Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

"Community is a sign that love is possible in a materialistic world where people so often either ignore or fight each other. It is a sign that we don't need a lot of money to be happy – in fact, the opposite." ~ Jean Vanier, founder of L'Arche Relationships are a complicated thing, but somehow we can't live without them. Just as it is not good for a man to be alone, it is also not good for a family to be alone. We are created to live in community. How do we do this when our lifestyles tend to isolation? How do you find community with people who share your values? How do you create community where there is none? In this podcast, we share some experiences and ideas on how to form meaningful relationships with other people, and why this is vital to the health of Catholic families.

The phrase "working mother" is redundant. First, let's be clear – deciding if Mom should work outside the home is not a moral issue. It is a personal decision made by couples in light of their priorities. In this day and age, most mothers have to work outside the home at some point. Some moms have home businesses, some work part-time, some work full-time, some are able to not work at all. No matter what, the employment decision is a difficult one for families. In our family, Alicia has worked part-time and full-time, so we have had to wrestle with many of these issues. Here are some questions for couples to discuss: Do we appreciate the role of a mom and how she contributes to the household by the work she is doing at home? How are we balancing the needs of our children with the financial needs of our family? If mom is working, what is our financial plan? We also responded to a listener's question about having more children when the mom has to work in order to keep the family afloat. Being a working mom is not easy – you have to be willing to screw up at every level. ~ Jami Gertz

"The Lord gave me this challenging child for a purpose. He wants me to mold and shape this youngster and prepare him or her for a life of service to Him." ― James C. Dobson This episode is really meant for parents of little kids who cause problems. Such as toddlers who push other kids, kids whom they really like but don't know how to play with. The reaction of our society to these children (who are usually boys) ranges from disbelieving shock ("How could that child DO such a thing?") to indifference ("He is just going through a stage"), but neither response is really the right one. Little guys like this are just amazing bundles of raw personality! But these little personalites need to be formed and trained by their parents – and yes, that means you. It can be truly embarrassing to have an aggressive child, but get used to it because your child is just beginning his work of embarrassing you! We also have some advice for kids at the other end of the spectrum - those who get picked on and pushed over. They too need to learn the right way to respond that will not teach them to be a doormat, which is not what we want our children to be. We also respond to a listener question from our podcast on Criticizing your husband.

When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical. Wives: which statement do you agree with more, regarding your husband? "I don't know how I could live without him" or "I don't know how he could live without me." Do we treat our husbands like a child? Do we criticize our husbands in public or to our friends? Criticism doesn't achieve the change women are looking for -- ever! Attacking the need to be respected is a sure way to put your marriage on the road to danger. How can wives speak to their husbands respectfully? How can husbands and wives work as a team to improve their marriage and their lives? Being disrespected rarely motivates a man.

"I have this problem with low self-esteem, which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am." ~ the modern child Raising confident children is the obsession of many parents today. Cries of "Good job!" "You can do it!" "You are awesome!" can be heard in playgrounds, sporting events, and auditoriums all over the country. Is this really how we should ground our children and help them to be the best they can be? The key to self-esteem is not what you do, but who you are. Who are you? You are a child of God, created in His image. Listen in as we delve into this topic and explore how we can communicate to our children a true confidence based on reality. Some questions to start a discussion: What activities can I do to help give my child confidence? How do I build my teen's identity as a child of God? Where does my own identity come from? In my accomplishments or in who I am?

'Spend' your time on paper before you 'spend' it in reality "How do you do it?" People ask us this question all the time, so we finally decided to answer it, at least in part. In this podcast, we share why a routine is important and why families should budget their time, just as they budget their money. How do you make up this "budget"? Decide what your values are, then decide how they should be evidenced in your routine. As usual, we give some principles, and then some specifics on how you can make a routine for your family that reflects your values and ideals. Discussion Questions: What is our routine? Do we have a routine? Does it align with our values? What do we want to change about it? Show Notes: We referenced these other podcasts: Our podcast on Chores Our podcast on Family Board Meeting Our podcast on Family Dinners

"…I promise to be true to you in good times and bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life." ~ Wedding Vows Our wedding was a day to remember for many reasons. First of all, we each married our best friend and began the greatest adventure of our lives. Also, it was a complete disaster by wedding standards. An ice storm in Philadelphia caused power outages, hazardous driving conditions, and canceled plans for many of our guests. In this podcast, we share our story so all of you can feel great about your weddings, even if they didn't go as planned! A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime ~ Engaged Encounter slogan

"Am I not here, I, who am your mother? Are you not under my shadow and protection? Am I not the source of your joy? Are you not in the hollow of my mantle, in the crossing of my arms? Do you need anything more? Let nothing else worry you or disturb you." ~Our Lady of Guadalupe to Juan Diego The Virgin Mary is not only a model and intercessor for us to Jesus, but she is also our Mother. She is the crown of God's creation and a great gift to us from the Father. Who is this woman? Why is she so special? Why should we introduce our children to her? In this podcast, we answer these questions while sharing our own experiences and thoughts on this amazing woman. Show Notes: Best book >> 33 Days to Morning Glory Prayer for consecrating a child to the Blessed Virgin Mary

"Failing to plan is planning to fail." – Ben Franklin Your family is your own little corporation and you are president of the board. Well, maybe not exactly, but you and your spouse are the partners in running your home, and how can you do that effectively without a plan? Once a year, it's a good idea to get away, dream a little, and make a plan. A Family Board Meeting isn't about success or failure; it's about being unified as a couple in your vision and goals for your family. "Do or do not… there is no try." - Yoda Show Notes: • Three Questions for a Frantic Family by Patrick Lencioni • Beginner's Guide to Goal Setting from Michael Hyatt • Family Mission and Vision article on the Art of Manliness

"Musical nourishment which is 'rich in vitamins' is essential for children." ~ Zoltan Kodaly, music educator Music is a powerful tool, and an absolutely unique vehicle for ideas, emotions, and stimulation. As parents, we need to train our children to recognize music that is good and music that is not worth listening to. By exposing our children to lots of different types of music, we can help them to make judgments and choose what is good. We can't underestimate the importance of music in our culture and in our home. "Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything." ~ Plato