Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

A husband and wife may disagree on many things, but they must absolutely agree on this: to never, ever give up.   Summary When we did our listener survey, you asked for interviews of regular families who have raised children through to adulthood with grace and courage.  Well, we have a treat for you!  A few years ago we met Brian and Joanna Simpson of London ONT who have run the Family Foundations Institute for the past 25  years.  They also have 9 children and over 35 grandchildren and they are a witness to the goodness of God despite difficulty and heartache.  In this episode, they tell some of their story, but also give wisdom to young families on what should be the most important things in your home and how to create a home focused on God and loving each other.  We really enjoyed our time with them and we know you will too!   Key Takeaways Forgiveness in the family is key - modeling it for the children with them and with your spouse.  The husband as the head of the household is the one who carries the responsibility in the family, not only authority.  Wise spouses realize that the best decisions are done together in unity.  When tragedy and suffering happens in the family, as it inevitably will, God can still be present and make something truly beautiful out of it when we trust Him.  Personal prayer and trust in God’s love for you is key to building a family of faith and prayer.   When our conflict stays in the dark, the Evil One has more power. It is best to be honest and vulnerable, even if you don’t do it perfectly, because then you can work to actively build unity.     Couple Discussion Questions What things are important to us in our household and how are we communicating that?   How do we support each other in our roles as husband and wife/mom and dad in the family?    Resources:  Family Foundations Institute https://famfi.ca/ Link to Cana90 https://messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/ Link to Beloved Event https://arrayofhope.regfox.com/beloved  

Summary Have you ever wanted to stop yelling at your kids?  Be more courteous to your spouse?  Or be more orderly at home?  Enter Super Habits!  These are not just new things for you to learn to do, these are life-changing actions that will make you happier, healthier and more successful in many areas.  In this interview, we spoke to Dr. Andrew Abela, author of the book Super Habits and his wife Kathleen who explained to us how to apply this book to family life.  They gave us some great insights and showed us how Super Habits can be the answer to what we all need in our parenting and marriages.  And the best part is that these habits are already present in us, we just need to activate them.  Listen in!    Key Takeaways Every virtue is a habit anyone can cultivate, not just a characteristic or personality trait.  We can all grow and change.  All new habits create new neurological pathways in our brains, but the advantage of Super Habits is that these are pathways that are native to us already, we already have the “muscles”; we just need to use them.  Super habits do three things - they make us happier, healthier, and they have a positive effect on multiple areas of our lives.    St. Thomas Aquinas has the best system of organizing the virtues! We all need fluency in the language of virtues.  All growth in Super Habits is slow and steady so keep going!  Virtue happens when we channel our desires correctly - not squash them.  Growth in Super Habits is the answer to “helicopter” or “bulldozer” parenting  We need to be aware of the full range of virtues for the full flourishing of the human person.    Couple Discussion Questions In what ways have we already developed some Super Habits?  How did we do that?  What Super Habit will help us in our parenting?  How can we support each other in cultivating it?   Resources Superhabits Book, Sophia Press: sophiainstitute.com/product/super-habits/ Andrew Abela on Linked In: www.linkedin.com/in/deanabela Superhabits on Substack: superhabit.substack.com/ Cana90 - messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/ Beloved Event - arrayofhope.regfox.com/beloved

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Eph 6:4 In this episode of the Messy Family Podcast, hosts Mike and Alicia Hernon celebrate their 10th year of the podcast and introduce the new studio, setting the stage for a discussion on fatherhood and leadership in the home. They emphasize that while fathers are called by God to lead, many struggle to understand what that truly means in a world that often undermines their role. True leadership is not about domination but about serving, sacrificing, and guiding with love, following Christ’s example. A father’s success is measured by the unity in his marriage and family, and when discord arises, it signals a need to recalibrate leadership. Mike and Alicia challenge men to overcome passivity, a struggle rooted in Adam’s sin, and to step up, protect, and guide their families with intentional love. Practical steps for dads include pursuing their wives first, taking initiative in family life, loving sacrificially, and leading with unity in mind. They highlight research showing that a father’s presence has a profound impact on his children’s faith, success, and well-being. While many men feel incompetent in the home, undervalue their influence, or struggle with passivity, Mike and Alicia encourage them to embrace the God-given mission of fatherhood with confidence, knowing that great men and strong fathers are desperately needed today.   Key Takeaways Husbands are called to lead in the home because this is how God is going to make them holy and you were created to give first to be able to receive. You know you are leading when there is unity, when you are challenged, and when your wife feels safe. Men need to go in to battle and fight against the tendency to be passive or to avoid what they do not feel competent at. Never doubt how important you are in the life of your wife and children - they need you!   Couple Discussion Questions Are we happy with our roles of leading our family right now? How are we doing? How can I (wife) support you (husband) in leading our family?   For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

Families don’t just have a mission, they ARE a mission!    Summary When we hear “missionary” many of us automatically think of a single person serving in a third world country.  Then we think, “not me!”  But the reality is that all Catholics are called by their baptism to spread the good news of Jesus throughout the world.  We do that first and foremost in our homes, through the pastoral care of our spouse and children, but there are other ways we can spread the Good News to the world. In this podcast, we interview Tim and Maggie Glemkowski, parents with a heart for mission.  Tim most recently led the National Eucharistic Congress and continues to serve as the executive director of Amazing Parish.  He and Maggie share their story of the struggles they have gone through with their calling and the faithfulness of God through it all.  Their understanding of how to be a family on mission for others is inspiring and encouraging.  Listen in!    Links: Interested in taking your family on a mission trip?  Contact the Family Mission Experience at www.soltfme.org

Summary Since 2018 we have been doing surveys of our listeners to find out who you are, how we can serve you more, and what your needs are.  We have never shared this information with our listeners until now!  Over the years we have had thousands of listeners take this survey and it's interesting to see what has remained the same and what has changed.  We thought it would be encouraging to you to hear that you are not alone!  The struggles that you have told us about are shared by other moms and dads too.  Listen in as we talk about the make-up of most of our listeners, what they told us, and what plans are for the future.  There were also some questions that came up in the survey that we responded to as well.      Links Last call for the survey!  Closing Jan 31, 2025  https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/T59LDRY   UK Tour - if you are interested in joining us for any events check out our page here!   www.messyfamilyproject.org/uk-tour-2025  

“Catholic parenting is above all a work of grace” - Fr. Carter Griffin We often say there is no manual for being a parent, but this book comes pretty close!  In this podcast, we interview the author of Forming Families, Forming Saints Fr. Carter Griffin.  Fr. Griffin has worked for years forming young men into priests in the seminary setting.  In doing so, he saw many similarities between what he was doing with young men and what parents were doing at home.  The four pillars of formation in the seminary - human, intellectual, spiritual, and apostolic - can be applied in the family as well! In both settings, ultimately God is the one who does the transforming in people’s lives, but He does choose to use us in the process. We believe this book is a valuable resource for parents that they will be able to refer to again and again.     Key Concepts Parents are proxies. God is the ultimate shaper of their hearts and minds, but He chooses to use us in the lives of our children In the past decade or so there has been an emphasis on the importance of childhood and parenting on a person’s life.  This knowledge is good, but it also has put an incredible amount of pressure on parents to “do it right”.  The four pillars of seminary formation - Human, Spiritual, Intellectual, and Apostolic can be applied for parents forming children within the home.   The most successful parents create an environment of trust in the home through continual dialogue with their children while sending the message that they don’t just love their kids, but they like them too!  Parents need to know they are not alone! There are many other families working alongside you and we have a great cloud of witnesses cheering us on.  Couple Discussion Consider the four pillars that Fr. Griffith describes.  How is our child doing in each of these?  Can we make a goal for them in each area?  Are we overwhelmed by the responsibility of parenting?  How can we rely on God more for the grace that we need and for the grace that our children need?   Resources Father’s book:  Forming Families, Forming Saints: https://stpaulcenter.com/product/forming-families-forming-saints/ Find out more about our UK tour in March - https://messyfamilyproject.org/uk-tour-2025/ Event in New Jersey with Array of Hope - Beloved https://arrayofhope.regfox.com/beloved

At the beginning of 2025 we want to challenge parents to step back and reassess their approach to family life by diving into 10 Things to Stop Doing in 2025.  Are you focusing too much on your kids? Caught up in the frantic pace of life? Trying to "fix" your spouse or juggle it all? Let us give you some heartfelt encouragement to let go of habits that create stress, disconnection, and overwhelm. We guarantee this episode is packed with insights that will inspire you to parent with purpose and peace. Let’s start the year by simplifying, slowing down, and focusing on what really matters!  Listen in and get ready to share and bookmark this episode to listen to again and again!   Free Family Board Meeting Webinar: https://messyfamilyproject.org/fbm-webinar/

“Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself. I mean do not be disheartened by your imperfections, but always rise up with fresh courage” - St. Francis deSales   Summary What God asks of us as parents is beyond our ability.  We are all in need of God’s grace and that comes through prayer! Now, before you think, “I do not have time for prayer….” take a pause and listen to this episode.  First, remember, we have been there! We had 3 kids under 3, 7 kids under 10 and then 10 under 16!  We know that the crazy pace of life can make us feel like we can never catch our breath.  That being said, we must persevere through the different seasons of life and make sure that we are consistently connected to the source of all life.  Listen in to find ways of “sneaking in” prayer throughout your day, what you may have to let go of, and what you should be able to accomplish. Do not lose heart!  Prayer is not only possible, but it is essential for us to live the life God is calling each of us to.    Key Takeaways The spiritual responsibility of our home lies with parents and it always has. They are essential because they are the first witnesses of the faith to their children.   You cannot be an effective parent without prayer Take advantage of all types of prayer, but we usually need to work the most on prayer of contemplation.  This is where we grow in relationship with God in a personal way.  If we need to grow it is going to cost us.  There is no easy button.  There are seasons in life, and our devotion needs to match it.   Take advantage of the seasons of the year to start fresh!    Couple Discussion Questions What type of prayer are we taking advantage of right now?  How well are we doing it?  How can we support each other in growing in our prayer life?  Resources MFP180 Monks, Parents, and Prayer Our webpage with resources on prayer  

Kids will not always remember what you say, they will remember how they felt.     Summary We have talked about the time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s being the “Momolympics”, a time when there are tons of things to buy, make, prepare, plan, and basically the happiness of your children all depends on you (at least we feel that way!) How can parents embrace the holidays with children with grace and excitement?  How can we keep in mind what is truly important for our family?  In this episode we give some principles, but also LOTS of practical advice as we look back on all the different holidays we have had with our large family.  Things look different now for us, but we can see in hindsight what worked well for us, and what was unnecessarily stressful!  This is an amazing time of year and when you have kids the happy times are even more joy-filled, but the tough times can be really exhausting.  We are here for you as you work to be intentional, even if you are a messy family!    Key Takeaways The more you plan in advance the less rushed you are going to be. This will help you simplify so you can focus on what really matters.   Keep in mind the order of your family culture!  Spiritual life of the home, marriage, relationships, developing gifts and then the operations of the family.  Get the kids involved!  When they own traditions, it strengthens your family culture when they take on responsibilities for the holidays.   Couple Discussion Questions What are the traditions that we want to double down on and make sure they happen this year?  How are we going to reduce stress and delegate work to the kids?  What is our plan to get them involved?   Resources Throwback Friday: Toys! by Regina Schmiedicke MFP267: Toys and the Imagination  MFP036 Holidays with In laws and Out laws Donate to the Messy Family Project  

Graces can flow into your home when nature is in its proper place.  - Connor Gallagher, The Well-Ordered Family   Summary Do you yearn for more order and clarity within your family? Is the chaos and busyness of modern life unsettling the harmony of your household? In this podcast, we interview Conor Gallagher, CEO of multiple businesses and father of sixteen, to talk to him about a transformative system that will restore peace and joy in your household.  We love using business principles to improve family life, and in the Well-Ordered Family, Conor does just that!  Join us for this conversation and find out why its good to realize that we all have systems in our home, how to get control of those systems, and why it is essential that parents not fall into a victim mentality.  Find more about The Well-Ordered Family at https://wellorderedfamily.com/  Key Takeaways We all operate with systems in the home whether we realize it or not.  The question is, are these systems effective?  There are many policies that families need to implement, but if you have to start with one, start with your tech policy!  When you are trying to get control of your family life, start by asking the question Why?  Why are we trying to live a certain way?  Parents need to be the architects of their family’s life and habits.  No one else can do it for you.     Couple Discussion Questions What are the systems in our home that most need attention right now?  Are we falling into a victim mentality when it comes to running our home?  How can we break out of that cycle?