Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

“We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.” ― Dietrich Bonhoeffer Our faith celebrates and values children and openness to life, so having one child or no children can be particularly painful for Catholic couples who long for a big family. To discuss this topic on a personal level, we interviewed Brad and Jessica Sheguit, Alicia’s sister and brother-in-law who have carried this burden for over seven years. In this podcast, Brad and Jessica share their struggles and give advice on how to support couples who carry this hidden cross. Show Notes: From the USCCB: An article on reproductive technology  & Guidelines on Reproductive Technology Additional Catholic information: www.catholicinfertility.org/ NaPro technology: www.fertilitycare.org

Every single person has a different perspective when looking at the same thing. How many times in our marriage do we come into conflict with our spouse over things that are not moral issues, just differences in opinion? It happens pretty often, especially when you are first starting out and beginning your family. In this podcast, we help you to see that those differences are actually gifts. We just need to figure out how to discuss our differences in a productive way. Many of our examples for this podcast come from listener emails that we felt were important to respond to.

You can’t put your head in the sand. If you don’t bring up tough issues with your child, they are going to encounter those issues, but from someone else's perspective. When do you bring up sticky issues with your kids? It’s so hard to know when and if you should discuss things like terrorism, abortion, or where babies come from. Kids bring up topics at the most inconvenient times! Plus, life is messy and as much as we would like to keep our children innocent forever, that is just not possible. In this podcast, we share some of our experiences and give some guidelines on how we have handled these issues with our kids. Listen in and let the conversation begin. Discussion Questions: How will we protect our child’s innocence? What issues are on the horizon for our family? What’s our response as parents to these issues?

"Community is a sign that love is possible in a materialistic world where people so often either ignore or fight each other. It is a sign that we don’t need a lot of money to be happy – in fact, the opposite." ~ Jean Vanier, founder of L'Arche Relationships are a complicated thing, but somehow we can’t live without them. Just as it is not good for a man to be alone, it is also not good for a family to be alone. We are created to live in community. How do we do this when our lifestyles tend to isolation? How do you find community with people who share your values? How do you create community where there is none? In this podcast, we share some experiences and ideas on how to form meaningful relationships with other people, and why this is vital to the health of Catholic families.

The phrase “working mother” is redundant. First, let’s be clear – deciding if Mom should work outside the home is not a moral issue. It is a personal decision made by couples in light of their priorities. In this day and age, most mothers have to work outside the home at some point. Some moms have home businesses, some work part-time, some work full-time, some are able to not work at all. No matter what, the employment decision is a difficult one for families. In our family, Alicia has worked part-time and full-time, so we have had to wrestle with many of these issues. Here are some questions for couples to discuss: Do we appreciate the role of a mom and how she contributes to the household by the work she is doing at home? How are we balancing the needs of our children with the financial needs of our family? If mom is working, what is our financial plan? We also responded to a listener's question about having more children when the mom has to work in order to keep the family afloat. Being a working mom is not easy – you have to be willing to screw up at every level. ~ Jami Gertz

“The Lord gave me this challenging child for a purpose. He wants me to mold and shape this youngster and prepare him or her for a life of service to Him.” ― James C. Dobson This episode is really meant for parents of little kids who cause problems. Such as toddlers who push other kids, kids whom they really like but don't know how to play with. The reaction of our society to these children (who are usually boys) ranges from disbelieving shock (“How could that child DO such a thing?”) to indifference (“He is just going through a stage”), but neither response is really the right one. Little guys like this are just amazing bundles of raw personality! But these little personalites need to be formed and trained by their parents – and yes, that means you. It can be truly embarrassing to have an aggressive child, but get used to it because your child is just beginning his work of embarrassing you! We also have some advice for kids at the other end of the spectrum - those who get picked on and pushed over. They too need to learn the right way to respond that will not teach them to be a doormat, which is not what we want our children to be. We also respond to a listener question from our podcast on Criticizing your husband.

When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical. Wives: which statement do you agree with more, regarding your husband? “I don’t know how I could live without him” or “I don’t know how he could live without me.” Do we treat our husbands like a child? Do we criticize our husbands in public or to our friends? Criticism doesn’t achieve the change women are looking for -- ever! Attacking the need to be respected is a sure way to put your marriage on the road to danger. How can wives speak to their husbands respectfully? How can husbands and wives work as a team to improve their marriage and their lives? Being disrespected rarely motivates a man.

“I have this problem with low self-esteem, which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am.” ~ the modern child Raising confident children is the obsession of many parents today. Cries of “Good job!” “You can do it!” “You are awesome!” can be heard in playgrounds, sporting events, and auditoriums all over the country. Is this really how we should ground our children and help them to be the best they can be? The key to self-esteem is not what you do, but who you are. Who are you? You are a child of God, created in His image. Listen in as we delve into this topic and explore how we can communicate to our children a true confidence based on reality. Some questions to start a discussion: What activities can I do to help give my child confidence? How do I build my teen's identity as a child of God? Where does my own identity come from? In my accomplishments or in who I am?

'Spend’ your time on paper before you ‘spend’ it in reality “How do you do it?” People ask us this question all the time, so we finally decided to answer it, at least in part. In this podcast, we share why a routine is important and why families should budget their time, just as they budget their money. How do you make up this “budget”? Decide what your values are, then decide how they should be evidenced in your routine. As usual, we give some principles, and then some specifics on how you can make a routine for your family that reflects your values and ideals. Discussion Questions: What is our routine? Do we have a routine? Does it align with our values? What do we want to change about it? Show Notes: We referenced these other podcasts: Our podcast on Chores Our podcast on Family Board Meeting Our podcast on Family Dinners

"…I promise to be true to you in good times and bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life." ~ Wedding Vows Our wedding was a day to remember for many reasons. First of all, we each married our best friend and began the greatest adventure of our lives. Also, it was a complete disaster by wedding standards. An ice storm in Philadelphia caused power outages, hazardous driving conditions, and canceled plans for many of our guests. In this podcast, we share our story so all of you can feel great about your weddings, even if they didn’t go as planned! A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime ~ Engaged Encounter slogan