Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

“To love is to be vulnerable.” - C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves Many cry that marriage today is under attack, but the most powerful attack on marriage is often less like a bombardment and more like a silent cancer that creeps into our relationship with the person that we should feel totally safe with - our spouse. For our marriages to grow, we need to reveal ourselves to the other more and more, and this involves risk. For many men, the risk is looking weak. For women, the risk is getting hurt. But there really is no other option to vulnerability! In a marriage relationship, you are either growing or dying. We need to all learn how to honestly share our inmost thoughts and feelings with our spouse if our marriage is truly going to bring us life. In this podcast, we talk about what holds us back, why we should go forward, and what the fruit of vulnerability is in our marriage.

"Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God." - Romans 13:1 Every day, it seems like we hear of another act of violence by police or against police. Where is the respect for authority in our culture? How can we teach respect to our children? Actually, the more important question is why should we teach that to our children? In this podcast, we talk about the importance of respect for authority because authority ultimately comes from God. Our current culture engenders disrespect for authority. We need to change that, starting with our own family.

"I don’t believe an accident of birth makes people brothers or sisters. It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood or brotherhood is a condition people have to work at." – Maya Angelou Growing up, all each of us remembers was fighting with our siblings. Now, they are our best friends, an integral part of our identity. How did that happen? Creating an environment in which siblings can form sisterhood and brotherhood should be an essential part of your parenting playbook. Your children’s relationships need to survive distance, conflict, and the test of time long after you and your spouse are gone. How do you do that now? How do you make that a priority in your family? Listen in as we share our experiences as siblings and as parents in a large Catholic family.

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” - Matthew 6:26-27 Parents worry about so many things. When you have kids, it's like part of your heart is walking around outside of you! But Christ commands us not to worry. In this podcast, we ask: what is worth the mental and emotional energy of concern on your part, and what is not? We also discuss some of the common things that parents worry about, and the Catholic response to worry.

“We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.” ― Dietrich Bonhoeffer Our faith celebrates and values children and openness to life, so having one child or no children can be particularly painful for Catholic couples who long for a big family. To discuss this topic on a personal level, we interviewed Brad and Jessica Sheguit, Alicia’s sister and brother-in-law who have carried this burden for over seven years. In this podcast, Brad and Jessica share their struggles and give advice on how to support couples who carry this hidden cross. Show Notes: From the USCCB: An article on reproductive technology  & Guidelines on Reproductive Technology Additional Catholic information: www.catholicinfertility.org/ NaPro technology: www.fertilitycare.org

Every single person has a different perspective when looking at the same thing. How many times in our marriage do we come into conflict with our spouse over things that are not moral issues, just differences in opinion? It happens pretty often, especially when you are first starting out and beginning your family. In this podcast, we help you to see that those differences are actually gifts. We just need to figure out how to discuss our differences in a productive way. Many of our examples for this podcast come from listener emails that we felt were important to respond to.

You can’t put your head in the sand. If you don’t bring up tough issues with your child, they are going to encounter those issues, but from someone else's perspective. When do you bring up sticky issues with your kids? It’s so hard to know when and if you should discuss things like terrorism, abortion, or where babies come from. Kids bring up topics at the most inconvenient times! Plus, life is messy and as much as we would like to keep our children innocent forever, that is just not possible. In this podcast, we share some of our experiences and give some guidelines on how we have handled these issues with our kids. Listen in and let the conversation begin. Discussion Questions: How will we protect our child’s innocence? What issues are on the horizon for our family? What’s our response as parents to these issues?

"Community is a sign that love is possible in a materialistic world where people so often either ignore or fight each other. It is a sign that we don’t need a lot of money to be happy – in fact, the opposite." ~ Jean Vanier, founder of L'Arche Relationships are a complicated thing, but somehow we can’t live without them. Just as it is not good for a man to be alone, it is also not good for a family to be alone. We are created to live in community. How do we do this when our lifestyles tend to isolation? How do you find community with people who share your values? How do you create community where there is none? In this podcast, we share some experiences and ideas on how to form meaningful relationships with other people, and why this is vital to the health of Catholic families.

The phrase “working mother” is redundant. First, let’s be clear – deciding if Mom should work outside the home is not a moral issue. It is a personal decision made by couples in light of their priorities. In this day and age, most mothers have to work outside the home at some point. Some moms have home businesses, some work part-time, some work full-time, some are able to not work at all. No matter what, the employment decision is a difficult one for families. In our family, Alicia has worked part-time and full-time, so we have had to wrestle with many of these issues. Here are some questions for couples to discuss: Do we appreciate the role of a mom and how she contributes to the household by the work she is doing at home? How are we balancing the needs of our children with the financial needs of our family? If mom is working, what is our financial plan? We also responded to a listener's question about having more children when the mom has to work in order to keep the family afloat. Being a working mom is not easy – you have to be willing to screw up at every level. ~ Jami Gertz

“The Lord gave me this challenging child for a purpose. He wants me to mold and shape this youngster and prepare him or her for a life of service to Him.” ― James C. Dobson This episode is really meant for parents of little kids who cause problems. Such as toddlers who push other kids, kids whom they really like but don't know how to play with. The reaction of our society to these children (who are usually boys) ranges from disbelieving shock (“How could that child DO such a thing?”) to indifference (“He is just going through a stage”), but neither response is really the right one. Little guys like this are just amazing bundles of raw personality! But these little personalites need to be formed and trained by their parents – and yes, that means you. It can be truly embarrassing to have an aggressive child, but get used to it because your child is just beginning his work of embarrassing you! We also have some advice for kids at the other end of the spectrum - those who get picked on and pushed over. They too need to learn the right way to respond that will not teach them to be a doormat, which is not what we want our children to be. We also respond to a listener question from our podcast on Criticizing your husband.