Is My Child A Monster? A Parenting Therapy Podcast

This is part 1 of the 3 part series with Emilee and David. In the first session, we learned about Jack, their six-year-old son who is having trouble expressing his emotions. He often defaults to kicking and saying “I don’t know.” In this episode, Leslie looks closer at their differing parenting styles: David wants to get to the bottom of it, and Emilee tends to distract and redirect. Is it important to be on the exact same page as your partner when it comes to parenting styles? And what happens when what you dislike about your partner’s approach is exactly what’s missing  from your own.Time Stamps10:38 Anticipatory Anxiety: kids and adults can get more upset by the anticipation of the event than the event itself. 15:57 It’s not misperception, but rather simply having a different perception18:00 Instinct to “get to the bottom of it” might be causing more stress18:30 Can we normalize emotions rather than inflating them19:18 When you have different parenting styles: determine what’s working and what’s not working.  19:45 How to get the best of both worlds22:08 Emily distracts and redirects (indirect) David wants to get to the bottom of things (direct)26:05 Announce and name what you are doing, the change you’re imposing29:35 Their homework:  Don’t work so hard34:40 Normalize children who are arguing vs teaching children conflict resolution skills36:50 The lost ART of healthy neglect 41:40 Use the line “can you give yourself permission to make a mistake”43:20 "Plant the seed" and get out of thereRESOURCES:  Why ‘how was school?’ isn’t a good question to ask kids. Here's a CNBC article with some ideas of what to say insteadDistress Tolerance STOP techniqueNYTimes article on unsupervised PlayThe Anti-Helicopter Parents Plea: Let Kids Play!Risky Play Encourages ResilienceLeslie’s book recommendation: The Last Child in the Woods by Richard LouvLeslie-ism: Do LessFor a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Mia Warren, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

This is part 1 of the 3 part series with Emilee and David.  Emilee and David have a six year old son who repeatedly says “I don’t know” when they try to help their son understand his big emotions. Many parents like Emilee and David want to teach their children how to regulate their emotions and how to understand their emotions.  But what happens when what you are doing is not working and actually producing the very opposite results than what you were hoping for.  Time stamps:13:10 How children physically express their emotions, and what to do13:55  Name and notice those body sensations and physical actions16:07 Alexithymia: when a child doesn't have the skills to name what they are experiencing18:30 Masking: a survival tactic for social situations22:20 Change from asking questions like "how do you feel?" to making statements about the situation26:45 & 34:07 Social Signaling: what is your child communicating to others28:41 Go below the surface: anger with mean words and an intense physical response is above the surface and disappointment is below the surface30:50 Take the pressure off of the child to express their emotions32:27 Beware of praise and instead, give feedback 35:40 Create a bridge from the behavior to describing the emotion: children may need help finding the words40:50 What to do if your child is masking44:43 Difference between when a child WON’T express emotion versus when they CAN’TResources: AlexithymiaAutism Parenting Magazine's Guide to AlexithymiaChildren's Alexithymia Measure handoutThe Alexithymia Wheel and more resourcesMaskingMasking in Children ExplainedNHS's Guide on "Masking" Behavior in ChildrenPraise vs feedbackThe Psychology of Feedback vs PraiseHow to Give Feedback to Your ChildLeslie-ism: The slower you go, the faster you get there.For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Mia Warren, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

Season two of Is My Child a Monster? A parenting therapy podcast with host, Leslie Cohen-Rubury launches next week. The first full episode will drop on January 23, 2024! Listen to the trailer for a taste of whats to come.For more information about the Leslie Cohen-Rubury visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.Credits: The Is My Child A Monster? team is Alletta Cooper, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and me. Special thanks to Eric Rubury and Mia Warren. Theme music is by L-Ray Music.  Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

This mini episode between season one and season two focuses on understanding your child’s intense reactions. Although there are many causes for a child’s strong reactivity, Leslie and returning guest Dale Rubury discuss expectations as one of those many causes behind those big reactions. Dale had a long list of unmet expectations from her childhood, so she joins her mom on today’s episode to unpack one example for parents and caregivers to learn from.About the Guest:Dale Rubury is Leslie’s daughter, a producer of this podcast, and today’s guest. After graduating from college with a degree in Zoology, Dale moved to warmer climates to pursue a career with animals. She worked at the largest primate sanctuary in North America for 7 years before moving on to a different career path. For the past few years she has been in the world of construction where she was building yurts and working for Habitat for Humanity. Dale is currently pursuing a degree as a Physical Therapy Assistant. Dale is proud to say that she has a healthy relationship with her anxiety. Time Stamps:1:48 Parents often say “what’s the big deal?” when their child is having such a big reaction3:40 Kids can have a “script” in their head about how they think things should go.3:50 Ironically, parents also have “shoulds” in their head about how they think things should go6:00 Assume that the child feels embarrassment and shame about their reaction7:11 Add compassion to the child’s reaction 7:55 “Staying One Step Ahead of you Child” - we do this by understanding what is happening below the surface of the child’s reaction8:39 Look for the prompting event such as the child’s expectation which set off this whole chain reaction8:56 Parents may personalize the child’s behavior which will add to the problems9:20 Ask yourself what’s my problem, what’s my child’s problem12:08 How to teach “expect the unexpected” to your child13:10 Ask your child before they do something “what are your expectations of….”For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences around holiday issues at Is My Child A Monster? Parenting Community on Facebook.  Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Public relations is handled by Gabriela Glueck. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

Michael Ian Black and Martha Hagen-Black join to discuss managing holiday stress, setting boundaries, coping with disruptions in routines, and finding moments of joy. They also share insights on managing holiday stress with older children and involving kids in holiday preparations. Listen for valuable parenting lessons in navigating challenges and staying true to oneself during family gatherings.

Is My Child A Monster? is on break, but we’re looking for guests for season two! So this between season bonus episode is a conversation between Leslie and her producer, Alletta Cooper about what happens behind the scenes making the podcast. They discuss what it’s like to be a guest on the podcast as well as what types of parenting questions and concerns they’re hoping parents and caregivers bring to them next season.  Learn about why and when you might choose to volunteer and get free therapy and how to apply to come on the show. Alletta Cooper is a freelance producer, researcher, and storytelling consultant with more than a decade of experience in podcasting. She's worked with clients including StoryCorps, Google, The Mellon Foundation, and On Being Studios. Alletta is a recovering "Monster Child" who is delighted to work with the Is My Child A Monster? team to bring practical, skills-based therapy to curious parents and caregivers. She also once won an episode of Wheel of Fortune. Find out more about her work at allettacooper.com.For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Public relations is handled by Gabriela Glueck. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

We’re between seasons right now, but for those of you who joined us later in the season we wanted to revisit this earlier episode about when children are afraid to do new things with my parent guests Michelle and Emiliano. This is a common topic for many caregivers.  If you’ve heard it before I invite you to re-listen, as a way to reinforce new skills. And you might hear something you didn’t hear the first time!There is a newsletter that comes out bi-weekly! The next one is about living life according to your values and what to do when those values are in conflict.   It happens everyday.  In this episode Michelle and Emiliano's values are also in conflict.  Do they respect their child's desire to say NO, or do they honor their value of exposing her to a rich experience.  You can listen to this episode with the new perspective of what to do when your values are in conflict.  You can find the link to this newsletter in the show notes. Or sign up at ismychildamonster.comShow Notes:Go to ismychildamonster.com to sign up for the newsletterCredits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Public relations is handled by Gabriela Glueck. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

This episode is a change in our typical format where parents share their struggles and challenges in therapy sessions recorded live.  This is a conversation between Leslie and her daughter, Dale. It focuses on the topic of raising a responsible child versus an obedient child.  We all want children who listen to us. But it's not as simple as telling our children what to do, and expecting them to do it. In today’s conversation, Leslie will help us define the difference between these two ideas. Dale and Leslie explore these ideas in her childhood and reflect on the value of these principles in her adult lifeDale Rubury is Leslie’s daughter, a producer of this podcast, and today’s guest. After graduating from college with a degree in Zoology, Dale moved to warmer climates to pursue a career with animals. She worked at the largest primate sanctuary in North America for 7 years before moving on to a different career path. For the past few years she has been in the world of construction where she was building yurts and working for Habitat for Humanity. Dale is currently pursuing a degree as a Physical Therapy Assistant. Dale is proud to say that she has a healthy relationship with her anxiety. Time Stamps4:08 The dangerous side of raising an obedient child that you don’t always think about.4:48 Raising a responsible child means raising a “thinking child”5:55 Using the line “I see that you are practicing being a teenager” when teens talk back to their parents7:30 Powering over your child vs giving your child “personal power”9:42  Engage your child in the process of chores to increase and motivation cooperation10:30  the importance of giving children choices and loosening the reins to allow for more freedom and autonomy in their daily responsibilities.11:22 Leslie Cohen-Rubury suggests giving children more risks to take to make them feel capable and confident, which leads to increased cooperation.15:10 In order to foster cooperation, let your child take more risks. More capable more confident  which leads to be more cooperative 20:55 Balancing limits for the child and respect for the child23:45 Complaining is a secondary problem to doing the chore.  Instead MAINTAIN YOUR FOCUS on what you are asking your child to do.24:50 Use the paradoxical statement “It looks like you need more practice doing the dishes”  when your child is complaining. 27:25 Raising an obedient child means you may end up with a selfish child who uses victim language27:55 Raising an obedient child ends up feeling smaller vs raising a responsible child helps to empower the child29:00 How power struggles develop between parent and child32:22 Are you coddling your child?  Do you think you are giving in to your child?  37:25 What it sounds like when you as the parent start defending yourself37:55 Brief description of the DBT (Dialectic Behavior Therapy) skill of check the facts 38:43 One interpretation of when your teen questions adults is to be grateful that you are raising a “thinking” individualShow Links:Handout of comparing Raising A Responsible Child Versus Raising An Obedient ChildFor a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcast/. You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.Leslie-ism:  Raising responsible children who think for themselves is more important

This is part 3 of the 3 part series with Alice.  She's a recently divorced mother of two boys, Dan, who's nine, and Jake, who's six. In the first two sessions, Alice and Leslie focus a lot on her anxieties about her children, and her parenting perfectionism. It's so hard to raise kids, especially after a big life change, like divorce. This episode, Alice reviews what strategies have been working, and what still needs work. Today’s session focuses on additional practical strategies for things like chores, politeness, and the transition between Mom's house and Dad's house. Time Stamps7:25 How much control do I give my child? A discussion of personal power vs powering over another person9:35 Example of dialectic thinking for a child who they should have done something different11:10 Zoom in and Zoom out15:50 Flexibility and flow when the kids transition between two homes 20:10 What to do when your child refuses to do what you ask them to do21:00 Raising a responsible child, not an obedient child22:20 Joining your kids in the chaos of yelling25:07 An example of the paradox of parenting27:12 Resist the urge to fix the moment 30:36 What to do when your child says no. - give them space31:35 Leave the complaint, Don’t pick up the complaint and it won’t go anywhere32:05 Maintain your focus and don’t get distracted by the complaints - using an example of picking up your child at a friend’s houseFor a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.Leslie-ism: You need both insight and practical skills in order to make a change in your parenting.Show Note Links:Leslie was interviewed on Whinypaluza Podcast with Rebecca Greene.  You can listen to that interview here where we discuss the causes of certain behaviors of children.  You can also follow Rebecca Greene at:Blog  https://www.whinypaluza.com/Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/whinypaluzaparentingInstagram https://www.instagram.com/becgreene5/ @becgreene5Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Public relations is handled by Gabriela Glueck. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

In this episode, Alice discusses her overwhelming thoughts and beliefs about parenting. The speaker explains the difference between mindfulness and meditation and explores the concept of 'being' present with children. They also discuss the importance of teaching politeness and respect, and finding balance and presence in parenting.