MFP 335: Safety-ism

'Cause I love you more than you could know

And your heart, it grows every time it breaks

I know that it might sound strange

But I wish you pain 

- “Wish You Pain” by Andy Grammar

 

Summary

Every parent wants to keep their kids safe, but is it possible to keep them “too safe”?  In this podcast episode we dive into the overwhelming cult of safety-ism, which makes keeping your child from all pain and suffering an idol. Children are really “antifragile” - meaning that they need to have an appropriate amount of stress physically, mentally and emotionally to be able to become resilient.  Over-protecting and keeping kids from physical or emotional pain only makes them more anxious and risk-averse.  We have lots of examples of giving kids freedom, and the results aren’t always what you think!  Like so much of parenting, you need to keep in mind the stage of development your child is in to be able to expose them to appropriate risks.  You don’t let your 12 yr old wander down a dark alley, but you should let them go into the grocery store alone.  Listen in for some encouragement as well as tips and tricks to not keeping your kids safe, but making them strong!  

 

Key Takeaways

• Do all you can to keep kids in Discover Mode.  Exploring is what kids do and it will keep them curious and confident.

• Don’t keep them safe, make them strong. Children will get hurt, get sick, get disappointed, cry with frustration…. Because they are human!  

• Attachment to parents is key to give kids a secure base

• Fearful parenting keeps kids close too much and for too long

• Children need play-based childhood. 

 

Couple Discussion Questions

1. How were we raised?  Were we raised in a home that was in Discovery Mode or Defend Mode? 

2. Assess our family right now in light of safety vs. appropriate risk.  How are our children being raised? 

3. What can we do to improve our family’s Discovery Mode for the long term benefit of our children?