Nope! We're Not Monogamous

We're talking all about jealousy in non monogamy and how to process all these really hard complicated feelings and move through them without blowing up your relationships. My dear friend Wilder is joining me today and you might remember her from episode four of Nope, We're Not Monogamous, Wilder is in a closed triad with a married couple and gets to experience all of these feelings of essentially being the third person in an established relationship and moves through it so beautifully. She is sharing a lot of the ways that she's done that and I share a lot of my own experiences of being someone who is in a marriage that brought more people into it and the feelings of jealousy from that side. 💨 TLDR;2:18- Using Jealousy as a Stopping Point7:13- Jealousy as Passion11:42- Owning Your Jealousy22:16- Finding Your Best Self28:13- Whose Hurting Who?31:57- Naming Your Needs38:59- Expectations are Resentments in the Making48:19- Tools for Jealousy❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.Resources we mentioned... the video that includes the history of monogamy is here.📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia  Get out of your own way so you can experience love, inner peace, compersion, and security in your open relationships in Conquering Jealousy in Consensual Non-Monogamy👀 Find Us Online           - Website           - Facebook           - Instagram Credits- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters- Hosted on BuzzsproutAbout USEllecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general.Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate witSend us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

I'm talking to Shai and Lea today, the creators of the Secure Poly Collective about the biggest pitfalls of open relationships and I'm really excited to share this with you because they have so many wonderful tools and ideas. They share with you about how to feel more safe, seen and loved while also having the freedom to explore open relationship adventures that lead to fulfilling growth and healing and service to others.Shai and Lea are considered two of the go-to people for ethical non-monogamy education. They've built a worldwide brand that includes both a Free and Membership Based Community, Dating,Events, Education & Coaching. Their mission is to help partners thrive, not just survive, in conscious open relationships using their signature Eco-AmoryTM philosophy. What differentiates Lea and Shai in their teachings is that they see conscious non-monogamy as a vehicle for deep healing and personal growth.💨 TLDR;3:18- The journey to Non-Monogamy18:26- Discomfort Without Collapse21:49- Shifting to Polyamory25:54- 5 Biggest Pitfalls of Open Relating32:39- The Power of NRE35:07- Quality Time43:08- Eco-Amory❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.Want to connect with Shai and LeaConnect on FacebookConnect with Shai on InstagramConnect with Lea on InstagramCheck out Leveled Up Love📚 Books mentioned: Sex at Dawn, Christopher Ryan and Cacilda JetháPolysecure, Jessica FernEthical Slut, Janet HardyHow to Rewire Your Anxious Brain, Catherine Pittman and Elizabeth Karle📰 Subscribe toSend us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Kate Loree is a sex positive Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a specialty in non monogamous, kink, LGBTQ and sex worker communities. Kate and I discuss attachment styles, her epic communication system, and the importance of somatic tracking when you're making decisions in non monogamous relationships.Kate is a certified sex educator and an EMDR certified therapist with additional training and trauma resiliency model for the treatment of trauma. She's been practicing psychotherapy since 2003. And she's also the co host of her own sex positive podcast Open Deeply with Sunny Megatron. She's a frequent public speaker, and she is also an author of what I think will be a best selling book, Open Deeply: A Guide to Building Conscious Compassionate Open Relationships. This book tackles a lot of the difficult challenges that are posed by non monogamous relationships. She is sharing stories from her own life as well as her clients experiences to illustrate the highs and lows and in-betweens of life. 💨 TLDR;4:28- Journey to Non Monogamy7:28- Consent in Non Monogamy12:33- EPIC Communication16:52- Somatic Tracking24:27- Unresolved Trauma and Relationship Triggers33:44- Grounded Decision Making and Re-learning Love39:00- Sharing the Work42:49- Power of Self-Love❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.Want to connect with Kate?https://kateloree.com/Instagram http://instagram.com/opendeeplywithkateloreeTikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@opendeeplywithkateloree?lang=enFacebook https://www.facebook.com/kateloreelmft Twitter http://twitter.com/kateloreelmft 📚 Books mentioned: Open Deeply: A Guide to Building Conscious, Compassionate Open Relationships, Kate LoreeSend us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

This week I am speaking with Dr. Joli Hamilton.  This is one of my favorite episodes that I've recorded yet. Meeting someone whose journey feels so similar to my own is so validating and is really what I hope to provide for so many of you the listeners. Dr. Joli Hamilton is the relationship coach for couples who color outside the lines. She is a research psychologist, TEDx speaker, and AASECT (pronounced ay-sect) certified sex educator. Joli’s also the author of the best-selling book Project Relationship: The Entrepreneur's Action Plan for Passionate, Sustainable Love and host of the Project Relationship podcast. She has spent the past two decades studying and reimagining what love can be if we open our imaginations to possibility. Joli helps people create partnerships that are custom-built for their authentic selves, no more shrinking, pretending, or hiding required.💨 TLDR;2:14- The Journey to Non-Monogamy16:29- Coming Out23:10- Kids and Non-Monogamy32:34- Jealousy40:24- Self-Awareness50:17- Finding Community in Non-Monogamy❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.Want to connect with Dr. Joli?Grab her top 5 Relationship Guides hereConnect on Instagram  📚 Books mentioned: Ethical Slut, Janet HardyProject Relationship by Dr. Joli Hamilton📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Getting It on In a Group - Intentional Threesomes, Foursomes, & Moresomes Course👀 Find Us Online           - Website           - Facebook           - InstagramCredits- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters- Hosted on BuzzsproutAbout USEllecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in geSend us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Today, I am speaking with Ragnar, the modern viking! He shares with us his Viking longship analogy about relationships and my mind was kind of blown.  We also get into how polyamory helped him break the cycle of abuse and become a much more vulnerable human and his personal journey of identifying as and coming out as a polyamorous person. Ragnar Craigsson is a Trauma-Informed Mindset coach specializing in teaching driven individuals how to choose the most effective behaviors for accomplishing their goals. Ragnar focuses on self-determined behavioral modification through his coaching system, GoingAViking. The GAV coaching system combines ancient wisdom with modern psychology to teach you how to custom design a  mindset capable of Radical Acceptance, Iron Resilience, Post-Traumatic Growth, and Lasting relationships. Ragnar is a proud Solo-Polyamorous LGBTQIA+ Ally sapiophile and part of the kink/BDSM community. He has extensive experience with interpersonal trauma, and uses that experience combined with rigorous self-study to help others dealing with the same adversity to laugh through the storm and be less alone on the other side of their journey. Ragnar also lives a Modern Viking Lifestyle, from participating in Viking Age historical reenactment to living each and everyday applying ancient wisdom from the Havamal  he attempts to channel the spirit of the Viking Age into his life and passion for his clients.💨 TLDR;2:31- The Journey to Solo-Poly12:45- Breaking Down Non-Monogamy28:44- Extreme Vulnerability39:46- Your Relationship as a Boat – Entering Non-Monogamy❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.Want to connect with Ragnar?Instagram: @RagnarthemodernvikingFacebook Business Page: https://www.facebook.com/RagnarthemodernvikingEmail:ragnarthemodernviking@asgardinvestmentsllc.com📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Getting It on In a Group - Intentional Threesomes, Foursomes, & Moresomes Course👀 Find Us Online           - Website           - Facebook           - InstagramSend us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Today I'm talking with Crystal Byrd Farmer, a polyamorous speaker and writer from Gastonia, North Carolina. We talked about her book, The Token - Common Sense Ideas for Increasing Diversity in Your Organization, and how to do the work to have more inclusive communities.  Plus loads of good stuff about polyamory, solo poly, BDSM, and more!Crystal is the former website editor of Black and Poly, an online community for black people exploring non monogamy. She also serves as a board member with the foundation for intentional communities and the BIPOC intentional community council. Her book The Token: Common Sense Ideas for Increasing Diversity in Your Organization, is out now. 💨 TLDR;2:32- The Journey from Monogamy to Solo Poly7:57- Naming Your Needs11:06- Kids and Non-monogamy12:33- Creating Equitable Spaces20:52- Being Open to the Uncomfortable27:36- Creating Healthy Relationships❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a 5 star review or a sweet note.Want to connect with Crystal?www.crystalbyrdfarmer.com📚 Books mentioned: The Token, by Crystal Byrd FarmerPolysecure, by Jessica FernCodependent No More, by Melody Beattie📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Getting It on In a Group - Intentional Threesomes, Foursomes, & Moresomes Course👀 Find Us Online           - Website           - Facebook           - InstagramCredits- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine- Editor/Producer: Danny Send us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Today I'm talking to Brooke Underwood, aka Oracle Brooke about the ebbs and flows of relationships as a metaphor for what's going on in each person's natal birth chart and non traditional relationships and the exploratory tendencies that are seen in people's birth charts. This conversation was super fascinating for me as it goes much deeper than anything I've ever talked about or learned in astrology. Brooke Underwood aka Oracle Brooke, is a Master Intuitive Channel, Embodied Astrologist and Spiritual Mentor who has helped hundreds of entrepreneurs and creatives shift limiting unconscious beliefs and inner conflict patterns so they can connect to their intuitive truth and live a life they love. She utilizes the ancient healing arts of Western & Vedic Astrology, Psychic Channeling and Hypnotherapy so her clients can amplify their soul mission while staying in symbiosis with their pure embodiment - in love with their life and business.💨 TLDR;3:42- Birth Chart Commonalities for Non-Monogamists10:25- Where to Start With Your Birth Chart14:27- Discovering Non-Monogamy19:23- Challenges to Opening in Your Birth Chart24:01- Radical Self-Love32:08- Synastry- Couple Charting40:27- Authentic Living❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.Want to connect with Brooke?www.brooke-underwood.comhttps://www.instagram.com/brookeunderwoodofficial/📚 Books mentioned: ● Pluto: The Evolutionary Journey of the Soul, by Jeff Green📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Getting It on In a Group - Intentional Threesomes, Foursomes, & Moresomes Course👀 Find Us Online           - Website           - Facebook           - InstagramCredits- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters. About UsElleciSend us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

My guest today is talking about her first ever visit to a sex club, her first ever polyamorous experience as a unicorn, and the biggest lessons she’s learned this last year in her journey to ethical non-monogamy. Kelsie Riffey can be found by day domming the business world, assisting high achieving women and scaling their businesses to seven figures and beyond, and by night you can find her on the middle of the dance floor hips swaying, fully liberated and expressed. 💨 TLDR;2:23- Discovering Non-Monogamy5:40- A Unicorn Story17:56- Balancing Boundaries and New Relationship Energy25:49- Leading One Authentic Life30:39- The Sex Club Experience35:06- First Date Music❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.Want to connect with Kelsie?Instagram - @_kelsiecorrine_ 📚 Books mentioned: ● Opening Up, by Tristan Taormino📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Getting It on In a Group - Intentional Threesomes, Foursomes, & Moresomes Course👀 Find Us Online           - Website           - Facebook               - InstagramCredits- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters. About UsEllecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general.Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth it to have relationships that don't fit in the box.Send us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Today, I talk with Deana Tanner about the five main pillars of polyamory: autonomy, personal responsibility, boundaries, effective communication and understanding emotions. We talk about growing up polyamorous, creating healthy relationships, and how to identify what you really want to make informed decisions.  Deana Tanner has taken her 20 years of experience in leadership education and converted it to real world personal growth and development coaching for the queer and polyamorous communities. After starting out her marriage in a form of non-monogamy and radically progressing to full blow polyamory she became keenly aware of not just the lack of healthy relationship standards in the polyamorous and queer communities, but a serious lack of polyamory and queer informed professional services. She firmly maintains that the skills she uses with her clients is merely just the shit we should have learned in school. 💨 TLDR;5:29- Kitchen-table Polyamory10:10- The Role of Resiliency in Relationships14:10- Stepping out of the Monogamy Box18:46- Jealousy and Tools for Coping26:26- Creating Healthy Relationships32:39- Learning What You Really Want37:59- Pillars of Polyamory❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.Want to connect with Deana TannerWebsite: https://www.practicalpolyamorycoaching.com/@Practical_Polyamory on TikTokPractical Polyamory Growth Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/877583006185319📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Getting It on In a Group - Intentional Threesomes, Foursomes, & Moresomes Course👀 Find Us Online           - Website           - Facebook           - InstagramCredits- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters. About UsEllecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general.Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of otherSend us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Today I am talking with Ying Ying Lee.  Ying Ying founded SOP Lifestyle Productions, with a vision to create fun, unique & sensual getaways and vacations where attendees can be comfortable exploring new things and expanding their knowledge and experiences. We talk about her journey to non monogamy, the spectrum from swinging to polyamorous, what happens inside a hotel takeover, and she answers the questions we get asked most frequently about swinger events!SOP stands for Swinger, Open, Poly, and her events are inclusive of everyone in the Lifestyle, from Swinger to Open to Poly to Kink, and more, regardless of ages, gender and backgrounds; singles, couples and more are welcome.  SOP Lifestyle Productions' signature event is a complete hotel Takeover, the Winter Lifestyle Takeover every November and they are expanding their offerings to include the Tropical Lifestyle Takeover, the Summer Lifestyle Takeover, the Europe Lifestyle Takeover, Signature Experiences, Lifestyle Vacations, and other fun lifestyle events in Canada and around the world.💨 TLDR;4:00-The Spectrum of Non Monogamy13:23- Swinging vs Open or Poly17:46- Societal Expectations24:30- Polyamory; Choice or Identity27:26- Hotel Takeover Events4022- Consent and Safety at Lifestyle Events❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.Want to connect with Ying Ying Lee?https://swingeropenpoly.com/https://www.facebook.com/SOPLifestyleProductions📚 Books mentioned: ● Ethical Slut, by Janet Hardy📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 👀 Find Us Online           - Website           - Facebook           - InstagramCredits- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters. About UsEllecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general.Listen in to the candid conversations thaSend us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237