioned: ● Health at Every SizeSee more Katy!The Wakeful StateIG- @theweightytherapistFB- @thewakefulstate👀 Find Us Online           - Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com/           - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine           - Instagram: https://www.instSend us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Today I’m talking to my dear friend, Wilder, about her experiences of non-monogamy and combining families with an already married couple. We talk about triads and the assumptions people make about them, monogamous deconditioning we have to work through when moving into polyamory, and raising kids and polyamorous families, and just a lot of really in depth, juicy stuff.Wilder is in a closed triad with a married couple, and they live together in Olalla raising a ruckus with chicken, ducks, children and having wonderful adventures.Bullet points of key topics & time stamps: 2:19- Closed Triads4:20-Labels8:24-Transitioning to Polyamory15:03- Being Authentic and Self-Love18:59- Monogamy Programming and Triads33:24- Jealousy44:49- Raising Kids52:44- The Possibilities of the Future54:41- Control1:00:08- Authentic LivingCalls to action: Stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia by getting on the list hereFind Us Online           - Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com/           - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine           - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Credits- Host: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/- Executive Producer: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/- Producer: Danny Walters. - Editor: Danny WaltersAbout UsEllecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general.Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate witSend us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

In this episode, I talk with Mags Baker, a polyamorous, non-binary, sexy divorcée living their best life in San Francisco. They work one-on-one with people to help them find freedom, gain clarity and manifest their juiciest desires. Currently, mags works with folks healing from divorce through healing  journeys, intensives, and retreats. They are often found leading sex-positive dance parties on zoom, teaching masterclasses, and hosting live guided meditations. Together, we discuss divorce, transitioning relationships, boundaries, and some of the juicy tools to make our lives better!Join their facebook group HOT divorcé shit for all sorts of exclusive content and a community to let you live your best divorced/solo life here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorcelandBinge watch mags’ brilliant content and stay tuned to their stories for hilarious real-life updates: https://www.instagram.com/magsbakertheyshe/Join mags’ email list to be the first to sign up for all mags’ future offerings: https://www.happymillennialmags.com/email-listDivorce camp Bullet points of key topics & time stamps: 1:01- Writing your own love story4:34- Jealousy6:31- Opening up a monogamous relationship8:53- Divorce13:12- Transitioning relationships20:55- Tools26:02- Society and relationships28:42- Boundaries40:12- Working with Mags43:29- Getting it on in a GroupList of resources mentioned in episode: Breathwork with ElleciaEcstatic Dance with MagsDivorce CampGetting it on in a GroupCalls to action: ● Stay up to date with new episodes anSend us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

In this episode I talk with Kari Lu Cowell, not only about non-monogamy, but soulmates, monogamous conditioning, whether or not you should start your non-monogamous relationship in the beginning of your relationship or if you should build a monogamous foundation first, and so much more!Kari Lu Cowell is a Dating Coach for Nerds. She helps people feel authentically comfortable and confident with dating so they can find the relationships of their dreams. She works with all relationship desires, specializing in people who seek non-traditional relationships like kink, BDSM, ethical non-monogamy, Sugar Daddy/sugar baby, etc. Having dabbled in all of those things for the past two decades, Kari leads with an open heart and an open mind. With her background in therapy and trauma informed wellness, along with her core value of play, Kari brings a unique mix of mindfulness, psychology, and fun to all of her teachings. Outside of her coaching, Kari loves reading, axe throwing, pole dancing, Doctor Who, connecting with others, and her dog Beau.www.facebook.com/groups/datingfordorkswww.instagram.com/karilucoachinghttps://bookme.name/DatingforDorkshttps://mailchi.mp/ea8220097497/dungeons-and-datingBullet points of key topics & time stamps: 2:30- Labels8:35- Ethical Non-Monogamy13:37- Jealousy20:43- Monogamy as a Foundation28:58- NRE and Balancing Partners Needs34:01- Opening Up Sexually35:57- Social Perceptions37:42- Threesomes41:48- Relationship Dynamics and Communication45:47- Kari’s CoachingList of resources mentioned in episode: ● Polysecure by Jessica Fern https://amzn.to/3ymbhjA● Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller TO-DO● Stay up tSend us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

People always want to know about my non-monogamous relationship, what worked for me, what I've done in my life, or what other people who are non-monogamous have done. Today, my husband Rob and I are going to share a bit about our open relationship and our polyamory experiences. We answer the questions that people have asked us over the course of our relationship about our polyamorous marriage, about our partners, about what happens in our bedroom, and about how our family deals with it all. Key topics & time stamps: 2:42- Why non-monogamy8:50- Early challenges and monogamous conditioning14:04- Communication and attachment15:53- Relationship resiliency16:52- Intrusive relationship questions22:20- Marriage and how it works with a triad26:46- Polyamory28:20- Kids and polyamoryTo Do!● Stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia by getting on the list here● Find Us Online           - Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com/           - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine           - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/● Share this episode with your friends:  https://www.elleciapaine.com/notmonogamousSubscribe and leave a reviewCredits- Host:  Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/- Executive Producer:  Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/- Producer: Danny Walters. - Editor: Danny WaltersAbout UsEllecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general.Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth it to have relationships that Send us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237