Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

"The two great commandments name the three loves – loving God, loving neighbor, and loving yourself. All three loves are necessary and central to our Faith. All three." - Dr. Peter Malinoski Summary How can I learn to truly love my family? The reality is that the degree to which you love yourself will be the maximum that you can love your family. Ordered self-love is not an optional thing – it's essential. This is especially true for spouses and parents because their love is tied intimately to the full flourishing of others, namely, their children! We are made in God's image and likeness, which means that, like the Trinity, we are constantly in relationship with others and even with ourselves. Learning to love ourselves directly affects how well we can love others. Listen in for advice from Dr. Peter Malinoski, Catholic psychologist and teacher in the field of therapy using Internal Family Systems. This podcast is essential to learn how to love your spouse and children well, by first learning to love yourself. Key Takeaways We are made in the image and likeness of God, which means that like the Trinity, we have the capacity for relationship within ourselves. The primary human relationship that we have is with ourselves, then others. 90% of conflicts with your spouse are a reaction to unresolved issues from the past, not what is happening in the present. The "innermost self" is the core of the person, who we really are. Our "parts" are small personalities inside of us who battle within us. Couple Discussion Questions How can you begin to see each other the way that God sees you? Think about a conflict you had recently. Ask your spouse, "Tell be about why you felt the way you did." and be open to learning more. Resources To find a therapist: www.soulsandhearts.com/therapists Interior Integration for Catholics podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/interior-integration-for-catholics/id1503898046 Epidode 157 to 159 for an overview of IFS To learn more: https://www.soulsandhearts.com/

Summary: Listen in as we respond to Catholic parents seeking guidance on navigating sensitive family issues through faith. One parent is concerned about supporting her 11-year-old daughter who expressed same-sex attraction after speaking with her bisexual sister. Another couple is figuring out how to explain same-sex relationships to their young children with both compassion and clarity about Church teaching. A mother balancing part-time parish work and parenting feels overwhelmed by her toddler's distress and behavior changes. Others seek advice on newborn sleep training and resisting parenting product marketing. They all value faithful, practical support in raising children with love, discipline, and Catholic values amid modern challenges and we did our best to respond to them from our own experience - always giving principles but encouraging them to make their own choices. References: Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First 3 Years Matters https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143109294?linkCode=ssc&tag=onamzmessypar-20&creativeASIN=0143109294&asc_item-id=amzn1.ideas.26NWEBLKG2VH&ref_=aip_sf_list_spv_ons_d_asin Age Appropriate: https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-048-age-appropriateness/ The Art of Raising Humans: https://messyfamilyproject.org/mpf-326-the-art-of-raising-humans/ Key Takeaways When a child is coming to sexual maturity around 11-13 it is a very sensitive time of development and parents need to be very careful about the messages those kids are receiving at that time. How we respond emotionally to alternative lifestyles is a powerful example to our children of how to love people who don't share our values Kids, especially toddlers, have no idea how to express their emotions so we have to recognize what they are going through, even if it's not the ideal situation, and respond to it. The key to babies sleeping is routines! And getting them to a point when they are almost asleep, but not quite asleep. Give them support to fall asleep independently and little by little they will be able to do it! Every parent needs to take in the different philosophies of parenting and do what works for them! As children grow, you will respond to them differently - sometimes with more directives, and sometimes with more conversations. It all depends on their stage of development!

Dr. Sean and Nicole Tobin, a dynamic couple dedicated to nurturing families in the Holy Spirit's power, share invaluable insights. They emphasize the need for divine guidance in parenting, revealing how the Holy Spirit can transform family dynamics. Discussing the importance of prayer, they offer practical ways to integrate spirituality into everyday life. Personal stories highlight children’s ability to develop a genuine faith. The Tobins inspire parents to embrace their role as spiritual leaders, fostering a vibrant family environment filled with love and compassion.

"We need to give God room to show up. Often we try to fix and solve everything without waiting for God to act" - Jonathan and Amanda Texiera Summary The number one conflict in marriages, statistically, is money. How we spend our money reflects our values, but also our belief in the providence of God. Do we truly believe that God cares about all of our life, including our financial needs? How much are we truly trusting in Him and His provision and not just giving in to panic and fear? In this podcast, we invited our friends Jonathan and Amanda Texiera of Wallet Win to give us some encouragement to give our entire lives over to God and believe that He cares for us completely. They give spiritual principles, but also practical advice for families to reject fear and embrace trust. Key Takeaways Remind yourselves of what God has done in your lives and invite God into your money, he wants to be part of your life Give God room to show up - we try to fix and solve everything without waiting for God to act Create financial oneness in our marriage Live as financial disciples - play the long game Couple Discussion Questions Look at the fruits of panic and trusting providence. How have you experienced these? List the ways that God has provided for you. Where can you trust him more? Resources https://walletwin.com/

"Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed." - G.K. Chesterton Summary Movies shape more than behavior — they form the imagination, the moral compass, and the heart. Catholic parents are not merely protecting innocence; they are cultivating virtue and wonder. In this episode, we explore how stories shape our children, how to choose wisely, and how to use movies as part of a rich Catholic family culture. Jesus used stories to teach. So do we. Key Takeaways Here are four filters that parents can use to decide what movies to watch with their children: Content – Surface-level: language, nudity, violence, disrespect. Different for every family. Talk about this with spouse May change as the kids get older Context / Theme– Does it glorify sin, or does it show redemption? Does this movie affirm the dignity of the human person? What's the movie saying about truth, identity, family, and faith? Does it honor the sacrificial nature of love? Does it support the family or undermine it? Is faith treated with reverence, or ridicule? Beauty Is it ugly?is does it nourish the soul and imagination? Is this edifying? Does it educate, challenge, or cause me to grow and bear good fruit? Character Arc – Are the heroes virtuous? Are sinners redeemed? Remember: It's not enough to avoid what is harmful. We must actively seek what is holy, good, and true. 🧰 Trusted Tools for Parents: IMDB parents guide - use this to search by adding your movie title https://www.imdb.com/title/tt26743210/parentalguide/ Common Sense Media — secular, but useful for content breakdowns. MovieGuide — faith-based reviews of current films. Catholic News Service Movie Reviews — Catholic perspective with theological commentary. Your Own Conscience — Don't ignore the check in your spirit as a parent.

Motherhood fundamentally reshapes a woman's brain, giving her a unique ability to manage numerous tasks simultaneously. This can be empowering but also overwhelming, especially during stressful times. The hosts discuss the concept of 'mental load,' emphasizing the need for men to share these responsibilities without falling into comparison. They explore how couples can support each other, appreciate differences, and foster open communication. Ultimately, they advocate for gratitude and shared roles to create a balanced family dynamic.

"True power is not dependent upon the invented honors of earth. True power is that which guides, shapes, carves, and claims the souls of men. And the souls of men are most often won and lost at the feet of mothers." - Kimberly Ells Summary Does it feel like its harder to be a parent today than ever before? There are powers arrayed against the family - powers in secular philosophies, modern politics, and even our education system. The roots of these forces are deep and have been growing for years, but we are just now seeing their ugly fruit. We would like you to take some time to comprehend how these philosophies have affected your understanding of the roles of mothers, fathers, children, and the family as a social unit. This podcast was inspired by and draws from The Invincible Family by Kimberly Ells. The world needs parents more than ever! We hope this conversation inspires you to double down on being an intentional, and therefore, invincible family. Key Takeaways What is the ultimate goal of socialism, feminism, and sexual radicalism? To separate children from their parents by deceiving parents into giving up their rights to their children. Satan wants us to feel quaint, small, and insignificant. But the reality is that if we are going to change this world, we need to believe that what we are doing is mighty and important, and IRREPLACEABLE. Children are the future. Every revolutionary wants to control the children. Whoever controls the children controls the society. So the parent/child bond needs to be broken for secular forces to control our children. First, it started with Dad. Now they are working on unseating moms, taking her out of the home, denigrating having children, and being a mother. The best thing you can give your child is not education - the best you can give your child is YOU. Women cannot do everything men can do. And confident women are perfectly fine with this fact.

God has selected you uniquely to be the mother for these children. He will equip you for the work He wants you to do! Summary No one feels prepared to be a parent. Even if you were one of the oldest of 10 kids in a Catholic family (like Alicia or Katie) or a family of 7 (like Suzanne) you can never really be ready! The key to surviving, and even thriving, is stepping fully into your identity as a daughter of God. All the love that we have for our spouse and children needs to come from a deep place of confident love from our Heavenly Father. Listen in to this interview with Suzanne Bilodeau, author of She Loved: Resting in the Beauty of Motherhood, a compilation of letters from older mothers to their younger selves. In our conversation we talk about actually NOT finding our identity in our motherhood, but in our daughterhood, how fear is a liar, and the importance of compassion for yourself. Key Takeaways Fear is a liar. Satan tells you that you are not enough. God says - I made you for this moment. We can be transformed when we recognize that before we are a wife or mommy we are a daughter. That is foundational. We all need to have compassion for ourselves. This is a theme found in most of the letters written for She Loved! Don't be a martyr to your motherhood. Take time for yourself to reconnect with God and others.

'Cause I love you more than you could know And your heart, it grows every time it breaks I know that it might sound strange But I wish you pain - "Wish You Pain" by Andy Grammar Summary Every parent wants to keep their kids safe, but is it possible to keep them "too safe"? In this podcast episode we dive into the overwhelming cult of safety-ism, which makes keeping your child from all pain and suffering an idol. Children are really "antifragile" - meaning that they need to have an appropriate amount of stress physically, mentally and emotionally to be able to become resilient. Over-protecting and keeping kids from physical or emotional pain only makes them more anxious and risk-averse. We have lots of examples of giving kids freedom, and the results aren't always what you think! Like so much of parenting, you need to keep in mind the stage of development your child is in to be able to expose them to appropriate risks. You don't let your 12 yr old wander down a dark alley, but you should let them go into the grocery store alone. Listen in for some encouragement as well as tips and tricks to not keeping your kids safe, but making them strong! Key Takeaways Do all you can to keep kids in Discover Mode. Exploring is what kids do and it will keep them curious and confident. Don't keep them safe, make them strong. Children will get hurt, get sick, get disappointed, cry with frustration…. Because they are human! Attachment to parents is key to give kids a secure base Fearful parenting keeps kids close too much and for too long Children need play-based childhood. Couple Discussion Questions How were we raised? Were we raised in a home that was in Discovery Mode or Defend Mode? Assess our family right now in light of safety vs. appropriate risk. How are our children being raised? What can we do to improve our family's Discovery Mode for the long term benefit of our children?

Our vows are for life, and we need overwhelming grace to live them out - Kevin Wells Summary If you ever thought your marriage was in such bad shape that you simply did not know what to do, this podcast is for you. We were so blessed to be able to talk to Kevin Wells, the author of The Hermit: The Priest Who Saved a Soul, a Marriage, and a Family. This interview is deep because Kevin and his wife Krista have been through the fire together and it is only by the grace of God that they both survived. Our discussion includes the indissolubility of the marriage vows, how marriage makes you holy sometimes by bringing you to the desert, and the powerful role that our priests can take in shepherding our souls and bringing Jesus to us. Kevin's perspective is incredibly hopeful because he has seen the power of God! Take time to listen to his story and use the lessons he gives to draw closer to the source of life for all of our marriages - the Lord Himself. Key Takeaways When a person experiences shame, they always need an outlet for that shame. Sometimes its themselves and people turn inward, and sometimes it is someone else. Satan is a total jerk. He uses wounds from our childhood, when we were innocent victims, to beat us up and tell us the lie that we are not worthy of love. Every addiction is hiding a wound. To be truly free from addiction, that wound needs to be healed. When you are in the "desert" of a troubled marriage, the only way to get through is complete reliance on God. He calls us deeper into the desert to rest, abide, and surrender. Our vows are for life and this is an impossible task. It can only be accomplished by the grace of God Priests are custodians of the souls of those within their parish. When one of these souls is in error, they need the Holy Spirit to speak with firmness and candor. Anything less is false charity and false mercy. Couple Discussion Questions Are there areas of our life or marriage that aren't completely surrendered to God? How can we surrender everything to Him? Are there priests in our lives who are true shepherds to us? How can we support and love our priest better? https://ignatius.com/the-hermit-hermp/